Desolate Souls (Forgotten Souls MC, #1) (29 page)

“No!” I shout. That has to be the most asinine thing I’ve heard.

“OK then... you won the lottery?”

“Jax...”
Just spit it out already!

“You’re not who you say you are. The real Alana was abducted by aliens and you are really a Martian impersonating her so you can report back to your superiors.”

I cannot help but burst out laughing at his absurdity.

“I give up,” he says, grinning at me. “So what gives? Are you pregnant or something?” he snickers, causing my eyes to widen. The smile on his face instantly vanishes. “You’re pregnant?”

Slowly I nod my head, taking in a deep breath and holding it, preparing myself for whatever is to come.

“You’re having a baby?” Jax asks in disbelief. He closes his eyes, shaking his head as if it is inconceivable.

“I’m sorry,” I begin, fighting back the tears that threaten to fall. “I didn’t think I could... it didn’t cross my mind... I should’ve...” I can’t even find the words.

Taking a step closer to me, Jax drops to his knees and slowly lifts my shirt. He presses a gentle kiss to my belly before looking up at me. “We’re having a baby?” His eyes are filled with so much emotion – happiness, excitement, and most of all love. “How far along?”

“Seven weeks,” I tell him, finally allowing my tears to fall.

Rising to his feet, he pulls me to him, holding me tightly in his arms. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know for sure until last week,” I say, trying to soften the blow that is to come. “And I was afraid.”

“Of being pregnant or telling me?” he asks, taking a step back.

“Both,” I admit, feeling stupid for not coming to him sooner. “Having a baby is a big responsibility and we never discussed it. I didn’t want you to think I did this to trap you.”

“Alana, you’ve had me from the moment that six year old girl walked into my life refusing to take no for an answer. Do you remember that night?” he asks, engulfing me into his arms once again. “I remember stepping out on that rooftop and seeing you there. I wanted to walk away, but when I saw your tear filled eyes, I knew I wasn’t alone. Someone else was hurting just as much as I was.”

“You called me a twerp,” I giggle, remembering our first conversation.

“Yeah I did, but that was code word for angel. You see Alana, you saved me that night, made me believe that we would have a happier life one day and you were right. Look at us now. You and me, we’re together, happier than we have ever been and so fuckin’ much in love. And we’re gonna have a baby, one conceived in love, and that is all our child will ever know. He or she is gonna have the life we should’ve had.”

My heart is full at this moment, feeling as though it will explode.

“I know this wasn’t planned but I couldn’t be happier. There’s only one thing that will make this night perfect,” he whispers, taking a step back and looking down at me with absolute adoration. “I know you aren’t ready yet, but one day soon, you will become my wife and then my life will be complete.”

As I open my mouth to speak, Jax lowers his head, his lips meeting mine.

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L
etting out a ragged breath, I push forward into the visitation room and take a seat at the table in front of me, my nerves starting to get the best of me. I haven’t laid eyes on Paul in a very long time and had no intention of ever seeing him again.

The letters seized shortly after my last visit with him, undoubtedly because I had moved into Deuce’s place. Naively, I believed it had come to an end up until a few months ago when they resumed. All the letters sit unopened in a shoebox in my closet, where they will remain. That is part of the reason for my being here. It will give him the chance to say what he needs to and will give me some much needed closure. Paul is part of my past and there is no room in my present or future for him.

“You came.” I turn at the sound of Paul’s voice, caught off guard by his appearance. His face is hard and cold, reminiscent of a serial killer instead of the man at one time I trusted with my life.

The guard leads him to the chair in front of me, ordering him to sit before he stalks off. I look over at him, feeling as though I am in the company of a complete stranger. This is not the Paul I once knew, but I have a feeling he was always there, and I was just too blind to see it.

“I’ve missed you Alana,” he whispers as he leans forward, placing his cuffed wrists on the table between us. “Thank you for coming.”

“I didn’t come for you,” I begin, surprised at the cold tone in my voice. “This is about me.”

He nods at me in understanding, but his gaze says otherwise. For the first time, I see the resentment in his eyes, the blame he places on me for him being in this situation. “Then why are you here?”

“To say goodbye,” I say in a matter of fact tone. “To ask you to stop with the letters and to let me go.”

“So you have gotten my letters?” he asks, already knowing the answer. “And they meant nothing to you?”

“I haven’t read them,” I admit. When I see the hurt look in his eyes, it tears at my soul. Even after everything he has done to me, I still do care about him.

“Because of Jax,” he says, his voice laced with hatred. “I didn’t want to believe you would just abandon me, that you would turn to him after everything he has done to you, but I guess you really are a fool.”

“Jax never did anything to me,” I say, coming to his defense. “He never lied to me. He never betrayed me. Everything I believed about him was wrong. It was you that deceived me, not Jax.”

“I tried to protect you and that is exactly what I did. Hawk wanted to see sell you to the highest bidder, but I was the one to stop him. I could’ve made a killing off you, but I didn’t and I was willing to put an end to Hawk to keep you safe. Look where it got me. I’m behind bars because
you
were my priority.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself? So you put a stop to me being sold on the black market and I’m supposed to be grateful? You convinced me to do things that I never wanted to be a part of. You manipulated me the entire time for your own selfish needs. You are behind bars because of what
you
did, not because of me or Hawk. He’s paying the price and so will you.”

He stares at me for several moments, the silence between us almost deafening. “You can’t honestly believe that. I took care of you, Alana. I made you feel again. I took you out of your little bubble and taught you how to survive. If not for me, you would’ve been catering to some man’s every need instead of making your own rules.”

“You used me!” I shout, causing the guard to look over at us in concern. “I was nothing but a fuckin’ whore to you,” I say, lowering my voice.

“And you’re telling me you never used me? How many times did I give you what
you
needed?  You didn’t even know what pleasure was until I showed you. That made you mine. You will be always be mine, Alana.”

“No,” I say, defiantly. “I never belonged to you. I was young and naïve, falling for your lies, but no more,” I tell him as I rise from my chair. “I’m with Jax now and we are happy. I love him and he loves me.”

“Love means loss, Alana. You know that better than anyone.”

“You’re wrong. Jax has given me more in the time we have been together than anyone. I come first in his life. He would lay down his life for me. He makes me feel for the first time in my life that I deserve the best.” And I have never been happier.

“If it’s a choice between you and him, he will always come first.”

“For years I fell for your lies,” I seethe, allowing my anger to overtake me, “but no more. I finally have someone who truly loves me for me, who respects me and will never betray me. You are
nothing
! You never were!” I spit, turning on my heel, walking away from him forever. Coming here was a mistake.

“I won’t let you go Alana!” he calls out from behind me. “In the end, you will have to make a choice and I will be the one walking away the victor.”

I ignore his words as I continue my escape, never looking back. My only regret is allowing him to still have any effect on me.

M
y fists are clenched tightly by my side when the cell door slams shut, isolating me from the outside world again. This isn’t over and never will be.

Alana thinks she has the perfect life now. I’m sure Jax has promised her the world and she believes every lie he tells her. He doesn’t love her, at least not like I do. What we shared was real. Jax thinks he knows Alana. That they share an unbreakable bond, but he couldn’t be more wrong. My parting words to Alana were a promise. She will choose me, I will make sure of it.

I don’t have much on the inside, but I still have my connections. Trix has been extremely helpful, although her motives are completely selfish. She wants Jax and Alana is standing in her way. Seems that Jax is still standing in mine. Working together, we both can get what we want.

It was Trix who let me know where Alana was staying and for that I will always be grateful. I know when she works, when she sleeps – every single detail about her life. Keeping tabs on Alana will make my plans go smoothly.

Letting out an accomplished sigh, I sit back on the bunk and start plotting. If all goes well, tomorrow my plan will go into effect, and in a few weeks my life will be perfect, one way or another.

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“H
ow does the defendant plead?” The sound of the judge’s voice brings me back to reality.

Giving a sideways glance at the prosecution, I return my focus my attention on the man who ultimately holds my fate in his hands, or at least that is what everyone present believes.

“No contest,” my attorney replies. There is more than enough evidence to prove my guilt in this case, and a jury would have found me guilty in a heartbeat. My best chance was to plea, and when I heard Judge Mitchell was on the roster this week, I agreed to throw myself on the mercy of the court.

I tune out the attorneys as they discuss the facts of the case, already familiar with what both parties will say. The prosecution wants to see me rot in prison and the defense is hoping for a lighter sentence, twenty years max. They both are wrong. I will walk out of this place a free man, thanks to Judge Mitchell and his extracurricular activities. He may not have recognized my name on this morning’s court roster, but there is no doubt in my mind that he remembers me. I keep my eyes focused on him the entire time as both attorney’s speak, silently reminding him that if I go down, so does he.