Desperate Times (42 page)

Jimmy nodded. He turned and faced the truck,
puffing an angry smoke ring into the morning air. “I just finished
making some room for Doc in the truck. We’re going to have to get
rid of some stuff to make room for you and Carl. Come on. Let’s get
at it. Let me wait to tell Paula, just until we get out of here. We
can’t risk her losing it and giving us away.”

“Okay, that’s probably a good idea. You know
how to tell her, right? Just give it to her straight up. That’s the
only way.”

Jimmy nodded. He tossed down his cigarette
and mashed it out with his shoe.

Thirty
-
Three

Executive Order 11005: Allows the government
to take over railroads, inland waterways and public storage
facilities, during times of national emergencies.

Carl arrived ten minutes later, looking like
a man on the verge of losing his sanity. Carl was covered in mud
from his elbows to his feet. Burt motioned him inside the box of
the Mack. Carl stepped up into the back of the truck and sat down
with his back against the wall, quickly pulling his knees to his
chest. Burt quickly explained to Carl that for now, they would keep
the deaths of Paula’s parents to themselves. There would be plenty
of time to break the terrible news to her, later. Thankfully, she
had remained in the cab and as far as they knew, she hadn’t seen
Carl walk up to join them. Dr. Benson shared a concerned look with
Jimmy and Julie.

Jimmy slowly closed the door and locked them
inside with a parting wave. He and Julie quickly scrambled to the
opposite sides of the cab. They climbed in and closed their doors.
Julie positioned Jimmy’s M-16 between her knees and closed her
eyes, holding her right hand to her forehead. Paula sat in the
middle, arms across her chest, staring straight ahead. Jimmy had
seen that look many times and knew better than to comment on it. He
pressed down on the clutch, shifted the Mack into neutral and fired
it up.

The truck lurched across the rutted field.
Jimmy did his best to find the most level place to turn around. He
knew those in back were being tossed around like tennis shoes in a
dryer. He couldn’t help that. He steered back onto the path while
his mind raced. What would they find when they turned onto the
gravel road? He didn’t know, all he could do was pray it was empty.
He shifted into third and the truck began to chug. Jimmy eased down
on the accelerator. He slowed slightly to take the turn and stole a
look out the side window. He breathed a huge sigh of relief as he
saw nothing but empty road in that direction. They bounded up and
over the ditch. Jimmy horsed the wheel hard to the right and began
to grab gears.

As the narrow highway approached, Jimmy had a
decision to make. Where were they headed? He found that he didn’t
know. Far enough away, yet, close enough to return. There was no
question in his mind about returning and attempting to rescue the
others. He chose right, if for no other reason than to avoid
looking directly into the rising sun. Jimmy banged through the
gears and wound the Mack up to highway speed. He thought he knew of
a place. They came to the stop sign at the Y in the road, passing
the cabin he had visited hours earlier. Jimmy ran the stop sign
without looking at the cabin.

He followed the highway for another mile and
dropped a gear. The road he was searching for was just up ahead. He
checked his mirrors and satisfied himself that no one was
following. He eased on the brakes and took another hard right turn.
A weathered, home-made wooden sign read:
Shedd’s Campground, one
mile ahead.
Jimmy knew the little campground. He had spent time
there before when he’d come up to fish and didn’t want to bother
Ken and Patty. The little mom and pop campground would be the
perfect place to hide out. Again, Jimmy checked his mirrors. He
slowed the truck and pulled into the driveway. Another sign asked
that all guests register at the office. Jimmy chortled as he read
it. There would be no registering, not today.

There was no sign of life. However, there
were signs of a struggle. The office door hung open and a suitcase
lay in the grass by the door. An old Pontiac sat next to the
office, the driver’s door hung open. Jimmy recognized the car as
belonging to the old couple who owned the campground. Jimmy could
just make out the tire tracks of a large truck and had no doubt
what had happened here. He continued past the office and followed
the little driveway, down to where it ended at the lake. Half a
dozen camper trailers lined the driveway. He slowed and parked the
truck next to the last of these, barely clearing the limbs of a
pine. He set the brakes and shut off the ignition. He dreaded this
moment.

Thirty
-
Four

The price of oil can be followed to the root
of the problem; spiking fuel prices are directly responsible for
falling rates of discretionary spending. More jobs are lost, which
only exacerbates the growing problem.

“I don’t believe you! It’s a lie!” shrieked
Paula, shaking her head.

They were inside one of the aging little
cabins. The air was stale and musty, but it seemed to have survived
unscathed during the crisis. “I’m sorry, honey,” Jimmy said,
woodenly. There had been so much death, he found that he was losing
his compassion and it worried him. He tried to find the right
words. They just didn’t seem to be inside of him. “They’re gone. I
know this is terrible news, but you’ve got to be strong.”

“Be strong?” Paula spat, her eyes gushing
tears and her mouth open wide. “How can I be strong? I’m not a
strong woman… you know that. No, no, no… this just isn’t true! I’m
going to wake up and this will all just be a terrible dream. That’s
what it is, just a bad dream.”

Jimmy took her into his arms and Paula beat
at his chest. “This isn’t happening!” she wailed. “Dear God, this
can’t
be happening!” Finally, she buried her head into his
chest and began to sob.

Doc entered the cabin, ducking his head to
fit under the doorway. “Paula?” he asked, soothingly. “I’m terribly
sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
None of us can,” he added, pausing to let that soak in. “I have
something here to calm you down. Would you like that? It won’t make
the pain go away, but they’ll help you. Here you go, just take
these for me... okay?”

Jimmy was thankful for Doc’s assistance. He
had hoped that Carl might offer some help, but he stayed where he
was and sat alone in the box of the truck. Jimmy thought he was
probably in shock.

Paula took the pills from Doc and swallowed
them between sobs. He handed her a bottle of water and she washed
them down. Doc gave Jimmy a knowing nod. She immediately rushed
back into Jimmy’s arms and continued her sobbing.

They stood like that for nearly twenty
minutes. Jimmy could actually feel her strength leaving her body,
like air leaking from a bad tire. She clung to him and her weight
pressed down on his shoulders. Jimmy helped her to one of the
little beds. She was mumbling, incoherently, still fighting the
truth. Jimmy sat next to her and Paula curled into a fetal
position, holding tight to Jimmy’s arm. She wouldn’t let go. Even
as the powerful drugs began to put her down, Paula hung onto Jimmy.
Slowly, she became quiet, her mind was somewhere else; somewhere
where parents never died and no one ever got any older. When Jimmy
was absolutely certain that she was sleeping, he pried his arm away
from her. He then stood up and stepped outside.

Jimmy found Burt in the little screen porch
of the cabin. Burt nodded to him, but said nothing. He had found a
reclining lawn chair and had adjusted the back until it lay nearly
flat. He was stretched out on top of it, the nylon straps straining
under his weight. He pulled his arm up to his face and adjusted it
until his nose rested in the crook of his arm. Julie stood outside
the cabin and motioned for Jimmy to join her.

“Walk with me?” she asked.

Jimmy nodded.

The sun had just risen over the trees,
creating long shadows behind them as they walked. For a long time
neither of them spoke a word. Finally, Julie broke the silence.
“We’re not going to happen, are we?”

He gave her hand a squeeze and tried to force
a smile. “I don’t know what to do, Julie,” he said, honestly.
“Every time I’m almost there… every time that we’re almost there…
something goes wrong. I don’t understand it. Are the gods
conspiring against us? This is insane.”

Julie gave him a sad smile. “Maybe I’m the
insane one. I just thought that I was picking up on something this
morning. Do me a favor, okay? Please tell me that it wasn’t all in
my head. I’d like something to hold onto while you’re holding onto
her.”

“Ouch,” said Jimmy.

“Well, its true, isn’t it? You’re going back
to her, aren’t you?”

“Listen to me. Yes, you did feel something. I
felt something. There was a moment back there… when everything
seemed to just stop, when it was just you and me. That was real,
Julie. You weren’t imagining it. I know I wasn’t.”

“So, what did I do
?”
she asked.

“What do you mean? You didn’t do anything. I
was ready back there. I really was. I love you, Julie. I really do.
I just can’t do this right now. I just can’t.”

A lone tear fell down the bridge of Julie’s
nose. It hung there before she angrily wiped it away. “I can’t
believe it,” she said, looking up at the sun. “It’s happening all
over again.”

“What are you talking about?”

“This is what I’m talking about, Jimmy!
This
is happening all over again. It’s just like when your
parents died. Don’t you remember? You said exactly the same thing
to me. I can’t do this right now. You said it, Jimmy. You said it
to me.”

Jimmy thought about that. He probably had
said it, or something close to that effect. Julie had a good memory
when it came to stuff like this; it seemed that all women did. He
tried to think of something to say. There had to be a way to put
into words what he was thinking. The problem was that his mind was
a jumbled mess. And he knew that his words would fall out in the
same way.

“What about me, Jimmy? What about us? When is
that going to matter to you? Once upon a time, we really had
something. And here we are; we could’ve started over.”

“Julie, it’s not like that.”

“Don’t feed me that line of crap, okay?
You’re going back to her, aren’t you? You’re just going to throw me
away because her parents were killed. Look around you, Jimmy. A lot
of people have been killed. People are dying all over the place.
And I’ll tell you what: people are going to keep on dying. Do you
know what that tells me, Jimmy? That tells me that we’d better live
while we’ve got the chance. That we’d better love while we’ve still
got some time left. We should follow what’s truly in our hearts,
before it’s too late. Does any of that make sense to you? Can you
get that through that thick skull of yours? We’re running out of
time, Jimmy. Our clock is ticking.”

Jimmy felt his heart churning as he looked
into Julie’s eyes. She was weeping now and he tried to brush her
tears away. She stepped back and he felt an incredible emptiness
sweep over him. He was between the biggest of rocks and the hardest
of places, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. He
was only trying to do what was right. Julie would have to
understand. The right thing to do was to go back to Paula and nurse
her back into sanity. He knew all too well what she was going
through. He did love Julie, but Paula needed him like she never had
before.

“Go to her. She needs you,” Julie said,
sarcastically.

“Julie…”

“Don’t you
Julie
me! I’m throwing
myself at you and that’s the best you can come up with? Damn you,
Jimmy! I let you back into my heart. What did it get me? Tell me,
what the hell did it get me?”

Something finally clicked inside Jimmy’s
head. It was something Patty had told him.
Be strong.
He was
going to have to do that and he was going to have to do that now.
“You listen to me,” he said, firmly. “I have to be with her. I
don’t have any choice in the matter. That’s just the way it is, but
only until Paula comes to terms with reality. I’m not saying
forever. Nothing has changed in the way I feel about you—nothing. I
do love you. I just can’t do anything about that. Not now. I’m not
a schmuck, Julie. I’m not some cold-hearted bastard who’d walk away
from someone when they really needed me. I can’t do that.”

“You’re walking away from me, Jimmy. And I
really need you.”

“I’m not walking away from you. You’ve just
got to give me a little more time. How long? I don’t know. Paula’s
tougher than she looks. She’ll come out of this. She’s just going
to need some time and I’ve got to be there for her. I’m sorry;
that’s just the way things are.”

“You can’t be serious?” Julie asked,
scornfully. “You’re asking me to wait for you, again? What planet
are you from? I’ve waited, Jimmy. I’ll be damned if I’m going to
wait another second. You’ve made your choice; now go back to her.
Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. When we get out of here, if we
ever
do, I’ll meet someone.” She then stuck her finger
sharply into Jimmy’s chest. “I’m not playing second fiddle, here.
Not to poor Paula, not to anyone! That’s it. We’re done. End of
conversation!”