Desperately Seeking Shapeshifter (13 page)

“Cause you’re still breathing.” He picked a hot dog off the grill and turned it.

I felt Ramsey stiffen, but oddly enough, I felt a little relaxed at that logic. Levi was right. They could have attacked us both last night when they’d howled in the woods. They could have attacked us already at the barbeque. They could have even tried to kill me at the original meeting. But they hadn’t. And I knew they wanted me alive and whole . . . for obvious reasons.

So I turned and looked up at Ramsey. “Will you please get me a beer?”

He looked down at me with those inscrutable eyes, and I could almost hear the growl start in his throat.

I mouthed,
Check the inside of the house for a trap.
I didn’t trust the “aw shucks,” easygoing demeanor of the alpha. This barbeque had a purpose, and I wanted to know what it was.

Ramsey nodded, touched my cheek with his fingers, then disappeared inside the house.

That left me alone with the alpha. Determined not to flinch away, I clasped my hands behind my back and looked at Levi.

He took a T-bone and slapped it on the grill, the juices sizzling. “Figured you like your meat almost raw.”

My mouth watered at the thought, but I said nothing.

He glanced over at me, his gaze lingering on my neck, as if looking for something. A hot blush crept over my face, and I waited for him to ask.

Instead, he only said, “That nephew of mine still mooning about the cougar girl?”

I hesitated, almost afraid to encourage the conversation. “You know about that?”

“Couldn’t keep ’em apart while she was with us. Acted like it was up to him to protect her.” He sneered. “From us.”

He hadn’t been wrong about that,
I thought. “You did kidnap her,” I pointed out, then quailed a little when he scowled at me.

“Just a bit of political maneuvering. You’ll figure it out soon enough, girl. But I guess you know all about political maneuvering, right?” Again, his gaze fell to my neck. “Connor was supposed to woo you for Maynard this week. Bring you around to our point of view. He’s doing a piss-poor job of it.”

“
Woo
me?”

Levi glanced over, his gaze almost a leer. “Werewolf women belong with werewolf men. We know how to keep ’em in line. Make ’em behave. Treat ’em right. It’s part of natural law that you should be with one of us.”

This conversation had quickly steered into uncomfortable territory. “I have a mate.”

He shrugged and looked back at my neck again. “You keep saying it, but
I
keep saying that you’re gonna see our perspective, girl. Give us a few weeks, you’ll be joining the pack in all ways.”

“Why don’t you guys just find some other girl to turn?”

Levi gave me an assessing look. “Ain’t that easy. Just because you’re bit doesn’t mean that you’ll change. Sometimes you just die.” His smile grew slow and menacing. “ ’Sides. The boys like you.
And you’ll still need a pack, no matter if we let you go or not.”

Lucky me.

He swigged his beer. “Too bad Connor’s fucking this up, whining about that slutty little cat. Ain’t like they were mated. Bond ain’t real.” He sneered at me and flipped a dripping steak, barely cooked. “Ain’t that right?”

Oh, God. Did he know Ramsey already had a mate? Was this some hint about our fake relationship? I gave Levi a tight smile. “Doesn’t mean he can’t like her, does it?”

“Yes, it does. I told him to stay the fuck away from her,” Levi said, his voice harsh. “Connor been helping you change at all, girl?”

I shrugged.

Levi’s sharp eyes remained on me. “And how many times have you shifted in the last few days?”

“Haven’t felt the need,” I said with a cheerful smile. “It’s been a good week.”

“That’s a bad sign,” Levi said with a growl. “You need to change, and change often, especially since you’re trying to get it under control. The longer you wait, the stronger the shift is. You need to shift every day.”

“Well, that’s why you sent Connor with me.”

He pulled the dripping steak off the grill. “Yeah, and it ain’t doing you much good. I’ll keep him here.”

I blinked. Not that I wanted my wolf escort, but if he left, the implications scared me. “You’re taking him back? Who’s going to help me change?”

“Your lover?” He gave me a sly grin. “Unless you’re not comfortable with that. I could always send Gracie with ya. Unless you think you don’t need help.” He dumped the dripping steak onto a paper plate and held it out to me. “Hungry?”

My stomach growled, and as I took the steak, the smell of blood wafted into my nostrils. Goose bumps prickled my skin, and I felt a sudden surge of my wolf, bile rushing into my mouth.

I shoved the steak back toward Levi. “Not hungry.”

He gave me another sly look as Ramsey came out the door. “I see. Well, I’ll let you sleep on it and then maybe I’ll send Gracie over in the morning.”

Chapter Nine

W
e lingered at the Anderson barbeque for a little longer, but the entire situation was awkward. Levi kept looking for ways to remind me of my wolf side. The other Anderson males kept trying to approach and talk to me, only to be chased away by Ramsey’s glare. Connor went inside the house and didn’t reappear at all. After a half hour, we left, citing tiredness.

Levi just smiled and invited us back for Sunday dinner.

Exhausted and feeling the wolf creeping under my skin, I slumped in the passenger seat, watching the sun set into the horizon. My phone vibrated in my jeans pocket, and I pulled it out.

Call me when you get out of the barbeque,
Bath texted.
I’m worried about you.

I was worried about me, too. I’d been traded to a pack of horny, possessive wolves, and my lone protector already had a girlfriend. I glanced over at Ramsey and then texted her back.
I’m out. It was awkward, but okay.

Did they threaten you?

If I said yes, she would only worry. So I texted back a non-answer.
Ramsey intimidates them, which is a nice benefit.

He’s not the most gentle of guys,
she texted back.
Are you okay with him? If not, I can come and get you.

I’m good,
I sent back. I sneaked a look over at Ramsey. His face was unreadable, but he didn’t seem tense, so I relaxed a little.
My wolf escort was sent home,
I texted.

What? Why?

They said he wasn’t doing me any good.

That’s bad! Who’s going to show you how to shift? Sara, you need to get it under control. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.

I thought for a moment, then texted,
I’m going to ask Ramsey to help me.

A long moment passed before her next message came in.
If you’re sure . . .

I’m sure.
I just hadn’t told Ramsey yet.

When we returned to Ramsey’s house, I hesitated in the doorway. Should I bring up the mate? Maybe Beau knew about it—maybe Bath did, too, and I was the only one in the dark. Maybe everyone assumed I already knew. I chickened out and feigned a yawn. “Jeez, I’m tired. I don’t suppose I can grab a shower before heading to bed?”

“Shower’s still broken,” he said. “I fixed the upstairs bath for you.”

I gave him a hesitant smile. “Thanks.”

The blue hair dye came out of my hair as I
bathed. When I got out of the tub, my hair was a sickly grayish blue. Maybe I’d try something different. The blue hadn’t had the desired effect anyhow; I still felt weak and cowardly. Idly, I wondered what color Ramsey liked.

I dressed and headed to our bedroom, ignoring my stomach’s protesting growls. Ramsey had disappeared off to who knew where, and I was alone. Would he sleep somewhere else tonight, since we had no wolf chaperone? To my surprise and pleasure, I saw there was a new bed to replace the old, sagging one. It was a massive king with a nice, springy mattress and plain wooden headboard. I liked it. Grabbing my new pillow, I tucked it under my head and tried not to think about wolves and barbeques.

I woke up an hour later and bolted upright in bed. Still alone, I strained my ears to hear Ramsey. Nothing, the house was silent. I stared around the room, wondering why I’d woken up.

As I looked down, the flesh on my arm seemed to crawl and shiver. I tossed the covers aside and placed my feet on the floor, only to find my toes curling and the nails elongating.

Shit. A change. My back spasmed and I dropped to my knees, a whimper escaping my throat. A hard one, too. I needed to get outside.

I tore down the stairs and flung myself out into the yard. I began to strip off my clothing, stomach heaving with bile. I felt like I was going to throw up, but nothing was coming. Just that feeling like my skin was going to fling itself off my body as my organs rearranged themselves.

I dropped to the grass and huddled there, staring at my fingers as they shivered and curled, joints aching. Okay. Okay. I needed to calm down. I could do this. I managed it every time, and every time it was messy and ugly, but I came out the other side. This was no different. Start with the hands, I told myself. Hands and feet, work on controlling those. If I could push it down and keep my humanity in place, I’d be good. If it felt like it was going out of control, I’d force it in the other direction.

Great plan, I decided, and then promptly threw up. The scent of my own vomit made my muscles clench and I scuttled away in the grass, crouching low and shivering. I was always so cold, and never as cold as when I was trying to force a change.

After a few minutes of my hands painfully cramping, the sensation moved up my thighs, and my spine gave a wrench. I let out a low gasp of pain. Okay. This wasn’t going to pass. This was going to be a wolf change. Levi had warned me that I needed to change more often or this would happen.
I could do this. I could.

Another surge made wolf hair push through my skin, and my hips twisted painfully, my blood thundering in my ears. My hands began to burn, and I watched those nails elongate. I dug my fingertips into the grass and bit the inside of my cheek. Each change seemed to hurt worse and worse lately. Was this one going to kill me? A terrified whimper escaped my lips.

A large, warm hand touched my back. “Shh,” Ramsey whispered, and I felt his large body crouch over mine. “Relax, Sara.”

“I-I’m okay,” I breathed. My lungs seized and I whimpered at the sharp stab of pain. “It’s under control. I’ll be done in . . . just a minute.”

To my surprise, his hand began to rub my naked back. “Relax. No rush.” His voice was low and soothing, a soft, comforting rumble. “Where’s the change focused?”

“M-m-my fingers and toes,” I panted, and they jerked and curled as if being seared by heat. The pain that flared up from them robbed what little breath I had. It hurt.

“That’s backwards,” Ramsey said in the same low, smooth voice. “Fingers are last. Don’t fight it. Change in your center first. It’ll spread from within. Find your core.”

Another ripple of pain shot through my legs and I got to my feet, staggering. “I don’t have a core! That’s the problem!”

Warm hands wrapped around my body and pulled me against his warm, equally naked form. He ignored the uncontrolled twitching of my limbs and hugged me against him until my back—clenching and twisting—was pressed against his stomach. I felt the brush of his chest hair against my back and shoulders. The scent of bear was heavy in my nostrils, an oddly drugging scent.

Should I brush up against him? Should I hold myself back? My hips bucked, uncontrollable, and his hand landed on the flat of my belly, holding me still. “Shh. Calm. Relax.”

“Hurts,” I choked out, distracted by his nakedness
and the rebellion of my body. “How do I make it stop?”

I could have sworn I heard him chuckle. “You relax.” He held me against him, the warmth of his skin leeching into my own.

“But if I relax, the wolf will take over—”

“I know. Let her.” His hand moved lower on my belly, pressed there. “Find your center. Change from here.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, hating that I’d have to change. I didn’t want to be a wolf, especially not in front of Ramsey. But when another painful wrenching twist shot through my muscles, I whimpered.

His hand brushed down my arm, caressing my prickling skin. “Let your wolf take over,” he repeated.

I did. I relaxed. Stopped fighting it. Waited for the worst to happen.

For some strange reason, the twitching in my limbs began to slow down. He continued to hold me against him, and as my body became more languid and relaxed, I began to notice small things. How utterly naked he was against me. How low his hand was on my belly. The feel of him against my skin.

His thumbs moved against my skin in small, almost imperceptible tickling motions. His scent was thick in my nostrils. And when he moved against my body again, I was hit with a flush of desire.

He’s taken,
I reminded myself.
You can’t have him.

But I still wanted him.

It was a little alarming to think of a man in a sexual way again after all this time. I hadn’t wanted a man since Roy had brutalized me so long ago. There’d been too many secrets to keep, too many things to worry about. But I didn’t have to hide with Ramsey. He could handle my secrets, and he’d protect me . . .

A surge of desire flushed through my body, and my gasp was slightly different this time.

Ramsey’s body stiffened against mine and I felt his fingers flex on my stomach, as if he had suddenly picked up on the change in my demeanor. Oh, no. He’d realized I was turned on and was horrified. I opened my mouth to blurt out an apology—

And doubled over as the transformation rushed to a finish.