Despicable Me (7 page)

Mr. Perkins raises his eyebrows. “Do you know where the Shrink Ray is?”

“Duh, back at my place,” replies Vector.

“Really?” says his father. “Then I guess Gru must have one that
looks exactly like it
!” He flips open his laptop, which displays a freeze-frame from the videoconference. It shows Gru holding the Shrink Ray. In the background are Margo, Edith, and Agnes.

Vector gasps at the image. “Those girls sold me cookies!”

Mr. Perkins looks intently at his son. “Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be? I gave you the opportunity of a lifetime, and you just blew it!”

Vector tries to figure out a way to save face. “No, I didn’t,” he lies.

“Really?” his father asks.

“Just wait till Gru sees my latest weapon: Squid Launcher. Oh, yeah!” Vector pulls out his Squid Launcher and fires it out the door.

“Aaaaiiiggghhh! There’s a squid on my face!”
screams the unfortunate employee the squid landed on.

Vector turns back to his father and declares, “Don’t worry. The moon is as good as ours.”

“This is no place
for children.”

—Dr. Nefario

“Come on, it’s bedtime!” Gru tells the girls.

Margo, Edith, and Agnes are running around all over the place.

“Did you brush your teeth?” asks Gru. “Put on your PJs. Hold still! Seriously, seriously! This is beddy-bye time. Right now. I am not kidding around. I mean it!”

“But we’re not tired,” Edith says.

“Well,
I
am tired!” Gru says.

Agnes holds up a copy of a book titled
Sleepy Kittens
. “Will you read us a bedtime story?”

“No,” says Gru.

“Pretty please?” begs Agnes, pouting her lips and making big sad eyes.

“The physical appearance of the ‘please’ makes no difference,” Gru points out. “It is still no. So go to sleep.”

“We can’t. We’re all hyper,” says Edith.

Margo smiles. “And without a bedtime story,
we’ll just keep getting up and bugging you.
All night long
.”

Gru sighs. “Fine.” He takes the book from Agnes and sits down on the floor next to the girls’ beds. He opens the book, revealing three kitten finger puppets attached to it. “What are these?”

“Puppets,” explains Agnes. “You use them when you tell the story.”

Gru is intrigued. He sticks three of his fingers through the back of the book to wiggle the finger puppets, and then he begins to read:

Three little kittens started to bawl,

“Mommy, we’re not tired at all.”

Their mother smiled and said with a purr,

“Fine, but at least you should brush your fur.”

“Now you brush the fur,” instructs Edith.

There is a little brush attached to the page. Gru picks it up and brushes the kittens’ fur.

“This is literature? A two-year-old could have written this,” he grumbles. He turns the page and continues reading:

Three little kittens with fur all brushed

said, “We can’t sleep, we feel too rushed.”

Their mother replied with a voice like silk,

“Fine, but at least you should drink your milk.”

“Now make them drink the milk,” Agnes says.

Gru makes the puppets drink milk from the saucer illustrated on the page. He turns to the next page and notices that Agnes has snuggled up next to him. He moves her arm so it isn’t so close to him.

Three little kittens with milk all gone,

rubbed their eyes and started to yawn.

All three girls yawn, as does Gru.

“Good night kittens, close your eyes.

Sleep in peace until you rise.

Though while you sleep, we are apart
…

your mommy loves you with all her heart!”

Tears well up in Gru’s eyes. The girls look up at him, surprised by his reaction. Realizing what’s going on, Gru immediately slams the book shut.

“The end. Okay, good night!” says Gru, running for the door.

“Wait!” yells Agnes.

Gru stops. “What?”

“What about good night kisses?” she asks.

Gru tries to keep his emotions contained as he responds. “No no no! There will be no kissing or hugging!” Then he leaves.

“I like him. He’s nice,” Agnes says to the other girls.

Edith nods and adds, “But scary.”

“Like Santa,” says Agnes.

In the hallway, Gru tries to regain his composure. He walks past the framed family tree on the wall and does a double take. On the wall below the frame, the girls have drawn themselves in with crayons, to make themselves part of the family. Gru has a moment of yearning before he hears…

“Only forty-eight hours until the rocket launch, and all systems are go!” exclaims Dr. Nefario.

Gru nervously begins to pick up after the girls—shoes, socks, toys, even crackers are
scattered about. “Um, about that. I was thinking maybe we could move the date of the heist.”

Dr. Nefario is taken aback. “What? Why?”

“No reason,” Gru says, trying to act casual. “I just thought that—”

Dr. Nefario puts his hands on his hips and squares his jaw. “Is this because of the girls’ dance recital?”

“No no no! The recital? No,” Gru replies quickly. “I just think it’s kind of weird to do it on a Saturday. I was thinking maybe a moon heist is more of a Tuesday thing.”

But Dr. Nefario isn’t buying Gru’s excuse. “That’s it! You are on the verge of becoming the greatest villain of all time, Gru. ‘The Man Who Stole the Moon’!”

“I know,” Gru says quietly.

“These girls are becoming a major distraction,
and there is absolutely no reason to keep them here.”

Gru can’t believe what he is hearing.

“They need to go,” Dr. Nefario adds cruelly. “If you don’t do something about it, I will.”

“I am the greatest
criminal mind
of the century!”

—Gru

The next day, Gru is having a tea party with the three girls when the doorbell rings. He opens the door to see Miss Hattie on the other side. “What are you doing here?” he asks.

“I’m here for the girls,” she replies. “I received a call that you wanted to return them.”

Gru is stunned. He never placed that call!

“I also purchased a Spanish dictionary,” continues Miss Hattie. Then she slaps Gru across the face with it. “I don’t like what you said!”

At that moment, Gru hears someone behind him clearing his throat. He turns to see Dr. Nefario across the room. He gives Gru a thumbs-up. Gru is shocked that Nefario has made good on his promise. The scientist had called the orphanage.

Feeling utterly trapped, Gru soon realizes he has no choice. He turns back to Miss Hattie and mutters, “I’ll get the girls ready.”

A little while later, Gru carries the girls’ bags to the car. Despite the girls’ eyes welling up with tears, Gru does his best not to let any feelings show.

Suddenly, Agnes grabs Gru’s leg. “Don’t let her take us back, Mr. Gru,” she pleads. “Tell her that you want to keep us.”

Gru wants to respond, but he can’t do it. The disappointment he sees in the girls’ faces devastates him.

Miss Hattie snorts. She’s had enough of this nonsense. “All right, girls. Come on, let’s go.”

Gru watches the car drive away, his heart breaking.

Happy to see the girls leave, Dr. Nefario is ready to get back to business. “I did it for your own good. Now, let’s go get that moon!”

Gru looks at him but just can’t summon up the same degree of excitement. Dr. Nefario
watches as Gru heads back into the house, clearly depressed. From the windows, the minions watch as well, sobbing uncontrollably.

That day Gru sees the girls everywhere he turns. He picks up the dolls they have left behind. He watches the minions clean the wall where the girls drew themselves below the family tree. Finally, in an effort to stop feeling so blue, Gru throws himself into his mission to steal the moon.

With his space suit on, Gru walks through his lab and stops to look up at the rocket. He has to admit that it
is
impressive. Along with a minion, he rides a lift to the top of the rocket. The minion hands him something.

“What is this for?” asks Gru. He looks down and realizes it is a ticket for the dance recital. He pushes down his true feelings and yells, “I am the greatest criminal mind of the century! I don’t go to little girls’ dance recitals!”

Gru throws the ticket in the air and turns back to the rocket, ready for the moon heist. What he doesn’t see is that the minion has caught the ticket and has secretly stuck it into one of Gru’s space suit pockets.

Stepping into the hatch, Gru sits in his seat in the cockpit and fastens his seat belt. Dr. Nefario appears on a video monitor. “Opening launch bay doors,” he tells Gru.

KA-CHONG!
A slit of sunlight appears through the cockpit window as massive hangar doors open overhead. Dr. Nefario begins the countdown on the video monitor.

“Commencing launch sequence, and we are good to go in T-minus ten seconds. Ten… nine… eight… seven…”

The rocket rumbles, and smoke whirls all around the engines.

“Six… five… four… three… two… one!”

Lifting off, the rocket soars into the air. Down
on the ground in Gru’s backyard stands a surprising spectator: Vector! Gru’s nemesis immediately pulls out his Squid Launcher, aims it at the rocket, and fires.

SPLAAAT!
The squid connects with the rocket and sticks to it. It is attached to a line, which is attached to Vector. The line quickly takes up slack and
whoosh
! Vector is yanked into the sky after the rocket.

The rocket tears through the sky toward space with Vector still attached. He climbs up the line to the rocket and looks through the window. “Boo-yah!” he says, startling Gru.

Once Gru recovers from his shock, he pushes down the toaster button on the control panel. Now the whole rocket is electrically charged.

“Aaaaiiigghhh!” screams Vector as he is blown off the rocket. He falls through the air, heading straight for the ground far below. Is this the end for Vector?

“But he pinkie
promised!”

—Agnes

Vector plummets back toward Earth. Then he remembers he’s wearing a flight suit! He pulls a ripcord, and sails unfurl on either side of his suit, making him look like a flying squirrel. A very large, very ugly flying squirrel. The wind catches the sails, and Vector soars across the sky.

“Oh, yeah!” he shouts triumphantly. “Once again, the mighty Vector—”

SPLAT!
He smacks right into an electrical tower. Stunned, Vector slides to the ground.