Dessi's Romance (20 page)

Dad turning up with a
stubby saves me replying. ‘Hi, everyone,’ he calls and flops onto a sun lounge.
Laura kisses him and goes into the house. ‘Going to stay with us awhile, Emma?’
Dad tries to sound casual, but he doesn’t deceive me. ‘Made up your mind yet?’

‘Dad, I really don’t…’

‘Sorry. Sorry, I know I’m
rushing you, aren’t I? Okay. Backing off right now,’ he says quickly.

‘I have to wait and see if
I can defer, Dad. And first I have to wait to see if I get in.’

‘When will you know for
sure?’

It’s hard meeting his
anxious gaze. I fob him off. ‘Not till well into next year.’

He takes a sip of beer. ‘So
your drawing took off, did it?’

I frown. How come he still
calls it ‘drawing’?

‘You could do something
like that up here, you know. We’re going to need fliers and advertising
material, some ideas for colour schemes for the boat and…’

‘Actually,’ I say dryly,
‘these days I’m more into collage and sculpture.’

No point, I realise. He
just looks confused. The more I say, the more bewildered he seems. Now something
I’ve been dying to ask, ‘Dad, that wasn‘t
your
boat today, was it?’

He shrugs, but there’s a
touch of pride too. ‘We’re negotiating at the moment. But it’s pretty much set
in place. That young bloke – what was his name, the one you were with?
Sacha. He asked me for a job.’

‘Yeah?’ My heart hiccups
but I keep a stony face. ‘None of my business.’

Dad stares at me and
frowns. ‘Why are you so…so antsy these days, Emma? What’s wrong?’

He might be my father but
he just doesn’t get it. He has no idea about the predicament Sacha’s put me in.
Why couldn’t he have waited for me to ask? As I promised… as I really did
intend...

Right now I feel as if my
whole life is being turned around. Why are all the men I know
so
difficult? On top of all this there’s
Abdul. Why was he so distant? His voice sounded so… so neutral. ‘I’m going to
have a shower,’ I say quickly.

In my room, after a long
hot shower and splashing myself with every moisturiser left on the dresser, I
settle in front of the computer. I find Abdul’s business card in my purse. Now
I’m emailing, the words are flowing, and I can’t seem to stop…

…
and I think about you
all the time. Abdul, it’s still okay between us, isn’t it? I don’t want to
phone you again because you were so…so distant... I felt really awful when you
hung up. Were you busy? Did you have to go out on a call for your business? You
can tell me, you know. I’d understand.

I wish you were here
with me. In this house. You wouldn’t believe how luxurious it is. And the
weather is so warm and balmy. I’m only interested in you, Abdul. I hope you
feel the same way about me…

No, I can’t send this. This
is crazy. While I’m deleting the email, Laura knocks on my door. ‘You’ve got a
visitor, Emma. Sacha.’

Oh shit! I find him on the
patio with Dad sucking a stubby as if he belongs there. When I come out, he
jumps up and smiles. I glare at him. ‘How did you know where we live?’

He looks momentarily
flustered. ‘In the phone book,’ he says. ‘I wanted to talk to your dad about a
possible job and…‘

‘Well don’t,’ I snap.
‘Anyway, I told you to wait.’

Dad frowns.

Sacha flushes and sits down
abruptly. ‘Your father’s going to give me a trial run on the boat tomorrow and
if it works out, he’ll give me a reference for sharing a place.’

‘You’ve got it all worked
out, haven’t you?’ I’m openly furious. What right does Sacha have to burst in
on me when I expressly told him not to? What right does my father have to
employ my friends without first consulting me?     

‘Would you like to stay for
dinner, Sacha?’ Laura calls out from the kitchen.

‘That would be…’

I round on Sacha. ‘He’s got
to go, haven’t you?'

I know I’m being a bitch,
but right now I’m too angry to worry about Sacha’s feelings.

‘Thanks for the beer, Rob,’
he says and there is something so dignified in his manner, I feel myself
redden.

Dad says, ‘See you down at
the wharf in the morning. Eight o’clock sharp. Okay?’

‘Yes sir! I’ll be there.’
He turns sad eyes onto me. ‘Catch you later Emma? Thanks for a great day.’

Dad waits for Sacha to
leave before saying, ‘Was all that completely necessary?’

‘All what?’ though I know
what he means.

‘You should hear yourself,
Emma. Why are you so…spiky? That poor kid…’

‘You don’t know anything
about him, Dad,’ I burst out. ‘You don’t know anything about any of us.’

‘Emma, don’t be…’

But I don’t want to listen
to him anymore. Didn’t he leave home without asking how I felt about it? Aren’t
I deep down still furious with him? So why should I be nice to him, or for that
matter, to anyone else? Right now I’m much too angry.

Only Laura announcing
dinner is ready calms me down enough to eat. Then I ask Dad to drive me to
Broadbeach. When I get in, the flat is empty. I’m wondering why Dessi hasn’t
called back, and maybe my cell-phone isn’t taking calls, when it suddenly
buzzes...

Finally, I’ve found enough courage to
phone Emma.

‘You mean it?’ she says
after I talk awhile, ‘Abdul wasn’t brushing me off?’

‘I don’t think so,’ though
each time I say his name a tingle runs down my spine.

My mind can’t stop racing.
How can I keep the truth from someone who knows me almost better than my own
mother? What will she do when she finds out? What if she gets so depressed she
starts drawing figures with knives sticking out of them? What if I’m
responsible for a total breakdown?

Voice smooth as silk I say,
‘Abdul seemed really pleased you’d thought of him…’

Emma audibly gulps. ‘You
didn’t pile it on too thick?’

‘No way. It’s just that he
was in a business meeting.’

‘Reckon he’s seeing someone
else?’

‘Course not.’ I cross my
fingers against the lie. ‘Anyway, we didn’t talk much. He’s got this weird
phone manner.’

‘You noticed?’

‘Course. Like I said, stop
being so insecure. Meeting any men?’

‘Heaps. All jerks.’

‘Oh.’ My heart sinks.
‘How’s Jodie’s bellybutton?’

‘Pitiful. Still on antibiotics.
Not supposed to drink.’

‘Poor thing.’ We both
laugh.

‘You okay?’

‘Course.’

But something tells me this
isn’t quite right. Or maybe it’s my conscience killing me. We’ve never lied to
each other before… well, apart from those necessary white lies like ‘No, he
seems really keen’ when it’s obvious Danny isn’t. Or ‘That painting is terrific’,
when I’m sure she can do better. ‘Sure you’re okay?’

‘Why wouldn’t I be? Stop
being my mother.’

‘Funny you mention that.
She’s really upset. Why haven’t you phoned?’

‘Haven’t gotten round to
it. Anyway, you know what she’s like about Dad and Laura. Don’t want the third
degree.’

I picture Emma’s smile, her
habit of running her fingers through her thick beige hair, her unexpectedly
loud laugh. How weird that while I’m being such a cheat, how very much I miss
her. I ask, ‘Having fun?’

‘Sure,’ she says quickly.

‘You’re not getting low?’

‘What do you think?’

‘So…’ I pause. ‘Tell me
about Sash.’

She doesn’t answer right
off. ‘Not much to say. He’s prowling the gay bars… I keep telling him to be
more careful. The last thing he needs is AIDS…’ she chatters on ‘...now Dad’s
offered him a job…

My mind drifts. Where will
I find another best friend? But what can you do if you fall in love with the
wrong person? I once read that falling in love is like getting sick. Right now
it’s easy to imagine breaking out in love bites, the only cure the antibiotic
of a lover’s kiss. Can you get the love bug so badly you might die from it?

I wake up she’s saying.
‘You’re the one who sounds low. How’s your ankle?’

‘Fine,’ I say quickly.
‘Listen, the best thing ever. Nanna Pearl wants me to go OS with her next
summer. We’ll visit London, Paris, Prague and Berlin.’

‘Terrific! What do you have
to do?’

‘Not much. Handle her
luggage and bookings. Help her onto planes and buses.’

Another ten minutes vanish
in discussing this golden opportunity to travel. Graham comes by saying, ‘I
need that phone.’ He gives me a legitimate excuse to ring off. As I squat on
the floor, Jeremy comes by. ‘Got rid of her?’

Shit! Turd’s been listening
in. I go to hit him. He ducks and his grin grows wider. ‘That won’t help when
she finds out about Abdul.’

‘Mind your own business,’ I
snarl. ‘I don’t listen to you.’

‘I make sure you don’t,’ he
calmly points out. But something else is on his mind. ‘Listen sis, do us a
favour, huh?’

‘Depends…’

‘If you answer the phone
all week, I won’t mention it.’

‘Why? Who you hiding from?’

‘Friday, this stupid thing
happened…’ He kicks the skirting board.

‘Come clean!’

‘You know Sienna?’

I look uncertain.

‘You do, you do. Justin and
me, we muck around with her.’ This time I nod, though I’m still not quite sure
who this is. ‘Well, I wrote ‘suck’ on her bike as a joke. Then Justin wrote F,
and told her mum I did it. Now her mum’s going to call our mum. Maybe you can
get rid of her?’

I can’t hide a smile.
‘Guess you like this Sienna?’

‘She’s okay,’ he concedes.
‘What are you going to do about Emma?’

Now I really look at him.
My little brother is starting to grow up. For the first time I consciously note
a cluster of light hair on his upper lip, the squaring of his chin, those arms
and legs that keep getting in his way. I say, ‘The thing is…You know what
happens to Emma when she gets low.’ He nods. ‘So what would you do if you were
me?’

‘If I liked Abdul?’ He
looks thoughtful. ‘Tell Emma the truth and hope she can deal with it.’

I feel a rush of anger.
‘What would a turd like you know?’ I yell and head for my room.

Though I lock my door
against the world, shortly after I hear Graham shout, ‘Can’t you leave things
alone?’

A shiver runs down my
spine. Will they stay together long enough for Graham to finish this
renovation? Hannah hates living in a mess. Even after a long day at work, she
insists on cleaning up. Then Graham gets cross and says, ‘Why bother? Tomorrow
there’ll be more.’

‘I’m just clearing up the
worst of it…’

‘But I haven’t finished.’
Then Graham will stalk out of the room, his face a study in frustration. So it
only takes Hannah to trip over Jeremy’s joggers to extend the row. Listening to
their angry voices, I decide that when I move in with Abdul, that our relationship
will be totally different...

That night I have a series
of vivid dreams. In one I’m in Paris in a cafe wearing a belted raincoat and
beret. An accordion plays softly in the background. Abdul slides into the next
seat and kisses me. I wake just long enough to wish this dream will come true,
before going back to sleep.

If I dreamt last night, I slept so
heavily I don’t remember anything about it. Straight after breakfast Laura
drives me around Gold Coast to check out the universities. But I’ve already
made up my mind about so many things. I can only see Dessi and myself in the
same city doing similar things. So good to talk to her. She did sound a bit
strained, though. No wonder. Stuck at home with everyone up here she’s trying
not to show how angry she must feel. And when it comes to Sacha, I’m putting
that little episode behind me as just too messy. To confirm this, I decide to
focus on Abdul and buy him a present. Something old and interesting like the
stuff he deals in.

‘Laura,’ I ask. We’re on
the patio in bathers sunning themselves. ‘Any antique shops up here?’

‘There’s Op shops,’ she
says rubbing cream into her nails. ‘Vinnies. Is this what you mean?’

‘Not really. I want to buy
a present for my guy. He’s into retro.’

She glances up with
amusement. ‘We could drive up to the hinterland tomorrow. There’s lots of
little stores selling antiques. Yesterday, I thought you and Sacha were having
a lover’s tiff.’

‘Sacha and me, we’re just
close friends,’ I say quickly. ‘We shared Art and Design classes and we’re both
hoping to get into College of the Arts, RMIT, or even Swinburne.’

‘He
is
handsome though… that square chin,
high cheekbones and so tall and blonde.’