Destined to Change (12 page)

“Uh huh...Lor, this is amazing. You’re amazing.”

I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. “Can you feel me touching you, Jaxon? Can you feel me kissing you? Can you feel how much I want you inside me?” I couldn’t believe those words had come out of my mouth. I didn’t know what had come over me. And then I could definitely hear him rubbing himself. He was moaning, “Touch yourself, Lor. Put your fingers inside. Imagine me there. Touching you, inside you. Do it for me. I’m so close Lor, are you close?”

“Uh huh – Jaxon - I’m coming. Oh Jaxon!” My orgasm seemed to last forever. Then I heard Jaxon moan loudly and he screamed my name.

We were both panting and coming down from our amazing first phone sex experience when Jaxon broke the silence, “That was amazing for me. Are you okay? Did you enjoy that?”

How could he ask me that? Of course I enjoyed it. I really, really enjoyed it. “Yes, sir.”

“Woman, you are going to be the death of me.”

---------

When Saturday arrived I decided to really play up the country part of my life. I wore skin tight black wranglers, my hottest pink cowboy boots, my belt with my prettiest silver buckle, a white button up shirt with pearlized buttons, tucked in with just enough buttons open to where you could just almost see my hot pink bra hiding below. I wore my hair down and put a few curls in it. I looked in the mirror and almost didn’t recognize myself, I looked HOT!

When I heard the knock at the door, my heart started beating out of my chest. I couldn’t believe how excited I was to see Jaxon. And he definitely didn’t disappoint me. When I opened the door his mouth dropped open and his eyes didn’t leave my chest. I couldn’t look away from him either.

He was everything I wasn’t tonight. He had on his “fancy pants” which were dark blue. He had on a skin tight black v-neck t-shirt tucked into his jeans, black motorcycle boots, and a black leather jacket. He was smoking HOT!

When we finally stopped ogling each other, we headed out to my old jeep and started the short drive to the lake. We rode in silence. The tension in the vehicle could’ve been cut with a knife. It was like there was some sort of electric current running between us and we had to have some sort of release.

Being around Jaxon did crazy things to me. I had never even thought about doing what I did next. I decided to take matters into my own hands, so to speak.

I leaned over to Jaxon, who was driving, and I licked the spot right behind his ear. I could feel his breath halt and his whole body shudder like the current had been zapped, the tension, starting to clear. I continued to lick a trail from his ear, across his jaw, to the corner of his mouth where I placed a light kiss.

He was driving, and I didn’t want to have a wreck, but I just couldn’t keep my hands off of him. I was rubbing his chest and then I was untucking his shirt, and trying to unzip his pants, and that’s when he pulled over onto the first dirt road he came to and before I knew what was happening he had me pulled onto his lap and I was straddling him.

The kiss, this kiss was fast and furious. It was like we had never kissed before. His tongue invaded my mouth and I accepted it wholeheartedly. He unbuttoned my shirt and when he saw my hot pink bra I heard a sexy growl escape his lips. Jaxon was an expert with his tongue. He could do magical things with it. One moment he was licking the spot between my breasts, and then he was tracing a path up my chest, neck, jaw, and then my mouth.

The next thing I knew I was trying to unzip his jeans again. He grabbed my hand, “No, not here. Not like this. Not our first time, Lor. Our first time together needs to be special, not in a jeep. I think I love you, Lor.” 

His words hit me like a ton of bricks, mostly because I felt the same way about him. But I never thought he could love me. I’m just a little country girl and he definitely didn’t fit into my world.

“You don’t have to say anything; I just want you to know what I’m feeling.” He said as he looked down and clasped his hand in mine.

I used my other hand to tilt his face up to look at me. “Jaxon, I never thought I would say this to another man, but I think I'm falling in love with you too.”

After our “we almost love each other” declarations, we straightened our clothes out and started toward the lake again. When we pulled up, the party was in full swing. I spotted Emma and Eric out by the bonfire. It reminded of that night so many years ago when Declan and I had come back to the bonfire at the pond to pick up a very drunk Eric. And to see him standing there already drunk again really pissed me off. I wanted to go up to him and remind him of what happened that night and how if he hadn’t gotten so drunk I would be married to Declan now and my kids would have their father. But I didn’t. I just smiled and led Jaxon out to them.

Jaxon looked so out of place amongst all these cowboys. He was nervous, but I was the only one who knew that. He kinda looked scary. Scary probably isn’t the right word. He looked intimidating.

I squeezed his hand and looked up at him, trying to let him know that it was okay. I wanted him to feel comfortable around these people. I don’t know who I thought I was kidding. I hadn’t felt comfortable around these people for years.

The last bonfire party I went to didn’t end so well. It had been over ten years since I came to a party with my friends. It just didn’t feel right without Declan. I really wished that my mind hadn’t gone there. Now everywhere I looked I could see him. Jaxon must have noticed that my mind was wandering. He squeezed my hand and looked at me like he really wanted to help, but didn’t know what to do.

“Lor, you’re here! I can’t believe you actually came!” Emma hollered as she came running up from the other side of the beach. She looked like one of those bad tampon commercials where the girl is running across the beach towards her lover. This really helped my mood. I was laughing inside and started running toward Emma, pulling Jaxon with me.

Emma couldn't take her eyes off of Jaxon. She looked him up and down and up and down again. Then she looked at me and gave me a not so subtle wink and nod of approval. “And this must be the amazing Jaxon I have heard so much about?” Emma said to Jaxon.

“Well I don't know about amazing, but I am Jaxon. It's really nice to finally meet you Emma.” Jaxon wouldn't let go of my hand and I was really glad he didn't. We both needed each other to make it through this night.

“Eric is dying to meet you,” Emma said and then yelled, “Hey Eric, get your ass over here and meet the amazing Jaxon.”

Eric came walking over, assessing Jaxon from his motorcycle boots, to his “fancy” pants, to his pierced eyebrow and shaggy hair. I could tell by the glaring look of disapproval on his face that he didn’t like what he was seeing.  “Hey, man, nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you from Lor and the kids.” Jaxon said to Eric as he stuck his hand out to shake hands.

Eric didn't move. He didn't say anything. He just stood there staring at Jaxon and then he looked over at me. “Can I talk to you for a second, alone?”

Jaxon dropped his hands to his sides. I winced at the loss of that connection to him. Eric grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the bonfire. Emma just looked at me with raised eyebrows. Silently saying, “I don't know what he's doing.” She asked Jaxon if he wanted to go get a beer. They headed off to the coolers as Eric, and I walked away.

“What the hell are you doing with a guy like that? Do you really think that's the kind of person Declan would want around his kids? You do remember whose kids they are, right?” Eric was being so hateful. This man had helped me so much since Declan died and now that I was finally finding happiness he was pissed at me. I couldn't help myself.

The words flew out of my mouth. “Yeah Eric, I remember who's kids they are, do you? They aren't yours, they're Declan's, and he’s dead because we had to come get your drunk ass and drive you home! And that's the reason why I’ve been so miserable for so long. Now I’m finally finding a little bit of happiness and you’re mad at me? Are you fucking kidding me?” 

I didn't need this shit and I wasn't going to deal with it tonight. I made my way over to Jaxon and I couldn’t contain the tears that started falling. I grabbed Jaxon's arm and asked him to get me out of there. He put his beer down and we rushed over to the jeep.

Emma asked as she followed Jaxon and me to the jeep. “Where are you going, Lor? Please don't leave, the party is just starting. What the hell did he say to you?” 

“I can't do this Emma. I thought I was ready but I'm not. And Eric doesn't think Jaxon is the right guy for me? What the fuck? Why should I give a shit about what he thinks? How dare he say anything about my life choices!”

I pulled the door open on the jeep and climbed in. Jaxon shut the door behind me and ran around to get in. He started it up, and I watched Emma run over to Eric. She was beating at his chest and screaming at him. Eric couldn't take his eyes off me. He wasn't angry, he looked sad. I started to tear up again and when I looked over at Jaxon he was just staring straight ahead as we drove down the road. He was acting like I wasn't there. I reached over to grab his hand and he pulled away.

“I'm sorry you had to hear that. I shouldn't have said that in front of you. I am so sorry.”

Jaxon finally looked over at me and said, “Eric's right, Lor. I don’t know who the hell I was trying to kid.  I’m not the right guy for you. I was just fooling myself thinking I was good enough to be with a lady like you. I’m not. You deserve so much better than me.”

Then he stared off into the distance in front of us again.  “I’ll talk to Uncle Jake and leave tomorrow. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have. You’ll always be special to me, and I hope that you’ll always remember me.”

I was crushed. I had opened my heart, my life, and my body to this man and we hit one little bump in the road and he was ready to leave?

“Well apparently our time together meant nothing to you if you’re willing to just leave when the going gets tough. I thought we were falling in love, but I guess I was really, really wrong.” I tried to hold back the tears.

Jaxon pulled the jeep over and grabbed my face in his hands. His eyes were so intense. We sat there for a long time just staring at each other until he said, “God damn it, Lor. I don't think I love you.”

My heart sank in my chest. He doesn't love me. That's why it was so easy for him to just walk away.

“I fucking know I love you. I have never felt this way about anyone before. Saying all that shit just now about killed me. I can’t stand the thought of not being with you. Not seeing you every day. I love you and I love the kids and I want to see where this goes. I want us to try for our happily ever after. Don’t you want that too, Lor?”

I wanted to scream “yes” and “I love you too”, but I couldn't say anything. I reached up and swiped my knuckles across his jaw. “Eric is an asshole. He doesn't know what's best for me and the kids. But I do, and I think that's you.”

He kissed me, a sweet, soft, meaningful kiss. A kiss that told me that we were going to be together and that it didn't matter what anyone else thought.

Chapter 6

Loralei

The next few days were great. Jaxon and I spent every minute we could together. The fact that we worked together was really convenient. That's one of the perks of being the boss, you can make-out with your farmhand boyfriend in every possible place you can think of on the farm. The barn, the field, the garage, the garden, my office - so many places, so little time.

I walked into one of the horse stalls and suddenly felt warm breath on the back of my neck.

“Morning, babe,” Jaxon said, placing a kiss on my neck. I felt his tongue as he licked a trail from my ear to my jaw. I shivered from my head to my toes.

“Jaxon, stop. Someone will see us.”

“No, they won’t. Everyone went into town for the sale this morning. We have the barn all to ourselves. Of course, we have to share it with the horses, but I don’t think they’ll mind if we roll around in their hay for a bit.”

I turned to face him. “Did you just insinuate that I would roll around in the hay with you?”

He nuzzled my neck and nipped at my ear. “Why yes, ma’am. I believe I did.” He laughed against my neck and pushed me onto the bales of hay in the corner of the stall.

I giggled as he was fumbling with the buttons on my shirt. “You need help with that, stud?”

Jaxon pulled away. “You know I hate it when the guys call me that, but when you do it, it really turns me on.” The sexy smirk was back. “I’ll make you think stud.” He kissed me hard.

As his tongue thrust into my mouth, I pulled my knees up so I could get him closer to me. He pressed into me and let out the sexiest moan. “God, you feel so good. I want to bury myself inside you, and never come out.”

“Then do it already. Please, Jaxon, I’m ready. I need to be with you.” I was breathing heavy and probably sounded like a crazy person.

“Not like this, Lor. Not out in the barn, literally rolling in the hay. It needs to be special.”

“How about tonight? My parents are keeping the kids. We’d have the whole house to ourselves.”

Before I got the words out of my mouth, he picked me up off of the hay and started swinging me around in circles. “Whoa, calm down stud. I’ll take that as a yes?”

He stopped spinning and sat me down. “Yes, for you the answer is always yes.”

The rest of the afternoon dragged. It seemed like the day would never end. I got home and called my mom to make sure the kids were okay. I told them to get their homework done, be good for their grandparents, have sweet dreams, and mommy would see them tomorrow.

I could do this, right?
It’s just sex, Loralei.
I tried to tell myself it was just sex, I really did. But it felt like so much more. Like when Declan and I were together, it wasn’t about the sex, it was about our connection. It was about our future. I felt like this night with Jaxon was going to change things.

I was an excited, scared ball of nerves. We were going to be together. He could be my future. And that was huge. If he was going to be in my life, that meant he was also going to be a part of my kid’s lives. I had thought of nothing else since that first night we spent together. I had finally come to the conclusion that I loved him, and he wasn’t going anywhere. So, yeah, I decided I could do this.