Destined to Change (23 page)

“Damn it, Cade! I told you I don’t want anybody to know about the baby! Don’t say a word about it, someone will hear you!”

I hated that she wasn’t excited about our baby. I wanted to shout it to anyone that would listen, but she wanted no part of that. I was so fuckin’ excited, I couldn’t stand it. I didn’t think the smile had left my face since I found out she was pregnant. That damn test was unnecessary, that baby in her belly was mine. I had wanted to have a family for so long. This had to be God’s way of helping me out. I was finally gonna have a family. I couldn’t fuckin’ wait!

I rubbed my hands up and down her arms and then slid them down to her hands. I grabbed her hands and held them in mine. I pulled them up to my mouth for a quick kiss. I loved it when I made her shudder. She was as affected by my touch as I was by hers.

God, I wanted this damn woman more than anything. “I’m sorry, hon. I won’t mention it again. I’ll wait until you're ready.” I leaned in and whispered in her ear, “But I hope we don’t wait too long, because I’m so excited to be a daddy. You have no idea.” I kissed her ear and just as I was about to suck her earlobe into my mouth, her dad walked around the corner.

He cleared his throat. “Loralei, what the hell is going on here?” He asked with a look of serious disdain. When I turned toward him he had his eyebrow raised and was staring at me like he wanted to brand me with that branding iron he was holdin’.

Loralei said, “Nothing, Dad. Not a thing. Cade was just heading inside, and he was checking to see how I was feeling, that’s all.”

Her dad looked me up and down, with his eyebrow still raised. “Sure as hell didn’t look like nothin’ to me. But you're a grown woman and I got no say in your business. So, I’m just gonna get the hell out of here, and not mention a word of what I just saw to your momma.”

“Guess that was a close one, huh?” I whispered as I leaned in to kiss Lor.

She placed her hands on my chest and pushed me away. “Cade, I can’t, I just can’t. I’m sorry.” She ran off toward her jeep, climbed in and drove away.

I needed those test results. As soon as she knew the baby was mine, she would wanna plan a future with me. My God, I prayed, please let that baby be mine.

Jaxon

I had been back in Richmond for only a few weeks, but it felt like forever. My mom agreed to let us stay with her until we could find a place of our own. To be honest, I wasn’t really out looking too much. I was trying to live with Stacy and Jaz as a family.

Jaz wasn’t my daughter, but I was trying so hard to pretend. I held her, I helped Stacy feed her, bathe her, and I played with her. I was trying so hard to be a daddy to her, but the more I looked at her, the more I realized what I had lost. All I had wanted was to become a family with Lor and the twins. Grow old with her on the farm. I still couldn’t understand why she was so quick to let me leave. I was so pissed off at her that day. I didn’t even put up a fight. I was such a dick. I thought she felt the same way for me, as I felt for her, but apparently I was wrong. Those weeks we were together will always be the best weeks of my life. This just proved to me that I was a total fuck-up.

Stacy was giving Jaz a bath. “Jaxon, come get her for me.”

I walked over to Stacy and took Jaz out of her arms. She was all wrapped up in her little pink princess towel. It had a hood that looked like a crown. That hood was covering up her beautiful blonde curls.

She had the biggest blue eyes. She was beautiful, just like her mommy. Why couldn’t she be mine? Why couldn’t we have had her, when we were trying so hard? When we were happy? Maybe if we had, things would be different. Back then I thought that Stacy was my future. Meeting Loralei changed all of that. It changed me.

I took Jaz into the spare bedroom we were staying in at Mom’s. She put her head on my shoulder and snuggled down into the crook of my neck. I just couldn’t understand why things had to be this way. If she had been here a couple of years ago, my fucking life would’ve been so different. But that’s not how it happened.

Even though she looked just like Stacy, I could see Ratz every time I looked at her. I just knew he was her dad. How could an asshole like that make something so perfect? Something that he would never appreciate? Something he couldn’t take the time to be bothered with?

She smelled so good. I could’ve sat there and snuggled with her forever. But Stacy came and took her out of my arms and started to get her ready for bed. I went downstairs. My mom was in the kitchen on the phone. I started through the doorway when I heard:

“He’s just not himself, Jake. He misses her. He hasn’t said anything to me, but I know that’s what it is. He’s tryin’ so hard to love this baby girl. But he won’t ever love her Momma again.”

“I know. I feel the same way. I just don’t know what to do. He has to be a man. After what his daddy did to us, he won’t ever leave her, Jake, You know that.”

“I don’t think I can stand to watch him hurtin’ like this much longer. I know. I love you too. Talk soon.”

I stepped into the kitchen. “Hey, Mom, who was on the phone?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Oh, just somebody tryin’ to sell me somethin’. You know how that goes...”

I hated that she felt she had to lie to me about talking to Uncle Jake. He knew I had to do this. They both knew that it would be hard for me to abandon Jaz. Especially, after I became attached. Stacy needed me to help her with the baby. There was no way she could raise a kid by herself. And we were married. I just needed to forget about my fucking fantasy future, and live in the here and now.

“Yeah, Mom, I know. I promise we will get out of your hair soon. I don’t wanna cause a burden for you. I really appreciate you letting us stay.”

Mom motioned for us to sit down at the table. “Son, I need to know what you’re gonna do about that girl in Missouri. I know you mean to do the right thing by that sweet baby girl upstairs. But what about those kids in Missouri? There as much yours as Jaz is.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Mom? The twins aren’t mine.”

“And neither is she. You can’t lie to me, Jaxon. I know that baby isn’t yours. A mom always knows this stuff. Now tell me why you’re lyin’.”

Wow, this woman was truly amazing. I was so relieved to get this out. “You’re right. We had a test done and she isn’t mine. But mom, she needs me. Stacy can’t raise a kid on her own. As it stands, she’s got one foot in a crack house. If I leave her, it won’t do either one of ‘em any good.”

Mom leaned across the table and took my hands in hers. “Jaxon, I raised you to be a good man, a man that does the right thing. This is not the right thing for you. You can’t do this for them. You have to live your life for you, son. You love Loralei, don’t you?”

I squeezed mom’s hands in mine. “Mom, I love her more than anything.  She’s what I want and what I see when I imagine my future.”

About the time those words came out my mouth, Stacy came through the doorway. “So, you’re just gonna leave us? Just like that. Is that little country bitch really what you want? You’d give up a life with me and Jaz for
her
?” The way she referred to Loralei made my stomach churn.

I let go of mom’s hands and stood up from the table. I never broke eye contact with Stacy. I slowly walked to where she was standing. “I didn’t give up our life together, Stacy that was you. That little girl is not mine. We both know who her father is. Maybe you should give him a call and see if he’ll take you in. I can’t be your husband when I am in love with someone else.”

Stacy started sobbing, grabbing at my shirt, begging, “Please don’t do this, Jaxon. Please don’t leave us. I need you. God, how I need you. I can’t raise her by myself. You know Ratz won’t be there for us. I don’t have anyone but you.”

I tore her hands away from my shirt. “Stacy, you don’t have me. I am not yours. I don’t love you. Now get your hands off of me. And it sounds to me like you know damn well who her dad is. I’m sure you knew it the whole fucking time.”

Stacy stepped back from me. “Well, she sure as hell wasn’t yours. You weren’t even man enough to do that. Let’s see how much your little country bitch loves you when you can’t even give her a baby.” Her true colors were finally showing. I put my hand on her shoulder and gently pushed her aside, so I could step through the door.

Stacy started sobbing again. “What the fuck am I supposed to do Jaxon? Where am I supposed to go? I can’t go home. You know how my mom treated me after rehab.” She had a point. Her mom had written her off when she found out she was using drugs. But I had lost all sympathy toward her. Of course I wanted Jaz to be taken care of, but she was her responsibility. And she was going to have to grow up and take care of her.

“I don’t know what you’re gonna do, Stacy, but you’re gonna have to figure your own shit out. Get a job. Get on welfare. Do whatever you have to do to make a home for Jaz. She deserves that. She deserves a good childhood, Stacy. And you’re the one who is gonna have to provide that for her.”

I went upstairs and started packing my shit. I was ready to get back to Missouri and back to Loralei Harper...my future.

Cade

Finally, I got into the great room early, she was standing at the counter making herself a plate of fruit. I walked up behind her, got as close to her as I could, and whispered in her ear, “Mornin’ hon.”

Her breath hitched, and I could tell she was happy to have me so close.

I chuckled, “Well, good to know I haven’t lost my touch. It’s been too long.”

I was still leaning into her and whispering in her ear. I loved to watch her breathing speed up when I was close to her. She was wearing blue jeans, a black faded Hank Jr. t-shirt, and her old brown work boots. I reached up and rubbed my hand down her arm. Then I turned her to where she was facing me. Her eyes were closed, and her lips were parted. I could tell she was really concentrating on something.

How could I not use this opportunity to my advantage? I leaned in and kissed her hard. I slammed my tongue into her mouth, pushed her up against the counter, settled myself between her legs, and before I knew it she had her legs wrapped around my waist, and I had her sitting on the counter. The kiss was intense, and it wasn’t slowin’ down. She was meeting my tongue with every stroke. She ran her hand up my chest, my neck, through my hair. I barely even noticed when my cowboy hat fell to the floor.

I reached down and unzipped her jeans. I slid my hand down the back of her jeans and cupped her ass. This ass had been fucking with my mind for weeks. Finally, I had it in my hands again. I wanted inside her so bad.

Just as I started to slide my hand down the front of her jeans, I heard, “What the fuck is going on in here?” I turned toward the door and saw him. That fucking asshat. He had on fucking fancy jeans, and a damn AC/DC t-shirt. His arms were covered in tattoos, and what the fuck was on his face? A damn ring? I didn’t notice that when I saw him at the banquet. But it’s not like I gave a shit about him that night. Before I could say anything he had me by the throat. He pushed me up against the wall.

I could hear Loralei yellin’, “Jaxon, get off of him. What the hell are you doing?”

This shit wasn’t working for me. I hit that bastard with all my power, right in the jaw. He fell back to the ground. His eyes looked fucking crazed. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I growled at him.

He jumped up at me. “Why can’t you stay the hell away from her? Haven’t you done enough to us?”

He was coming at me again, when I heard Loralei say, “Us? There is no us, remember? What the hell are you doing here, Jaxon?”

He stopped and leaned closer like he was going to hit me. “Stay the fuck away from her, or the next time I’ll kill you. Do. You. Fucking. Understand?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the bastard. “Hey, asshat. I don’t know who taught you how to fight. But when you get knocked down, ya know, like I just did to you. That means you didn’t win.”  I took a step toward him and whispered, “If you are here to hurt her again, I will fucking kill you. And the difference between you and me, boy, is I’m actually capable of it.” I lunged a little at him, just to scare him. He didn’t flinch, but I was pretty sure he about pissed his pants.

Loralei

What the hell just happened here? I was looking over at Cade up against the wall and Jaxon trying to pick himself up off the floor. Jaxon leaned over and said something to Cade. Then Cade lunged at Jaxon and shouted at him.

Cade made his way over to me. “You okay, hon?”

Was I? I didn’t know what the hell was going on. One minute I was kissing Cade and trying hard not to think about Jaxon. The next minute, Jaxon was here pushing Cade up against the wall. I did what I had wanted to do ever since he walked in...I ran over to Jaxon. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

Jaxon was wiping the blood from his lip. “I’m fine. That fucking cowboy can’t even punch like a man.”

Cade walked over to me and leaned toward Jaxon. “Really, asshat? You wanna talk about being a man? I don’t think you wanna have that fuckin’ conversation with me.”

Jaxon lunged at Cade again. I jumped in between them and felt this excruciating pain in my face. It didn’t take me long to realize what had happened. Jaxon tried to hit Cade and punched me in the eye instead. I fell back to the ground.
Holy hell,
that man could hit. I felt like I had been hit by a mack-truck. Cade jumped to catch me, but he wasn’t quite fast enough. My body hit the floor...hard. Cade was on the ground beside me, trying to help me set up. Jaxon came over and kneeled in front of me. He tried to take my hand.

Cade said, “You get your fucking hands off of her, asshat.” Cade was pissed. “Lor, are you okay?” His hand automatically shot to my stomach. “Everything okay, hon?” I looked up and saw Jaxon staring at Cade’s hand. The realization hit him. It was written all over his face.

He raised an eyebrow at me. “You’re pregnant?”

I wanted to jump up and hug him and tell him I was pregnant. Tell him he was going to be a daddy to our child. But I couldn’t do that, because I knew it might be Cade’s. And I didn’t want to be the reason why Jaxon left his family. I couldn’t take him away from his daughter, especially without knowing if my baby was his.