Destined to Feel (11 page)

‘It’s too far away, Sam. We can’t afford the time or the distance.’ I study the map in more detail and decide Ljubljana is a better option. I pick up my phone and speak to Sarah, my assistant, before covering the phone and turning back to face Sam.

‘I’m organising my own flight, I’ll let Martin know when it’s done. What do you want to do?

Are you coming with me or going to Munich to coordinate with the others?’ I can’t keep bitter sarcasm out of the word ‘coordinate’. Its passive undertones are making me even more determined for direct action. I wait for his decision.

‘I’ll come with you.’ I nod and return to the phone

‘Right, yes, Sarah, that’s one for me and one for Sam. As soon as we can… Stansted? Sure, and we’ll need a car when we arrive. Make it safe and fast. Yes, we’re ready, have the car meet us outside One Aldwych. Thanks. Keep me posted as any news arrives. Yes, we will. Bye.’

I then call Martin who isn’t too impressed that we aren’t following his master plan, but he’ll survive. He hopes to have a trained bodyguard meet us at the airport, but it may take too long to organise, given our direct flight.

Finally, I feel like we are moving a step closer to saving Alexa.

Our bodyguard is a few hours behind us when we arrive in Slovenia and I decide we can’t afford to wait. He can catch up with us as best he can. Sarah organises a BMW M5, which is the only bit of good news we’ve had. I jump in the driver’s seat and we make our way into Ljubljana to pick up some supplies before heading north towards Kranj. While I drive, Sam’s on the phone to Martin for an update.

‘Yes, we’re here, on the road now. Sure we have a GPS, give me the coordinates. Has she been moved? Still there, good, that’s one thing at least. Okay, can you organise accommodation as close as you can without it being too obvious? No, we don’t have guns.’ I turn to glance at Sam and he looks considerably paler. ‘Jeremy, can you use a gun?’ I confirm that I have in the past. ‘He has but…okay…right, we’ll see. Hopefully he won’t be too far behind us. No, we aren’t stopping.’ Sam glances towards me and I deliberately accelerate to reiterate his point.

‘Okay, good, send it through when you have the details.’

We sit in anxious silence as I concentrate on driving towards the place where we believe Alex is being held captive.

Our accommodation is nothing like One Aldwych but I don’t give a shit. It’s the Eastern European version of a basic outback hotel — that is, nothing flash. The village is small and old, with cobblestone bridges crisscrossing a small river that meanders between the houses and shops. It would look quite picturesque under any other circumstances. The main thing is we are closer to Alex and that’s where I need to be. According to the GPS signal from her bracelet, it appears that she is being held in a castle high on a hillside behind the town and there is nothing else close to it. We settle in as much as we can. I turn to look at Sam and he looks absolutely exhausted, poor bloke, all this has to be tough on him. His face looks like all this drama has certainly taken its toll, particularly as he has almost twenty years on me.

‘Why don’t you rest for a bit while I go for a walk, Sam? There isn’t too much we can do now except wait for the bodyguard to arrive and the team to assemble in Munich.’ He doesn’t disagree, at least, and I have so much adrenaline pumping through me I need to do something physical and outdoors.

‘I might do that, and I’ll give Martin a call again to see how everything is going.’

I start throwing a few things in the backpack I bought in Ljubljana as I want to hike up the hill to check out the castle — anything to feel closer to Alex and the activity helps temper my nerves. As I turn to walk out the door, I look back towards a stressed and tired Samuel.

‘Thanks for everything, Sam, I really appreciate you coming with me today. I know this isn’t easy on you either.’

‘We just need to find our girl. Be careful on your hike, Jeremy. Please don’t take any unnecessary risks. We can’t afford two of you missing.’ It’s as if he understands my intentions exactly without me having to disclose them.

‘I will, just doing some reconnaissance while we await the arrival of our highly-trained compatriots.’ I can’t help but give him a wink and I see a tiny smile appear on his face before it vanishes just as quickly.

‘We will get through this, Sam.’ He nods in silence and I depart.

The fresh air is chilly and crisp as I locate a path that winds from the small village up towards the hillside castle. On any other day, I’d take my time to look around. Alexa would love the cutesiness of this village. My thoughts wonder what Alexa is going through at this moment.

Does she know where she is? Are they treating her well? Is she in pain? God, I realise I’m beginning to sound like her as questions continue to flood through my mind.

The exercise is doing me good and I’m pleased to be out in the fresh air. I continue along the path which climbs steeply up the mountainside. Eventually I turn a corner and can see the castle clearly in the distance. It is literally built into the mountainside and looks both majestic and defiant. Its whitewashed walls and turrets appear to be Renaissance style and centuries old, but I’m no expert on architectural history. I climb higher until I am almost at eye level with the front of the chateau, with only a small valley between us. I settle in behind a rock to protect myself from being seen and locate the binoculars in my backpack. I scan the entire chateau and notice figures moving around the entrances. I zoom in as much as I can and it looks like they are armed.

Of course they would be if they are willing to abduct someone. I don’t know why I would have been expecting otherwise. I move my vision slowly up towards each of the windows and scan for any movement.

As I reach the highest turret, I see a figure moving in a window. As I refocus the binoculars I notice I’m holding my breath in anticipation. I see a woman staring out of the window into the countryside. I gasp in shock and can’t believe what I’m seeing as I focus in on Alexa. Her wrist is across her chest and she looks like she is rubbing the bracelet around her wrist. My god! My heart almost lurches out of my chest and into her hands as she continues to caress the bracelet.

The vision of her is utterly mesmerising and it’s almost if time stands still as I reflect on her beauty. How can she be so close yet so impossibly far from me? I pick up my phone to call Sam but there’s no reception from here.

I continue to gaze through the binoculars, mesmerised by the sight of her. As far as I can tell, she looks well enough. Scared and unsure but still herself. Thank god. I feel the first pang of relief in my heart since she was taken. I try to will a message to her that I’ll come for her soon, it won’t be long. Just hang in there, sweetheart. Hot tears well in my eyes and spill down my face but I don’t care. The emotion is too raw to contain. I need her back in my arms. My vision blurs and I have to look away to wipe my eyes. When I focus in again, I can see the shapes of more people in the room, but they are difficult to see clearly. Alex steps back from the window and then they all disappear from my view.

At least I know that’s she’s alive and exactly where she is, the bracelet firmly intact. This is great news. Now, with the help of Martin’s men, we just need to get her out of there. I slump against the rock, suddenly fatigued by the nervous energy that has been coursing through my body. I grab some water and a piece of fruit, aware that it has been a while since I’ve addressed the needs of my body. Anxious to update the others, I prepare for the long journey back down the hill.

As I descend I notice an ambulance driving through the chateau’s gates. Once it is parked, the driver and passenger quickly emerge, run around to the back and slide out a stretcher before being ushered into the huge front doors. There are a few other people in strange uniforms milling around as well. The stretcher returns, moments later, with a body strapped on it. I grapple with my bag and retrieve my binoculars, focussing them quickly, and am horrified to see it is Alexa strapped to the stretcher, lying so still with only her face uncovered, her dark hair cascading over the whiteness of the pillow and sheets. Shit, what is happening now? They carefully manoeuvre the stretcher into the back of the ambulance, and a man, presumably a doctor given the stethoscope around his neck and black medical bag he’s carrying, accompanies her in. A silver Audi Q5 pulls up behind the ambulance and a well-dressed female is escorted into the back seat. The colourful guard signals both drivers and they slowly pull away from the chateau towards the village. I realise I have barely been breathing as I watch this scene unfold before my eyes. As if I’ve been suddenly released from a spell I start running and screaming after Alexa. I lose my footing and tumble down the hillside towards the cars, my cries completely silenced by the sound of the siren that pierces the still afternoon air.

PART FOUR

To judge well

To comprehend well

To reason well

These are the essential activities of intelligence

— A.Binet & T.Simon, 1916

Alexa

I wake up in the morning with a pounding headache. I search through my bath bag until I find some Advil. Thank heavens I packed it; I’d hate to break my silence and have to ask Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee for pain relief. I think how normal it is for people to swallow pills for so many of our ailments — most of the time treating the symptoms and not the cause, yet we expect them to work effectively and fast and complain bitterly if they don’t. I’ve never stopped to think about how such pills come to the market — how they were tested and on whom before they reach the shelves in our homes to be ultimately popped into our mouths. Distracted by this, I know I really need to focus, as I’ll probably be having one of the most significant discussions I’ve had in my life very soon. I can sense the contract silently taunting me from the corner of the room. I tell it I’m not ready yet. A knock on the door signals that it will be opening and I’m grateful to see the chambermaid carrying in a breakfast tray. Eggs Florentine. As if I would be able to say no to that. My stomach growls on cue and the maid vanishes quickly from the room.

My appetite doesn’t seem to have wavered one bit in these shocking circumstances, although last night I did lose a fair amount of what I’d eaten thanks to my reaction to Jeremy’s treachery.

Should I have ever let him back into my life? I think of Robert and can’t deny Jeremy’s reappearance triggered the discussion we should have had years ago. No, I don’t have any regrets and refuse to live my life that way. My relationship with my estranged — albeit still under the same roof — husband is now probably better and more honest than it has ever been.

Why couldn’t Jeremy just talk to me, tell me about his results, his plans? Does he not think I’m strong enough to handle it? Well, watch this space, Dr Quinn. After fully devouring every skerrick of food on the plate, I wash it all down with some fresh orange juice and settle myself in front of the contract.

So absorbed am I in my reading I barely notice mademoiselle chambermaid enter my room again to remove the tray and deliver a perfectly timed café latte. I have a strange sense that they have a dossier prepared on my likes and dislikes and are now trying to make up for my horrifying abduction. Either way, my headache has cleared thanks to the food and drugs and I am grateful the coffee has arrived. I nod in silent thanks and watch her as she and her black-and-white frilled uniform depart my room — they can’t be serious dressing her in that, can they?

Onward! It’s as if I’m gearing myself up for all-out war, though against whom is still be to determined. For the first time in days, a chuckle escapes me. I’m not sure whether it is from constant nervous anxiety or perhaps sheer relief that Xsade Pharmaceuticals don’t appear to want to hurt me. It seems they just want to verify Jeremy’s discoveries. I still don’t comprehend why they specifically need
me
to do this — I must be missing something. Deep down, I know there is a certain way to find out and I need to muster the personal strength to go through the required motions.

Using the elegant pen and engraved stationary provided in the drawers of the antique mahogany desk, I summarise the contents of the contract to the best of my understanding to help solidify the key elements of the agreement in my mind. I can’t help but think that this is a far more professional way of engaging my services than a damn blindfold and handcuffs! I sense my anger building again at the thought of what Jeremy put me through, but at the same time I can’t deny the tingle below when I think of the memories. Why do they excite me so much? Why is nothing simple with him? Enough of this torture to my heart. Back to business.

Duration

A total of 72 hours within the clinical experiment facility — excluding travelling time to this location (undisclosed within this document) Maximum of four days in total in the absolute care of Xsade

Conditional agreements
—
to be negotiated

1. Human penetration — With strangers? Good grief, no!

2. Non-human penetration — Possibly…

3. Testing of the purple pill: female Viagra — I can’t help but admit this intrigues me, I wonder what it would be like? Definitely a maybe.

4. Sampling and testing of orgasmic excretion fluid — Oh, here we go again. No catheters. I need to underline this to remind myself this is non-negotiable.

5. Sampling and testing of blood type — Hmm, more blood tests. Something about this doesn’t sit well with me. My gut says no.

6. Monitoring of neural activity and pathways — The psychologist in me can’t deny that I’m intrigued to see these results and at least this way I’ll be given access to them, unlike Jeremy and his hidden documents. So that’s a yes.

7. Monitoring of blood flow to erogenous zones — I suppose so, whatever.

8. Enema — What the? I will certainly be discussing this in more detail.

9. Establishing emotional and physical baseline — Well, at least this confirms that they are taking a scientific approach.