Destined to Fly: An Avalon Novel (12 page)

‘And I could be gone minutes or days, we just don’t know?’

‘That’s right. But know whatever happens, Alexandra, physically we will be right by your side.’

‘I’ll never leave you, AB, you know that.’

‘I do, yes.’

I regard each of them solemnly. Why does drinking this seem so much more serious than having a potent ‘cheers’ with Jeremy as we embark on one of our many wild adventures? The absinthe that I drank in Sydney, when all this began, pops into my mind. But I know, we all know, why this is different. My life and future freedom depend on the outcome of this journey.

Yaku passes me a cup of the steaming brew.

I look around, absorbing each of their faces in the light of the flames.

‘Anyone else partaking?’

‘Just you this time,’ Leo responds. ‘Our legs will remain firmly on the ground. Bon voyage, Alexandra.’

‘And you won’t speak to me until it’s over?’

He shakes his head. My time has obviously begun.

Jeremy squeezes my hand for the last time before releasing me to the waiting spirit world, mouthing the words ‘I love you’ as I take my first guarded sip. No ‘skol’ or ‘cheers’ this time.

The potent potion is difficult to take at first, but with each sip I adapt to its bittersweet taste and it warms me from the inside. I can detect the slight hint of peppermint and ginger and wonder whether these have been added to the mix in an attempt to calm my stomach. There is no use asking, as no one will answer me now anyway.

I’m not sure whether I was expecting something dramatic or not, but I remain seated and relaxed around the fire as I finish the potion, just as everyone else sits relaxed, in silence for quite some time. The flames appear to lick their faces and they warm my body from the outside.

My reverie is interrupted as I hear the sudden screech of what looks to be the same eagle in the twilight sky. This time it isn’t circling around the lupuna tree, it is determinedly closing in on our site. Suddenly my vision locks onto its tiny, beady eyes, and I can see clearly its white underbelly and black wings, even the striped feathers encircling its legs. I try to disengage to see if the others are concerned by the closeness of this massive bird of prey, with a wingspan seemingly as wide as a man is tall, but my gaze remains fixed and it seems to be swooping directly toward me. I fear the enormous bird is going to come crashing into me, knocking me off my seat, and my arms automatically come up to
cover my face and protect me from its huge clawed feet, but instead I rise from my seat and am lifted to the great heights it can reach.

Suddenly, I am seeing this great land through the harpy eagle’s eyes. I watch below as our little gathering is left behind, sitting perfectly still like tiny figurines, the flames of the fire becoming the size of a firefly as we rapidly ascend further into the sky and soar above the earth. This is an awesome experience.

As we continue, I am at one with the eagle and the earth below us looks like a mere marble, its insignificance from these heights almost overwhelming. All fear and foreboding is lost. I only feel happiness and hope. I’m surprised by the clarity of my thought processes — for some reason I expected to feel drunk from the elders’ concoction.

It’s as if we are in transit to somewhere else but I don’t know to what or where. That is, until I abruptly disconnect from the eagle and plummet downwards. My body feels exactly like it did when I was hurled from a plane, blindfolded, with Jeremy, the same G-force penetrating every extremity. Yet this time I can see the eagle flying high above me, and the earth accelerating toward me from below. I am attached to no one, have no wings and seem to be on a one-way collision course with the ground. My heart is racing and I’m starting to panic. Surely this can’t be soul flight, Leo never mentioned anything like this …

The ground comes toward me so fast I’m sure my speed is increasing by the millisecond. Gravity trips me
up and I tumble into an uncontrollable spin, unable to determine up from down, this way from that. I’m gasping for oxygen and my brain feels like it could implode with the pressure of relentless rotations. Then I smash into the ground and feel as though my body has shattered into a million tiny pieces, forever lost in the atmosphere.

Oh, dear lord, am I dead?

M
adame Jurilique is furious. ‘What do you mean we haven’t received any response? We have been tracking her every move and now you tell me she has simply vanished into thin air? This is simply impossible. I explicitly stated that she was to call the number provided the second she landed in Europe.’ Madeleine frowns. Her is heart pumping hard, but it should be in anticipation of Dr Alexandra Blake’s arrival, rather than her frustrating absence. ‘Absolutely nothing? You’re sure?’

She slams down the phone, wondering what on earth could have gone wrong. Again. The instructions were perfectly clear and she knows they were delivered successfully. Madeleine believes herself to be an excellent judge of character and she knows that Dr Blake would never risk her children if she were able
to save them from any harm. It was the perfect plan. That is, unless she doesn’t turn up.

For the first time she concedes that she might have been wrong and her face scrunches in fury. First Josef, now this. She slams her fist onto the desk and as she does she catches a reflection of herself in the glass wall of her office.

Momentarily distracted from the task at hand she turns, horrified at what she sees. The reflection shows a more-than-middle-aged, stressed, wrinkled face that should be smooth and refined. She certainly paid enough for her last face-lift. She couldn’t possibly be due for another one, surely?

She instantly whips out the hand mirror she keeps in her bottom drawer to take a closer look. My god, what she sees is appalling. Crow’s feet, deeply furrowed frown lines. And her neck! It looks like a turkey neck. When did this happen? She has always prided herself on her immaculate physical state …

She ponders a moment and then considers that it must be the additional stress that those people have caused and anger is welling up inside her again when the phone rings. She quickly places her mirror back in the drawer, lest anyone comes in her office and thinks she is vain. The call is internal and she’s in no mood for any more bad news after the day she has had.

‘What?’ she screeches into the handset.

Exasperated, she listens to one her managers explaining that another member of her team has not turned up for work after complaining yesterday about
having to self-test the products prior to market release, as per Xsade’s company policy. Does she personally have to deal with every detail in order for this organisation to run smoothly? Obviously, she does, as her manager continues to whinge into her ear.

‘Why don’t
you
test it, then?’ she snaps.

She half listens to the manager’s aggravating voice as Dr Blake’s absence continues to play on her mind. She is incredulous to hear the manager tell her of the company policy of testing products on each person only once, lest it skew the results. Honestly, they must think she, their Managing Director, is a complete idiot. She interrupts the ramble.

‘So what you are saying is that you’ve already tested it, correct?’ Apparently so. ‘Which product are you referring to specifically?’

She listens. ‘The chemical peel, is that what you said?’

Madeleine is immediately more interested in this conversation given that the composition of this new peel is designed to replicate results achieved by plastic surgeons, albeit for a limited time.

This may be the first bit of good news Madeleine has had all day as the vision of her face in the mirror flashes before her eyes.

‘Fine. I will lead by example and test it myself. That way there will be no arguments down the track from anyone else. I’ll be down in ten minutes.’

She slams the phone down and makes the calls she needs to make. The first to alert her information
technology experts to prepare for Dr Alexandra Blake’s sordid life to go online, and confirming that only she, the Managing Director, personally, is to have the final approval before it goes live. And the second call is for her security team to commence the search to fetch Dr Blake and/or her children, from wherever they are hiding, immediately. At least now, she feels she is being proactive.

She was going to check on that traitor Votrubec to see how he is enjoying his paralysis, but given Blake’s arrival has been deferred, she instead makes her way down to the beauty lab to remove some of the harshness that her face has been accumulating in recent times. They can all wait. And she recognises only too well that she’s long overdue for a bit of ‘me’ time.

Madeleine settles herself into the salon-style beauty couch after having changed out of her Chanel suit into a less than classy elasticised towel that leaves her shoulders and neck bare. She can’t remember the last time she lay down in the middle of a working day, and even though technically this is still work, she feels a little decadent.

Her skin is thoroughly cleansed and toned, which doesn’t cause her any concern. She has a full range of cosmetics in her office to redo her make-up afterwards, and she finds herself relaxing into the rhythm of the circular motions on her face.

‘Would you like both face and neck, Madame?’

‘Yes.’ She considers her sagging neck and knows it will need more than a peel to re-establish its youthful
appearance. She also knows that in this job she needs to look as young and vibrant as possible, unlike the men who are able to age gracefully with their greying and balding heads.

The technician applies the peel with a thick brush, thoroughly painting Madeleine’s face and neck. She covers Madeleine’s eyes with solid pads before adjusting a large ultraviolet light over her upper body. Once it is close enough to activate the mask, the machine is secured in place.

‘This will need to be on for at least twenty minutes. I will check your progress, so please, relax and enjoy.’

‘Don’t wait around here, go and do some other work, I’ll be fine.’ Madeleine’s voice is muffled as she tries not to move her lips too much. ‘There’s no use wasting precious company time.’

The technician is about to mention that company procedures state they are to stay within the room when the machine is in operation, but remembers her manager’s warnings about the boss’s ferocious temper, so she places headphones over her Managing Director’s ears and quickly scurries out of the small room, quietly relieved that she has been dismissed.

Madeleine is also happy to be left alone to plan her next steps. She didn’t get to this position by not taking risks and she’s certainly not going to stop now. A little to her surprise, her stressed body relaxes with ease, the classical music soothing her mind, and she finds herself rather indulgently wafting off into a delightful sleep.

E
ver since Alexa arrived back from the lupuna tree, the activity in our small camp ratcheted up tenfold. The elders, usually so calm and tranquil, have been busy with their herbs and potions for the preparation of the first soul flight brew.

I have to admit, I’m not one hundred per cent convinced that the toxins in this mixture won’t have side effects for Alexa. I have known her body for long enough to know how it can have a massive response to any unusual substances or chemical imbalances. As soon as Leo shared his plans with me I started researching the details of ayahuasca.

I was both surprised and reassured to find that there are dedicated retreats around the world where people can experience this phenomenon for themselves, which eased my mind a little but not completely. The last thing I wanted was for Alexa to be spending her time
vomiting in the heat of the jungle. I had promised Leo that I would not give her any pharmaceutical drugs during her journey, to maintain her natural state, but the elders were willing to accept my suggestion of adding ginger and peppermint into their concoction in the hopes of settling her stomach. We’ll see if it works.

I feel much happier having completed her medical back at Avalon. She is as healthy as an ox, to use a non-medical term. Her bloods are good, her cell counts excellent, BMI perfect, reflexes as they should be. At least I know she couldn’t be in a better state medically to embark on this spiritual journey of Leo’s. More importantly, I sense that she is now mentally up for it. Our time at Avalon seemingly calmed her nerves, though I can’t say the same for mine. The least I can do is ensure she maintains this level of physical health and wellbeing until we reach the natural conclusion of this nightmare. So far, so good.

I can’t take my eyes off her as she takes her first sip of the steaming brew. She is braver than any woman I know and this stems from her willingness to explore the unknown and question the known. Who knows whether this will change anything in our lives, or whether she will ingest the potion, enjoy the high and then everything will continue as it was before.

No, I shouldn’t be so negative. I owe Leo more than that and I have enough confidence in both his IQ and EQ to be assured that he isn’t sending us on some wild goose chase, even though at times I can’t help but feel as though we’re searching for the elusive golden egg.
Nevertheless, as promised, I try to focus my mind on sending positive thoughts supporting Alexa.

The elders have asked us to stay seated with her around the fire until her spirit leaves her physical form. God knows what that is meant to look like. Is she meant to fly away on her chair as we wave her goodbye, or does her body go limp and lose all muscle control? I focus intently on her physiology, as I want to memorise any changes in as much detail as I can.

It has been about ten minutes since she finished the brew and she has been making eye contact with us as if she is waiting for something major to happen. Unsurprisingly, it hasn’t. Her gorgeous green eyes are shimmering as they gaze into and reflect the light of the fire. I do notice they continue to dilate the longer she stares, rather rapidly actually. I’m tempted to wave my hand in front her face to see if she still registers our presence but I’ve been told not to touch her or interrupt her line of sight to the fire, which apparently helps her succumb to the powers of the ayahuasca. I also don’t know exactly what impact the sap of the lupuna tree will have, as that was a last-minute addition as per Yaku’s request. Why? Because the tree told him so!

I think back to the discussion I had with Leo when he told me this. ‘You cannot be serious, Leo. How the hell did a tree tell Yaku that it would take responsibility for guiding her soul flight?’

‘It’s the way things work in nature’s playground, Jaq. You saw that Alexandra was connected to the lupuna tree from the moment she arrived here. We
wouldn’t have been able to keep her away from it even if we wanted to. What is it that you are really worried about?’

‘I’m worried that I haven’t done any research on this tree; I didn’t even know it existed before she pointed it out. What if it’s full of toxins and poisons? It could kill her for all I know.’

‘I doubt that the amount they are talking about would kill her. Besides, some shamans regularly use it in their remedies and the elders haven’t alerted me to any deaths.’

‘Okay, but as you are well aware, Alexa is not of the Wai-Wai people and we know how sensitive she is to drugs. This could be no different. We just don’t know.’

‘No, you’re right,’ he says calmly, ‘we just don’t know. But you’re comfortable with her having the ayahuasca?’

‘I would say resigned is a better word than comfortable.’ He raises his eyebrows at my pedantic nitpicking. ‘Okay, yes. I am.’

‘Good, let’s see how this unfolds and we can make the decisions we need to make along the way.’ Leo puts his hand on my shoulder. ‘She is up for this, Jaq, you need to let her do what she knows she must.’

For the first time since this Amazonian journey began, I feel a bit overwhelmed by the trust I know Alexa has placed in me to get her through this, based on the faith I have in Leo. I can’t deny I also have the tiniest sliver of doubt that we are going so far into the
unknown that I may
not
be able to help her. I share this thought with Leo.

‘I hope you know how much trust I am placing in you, my friend, that this will end well.’

‘Yes, I’m well aware of that, but as you also know, nothing is ever assured in this life. We can only do the best we can.’ He looks steadily at me as if to assuage my concerns. ‘However, I do believe what Alexandra is doing will provide some of the answers.’

I feel as though I’m swinging from a rope connected to a helicopter, hanging on for dear life and having to trust the driver to understand both the terrain and weather patterns to ensure our ultimate safety. Being this out of control, not in the driver’s seat, never sits well with me, and I’ve been forced into feeling this way when it comes to Alexa too many times recently. It’s unnerving to say the least.

The twitching of AB’s fingers immediately brings me back to the present. I’d give anything to be able to shine a light in her eyes and check her responses. She looks lost in space, eyes almost fully open and unblinking. Her twitching hands could mean anything from low blood sugar levels, the beginning of a partial seizure or the result of some change in her neurological condition.

As every part of me wants to check her pulse, I feel the heavy weight of the elders’ eyes pinning me to my seat. I look at Leo and his eyes beg me to let this be. Damn this silence around her. I never thought it would be harder for me, than her.

Her eyes remain wide and her gaze is locked on the fire as the twitching continues up her arms and then takes hold of her toes and lower legs. She looks as though she is experiencing some form of mild convulsion. If I weren’t so well acquainted with her medical state, I’d swear she was having the beginnings of an epileptic fit. Her eyes start rolling around in their sockets as the convulsions continue to seize her body. My heart feels like it is held in a vice as I see the love of my life experiencing this, and having to hold back. Every part of me wants to help her, to ensure she is alright.

She is clearly having a horrific reaction to the toxic shit they’ve given her and I go to get up to retrieve my medicine bag only to find I physically can’t lift myself up. What the hell is going on here? It’s as if my butt has been superglued to the seat. The elders’ eyes are in the same trance-like state as Alexa’s were moments ago, and Leo has closed his eyes and sits calmly with his palms open and resting in his lap. Am I the only sane one here?

Still pinned to the chair, I sit helplessly watching the woman I love have a seizure that has become so severe she now topples backward out of her chair, her head and body thumping hard on the ground as I release a scream even louder than the eagle’s cry we heard from the lupuna tree earlier. My god! The second she hits the ground, her body becomes limp, almost lifeless. At the same time I am freed from the chair and fling myself off almost landing directly on top of Alexa’s body.

Desperate for any response I lift her arm, check her wrist for a pulse and pull open her now closed eyelids. Nothing.

‘Leo!’ I scream out, desperate to get his attention. ‘Leo, get my bag. She’s not responding.’

Everyone is still sitting contentedly around the fire as if they are locked in position. Fucking hell, this is my worst nightmare. I lean down so my face is just above her mouth to feel for any whisper of breath. Nothing. I check for any sign of a pulse — it’s absent. I place my ear on her chest for any sign of her heartbeat. Fuck. I’m momentarily torn between leaving her and racing to get my bag. The others are still not responding to my pleas and remain fixedly in a trance. I’m left with no choice but to race over to our tent, fetch my medical kit and run back to tend to her.

When I return, desperately trying to open the bag on the way, the others have left the fire and surround her body.

‘You’ll all need to move. I need to start CPR and she may need adrenaline.’ Fearing the worst, I desperately search in my kit for the drugs I need, before I start pulling up her top to begin CPR.

Takasumo, the most grizzled of the elders, carefully picks up her hand, closes his eyes as he places Alexa’s wrist between his palms and says, ‘No, okay now.’

‘What?’ I shout. I sound like a madman, as their mood remains unnaturally steady.

I grab my stethoscope to listen to her heart and, thank god, I can hear the weakest of beats. My own
heart is beating so fast I feel like I’ve got ten times more adrenaline pumping through my body than I have waiting in the injection beside me. I pull her shirt down and check the back of her head for any damage when she fell. It seems okay, though she is still unresponsive. I continue with every check that comes to mind and though her vitals seem to be improving, her blood pressure remains slightly lower than normal. I take a few moments to calm myself as I listen to the strength of her improving heartbeat in my ears.

What the hell was all that about? I look at her body and her colour is returning: her lips are pink, her cheeks slightly flushed and she looks wonderfully at peace, nothing like the short, sharp convulsion I just witnessed moments ago. Everyone else appears calm and at ease.

‘Leo, what was that? Did I miss something?’

‘Sometimes, when a person ingests ayahuasca, they can have a reaction like that when the soul leaves the body. It usually lasts less than a minute before the physical body adjusts and re-establishes its normal rhythm.’

‘So, you’re telling me Alexa’s soul has gone?’ I am really attempting to sound as controlled as possible and try to keep the sarcastic edge out of my voice.

‘In a way, yes. That is why we remained by the fire until she had settled, to ensure its safe arrival at its destination.’

‘She was flung from the chair!’

‘These chairs aren’t very stable. A few movements and they can topple over, I’ve done it myself a couple
of times,’ he states with a chuckle, but my death stare makes it clear I find none of this the least bit amusing. He changes tack. ‘You didn’t steady it for her?’

I am really having a difficult time hearing all of this, and his question confounds me. ‘I, well, I couldn’t move. It was so strange.’

‘Sometimes it’s difficult letting go of the ones we love, and when we do, we tend to imagine the worst. She is in a safe place, Jaq. No harm will come to her and she will return more enlightened than when she left.’

His words hit me like a brick. I glance back toward Alexa, and though she’s unconscious, she looks peaceful and calm, as though she is enjoying a deep restful sleep. I am forced to reconsider my version of events. It is only then that I consider the possibility of my heart and my mind being in conflict with one another.

Even as I’m thinking it through, I can feel my deep commitment to Leo and my absolute love for Alexa. I think of Leo’s request for me to refrain from speaking and remain seated so she can embark on this journey, and of my fear of losing her, never wanting to let her go. I honestly couldn’t bear for us to be separated again after so many years. I feel like we’ve been waiting an entire lifetime to reconnect to each other. A future without her in it, even temporarily, is completely unacceptable in my mind and in my heart. It’s as though I was being forced to choose between keeping my promise to Leo and my love for her.

My heart knew I wanted to reach out to help her, but my brain seemed to override the impulse, making me immobile. When I come to terms with this realisation, I admonish myself for even vaguely considering the elders having some spiritual or magical hold over my body. I’m relieved I have managed to find a logical explanation for my behaviour.

Although Leo assures me that low blood pressure can be a symptom of soul flight, I’m not one hundred per cent convinced so I begin my meticulous documenting of Alexa’s medical state. This at least keeps me preoccupied in the short term. While I’m detailing her vital signs, the elders talk to Leo.

‘They’d like to move her, Jaq, but didn’t want to interrupt until you’d finished your research.’

‘Why? Where?’ I suddenly feel like I’m turning into Alexa with so many questions flooding my brain.

‘They want her to be closer to the lupuna tree that is protecting her. The closer her body is to her protector, the safer she’ll be, just like people are when they embark on soul flight with the shaman.’

Who am I to argue? It still sounds like madness to me, but if they believe she will be safer, I won’t be disagreeing.

‘That’s fine, Leo.’ I try to temper my tone, as I’m a bit embarrassed about my previous outburst.

He nods to the elders.

We carefully pick her up and carry her light frame on a stretcher to the lupuna tree. It’s dark now and we will take turns keeping vigil around her apparently
soulless body. I reluctantly leave her to have something to eat and, if I can, to catch a few hours sleep. The noises of the jungle initially keep me wired until I am lulled into a deep, dreamless sleep.