Determinant -Guardians of Vesturon [3] (32 page)

She tugged her sleeve over her hand and used it to blot her tears from my cheeks. “I am so sorry Rykerian. I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t even know I
could
do it. I...I’m so sorry,” she sniffed.

Her fingers gently moved through my hair and made their way down to my arms. I suppose she thought to comfort me somehow. All I wanted to do was kill those vile creatures and then run away...like the wind.

As my body regained its control, I lost control of my emotions. They were a volatile mass churning inside of me, ready to burst forth. I had to get out of there.

I brushed her arm aside as I wobbled to my feet. Without a word, I stumbled out the front door. Each step was an improvement over the last until I knew I was able to run. I heard her calling my name but I paid her no heed. Escaping her presence was more important to me than life right now.

My first stop was the terrace, where Rayn stood with Jurek and Tak. I came very close to plowing into them but stopped myself at the last minute.

I took a step forward, until I was nose to nose with Jurek and said through clamped jaws, “Stay away from her. Forever. Do not
ever
come near her again and if you do, I swear I will kill you.”

“You can’t kill me Guardian,” he taunted.

“Then I will die trying.” I turned and sped into the forest.

I broke into a run and urged my legs on. As I gained speed, the wind beneath and around me began to reveal the hurricane of emotions brewing within me. Anger at January and those disgusting creatures, resentment, shock and awe at her abilities, sadness, despair, love, hate. They were a violent cascade thundering throughout my core and I wasn’t sure if I was capable of controlling them.

My thoughts churned with how this emotion of love had been nothing but a huge pain in the ass. Did everyone experience these issues? It was becoming painfully clear that it could be more trouble than it was worth. I looked at my life as two separate chapters: before January and after January.

Before January, I was miserable, but in a different way. Well, maybe miserable was too strong a word. I was not completely happy. I had always been the object of female attention. They would declare I was the Adonis, when I would have preferred to crawl in a hole, unnoticed. My shy demeanor was not suited to the attention that was bestowed upon me. It frustrated me and as a result, I withdrew from situations I knew would present a problem for me.

With the exception of my family and my work as a Guardian, I had a lonely existence. Then January bursts on the scene, like a meteor shower lighting up my life, and ever since I’ve been a crumpled mass of erratic emotions, not knowing which way to turn half the time. I’ve vacillated between extreme joy, sorrow, misery, hate, frustration, angst, worry...just about everything. Could I handle much more? Or did I
want
to handle much more?

My feet continued to carry me through the forest. My heightened senses began to notice things around me. The air was crisp upon my face and my nose was filled with the scents of the forest...earthy pine, moss, and...
citrus?
How could I be smelling citrus?

My eyes scanned a three sixty pattern and I glimpsed a slight movement in the distance behind me.

Impossible. She could not move fast enough to be able to follow me.

Ghost girl was on my tail and she had clearly pursued me. I could not stop the unwitting grin from spreading across my face. I admired her moxie...not to mention the fact that she had used her Power of Speed. I decided to make a game of this...a game of hide and seek.

I took off again with a blast of velocity. Let’s see how fast she can move. I knew I was testing her ability, but that was the point after all. If she wanted to catch me, she was going to have to work at it.

Skirting rhododendron thickets and sailing over fallen trees I hastened on. Before long, I found myself on the mountaintop. I waited, my chest barely moving as I breathed. I lifted my head and inhaled deeply. I could detect her scent getting closer and closer. The snap of a distant twig, the whisper of a cluster of pine needles were the only indications of her progression. She was good...fast and quiet in her movements.

Seconds later she was by my side. I could hear her heart wildly beating in her chest and could only assume it was her anxiety and not exertion, for she did not look the least bit winded.

She craned her neck to look at me, trying to read me. My mind was guarded, and I had no intentions of letting it slip.

Sweet Deity, she looked more beautiful than ever. Her gold and platinum tresses were in wild disarray and her cheeks were like pink roses blooming in the summer. She was attired in white from head to toe—soft leggings that hugged her slim legs and a soft tunic that graced her lean body. Her ruby lips were swollen and lush and my desire to taste them as I drank in her loveliness was nearly unbearable.

I wanted to hate her at that moment for making me feel as such. I once heard that there is a fine line between love and hate. I knew that to be a fact for right now I straddled that line, teetering back and forth between the two.

Viciously, I jerked my mind to the present issue at hand. Her eyes had misted and her lower lip trembled. She took a deep breath and began speaking.

“Before you tear off again, I have to tell you what happened. Please hear me out. Then if you want me to go, just say the word and I swear you won’t ever have to look at my face again. Okay?”

My head flicked up then down once, indicating to her to continue. And so she did.

She relayed everything that had taken place between the time she left and today.

There were moments I wanted to scream at her to shut up...my mood swinging from love to hatred back to love. Jealousy raged in my heart. I should have been the one to teach her how to use her powers, not HIM! I should have been the one to show her the stars and moons...not HIM!

Perhaps I was being childish, but those precious moments had been stolen from me and I was incensed over it.

“Rykerian, it
WASN’T MY FAULT!
” she screamed in frustration. “It just happened!”

Those words crashed into me with overpowering clarity. It wasn’t her fault.
It wasn’t.
She had asked for none of this. My blame was misplaced. I could be angry and jealous until the sun burned out, but was it fair for me to hold
her
responsible?

My chest was still heaving with my inner chaos but heavens above, I
needed
to feel her in my arms. It was like the first time I had ever kissed her. I had tried so hard to resist but could not. I was now in the same predicament. It was the only thing I could think of. Unable to stop myself, I took one, then two steps toward her and suddenly we were in each other’s arms and I was devouring her, kissing her lips, her cheeks, her eyes, much like a man lost in the desert greedily guzzles down water, desperately attempting to quench his thirst.

“I want to hate you!” I said between kisses.

We tasted each other and lost ourselves in the moment. We couldn’t touch each other fast enough. Her hands moved over my body like she had never touched me before. They danced through my hair, across my shoulders and up to my face. She tenderly stroked my cheek and then I pulled away.

“I hate you not for what happened, but for how you were acting with
him,
” I gritted.

She winced, then ran her tongue along her lips and whispered, “I
love you
...more than anything Rykerian. I know things looked awful back there, but it’s
you
I want...it’s always been you. Only I didn’t know it. Or maybe I did but wouldn’t admit it. Because I’m so scared. I’m scared of losing you. I’m scared of life without you. I’m scared I’m not good enough for you...that you’ll get tired of me in a couple of years and think you made a mistake. I’m scared you’ll wake up one day and say, ‘What the hell was I thinking?’ I’m scared you’ll walk away from me right now and we’ll never know what could have been. I’m scared of
everything
because I’ve never gotten anything right in my life. I’ve failed at almost everything I’ve tried. I’m only nineteen years old, I’m inexperienced and I’m scared to death over all of this. I didn’t mean for that Command stuff to happen. I’m even scared of that! I’m so sorry I hurt you I...”

Her words forced their way into my soul. I could stand it no longer so I cut her off.

“Stop. Let me speak,” I said against her lips as I briefly kissed her.

She nodded, her eyes imploring.

“I still want to hate you, though it seems I cannot. However, I cannot stand the thought of you with
him,
seemingly enjoying his presence. That is intolerable to me January.”

I stopped and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry for everything Rykerian, but I didn’t choose that path. It was forced upon me.”

“You looked as if you enjoyed being with him!” I insisted.

“Because I
do
! But not in the way you think!”

“I want to kill him January...and that other one too. So fierce is my anger.”

“I don’t want you to kill him. I care for him.”

“WHAT?”

“Not in
that
way. You are so aggravating! He’s like an older brother. Like the way you feel about your brothers.”

“Bloody hell January, you’ve only just met him. I have known my brothers my entire life!”

“It doesn’t matter. There is something between us. Not like what’s between you and me. It’s different. Besides, I’ve only just met you too!”

I stared at her shaking my head.

“You do not understand our ways January. Vesturions are dominant males. I am not sure if I can accept that.”

“I can’t give him up. We are
friends
...nothing more. I am not asking you to give up any of your friends or the close relationships you have with your family. I won’t accept you demanding I give him up.”

I ran my hand through my hair and looked up at the sky. The question wasn’t whether I loved her. Undoubtedly I did. The question was whether I could live with Herdekian in my life.

“My instincts are urging me to kill him January. For taking you prisoner and holding you against your will. You are asking something of me I am not sure I am capable of doing. I want you January, always by me side. I want to hold on to you forever.”

“Rykerian, love isn’t always about holding on. It’s also about letting go and trusting each other. That may seem like an impossibility for you, but sometimes you have to stretch as far as you possibly can to achieve the impossible.”

“You are my ‘impossible.’”

Her fingers traced my lips as I kissed them. They touched my cheeks, nose, and eyes and ended in my hair.

“As you are mine. I never thought in a million years I’d ever find someone like you. You are so beautiful Rykerian. I missed you so much.”

I lifted her in my arms, wrapping her in them and kissing her as if my life were ending. I didn’t want to let her go for I was afraid of losing her, yet I wasn’t sure I how I could live with her demands. I would have to find a way.

I felt her wrap her legs around me as we continued our exploration of each other. I leaned against a tree and slid down its trunk, not wanting to let her go. Her hands were all over me, finding their way under my shirt, stepping across the planes of my chest. I sucked in my breath at the myriad of sensations I was experiencing.

“Don’t leave me Rykerian.”

“I am not going anywhere.”

“We can make this work. I know we can. Please trust me.”

“Yes,” I said into her mouth.

She pulled away when she heard me.

“Really?”

“Yes! I don’t want to live without you in my life. I want you beside me, every single day. I will
never
tire of you or wake up thinking, ‘What the hell have I done?’ It will ever be quite the opposite. I will always be amazed that
you
wanted
me.
I was a bloody ass...a complete idiot. I apologize for that. I said some hateful things to you that were unforgivable and I scratch my head when I think of it. I normally do not act so childish. I was extremely jealous when I saw you with
him
and I acted like a complete and total bloody fool. So it is I that needs to beg for forgiveness. I am begging now. January, will you please forgive me?”

“Yes! I was so afraid Rykerian. I was afraid that when I got back here you wouldn’t want me anymore. I was so...”

“Sshh. I think we’ve said enough. Let’s go home, shall we?” I said against her lips as I sought them out once more.

“Yes, let’s,” she whispered against my lips. We briefly explored each other again.

“Would you like to teleport or run?”

“Let’s teleport. It’s faster,” she grinned.

I tapped my shadar and in seconds we were on the front porch. I turned to her and she charged me, flying into my arms. Her lips took possession of mine and the familiar current of electricity tore through me, setting me on fire.

I lifted her to where our heads were level and carried her up the steps, kicking my bedroom door open, and then kicking it closed behind us. I threw her down on the bed and my body followed hers. Alarms were ringing in my ears and I knew I should stop but I had to drink in my fill first.

Her arms were around my neck, pulling me into her. I had never felt such ecstasy before and I was reluctant to stop. Her lips were soft and sweet and her tongue met mine, as we tasted of each other. I groaned into her mouth and spread my hand across her cheek as my thumb massaged circles on her neck. I rolled over and pulled her on top of me as we continued to caress each other with our lips.