Devastation: A Beauty and the Beast Novel (26 page)

My heart constricted then grew for the man
before me. The hold on my hand loosened with his admission. He
worried he’d trapped me into a marriage I didn’t want. I thought of
Bryn and Edmund and soothed my fingers along his cheek.

“I have fears,” I agreed softly, “but I do
not fear you.”

He exhaled, warming my palm.

“I need you to need me as badly as I need
you,” he said.

I had no words to soothe or reassure him; I
wanted reassurance myself. He’d made his plans clear. As soon as we
spoke the vows, he would make me his wife. The thought made my
stomach clench and my pulse leap as my hands fell to my sides. The
experience with the baker and Tennen had been rough and disgusting.
Yet, before either had hurt me, Alec had shown me there might be
another side to the act. Fear warred with remembered passion. I
wanted to trust him, but the idea of what he wanted to do to me was
terrifying.

He seemed to sense my uncertainty because he
closed his eyes with a grimace.

Seeing him so upset broke through some of my
fear. Alec held my heart. He had since the first day he’d held me
while I slept. I needed him, and he needed me just as much.

I struggled to calm my breathing and rose up
on my toes to lean into him.

“I have fears,” I said softly, repeating my
words, “but I do not fear you.”

He opened his eyes and studied me. With
deliberate slowness, he lifted his hand to my cheek, stroking my
skin with a gentle finger.

“I can feel you shaking,” he said
softly.

His pained gaze held mine.

“I don’t know how to ease your mind,
Benella.”

I didn’t know if he could.

“Every time I see you, I want to...”

He released my hand and ever so slowly
lowered his head. My breath caught, and I grew hot and cold in
waves.

“One kiss. Say yes.”

My heart stammered, and I trembled as he
hovered inches from my lips. His breath fanned my face.

“Yes.”

His hands rose, capturing my head and
delving in my hair. I licked my lips. His gaze dropped to my mouth
and the pained expression he wore became more strained.

“So beautiful,” he said softly.

He pressed his lips to the corner of my
mouth, a chaste kiss. Then he slowly nibbled his way along my jaw.
My skin heated, and I exhaled on a sigh. I tilted my head to give
him access to my neck. A shiver ran through me when his lips found
the tender place just below my ear.

“When we are husband and wife, I won’t
attack you. I’ll love you,” he whispered.

I shivered again. He pulled back to study
me. Lifting his hand, he ran a thumb along my bottom lip. Then, he
leaned in once more.

Warm and firm, his mouth brushed against
mine; and his hands drifted to my arms. He held me for a moment
then pulled me to his chest. The angle of the kiss changed, and his
tongue stroked my bottom lip. I shivered and lifted my hands to set
them upon his jacket.

His mouth left mine; and only then, did I
realize I’d closed my eyes. When I opened them, I found him
studying me with concern. Had he thought I meant to push him away?
I smiled slightly and leaned forward, lifting my lips.

He groaned faintly and met me. His tongue
traced the curve of my lower lip before his mouth opened and
nibbled at my lip. I made a small noise. He took advantage of my
parted lips and dipped his tongue inside, touching mine. My heart
leapt at the sensation, and I opened further. His hands tightened
on my arms before one slid down to the base of my spine. He pressed
me firmly against him. I felt the evidence of his desire, and a
sliver of fear shivered through me. But, I pushed it aside and
focused on the kiss and the memories of the things we’d done
before. His mouth on my breast. His tongue between my legs. A heat
grew within me, and I pressed myself against him.

He broke away from the kiss and stared at
me.

Dazedly, I returned his regard. My lips
tingled. My pulse raced. Kissing Alec was more thrilling than I had
imagined possible. I hoped the rest would be as well.

“I think I’ll retire for the evening,” I
said softly.

He nodded jerkily.

Father was already gone from the library
when I stepped from the office. As I walked to my room, I wondered
what the night would bring. My stomach tightened with coiled nerves
as I undressed. After I lay in bed, it took a long while for sleep
to claim me.

The feel of his lips on the back of my neck
and his arm around my waist roused me from a dream.

However, when he only settled behind me, I
drifted back to sleep.

* * * *

I woke the next morning with no recollection
of Alec coming to me. I glanced at the empty place beside me, but
it looked untouched. Puzzled, I dressed for the day and went to his
room. The bed lay undisturbed. Perhaps only remade?

After a long search, I found Alec near the
barn. He and Tam were loading baskets into the wagon. I watched the
fabric of Alec’s shirt stretch over his well-muscled back with each
move. The kiss from the night before rose to my mind, and I
blushed. He caught sight of me while my face was still red and
paused in his labor.

“Good morning,” I said.

His gaze swept over me. Concern deeply
etched his face.

“Good morning.”

“If you wait a moment, I’ll fetch a wrap and
join you.”

Alec set the basket he held into the wagon
then approached me.

“It would be better,” he said softly, “if
you stayed here.” He gently brushed a loose strand of hair from my
face. “We’ll return before dinner.”

He turned away and climbed into the wagon
with Tam. Tam clucked to the horses, and they rumbled off.
Frowning, I watched them disappear around the manor. Why did he
think staying here better for me than picking apples?

Still puzzled, I went inside to see what I
could do to assist Egrit and Mrs. Palant. Both assured me they
didn’t require help and suggested I read in the library.
Withholding a sigh, I went to the kitchen. Since Bryn was with
Edmund, surely Kara would need assistance. However, she gave the
same answer and sent me off with a biscuit and egg for
breakfast.

My disappointment only lasted a moment. I
didn’t much care for cleaning and cooking, anyway. Hurrying to my
room, I changed into my long forgotten pants and shirt and grabbed
my bag from the bottom of the wardrobe. It felt odd, yet pleasant,
to fit the strap across my shoulder and feel the bag rest at my
hip. Recalling the last time I’d gone without word, I went to the
library to find my father.

“I’m off to explore the east side of the
estate,” I said from the door, already turning to walk away.

“Wouldn’t you rather read in here?”

His words, so similar to everyone else’s,
stopped me.

“No. I’ve too much energy for that. I’ll see
you at dinner.” I waved and left before he could say more.

I walked toward the grove of picked apple
trees, then beyond. The vegetation between the trees grew thick and
slowed my progress. I found several berry bushes, long shed of
their fruits, and noted their location for next year. Walking
through the trees didn’t distract me as I’d hoped it would. My mind
kept turning toward Alec.

The remembered feel of his lips on my neck
warmed me. Preoccupied with my idle thoughts, I jumped badly when
Rose stepped out in front of me.

Thinking for a brief moment she was Tennen,
alarm widened my eyes and robbed me of breath, and my hand flew to
my chest.

“Benella,” Rose said quickly, “it’s only
me.” Worry filled her gaze as she wrapped her arms about me. “What
have we done to you?” she said softly, holding me tight.

Her tone and comforting touch reminded me
too much of Aryana. Angry, I pulled away.

“Why are you here?”

She released me and stepped back to study
me.

“To check on you.” Her gaze flicked over me,
settling briefly on my wrists. “Two are gone and two remain. I
worry for you.”

“What two remain?” I asked, a cold terror
filling my stomach.

I heard my name and turned toward the
distant call to cock my head and listen. It sounded like Alec. I
glanced at Rose but found myself alone.

With her last words echoing in my ears, I
quickly started toward the direction of the call.

Chapter 12

I called back to Alec, and a few minutes
later, heard the snapping of twigs as he forced his way through the
bramble. When he finally appeared, he was red-faced and disheveled.
Twigs and leaves decorated his hair, and his sleeve had a tear. I’d
never been so glad to see him. However, the way he rushed to my
side concerned me.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Why aren’t you reading?” His angry,
demanding tone surprised me.

“I wasn’t in the mood to read.” I waved at
the woods around us. “It’s too beautiful a day to spend indoors.
Soon the leaves will fall and the snow will come. I’ll spend enough
time indoors then.”

“Benella, you need to rest.”

“Is that why you came rushing through the
woods? You think I need rest?”

He ran his hand through his hair, seemingly
frustrated; and it touched me that he worried so about me. I
stepped close. He stilled and looked down at me as I laid my hands
on his chest.

“Go pick your apples. I will keep myself
busy.”

“I’d prefer you return to the estate.”

His surly expression made me smile.

“Why? I’m perfectly safe out here.” Doubt
made the words bitter. Who were the two that remained?

“Benella, yesterday...”

And, with that, I understood why no one
needed my help.

“Yesterday was yesterday,” I said. “I refuse
to dwell on it. Learn from it, yes, but not dwell. Tennen and the
baker are gone, and I’m safe enough within the estate. Stop
worrying so much and go pick your apples.”

He reached up to gently run his knuckles
along my jaw.

“Do you know how many times I’ve thought I
lost you?” He didn’t wait for my answer. “As a beast, each time you
came to me and left again, I thought it would be the last I saw
you. Then, you agreed to stay. But only on the condition I allow
you to leave the estate once every seven days. Again, I thought
each time would be the last. Then, when Rose gave you that dress,”
he said the word with anger, “I thought some man would woo you to
him.

“But you returned. You always returned. Yet,
I couldn’t trust your devotion was real. Was it for me, or only to
spare your father? Then you gave me the answer to free myself, to
become a man who might win your heart. But instead of finding you
in your bed that morning after the curse was broken, you were gone.
And when I finally found you, abused and fighting for your freedom,
you wanted nothing to do with me. You left.”

I understood then that leaving the manor so
soon after Tennen’s last attack had scared him. I stepped
closer.

“Shh. It’s done. They’re gone, and I
returned then and will not leave now. Instead of the past, let’s
focus on the future. When do we want to wed?” I asked, hoping to
distract him from his worry.

His gaze searched mine.

“Do you wish to wed me, Benella?”

His uncertainty tugged at my heart.

“Yes. I do.” I took his hand in mine and
gently tugged him toward the path he’d made. “So, how soon would
you like to wed?”

“How much time do you need to plan the
wedding feast?” he asked.

Looking over my shoulder, I made a quick
face at him then turned back to the path.

“We’ve already welcomed those closest to the
estate, so I see no need to do so again by winter solstice. And I
would rather not invite your peers—much too expensive. The idea of
a private wedding followed by a dinner with the staff is more
appealing. If you agree.”

He remained quiet for a long while.

“Are you certain that is what you wish?”

I stopped to face him.

“Only if you wish it as well.”

“Someone once told me a woman’s wedding
should be a pageant of beauty and extravagance.”

“Displays of extravagance for the sake of
extravagance are wasteful. And a wedding can be beautiful without a
crowd.”

He stepped close to me and cupped my
face.

“I want whatever will make you happy.” His
lips brushed mine in a gentle, brief kiss before he stepped back
once more.

In the distance, I heard another voice
calling both our names. Alec looked off in that direction.

“Swiftly was searching near the apple grove.
Come.”

He led the way to the grove, let Swiftly
know I was fine, then escorted me to the house. When he tried to
steer me toward the library, I groaned.

“Why do you keep insisting that I read?”

“I thought you liked reading.”

“I do. But if you recall, I’m not fond of
being ordered about. Why does everyone want me to read so
badly?”

He stopped walking and turned toward me.
Worry etched his features, but his appearance distracted me from
it. His hair and clothes were still a mess.

“You should go change and clean up. I’ll
find something to occupy myself.”

He hesitated.

“Have you eaten yet today?” he asked.

“Yes. An egg and a biscuit.”

“I believe Kara is making pheasant soup and
bread. The bread was in the oven when we left to find you.”

My mouth watered at the idea of fresh
bread.

“I’ll check to see if it’s done,” I said,
already turning.

“I’ll join you. There’s no point in changing
when I plan to pick more apples yet today.”

We walked to the kitchen together. I
suspected his reluctance to change had more to do with keeping an
eye on me than concern over dirtying another shirt.

When I stepped into the kitchen, I saw
everyone already at the table. My steps faltered when I met Otta’s
gaze.