Read Devices and Desires Online
Authors: P. D. James
Surely he would notice how different her voice sounded. It seemed to her that her lips were so dry that they would look bloated and deformed, and she bent her head low over the baby so that he shouldn’t see her. But her father didn’t look at her and he didn’t speak. With his back to her he said: “The Whistler, then, was it? Got her, did he? Well, she was asking for it.”
“No, Daddy, it couldn’t have been the Whistler. Remember Mr. Jago phoned us last night at half past seven to say that the Whistler was dead. He said this morning he was glad he rang to tell us and that you would know why.”
Still he didn’t speak. She heard the hiss of water from the tap into the kettle and watched him as he took it slowly back to the table and plugged it in, then took down a mug from the shelf. She was aware of the thudding of her heart, of Anthony’s warm body against her arm, of her chin gently resting on his downy head. She said: “What did Mr. Jago mean by that, Daddy?”
“He meant that whoever killed Miss Robarts meant to blame it on the Whistler. That means the police will only suspect people who didn’t know that the Whistler was dead.”
“But you knew, Daddy, because I told you.”
Then he turned and said without looking at her: “Your mother wouldn’t like you to tell lies.”
But he wasn’t cross and he wasn’t rebuking her. She heard nothing in his voice but a great weariness. She said quietly: “But it isn’t a lie, Daddy. Mr. Jago telephoned when you were out in the privy. When you came back I told you.”
And then he turned and their eyes met. She had never
seen him look more hopeless, more defeated. He said: “That’s right, you told me. And that’s what you’ll tell the police when they ask you.”
“Of course, Daddy. I’ll tell them what happened. Mr. Jago told me about the Whistler and I told you.”
“And do you remember what I said?”
The teat of the bottle had flattened. She took it from Anthony’s mouth and shook the bottle to let in the air. He gave an immediate wail of fury, which she plugged with the teat.
She said: “I think you said that you were glad. We would all be safe now.”
“Yes,” he said, “we’re all safe now.”
“Does that mean that we won’t have to leave the cottage?”
“It depends. We shan’t have to leave at once anyway.”
“Who will it belong to now, Daddy?”
“I don’t know. Whoever she leaves it to in her will, I suppose. They might want to sell it.”
“Could we buy it, Daddy? It would be nice if we could buy it.”
“That would depend on how much they want. There’s no point in thinking about that yet. We’re all right for the moment anyway.”
She said: “Will the police be coming here?”
“Sure to. Today, most likely.”
“Why will they be coming here, Daddy?”
“To find out whether I knew if the Whistler was dead. To ask you if I left the cottage last night. They’ll be here, most likely, when you get back from school.”
But she wasn’t going to school. Today it was important that she didn’t leave her father’s side. And she had an excuse ready, a stomach cramp. And that, at least, was true, or partly true. Crouched over the lavatory, she had seen that first pink evidence of her monthly period almost with joy.
She said: “But you didn’t leave the cottage, did you, Daddy? I was here until I went to bed at a quarter past eight. I could hear you moving down here. I could hear the television.”
He said: “The television isn’t an alibi.”
“But I came down, Daddy. You remember. I went to bed early, at eight-fifteen, but I couldn’t sleep and I was thirsty. I came down just before nine o’clock for a drink of water. Then I sat in Mummy’s chair, reading. You must remember, Daddy? It was half past nine before I went back to bed.”
He gave a groan. He said: “Yes, I remember.”
Suddenly Theresa was aware that the twins had entered the kitchen and were standing silently side-by-side by the doorway, regarding their father expressionlessly. She said sharply: “Go back and get dressed. You shouldn’t be down here undressed like that, you’ll catch cold.”
Obediently they turned and padded up the stairs.
The kettle was spouting steam. Her father turned it off but made no move to make the tea. Instead he sat at the table, his head bowed. She thought she heard him whisper: “I’m no good for you, I’m no good for you.” She couldn’t see his face, but for one terrible moment she thought that he was crying. Still holding the bottle and feeding Anthony, she got up and moved across to him. She had no free hand but she stood very close. She said: “It’s all right, Daddy. There’s nothing to worry about. It’s going to be all right.”
On Monday 26 September Jonathan Reeves was working the 8.15-to-14.45 shift and, as usual, he was early at his bench. But it was 8.55 before the telephone rang and he heard the expected voice. Caroline sounded perfectly calm; only the words were urgent.
“I have to see you. Now. Can you get away?”
“I think so. Mr. Hammond isn’t in yet.”
“Then I’ll meet you in the library. At once. It’s important, Jonathan.”
She had no need to tell him that. She wouldn’t be making an assignation during working hours if it weren’t important.
The library was housed in the administration block next to the registry. It was part staff sitting room, part library, with three walls covered with shelves, two free-standing racks, and eight comfortable chairs ranged round low tables. Caroline was already waiting when he arrived, standing at the publications display stand and glancing through the latest copy of
Nature
. No one else was there. He moved up to her, wondering if she expected him to kiss her, but then she turned and
looked at him and he saw that it would be a mistake. And yet this was their first meeting since Friday night, the night that had changed everything for him. Surely, when they were alone like this, they needn’t meet as strangers.
He said humbly: “There’s something you want to say.”
“In a minute. It’s just on nine o’clock. Pray silence for the voice of God.”
His head jerked up at her. He was as surprised at her tone as if she had uttered an obscenity. They had never talked about Dr. Mair except on the most superficial level, but he had always taken it for granted that she admired the Director and was happy to be his PA. He recalled overhearing the whispered words of Hilary Robarts when Caroline had walked into a public meeting at Mair’s elbow: “Behold, the handmaid of the Lord.” That was how they had all seen her, the intelligent, discreet, beautiful but subservient handmaid to a man she was content to serve because she found him worthy of service.
The intercom crackled. There was a background, indecipherable voice and then Mair’s measured, serious tones.
“There cannot be anyone on the station who doesn’t now know that Hilary Robarts was found dead on the beach last night. She had been murdered. It appeared at first that she was the second Larksoken victim of the Norfolk Whistler, but it now seems almost certain that the Whistler himself died before Hilary. We shall in time find a way of expressing our corporate grief at her loss, as we shall at Christine Baldwin’s. In the meantime her death is a matter for police investigation, and Chief Inspector Rickards of the Norfolk CID, who has been responsible for the investigation into the Whistler murders, has taken charge of the case. He will be in the station later in the morning and may ask to interview those of you who knew Hilary best and may be able to help with details of
her life. If any of you has any information, however slight, which may assist the police, please get in touch with Chief Inspector Rickards, either when he is here or at the incident room at Hoveton. The telephone number is 499 623.”
The intercom crackled and was silent. She said: “I wonder how many drafts it took before he got that right. Innocuous, noncommittal, nothing crudely stated but everything understood. And he didn’t irritate us by saying that he could rely on us all to get on with the job, as if we were a bunch of excitable sixth-formers. He never wastes time and words on inessentials. He’ll make a good senior civil servant all right.”
Jonathan said: “This Chief Inspector Rickards, do you think he’ll want to interview all of us?”
“Anyone who knew Hilary. And that will include us. And that’s what I want to talk about. When he sees me, I propose telling him that you and I spent the whole of last evening together, from six o’clock until about half past ten. Obviously I’ll need you to back me up. And it depends, of course, on whether anyone can disprove it. That’s what we have to discuss.”
He stood for a moment appalled. “But we weren’t! You’re asking me to lie. This is a murder investigation. It’s terribly dangerous to lie to the police, they always find out.”
He knew what he must sound like, a frightened child, petulant, reluctant to take part in a dangerous game. He looked straight ahead, not wanting to meet her eyes, fearful of what he might see there, entreaty, anger, contempt.
She said: “You told me when you rang on Saturday that your parents were going to spend Sunday night at Ipswich with your married sister. They went, didn’t they?”
He said miserably: “Yes, they went.”
It was because he knew that they wouldn’t be at home that he had hoped, had half-expected, that Caroline would suggest
that they should be together again in the bungalow. He remembered her words on the telephone: “Look, there are times when a woman needs to be on her own. Can’t you understand that? What happened yesterday doesn’t mean that we have to spend every second of our time together. I’ve told you that I love you. God knows, I’ve shown it. Isn’t that enough?”
She said: “So you were alone in the flat yesterday evening. Or weren’t you? If anyone called or telephoned, then obviously I’ve got to think of something else.”
“No one called. I was on my own until after lunch. Then I went for a drive.”
“What time did you get back? Did anyone see you garaging the car? It’s not a large block of flats, is it? Did you meet anyone when you got home? And what about lights from the windows?”
“I left the lights on. We always do when the flat is empty. Mother thinks it’s safer, makes it look occupied. And I didn’t get back until after dark. I wanted to be alone, to think. I drove to Blakeney and walked on the marshes. I wasn’t home until ten-forty-five.”
She gave a small contented sigh. “Then it looks all right. Did you meet anyone on the walk?”
“Only in the distance. A couple with a dog. I don’t think they could recognize me even if they knew me.”
“Where did you eat?” Her voice was sharp, the interrogation relentless.
“I didn’t. Not until I got home. I wasn’t hungry.”
“Well, that’s all right, then. We’re safe. And no one spied on me in the bungalow. And no one would ring or call. No one ever does.”
“Spy.” It was, he thought, a strange word to use. But she was right. The bungalow, as uninspired as its name, Field View, stood totally isolated on a dull country road outside Hoveton.
He had never been inside it, never even been allowed to escort her home, before they had arrived together on Friday evening, and it had surprised and a little shocked him. She had told him that it was rented furnished from the owners, who had gone to Australia for a year to stay with a married daughter and had decided to stay on. But why had she stayed on? he wondered. Surely there was a more attractive house or cottage somewhere she could have rented, a small flat in Norwich she could have afforded to buy. And, following her inside the front door, he had been struck by the contrast between its meanness, its vulgarity, and her serene loveliness. He could picture it now, the dun-coloured carpet in the hall, the sitting room with two walls papered in pink stripes, the other two with huge clusters of roses, the hard sofa and two chairs with their grubby covers, the small reproduction of Constable’s
Haywain
, hung too high to be comfortably seen and placed in incongruous proximity to the ubiquitous print of a yellow-faced Chinese girl, the old-fashioned wall-mounted gas fire. And she had done nothing to change it, nothing to impress on it her own personality. It was as if she hardly noticed its deficiencies, its ugliness. It served its purpose. She asked no more of it. And it had served theirs. But even the hall had struck him chill. He had wanted to cry out: “This is our first time together, my first time ever. Can’t we go somewhere else? Does it have to be here?”
He said miserably: “I don’t think I can do it, not convincingly. Chief Inspector Rickards will know I’m lying. I’ll look guilty, embarrassed.”
But she had decided to be gentle with him, reassuring. She said patiently: “He’ll expect you to be embarrassed. You’ll be telling him we spent the evening alone making love. That’s convincing enough. That’s natural enough. He’d find it more
suspicious if you didn’t look guilty. Don’t you see, the guilt and embarrassment will make your story more convincing.”
So even his inexperience, his insecurity, yes, even his shame were to be used for her ends.
She said: “Look, all we need to do is to transpose the two nights. Friday night becomes yesterday. Don’t fabricate, don’t invent. Tell them what we did, what we ate, the food, the wine, what we talked about. It will sound true because it will be true. And they can’t catch us out by asking about the TV programmes we didn’t watch.”
“But what happened was private. It was for us alone.”
“Not any more. Murder destroys privacy. We made love. No doubt the police will use a coarser word. If they don’t speak it, then they’ll think it. But we made love in my bedroom, on my bed. You do remember?”
Remember. Oh yes, he remembered. His face flamed. He felt as if his whole body were burning. The tears that welled up despite his desperate will to hold them back were scalding tears. He squeezed his eyes shut so that he need not have to wipe them away. Of course, he remembered. That dull, square little back room, as anonymous as a room in some cheap hotel, the mixture of excitement and terror which half-paralysed him, his incompetent fumblings, the whispered endearments which had become commands. She had been patient, experienced, and in the end she had taken charge. Well, he had never been naïve enough to suppose that for her it was the first time. For him, but not for her. But what had happened was, he knew, irrevocable. It was she who had possessed him, not he her, and that possession was more than physical. For a moment he couldn’t speak. It was difficult to believe that those grotesque but controlled writhings had anything to do with the Caroline who stood now so close to him, yet so
distanced. He noticed with sharpened perception the pristine cleanness of the grey-and-white-striped shirt, cut like a man’s, the sway of the long grey skirt, the black-patent court shoes, the simple gold chain and the matching gold cufflinks, the corn-coloured hair sculpted back into the single thick plait. Was this what he had loved, still loved, a boy’s romantic ideal, the cold, remote perfection of her? And he knew with an almost audible groan that their first coupling had destroyed more than it had affirmed, that what he had yearned for, still yearned for, and had lost forever, was an unattainable beauty. But he knew too that she would only have to stretch out a hand and he would follow her again to that bungalow, to that bed.