Devil's Despair Box Set: Books 1-3 (82 page)

“You are,” she confirms, tilting her head to the side as it rests on her pillow.

“Then why be with him when you already live with me?” I joke, but there’s so much truth to my question.

“You know why,” she whispers.

Leaning my face closer to hers, I kiss the side of her mouth. She doesn’t respond, but she also doesn’t pull back and refuse. I let my lips explore the warm skin of her cheek then make their way back to her mouth.

This time she moves, but only to pull me closer.

The hand that was still holding mine moves to the back of my head and Sarah deepens the connection. I feel her mouth open and my tongue slides in slowly and touches hers.

For the briefest moment I remember with aching detail what she felt like under me. For a split second, a hope I haven’t felt in weeks comes to surface.

Maybe Rae was right and if I give her enough space she’ll see what we could have. Maybe she needed time to consider it.

Pulling back, not letting myself take this too far, I look into her face. She looks timid and unsure, which I don’t like.

“I’m gonna go,” I tell her, pulling her arm away from my neck.

She rests her hand on my cheek, sighs, and tells me, “I like when you kiss me.”

“I do, too,” I answer, kissing her forehead and standing up.

I don’t wait for her to stop me because I know she won’t. Instead, I walk to her door and move through it without looking back.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Travis

“SO, ELLIE. HOW’S
my dear, sweet, cranky-as-hell older brother treating you?” Lacey, my meddling sister, asks from across the table as she sits next to Hayden, who’s holding Liv in his arms. Olivia is crawling all over his chest and shoulders, leaving trails of slobber with every inch she touches. Hayden doesn’t seem to notice or care.

Ellie looks at me, smiles, and winks before answering, “Good. Thanks for letting me crash your party.”

“I’m glad you could stop by,” Rae replies as she situates herself in Ace’s lap at the end of the table.

“Are we playing another round or are we done?” Hayden asks, pulling Olivia away from his body and setting her diapered butt on the table in front of him.

“What do you all want to do?” Marlee asks, standing and gathering the empty beer bottles scattered throughout the table.

Ellie squeezes my arm. “I should go soon. I have to work in the morning, but I’ll play one more.”

Looking at her sitting beside me, I notice she looks different than when we first starting hanging out together. Her makeup is darker, the clothes are more fitted, and her long dark hair is curled. Before, she wore it natural and always threw it up in a ponytail like the others do.

Maybe she’d changed before tonight and I hadn’t noticed. It’s not lost on me that I should be paying more attention. She and I haven’t had sex. She hasn’t pushed and neither have I. We’re friends for the most part, and I do like her, but with everything happening in delayed progression with Sarah, I’m not sure I want to start something with anyone else until I’ve given up completely. Lacey was so sure Ellie and I would be a match when she set up us, but Lacey doesn’t know about Sarah.

“Where’s Sarah?” Ace breaks in, finally realizing after two hours she’s not here.

“Out with Devon,” I answer quickly and am rewarded with chastising looks from the girls. Lacey’s smiling, Rae’s not.

“Ah. I see,” Hayden adds. “She likes him, huh?”

“Yeah,” Marlee answers. “She does.”

“Never thought I’d see Sarah with one guy for more than five minutes. Bet she’s gotta be a handful to date.” Hayden looks at Ace as he says it. Ace has remained quiet, but brooding with irritation.

“She needs to be careful,” Ace says. “I’d like to see her wait, but Sarah’s never been one to do anything I ever tell her to.”

Lacey stands, runs her hands through Liv’s hair as Hayden holds her on his lap, and asks, “Ellie, you want to help me clear this and we’ll get the guys a fresh beer before the next game?”

Ellie stands, puts her hand on my shoulder and squeezes before leaving the room with Lacey. Raegan has her head resting on Ace’s shoulder as he strokes her thigh near the edge of the table. Toby is playing on his cell phone.

The front door opens and all eyes move to Sarah. “We’re late,” she announces as if we hadn’t already noticed.

“Hey.” Devon nods, smiling until his eyes come to mine and narrow completely.

She’s wearing another short skirt. The small blouse is a button down in front with short sleeves. She’s not wearing a coat and it’s fucking winter. I start to open my mouth to mention it, but don’t bother. Her focus, as usual, isn’t on me.

Devon, wearing a heavy coat, has his hand on her back, pushing her through the door so he can close it behind him.

Hayden stands, putting Olivia on the floor. He moves in to shake Devon’s hand as Sarah puts her purse down. Hayden’s attempts at small talk continue as Sarah looks around the room for the others.

Toby is still ignoring the rest of us, concentrating on his phone.

Ace remains seated and watches Devon carefully. Ace isn’t a fan of Devon either, and he’s making no move to go out of his way to be friendly. He nods and I can tell by his body’s jerky movements his knee is bouncing underneath the table.

There’s nowhere specific to sit, so they remain standing, hand in hand, at the front door. Devon doesn’t fit in. His labeled clothes and designer shoes don’t belong here.

I hear the girls’ chatter get closer as they come in from the kitchen. Raegan walks by and runs her fingers through my hair before she sets another beer in front of me. Sarah spots it, along with the empty glass and chair beside me, and gives me a blank expression.

Marlee rushes to Toby, grabs his phone and drops it on the floor next to him. He opens his lap for her to sit without complaining about what she’s done. Toby is so fucking easy; rarely an opinionated word or reference said. Marlee and his kids are all he needs to keep him happy.

Ace adjusts in his chair and pulls Rae in to him as she tries to remain standing at his side.

Ellie comes up from behind where I’m seated, bends to kiss my cheek, and then takes her seat next to me. I watch as Sarah and Ellie assess each other carefully.

“Hey, Ellie. This is Devon.” Sarah’s introduction is short, but there. Ellie’s the only one here that hasn’t met him.

Before Ellie has a chance to respond, we hear Hayden laughing as Olivia hands him a white round container. I don’t recognize what it is, but he must because he holds it up and asks, “Who’s missing their pills?” He opens the box and smiles widely. “Someone’s about to get a visit from Aunt Flo in about . . . ,” he counts to himself, “well, I don’t really understand these, so who cares.”

All the women look at each other, but Sarah’s face reddens immediately and she steps forward to swipe them from Hayden’s grasp. “Shit,” she whispers harshly to the room.

“Fuck me, damn it. Sarah, you’ve got to be fuckin’ kidding,” Ace snaps without needing time to process.

I’m still a little lost.

“She’s got your wallet out too, squirt,” Hayden explains while scooping Liv up and forcing her to release coins she dug out from Sarah’s purse. “You can’t leave an open bag around her.”

“Shit. Shit. I’m sorry!”

Lacey laughs. “Why are you sorry? She just turned two, Sarah. She gets into everything. Boxes, bags, purses, shoes. Whatever she can find.”

“I’m headed now to put her down for the night anyway.” Hayden squeezes Liv, causing her to giggle, and then bends to kiss Lacey’s head before turning to walk away from the table. When he reaches where Ace is sitting, he stops and whispers, “She’s an adult now, Ace. Calm down, friend.”

Ace doesn’t answer; the disgusted look he has aimed at Devon could cut glass and already says what he’s not voicing.

Ellie, noticing my confusion, leans in and says, “Birth control pills.”

Fuck me.
I internally agree with Ace.

I train my eyes at Ace as he continues staring at Devon, then at Hayden as he stands bouncing Liv in his arms. Hayden gives me a mild smirk, then turns around and walks away.

Devon takes Hayden’s chair next to Lacey, and Sarah ends up in the seat between Marlee and me.

Throughout the next hour, I can’t help but think about those pills and what they mean in reference to her current relationship.

Every few minutes, I allow myself to glance quickly over at Sarah, sitting at my side, and watch her face animate in excitement as she talks to any of us she’s known for so long. However, when Devon addresses her, in any way, she doesn’t show the same enthusiasm. Either he’s pissed her off, bored her to death, or mistreated her in some way. If the latter applies, I’ll have no problem wading in and tearing him apart. I’ll always be that way with her, whether we’re together or not.

“Are you gonna play those cards, Trav? Or just keep drinking until the game’s over for you because you’re about to lose?” Sarah asks, smiling as she puts me on the spot.

“I’m gonna keep drinkin,’” I answer, setting my cards down and lifting my beer to my mouth. She watches carefully as I take a drink, my eyes never leaving hers.

“Are you in a mood?” she asks, loudly enough that the table quiets for my response.

“To drink, yes. To listen to you nag, no.”

She turns in her chair, leaning closer to me, and I hear Lacey gasp in what I deem is nervousness. “I don’t nag.”

“Guys?” Rae interrupts, waving her full hand of
UNO
cards in the air. “Are we still playing? It’s Trav’s turn.”

“Just a minute.” I hold my finger up and mimic Sarah’s position, leaning in to her as she backs up slightly. I feel Ace’s eyes on me, and then look to Rae whose face is blank, her mouth slightly open as if she wants to say something.

I don’t stop. Instead, I say, “You don’t always nag me, but when you do it makes me want to drink. So, there it is. I’m in the mood to drink.”

“Jesus Christ, you two just fuckin’ stop already.” Ace’s voice hits the walls and causes me to pull back. If he understood why she truly bothered me, more than his voice would hit the walls.

“Whatever,” Sarah adds as she turns in her seat and focuses on her hand of cards. She looks up quickly at Devon and doesn’t say anything else.

“Yeah. Whatever,” I return, feeling Ellie’s hand on my thigh squeeze gently. I don’t need her to calm me. I’m frustrated, but she can’t do anything about my reasons for being so. My thoughts are scattered and I’d love nothing more than for Devon to get up and make his way out, possibly taking Ellie with him.

Sarah stands after the latest round of cards have been played. “I need to use the restroom.”

Using his practiced and
feigned
manners, Devon stands as she does.

Pussy.

Sarah moves to turn around, but looks down at me briefly and then at Ellie’s hand that I hadn’t noticed was still on my thigh. Her eyes narrow and she uses my shoulder to push off the chair behind her.

Once Sarah’s gone, I look at Raegan, whose eyes are questioning. Lacey’s staring at me in wonder as well. Marlee’s eyebrows are raised and Ace’s face is blank.

Fuck.

“Anyone need another drink?” I ask, standing and clearing a few of the empty bottles. I don’t wait for a response before looking to my sister. “Lace, where’re Hayden and Liv?”

“Her room, why?”

“Need to use your other restroom. Your bedroom has one, right?”

“Yeah, it’s a mess ’cause I’m not cleaning it ’til Hayden helps, but ignore that and it’s yours.”

“Thanks.”

* * *

Sarah

After dinner, Devon and I agreed to stop in and see what everyone was doing. I knew I was missing game night, which was fine, but I hadn’t expected Ellie to be in attendance. I definitely hadn’t expected her to be sitting so close to Trav and making herself comfortable with the group.

I’m not pissed at her. It’s not her fault, and I won’t make shit awkward. I don’t like it, though.

Passing Liv’s room on the way out of the bathroom, I hear Hayden’s voice in a whispered lullaby. My skin pebbles in reaction to his raspy tone, recognizing once again the sweet love he has for his daughter. I head in that direction, not intending to intrude, but only listen.

The words from Billy Joel’s “Lullaby” force me to close my eyes and enjoy their meaning. I’ve never had a father who wanted to hold and sing to me. I never had a father. I had Ace and he certainly wasn’t soft and caring; sure as fuck nothing like Hayden.

He continues the song toward its end, so I peek around the door and find him sitting in a wooden rocking chair in the corner and staring down at Liv’s back as he adjusts her yellow pajama top. Her face is angelic as she continues to suck the pacifier in her sleep.

When Hayden looks up and finds me leaning against the door with my arms wrapped across my middle he smiles, and whispers, “She’s out.”

“She should be,” I whisper. “My purse takes a lot out of anyone, and she reached into its depths to embarrass me.”

“That’ll teach you.”

“Rae would love to hear you sing Billy Joel to Liv.”

“Yeah, she’d ask that I sing it to her.”

“Yeah, and you so would.”

His nose scrunches, but it’s a lie. He’d sing anything if asked enough times.

“Are you going to put her in her crib?” I ask. Liv’s sound asleep but he continues rocking her as if she’s not.

“Nope,” he returns quickly. “This is our time.”

“Hayden,” I reply meaningfully, insinuating Lacey wouldn’t be happy about spoiling her in her sleep.

Hayden nods to the daybed set up across the room. It poses as a couch but I’m sure he’s spent many nights sleeping in here with her. “Sit.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to. . . .”

He sighs. “Sarah, you can sit.”

I move from the door and take a seat across from him. Neither of us says anything as he continues to admire his daughter.

“I love being a dad,” he admits with a smile, keeping his voice low so as to not wake her. “I love being a husband,” he adds, still smirking.

“It looks good on you.”

“Well, yeah. Of course it does.”

“Ass,” I say it before realizing I’m cursing in front of a small child. I move my hands to my mouth to cover my already-spoken offense.