Devoured: Brides of the Kindred 11 (31 page)

Tess had only meant to take a
sip or two but before she knew it, she had drained the glass and was asking for
more.

“Of course, of course!” Yipper
motioned to the octo-spider bartender who simply reached out one long,
jointed-tentacle arm and deposited two more metal flutes filled with foaming
green mixture on their tabletop. “And now,” he said as Tess began to sip again.
“Down to business. Let us discuss your enhancements. So we should, so we
should.”

Garron sighed. “Fine. I need an
emotion dampener. As soon as possible.”

Yipper raised his hairy
eyebrows.

“An emo-damper? That’s a major
enhancement, so it is, so it is. Are you sure a far seeing ocular wouldn’t suit
you better? Or maybe a new arm—punch right through solid plasti-steel so you
could, so you could. Or what about multi-jointed legs or some collapsible
wings? Flying all over you could be.”

“I don’t need to fly or punch
through solid steel or see any farther than I already can,” Garron growled. “I
need to get a handle on my emotions and the sooner the better.”

Yipper shook his head.
“Emo-dampers are delicate and dangerous. We usually install them just before a
new warrior comes out of the incubation pods. A damper installed after the
flesh has already knit together is unreliable unless done properly. So it is,
so it is.”

“How unreliable?” Garron
demanded.

“Only one has been implanted
with long term success and that was in one of the Dark Ones—the Enhanced.”

“The Dark Kindred, you mean?” He
raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, so they are called by
some.” Yipper nodded at the two standing at the bar. “It was in Six, there
actually—I did his implant myself. But he came to us as an adolescent, so he
did, so he did. You are a fully grown.”

“I only need it to work in times
of great stress,” Garron said. “But I need it soon. My name day is coming up
and I am in danger of changing into…something else. Something not safe for Tess
to be around.” He nodded at her as she took another sip of the foaming green
drink.

Yipper frowned, which caused his
entire long, furry face to look as thought it was collapsing into itself.

“You will change into something
else? This I have never heard of. May I ask what kind of Kindred you are?”

“I am half Raiku,” Garron said,
reluctantly, Tess thought.

“A new kind of Kindred!” Yipper
clapped his little hands together excitedly. “I knew it! So, I did, so I did!
Tell me more of the other half of your heritage, please!”

Garron frowned but complied with
the request.

“The Raiku hail from Pax, a
planet in the Silverbeam system. The males there turn into ravenous, dangerous
creatures called
dr’gins
. I have such
a creature in me and I do not wish to let it out.”

“And emotions bring it closer to
the surface? So they do, so they do?” Yipper asked, staring at him intently.

Garron nodded. “Exactly. If I
can control my emotions, I should be able to control my
dr’gin.
Enough to keep it inside, at least during my name day.
After that—after the danger is past—I don’t mind feeling again as long as I can
control my emotions periodically when they get too strong.”

But Yipper was shaking his furry
head.

“You seem to have a
misconception, so you do, so you do. An emo-damper is not temporary—nor is it a
switch you can turn off and on. Once it is implanted, it is for life. If it is
working properly—and I will be certain that it is—you will never feel any kind
of emotion again. No, you won’t, no you won’t.”

“What?” He had Tess’s full
attention now. “You’re saying it’s permanent—he can never take it out and he’ll
never feel anything again? Not hate or joy or sadness or…or love?”

“I am afraid not.” Yipper looked
mournful. “A sad life, so it is, so it is. I have always thought so, anyway.
Yet many choose it. All of the Enhanced who live below on the surface have
chosen so because the Collective demands it. That is why the Dark Ones feel
nothing—it is part of being Enhanced. Emotions are a crime, so they are, so
they are.”

Tess didn’t know what the Collective
was and she didn’t care. She only knew that if Garron went through with getting
this emotion-damper implant, he would never feel again. And if he didn’t feel
anything for anyone…
Go on and say
it—admit it,
whispered the little voice in her brain.
If he doesn’t feel anything for anyone he’s not going to care about
you. Is he now, sweetheart?

“Garron,” she said, turning to
him. “This is
awful.
You can’t go
through with it!”

“I must.” He didn’t look very
happy about it but there was an expression of determination stamped on his
strong features. “There’s no other way.”

“There
has
to be!” Tess objected. “You can’t give up feeling anything ever
again just because you’re worried about one single day! Go off on your own on
that day—on your name day. Let whatever happens, happen.”

“You don’t understand.” His
voice was low and intense. “You cannot because I haven’t fully explained.”

“Perhaps you would like some
privacy?” Yipper asked tactfully. “May I show you to a guest room? You can talk
about it, so you can, so you can. I will prepare the implant just in case and
you can let me know your decision in the morning.”

“That sounds good,” Tess said
quickly. She looked at Garron. “Is that okay with you?”

“Well…” He frowned. “The way my
emotions have been fluctuating lately…”

“If your
dr’gin
starts coming out, I’ll help put him back in the box,” Tess
promised quickly. “Please, Garron, just take a night to sleep on it. This is a
big decision—it will affect the rest of your life.”

He sighed and looked at Yipper.
“All right. Show us to the guest rooms then.”

“Very good, very good.” The
Tolleg nodded and scrambled nimbly off his barstool. “Follow me, follow me.”

He led them out of the bar,
taking a different route than the glass tube that had brought them there. As
they left, Tess threw one last glance over her shoulder at the Dark Kindred
sitting at the bar. As if he felt her eyes on her, the one Yipper had called
Six, turned to stare back.

Tess dropped her eyes quickly.
But she couldn’t help imagining Garron looking at her with that same, cold,
impassive glare. She shivered. He couldn’t do that to himself—couldn’t give up
all his emotions.

Could he?

Chapter
Twenty-nine

“Okay, can you please explain to
me why you feel like you
have
to get
this done?” Tess asked, the moment they were alone in the vast guest room
decorated in silver and blue wall hangings. “I mean, I know it’s not really my
business but you brought me here with you and I thought…thought maybe there was
something between us.”

“There is,” Garron said in a low
voice. “For me, anyway. I wasn’t sure how you felt.”

“How could you not be sure?” she
asked, putting her hands on her hips. “After the way you touched me the other
night? The way you made me…” She broke off, a deep blush spreading over her
pale cheeks. “I mean, I just…I wouldn’t have told you what I told you or let
you…do what you did if I didn’t feel for you.”

“I feel for you too,
lin’del.
Too much.” Garron sank down on
the side of the large sleeping platform and put his head in his hands. He could
feel his
dr’gin
rising with the
strong emotions this conversation was bringing up and he had to will it back
down by force. “Much too much. Which is why this is so damn hard.”

“Why do it, then?” she demanded.
“Why not just come back home with me—back to Earth—and go up in the mountains
on your name day. Let your
dr’gin
come
out if it wants to. Run around and hunt some deer or whatever and then come
back once it’s all tired out and you’re ready to change back.”

“I wish it was that simple.”
Garron took a deep breath, struggling with his
dr’gin
. “I truly wish it was, but it’s not.”

“Why not?” Tess asked. “Please
tell me—I really want to know. Because if you do this, Garron, if you take this
implant, then that’s it. It won’t
matter
if I feel for you because you won’t feel for me anymore. You’ll look at me the
way that Six guy did—like I was a bug you wouldn’t mind squashing.”

“No, I won’t!” Garron rose and
began to pace around the room. “I could never look at you like that—never be so
heartless.”

“Of course you could—if you have
no feelings!”

Tess was looking more and more
upset. The sharp scent of her worry and anxiety caused his
dr’gin
to shift restlessly within him. Their female was in danger,
it informed Garron. Something had to be done—she had to be calmed, protected.

I’m
trying,
Garron told it
grimly.
Settle down. Be still!

“Is it Nella?” Tess asked in a
low voice. “Do you want to have your emotions eradicated so you can keep the
vow you made to remember her?”

“No!” Garron ran both hands
through his hair in frustration. “No, she’s gone and she is never coming back.
You’re here—right here with me—and yet I cannot have you. I was stupid to ever
think I could.”

“Yes, you can.” Tess came to him
and put a hand on his arm. She looked earnestly into his eyes. “You
can,
Garron. Look, I know I have a lot
of baggage. I have a crazy ex who wants to kill me and anyone I’m with and I’m
not really great at sex and I’m not exactly skinny—”

“You think I care about any of
that?” he demanded. Taking her by the shoulders, he looked into her eyes. “I
care for you, Tess. You’re perfect, just the way you are. More than perfect…”
He let his eyes roam over her lush curves longingly. “It’s
me
that has the problem—not you.”

“Oh sure. ‘It’s not me, it’s
you.’ That’s classic,” she said bitterly. “That’s not very original, Garron. I
thought you were different but I guess guys are the same all over, no matter
what galaxy they come from.”

“I’m not trying to put you off,
I’m being honest with you! You wouldn’t want to be with me anyway—I could never
bond you to me permanently as a Kindred male is supposed to do with his mate.”

“What is ‘bonding’ anyway? What
does it mean? Because I have to tell you, Garron, it
sounds
like an excuse.”

“Bonding or bonding sex, is
different for every kind of Kindred,” he explained. “When it happens, it binds
the male and female together in an unbreakable bond. They can hear each other’s
mental voices and sometimes feel each other’s emotions.”

“That sounds…intense,” Tess
said. “But what does it have to do with us?”

“A Rai’ku Kindred can only bond
with his female
after
he has had his
first transformation,” he explained. “And since I don’t dare to let my
dr’gin
out, even once—”

“But why not?” she demanded. “If
it’s just the first time that it’s a problem, there ought to be some way around
it. Some way to—”

“The reason I can’t be with
you—the reason I can’t risk the transformation…” Garron couldn’t help
himself—his voice rose from a whisper to a roar. “Is that I
don’t want to kill you!”

“What?” She backed away from him
and he let her go. “What did you say?”

“You heard me,” Garron growled.
“If my
dr’gin
comes out, someone will
die. Most likely you, if you’re near me. I can’t risk that—I
won’t.”

“Come on now…” Her voice was
shaking but she looked at him defiantly. “You don’t really mean you’d kill me
when you changed?”

“Kill you and eat you.” He hated
to put it in such stark terms but he saw no other way to get the urgency of the
situation across to her.

“I’m sorry—
what?”
Tess still had a look of incomprehension on her face. She
still didn’t understand—maybe she didn’t
want
to understand. Who could blame her?

“Nella,” Garron said, trying to
make it clearer. “You never asked me how she died.”

“How…?”

“She was killed. By my own
brother just after his transformation.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You
see, when a
dr’gin
first comes out,
it’s nothing but a mindless beast, bent on satiating its appetites. It eats the
first person it sees—preferably an unmated female. Nella was one of the virgins
gathered for my younger brother’s first transformation…and she was unlucky
enough to be chosen as a sacrifice to his hunger.”

Tess’s face was white. “So
you’re saying…”

“I’m saying that unless you wish
to be devoured, you need to let me do this. Let me get the emotion damper. Or I
will
kill and eat either you or
whoever else is at hand the moment I change. The moment I let the
dr’gin
out. Or the moment it comes out
on its own because I can’t stop it anymore.”

He could feel it rising in him
again, even as he spoke. He pushed it back down with an effort.

“I…” Tess seemed to be trying to
deal with what he’d told her. “All right, that’s…that’s pretty bad. But
couldn’t you just kill a deer or a cow or something like that?”

“The
dr’gin
demands sentient flesh,” he said grimly. “It will only eat a
thinking, self-aware creature.” Gods, he hated telling her this—hated painting
himself as a monster. But it was what he was—what he harbored within himself.
There could be no lying about it, no pretending it wasn’t true.

“So if you turn…someone has to
die.”

“Yes.” He nodded wearily. “And
that someone would probably be you. I could not bear that, Tess. Please…”

“Oh, Garron…” Her eyes were
bright with unshed tears. “I…I don’t know what to say. I guess…I didn’t understand
before.”

“I know you didn’t,” he said
heavily. “Because I didn’t tell you. I didn’t
want
to tell you. Didn’t want you to know the worst.”

He turned away from her then,
expecting her to turn away as well. She would probably leave him now—ask for
another room. Maybe one with a viewscreen so she could call the Kindred Mother
Ship and ask for someone else—someone safe—to take her home. She—

His dark thoughts were
interrupted by the feel of her arms around his waist and her soft cheek pressed
against his back.

“Tess?” He turned uncertainly in
her embrace, bringing her into his arms. “You shouldn’t. It isn’t safe.”

“I don’t care.” She pulled
closer and pressed her face against his chest.

Garron knew he shouldn’t touch
her—his
dr’gin
was dangerously close
to the surface—closer than ever before. But as it always did, her soft touch
seemed to calm the beast within. Not enough to keep it from coming out forever
as he had once hoped, but enough for now, it seemed.

“Lin’del,”
he whispered roughly.
Somehow his hands found their way into her long, dark red hair and he was
tilting her chin up. She stood on her tiptoes, reaching up to him and he bent
to cover her mouth, knowing it was wrong but unable to help himself. Unable to
do anything but taste her sweet lips one last time.

* * * * *

“I want you,” Tess breathed when
the kiss broke at last. “Please, Garron. If you have to do this—if you have to
get the damn emotion blocker—then I want you while you still want me.”

“I thought you were frightened.”
He studied her face intently.

“Not of you. Not anymore,” Tess
whispered. “After last night…” She felt her cheeks grow hot as she remembered
the gentle way he had touched her and made her come. Making love with Garron
would be nothing like having sex with Pierce, she was certain. He wouldn’t
expect her to lie still and pretend to feel nothing. She could move and moan
and enjoy herself without fear of reprisal.

And she could make love with the
big Kindred. She needed that—needed the memory of him wanting her—of them
wanting each other—before it wasn’t possible anymore.

“I want you,” she repeated
softly. “Now—before it’s too late.”

“I want you too—so damn much,”
he growled softly, his eyes glowing. “But I don’t know if I should take you—not
completely.”

“Why not?” Tess couldn’t help
feeling disappointed.

“Touching you seems to calm my
dr’gin.
But actually taking you…I’m
afraid it might have the opposite effect. It might be too much.” He stroked a
strand of hair away from her face. “I’m sorry but I don’t want to take that
chance.”

“All right.” Tess nuzzled her
cheek against his big palm, loving the warmth of his hand. “But we can still
hold each other. I want to be with you, Garron. I want to touch you again…and
feel you touch me.”

A soft growl rose in his throat.

“I want that too.”

Suddenly they were ripping off
each other’s clothes in a near frenzy. Garron pulled off his shirt and Tess
stood on her tiptoes to kiss him as she worked on the fastenings of his black
leather flight trousers. He tugged off her jeans, kissing her back hungrily.

Tess buried her hands in his
hair and licked at his lips, asking for entry. He opened for her eagerly and
she sucked his tongue into her mouth, loving the taste of him. There was a
faint trace of the sweet, fizzing drink they’d had at the bar but mostly he
tasted of heat and that delicious, almost-cinnamon spice that was just purely
him.

“Gods, your mouth is so sweet,”
he murmured, when the kiss broke at last. “I want to taste you some more. Want
to taste
all
of you tonight.”

“Umm…” Tess suddenly felt
nervous. But before she could answer him, he swung her up into his massive arms
and carried her to the bed which sort of looked like a big silvery-blue bean
bag.

He deposited her gently in the
center of the vast structure—clearly they were used to having Kindred guests
here—and joined her after he finished stripping off his leathers.

Garron was completely naked now
but Tess was still wearing her blue button down shirt with her bra and panties.
He went to work on the buttons but he had slowed down some. Rather than just
ripping them open as she half expected, he undid each one slowly, taking the
time to place a hot, sweet kiss on each bit of her skin he uncovered.

She moaned breathlessly as he
kissed the top of her chest…the valley between her breasts…the spot right above
her belly button… And then his mouth landed at the waistband of her pale blue
panties. His lips were soft and his hot breath blew across her mound, sending a
shiver through her entire body.

“Oh!” Tess jumped and that
little voice in her head—the one that had been silent during everything
else—suddenly spoke up.
Stop…wrong…dangerous…

She froze, clamping her thighs
together involuntarily before he could go any lower.

“Tess?
Lin’del?”
He looked up at her questioningly. “What’s wrong? I
thought you weren’t afraid anymore?”

“I’m not. Of…of most things.”
She propped herself up on her elbows, still keeping her knees firmly together.
“I’m sorry, I just…this…the idea of you kissing me
there
makes me really, um, uncomfortable.”

“Why?” His eyes were blazing but
his voice was soft. He stroked one long finger over her knee, making her shiver
again. “You know I love your taste.”

“I…I know…” She hesitated,
nibbling at her lower lip while her heart pounded. Should she tell him?

Garron inhaled deeply and then
gave her an intense, half-lidded look.