Diamond (20 page)

She left Dooley’s office with the guitar in hand and hope in her heart. The guitar wasn’t the only thing getting fixed that day. Diamond’s life was slowly falling back into order. The ache for Jesse was still there, but there was a tiny bit of hope for the future as well. Maybe there would be a way to reconcile both so that someday she could sleep again without crying.

12

Wind rattled the windows
in Diamond’s apartment, reminding her that whatever she wore to sing in that night should be warm as well as pretty. She stared at the calendar hanging on the wall and tried not to think about Christmas. It was supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, not a time for regrets.

She stood half-dressed in front of her closet fingering her sparse assortment of clothes and tried not to think of the dresses she’d left behind at Jesse’s, or the costly leathers and flashy clothing he’d purchased for their nights out together that she’d refused to take.

But she could never have taken them with her—no matter how beautiful, no matter that they’d been purchased for her. It would have seemed like stealing. Jesse Eagle had given them to a woman who no longer belonged in his world.

Her fingers lingered longest on the first article of clothing she’d bought for herself right after she’d received her money from Queen. It was really too lightweight, but it was the prettiest thing she owned and she wanted to make a good first impression on Dooley and his customers.

Without giving herself time to change her mind, she slipped it from the hanger and tossed it on the ironing board, then lurched from the bare wood to the thin area rug in one leap, unwilling to walk across any more cold flooring than necessary.

She plopped down on the bed, pulled the spread across her feet and legs, and stared at her apartment with resignation. It was so like where she’d lived in Cradle Creek that she hardly noticed the lack of amenities.

It was possible to ignore the permanent rust stains on the bathroom fixtures because she knew they were clean. She’d cleaned them herself. But it wasn’t easy to forget that only weeks ago she’d slept on fine sheets and cuddled beneath warm, heavy covers. And she couldn’t forget whom she’d cuddled with, or how much she ached to be held by him again.

Diamond leaned back, stared at the multitude of water stains on the ceiling, and tried not to care that the constant flow of heat from the vents could not keep up with the cold drafts filtering through the cracks around the windows. Her stomach growled once in the silence as a rude reminder to herself that she hadn’t eaten that day.

“Okay, I’m hungry. Get up and do something about it. Tonight I’ve got a chance to start over. The last thing I need to do is fall on my face from hunger.”

She totally ignored the oddity of talking aloud to herself. As a child, she’d done it for years until Queen had quietly taken her aside and explained that people might think she was strange. The need to do so had slowly disappeared, until she’d made the break from Jesse. And with that break had come the onset of all her old childhood fears. The insecurity of her situation had returned, along with the realization that no matter how long she tried or how far she traveled, she might never fit in.

In the space of five minutes, she heated a can of soup, wrapped a piece of bread around a slice of bologna, and then crawled back into bed to eat her meal. The soup went down in gulps, warming her from the inside out. She chewed mechanically, refusing to think about the wonderful food that Henley always had prepared, and began going over her performance in her mind, but daydreams kept getting in the way.

She was singing, and Jesse walked out from the shadows offstage and took her in his arms. And sometimes she was singing and he came out of the audience and carried her off through the crowd amidst cheers.

Her spoon clinked against the bottom of the bowl, reminding her that she had no time left for daydreams.

“Johnny Houston might have been a fool, but he didn’t raise any,” she muttered. “There are no such things as white knights wearing cowboys hats. Not in my world.”

She climbed out of her warm nest of covers, dumped her dishes into the sink, and put them to soak before hurrying into the bathroom.

With only three hours until her premiere at Dooley’s, there was much to be done. She bit her lip and stared at herself in the mirror over the sink. The sadness and regret in her eyes were slowly replaced with a burning determination. She promised herself that when the night was over, Dooley’s wouldn’t know what had hit it.

“Well, if you don’t take the cake,” Dooley said, and flopped his ever-present dishcloth over his shoulder as he stepped back to give Diamond a good, long look.

He’d never seen her like this. Her blue jeans and the men’s shirts she usually wore to wait tables had been replaced by gray slacks and a pink sweater. The soft fabric clung to her body, and Dooley decided that whether coming or going, Diamond Houston looked fine.

“I’m doing two sets,” she said. “One at seven, the other at eleven. I won’t take requests, and Dooley—”

“What now?” he asked, grinning at the businesslike manner in which she laid down her rules. But his smile disappeared when he saw pain in her eyes and heard the hesitancy in her voice.

“I don’t sing for tips. Not anymore.”

“Whatever you say, girl,” he said. “Whatever you say. Tonight you’re callin’ the shots. I done give my word, and Dooley don’t go back on his word.”

She nodded and turned away to tie on her apron.

“Never mind about that,” Dooley said, pretending to be busy at the bar. “Don’t go gettin’ yourself all messed up before you sing. I went and hired some extra help.” The light in her eyes made him add, “Don’t get too excited. If you suck, you’re back on the floor slinging drinks to Walt and Deever, and we both know it. Right?”

“Dooley, you’re a master of the English language. How can I ever thank you for the kind words of encouragement?”

He squinted and then glared, pulling himself up to his full height of six feet, three inches and hefting his pants over the bulge of his belly.

“Are you makin’ sport of me?” he asked.

“Are you doubting me?” she countered.

The standoff was short. Dooley was the first to break, and when he did it was with a loud whoop of laughter.

“Hell, girl, but you’re a pistol, and you know it. I woulda liked to have knowed your daddy. I bet he was somethin’.”

Diamond smiled. Memories swirled in her head along with the nervous giddiness already in place.

“He was,” she said. “And I suspect that he would have liked knowing you, too.”

The door banged behind them as a knot of rowdy men blew in.

“Shut the damned door,” Dooley yelled. “Was you born in a barn? It’s cold out there.”

Diamond laughed and headed for his office. In less than an hour she had a show to perform.

“Jesse…please,” Tommy cajoled. “You’ve got to show up for this taping, man. It’s the ‘Nashville Christmas Special,’ and we both know it wouldn’t be a Nashville special without Jesse Eagle.”

Jesse shrugged and then turned his back on his manager. This cold indifference to life was making him miserable, but he couldn’t seem to change it. He woke up each morning with nothing to look forward to except going back to bed for more of the same. What had once been a bed full of love that he’d shared with Diamond was now nothing but empty sheets and painful memories.

“I don’t
have
to do anything,” Jesse said. “But I will, only not for you. I’ll do it because it’s Christmas, and the boys and their families will be expecting it.”

The pain in Jesse’s voice and the dark shadows behind his once-laughing eyes made Tommy sick. He’d been living with guilt for so long it had almost taken root.

“Thanks, man,” Tommy said, and gave him a rare, man-to-man, roughhouse hug. “I’ll call the boys later and tell them to show up tomorrow for the taping. They’ve all been wondering if we were going to do it. Since families are included, their wives and kids are getting all excited about—”

Tommy bit his lip and wished he could take back what he’d started to say, but it was too late. It would be for families, all right. Only Jesse’s dearly beloved would be painfully absent, thanks to him. And Tommy still thought he’d been justified in what he’d done.

He’d been certain that after Diamond Houston was gone, Jesse would pine a while, and then go on to the next woman, just as he had before. Tommy had underestimated the depth of Jesse’s feelings for Diamond. He sighed and looked down at the floor. He didn’t like to make mistakes.

“Well,” Tommy said, “I’ll meet you guys at the set tomorrow. They’re taping out at the Opry, sentiment and all that holiday cheer, you know.”

Jesse made no further move to communicate, and Tommy gave up and left. Outside he breathed deeply, wincing when the cold air hit his lungs with unexpected force.

“Damn,” he muttered. “I’d hate to be on the streets on a day like this.” And for one moment, it occurred to him that that could be exactly where Diamond Houston was—on the streets somewhere, and all because of him.

Guilt, regret, and anger sent him scurrying to his car. He didn’t want to feel sorry for her. She’d almost ruined everything for him and for Jesse. He didn’t want to care about what he’d done…but he did. The acknowledgment of his mistake made him spin out as he drove away. But he could have slowed down and saved the rubber on his tires. It was impossible to outrun his conscience.

There was no stage. Diamond had simply asked Dooley to move enough tables around so that she’d have a small clearing against the wall opposite the door. She had no desire to sit within range of the cold air that came inside with each patron of Dooley’s. She got enough of drafts in her own apartment.

It hadn’t taken the men long to figure out that something new was about to be added to their evening. The bar wasn’t full, but it was doing a brisk business. And when the men had seen the new waitress in place, they’d been exceptionally rowdy. They spent half their time pestering Dooley about Diamond’s mysterious absence, and the other half trying to make time with the new waitress.

It seemed as if they’d decided to try their best lines out all at once on the new girl, yelling and whistling to get her attention and every now and then giving her a slap on the butt as she hurried by with a tray full of drinks.

Diamond listened from her vantage point in Dooley’s office and knew that it was time. She gave herself a last cursory glance in the mirror behind Dooley’s cluttered desk. Her hair was in place, her sweater was tucked into her slacks, and her guitar was by the door. There was nothing left to do but walk through it and out into the room.

Suddenly a shaft of fear froze her in place. What if they didn’t like her? What if Dooley had been right and she, as he said, sucked? What would she do?

She ignored the fear on her face and gave herself an answer she could live with: She would just do what she had been doing all along. She would get by.

Dooley was the first to see her come out of his office, and that was because he’d been watching for her. He bit his lip and then did something unusual. He poured himself a shot of whiskey and downed it neat.

She didn’t look nervous, but he sure as hell was. In the short space of time since Diamond had come to work for him, he’d come to care for her a lot. To him, she was a little bit of every woman who’d lingered in his memory through his sixty-odd years of living. And she was a whole lot of herself—and his friend. He didn’t want her to fail.

He started to shout down the noise inside his bar and then saw her motion for him to stop. He sighed and frowned, and his belly growled nervously as he waited for her to make her move.

That she had no microphone didn’t seem to faze her in the least. She scooted a bar stool into her makeshift stage area, sat down, slid the pick from beneath the strings, and ran through the chords on her guitar as if she were about to entertain herself and not a room full of people.

Her light fingering on the guitar strings was enough to get the attention of Dooley’s patrons. At first there was a stunned silence. And then the catcalls began as first one and then another began yelling out teasing suggestions of what she should be doing with her hands besides running them up and down the neck of that guitar.

The lights were already dimmed from the thick smoke hanging in the air, but Dooley did his part to make this as special for her as he could. He turned off all the floor lights except those on her side of the room and then waited. It was up to her.

Diamond’s head dipped, spilling the golden curtain of her hair across her face as she paused for a closer look at the placement of her fingers upon the guitar. She took a slow, deep breath, leaned back, closed her eyes, and opened her mouth.

An old Bruce Springsteen song came rolling into the quiet of the room. Once again, Diamond was taking a song from another genre and making it her own…making it country.

The song, “I’m On Fire,” had every man in the room convinced that he’d been the one to set it. And as she sang, mesmerizing them with her voice and the sway of her body, she had them fantasizing about how they were now going to go about putting it out.

Dooley’s mouth turned up at the corners, and he breathed with relief. “Well, she damn sure don’t suck,” he muttered. Just looking at the glazed expressions of lust and envy on his customers’ faces told him that Dooley’s was in for another change. The new waitress he’d hired would have to stay.

He was left with no doubt that Diamond had missed her calling. She had no business slinging drinks when she could sing like that. Real tears were hovering behind those heavy gold lashes, making the green cast of her eyes glow in the subdued lighting. It was then that Dooley had a sudden flash of insight. What he’d seen on her face had been so clear that he knew he couldn’t be mistaken.

This woman had known all along she was a singer. She’d taken this job because she needed to eat and because she was running. And she was running from a man, or his name wasn’t Dooley Hopper.

Jesse’s voice lingered on the last notes of the song. He stared straight into the camera and ended his performance with a farewell that had Tommy fuming.