Diamonds and Dreams (38 page)

But Goldie was alive. She was here. In his
arms. He looked down at her, almost groaning as he beheld the sight
of her unveiled beauty. There was nothing but air between her bare
splendor and his smoldering gaze. He burned for her with a fire so
real to him, he felt he could touch the flames. “Goldie, I—God,
you’re so beautiful.”

She blinked away her tears and saw him.
“Uncle...Saber?”

“I’ve been called many things, but never
Uncle Saber
.” He grinned, marveling over the fact that a
smile came so easily to his lips despite what he’d learned tonight.
It was yet further proof that his mourning was indeed over.

“Saber, what—”

“You were frightened,” he explained softly,
brushing curls from her eyes. “But it’s only thunder.”

“Saber—” Her words were drowned out by a
second tremendous clap of thunder. The explosion was so powerful it
shook the bed. “Sleep with me, Saber,” she begged, clutching his
arms. “I—The thunder. I thought I was over bein’ afraid, but—It’s
so loud! Louder’n American thunder, and I—”

“Goldie—”

“Please sleep with—”

“I
—”

“Saber—”

“Yes, Goldie,” he murmured directly into her
ear. “Yes, poppet.” Still holding her in his arms, he lay down with
her, pulling her as close to his body as he could.

“I’m cold, Saber.” She curled herself into a
ball.

“You kicked all your covers off.” He reached
for the blankets, drawing them over both himself and her.

She caught his hand. “But—You still have all
your clothes on. Even your shoes.”

He raised an obsidian brow. “Yes. I do.”

Taking the covers away from him, she pulled
her gaze down the long length of him. His body was so big, she
mused, the chill she’d felt earlier fading quickly. Her own body
was so tiny next to his.

Her own body
, she repeated silently,
looking at herself. She waited for the familiar trepidation to fill
her. She knew how it would begin. Her cheeks would warm, her hands
would tremble. Shame over her imperfect form would flood her. She
waited in tense apprehension for it to all begin.

But it didn’t. She remembered the night in
the coach when Saber had touched her so intimately. She’d felt no
fear then either. Confused, she looked down at her body again,
reminding herself how unfeminine, how lacking it was.

But try as she did, she could summon no
embarrassment. Not even a hint of unease. Instead, she recalled
sweet words. Peaches, Goldie. See how perfectly they fit into my
palms. You are so delicate. Your daintiness is not a thing to
ridicule. It’s a thing to prize.

As Saber’s words sang through her, a gentle
peace settled over her. Smiling, she raised her eyes, her gaze
caressing every part of his face. “I’m naked,” she announced, as if
he were unaware of that fact.

“So you are.” He saw satisfaction in her
smile, and was confused by it. He’d been waiting for her to become
embarrassed. Instead, she seemed proud of herself. His heart
skipped a beat when he understood the reason for her pride. “You’re
not ashamed for me to see your body anymore, are you, Goldie?”

She shook her head. “I’m—I’m little, but I’m
not ugly.”

Emotion filled his throat. It was a moment
before his voice found a way past it. “You’ve no idea how glad it
makes me to hear you say that.”

“You taught it to me. You made me believe
it.”

He could think of no words to tell her, and
remained silent as her sweet compliment eased through him.

“And I’m not afraid either.”

“Of me, or the thunder?” he teased.

“Neither.” Tentatively, she laid her hand on
his cheek. “I’ve never been in bed naked with a man before.”

“Surely you jest.” He tugged on a flaxen
ringlet.

“No. Daddy’s honor.”

His hand cupped the gentle swell of her
smooth hip. “Why aren’t you afraid?”

“I’ve had time to think it over. The
thunder’s not really all that loud.”

His grin broadened. “Goldie,” he said, a
feigned note of warning in his voice.

She giggled. “Oh, y’mean why aren’t I afraid
of
you?
”

“Is there another man in this room to
fear?”

“There’s just you and the man I keep in the
closet.”

Before he could catch himself, Saber glared
at the closet. When he realized what he was doing, he laughed out
loud.

But his laughter faded instantly when he saw
the expression in Goldie’s eyes. They reflected the luster of
unseasoned passion. Innocent desire.

She wanted him.

The knowledge made him wild with need for
her. Every fiber of him yearned to make her his, and it was only
with great effort that he managed not to rip off his clothes and
ravish her.

Inhaling raggedly, he tore his gaze from her
and studied the canopy. He had to get control of himself. Goldie
wasn’t some experienced courtesan. He refused to take her as though
she were.

Take her.
He hated the way that
sounded. Like she was something to be grabbed and stolen. You
didn’t just
take
something so precious.

You
received
it, he decided. With
great patience, you
waited
for it to come into your keeping.
And when it did, you treated it with profound reverence.

“Saber, what are you thinkin’ about? Why are
you starin’ at the canopy?”

He raised his brow again. “Are you mad at
me?” he asked slyly.

“Mad?” she repeated, baffled. “Why would I
be mad at you?”

He watched her tenderly, waiting for her to
realize the significance of her own question. He knew she had when
her face softened and a sheepish grin appeared on her mouth. “Now
you understand why I was always confused when you asked me that
same question, Goldie. There are situations when anger is
appropriate. On other occasions mere irritation is quite
sufficient. And then there are times when anything remotely related
to ire is unjustifiable. As of late, I’ve been seeing signs that
tell me you are beginning to comprehend that. I hope you never
forget it.”

“I won’t,” she whispered, mesmerized by the
softness in his eyes.

He decided to take the conversation one step
further. “I know how you’ve been criticized and ridiculed,” he
began, his hand still caressing her hip. “I’ve told you what I
think about your ‘devil eyes,’ your ‘yellow bush hair,’ your
‘unripened figs,’ and your ‘disease-like freckles.’ Now Goldie, let
me tell you what I think about the beauty
inside
you.”

He turned to his side, so he was
face-to-face with her. “Your courage impresses me beyond words.
You’ve dealt with much heartache in your life. Much—”

“Saber,” she said uneasily, not wanting to
be reminded of things that made her ache. “Don’t—”

“Please, Goldie.” Before she could argue
further, he touched his lips to hers, kissing her more gently than
he ever had before.

Mellow pleasure drifted through her. His
tender kiss drew all anxiety from her heart. “Tell me.”

His lips still very close to hers, he put
his arm around her shoulders, almost groaning when her breasts met
his chest. “Your life with your uncle has been a chain of
unfulfilled dreams. Because of that, you find trusting a difficult
thing to do. You’re wary. It’s like you have an invisible shell,
and when you feel threatened, you crawl inside it.

“But in spite of it all, you continue
dreaming,” he proceeded, his hand sweeping into her hair. “Even
when you have little hope of attaining your dreams, you don’t let
them go. Take your home in Hallensham. Think of your extraordinary
efforts to keep it! Surely you know deep down—that the odds are
against you. That—”

“But you’re gonna be the duke, Saber.”

Like the lightning splitting the sky
outside, guilt stabbed into him. He shifted uncomfortably,
wondering what she would think of him when he told her he would not
be returning to Ravenhurst with her.

“Saber? You all of a sudden look sad. What’s
the matter?”

“I—Nothing. It’s nothing, poppet.” He kissed
the tip of her nose, smiling at her. “Goldie, I’m speaking about
the unshakable determination you have. It stands you in good stead.
And through all the bad times in your life, you’ve retained an
innocence that I find beautiful and unique. Goldie...sweet poppet,
though you are tiny in stature, you are quite the biggest woman
I’ve ever had the extreme good fortune to know.”

“Big?” she asked, wondering what he meant by
that.

“Your heart is huge. So tremendous, I cannot
understand how it fits within your breast. I’ve heard the
expression ‘Good things come in small packages.’ After knowing you,
I realize the truth of it. How you manage to hold such an abundance
of wonderful things inside you is quite beyond me.”

Gazing up into his beautiful eyes, she felt
contentment fill her. And the longer she concentrated on the sweet
things he’d told her, the more her pleasure grew; soon it became
joy so great it brought tears to her eyes. “Oh, Saber,” she
sniffled, her hands cupping his cheeks, “no one has
ever
said such nice, meanin’ful things to me. It doesn’t even matter
that they aren’t true. It doesn’t—”

“But they
are
true. Believe them,
Goldie. Believe each and every one of them, and remember them
always.”

The look of pure awe in her eyes seized his
heart. God, she needed so badly for someone to cherish her. Someone
other than Big, whom she considered family. Someone who did not
feel obligated to tell her loving things, as family members often
did.

She needed a man to love her. A man who
would treasure everything about her. A man who would devote his
entire life to making all her many dreams come true.

His guilt grew, increasing to such an extent
that he felt poisoned with it. He couldn’t love her, and he had no
intention of allowing their relationship to go that far. And yet he
was courting her in every true sense of the word. Dammit, he was in
bed
with her!

He sat straight up. Staring at the wall, he
rammed his fingers through his hair. It wasn’t fair, he knew.
Wasn’t fair to either of them. But dammit, what was he to do? He
couldn’t resist her. Couldn’t for the life of him figure out how to
end what was between them, though he knew it would come to
naught.

What was the way? he demanded silently. What
in heaven’s name was he to do?

“Goldie,” he said, refusing to look at her,
“I—I should never have come tonight. I woke you up. You were
sleeping so soundly. I’m sorry. I’ll leave you now so—”

“But I don’t want you to leave, Saber. I
want you to stay.” She sat up beside him, turning his face to hers.
“You said you’d sleep with me.”

“But—”

“You don’t
want
to stay with me, do
you?”

He saw the glint of pain in her eyes, and
remembered how profoundly sensitive she was. Considering how much
of herself she’d freely given him tonight, it almost killed him to
see the hurt he was causing her now. She was nigh to trusting him.
He knew if he wounded her now, that trust would disappear.

But leaving her bedroom was the biggest
favor he could ever do her! Dear God, what was the way? he asked
himself again.

“Goldie, yes,” he said, his voice strangled.
“I
do
want to stay with you.”
But I’m so afraid of
hurting you.

His answer filled her with happiness. She
curled her arms around his waist, leaning into him. Timidly, she
pressed light kisses to his shoulder, enjoying the feel of muscle
beneath her mouth, the scent of sandalwood that floated around her.
“Then stay. Because if you go, I’ll be sad. Don’t make me sad
tonight, Saber. Stay the night, and hold me in your arms.”

Don’t make me sad tonight.
Her plea
echoed in his mind. Perhaps the sadness would come. Perhaps it was
inevitable for them both. But tonight...it didn’t have to happen
tonight.

A moan escaped him as he pulled her into his
arms. His lips met hers in a deep kiss so full of passion it made
him shake. But it wasn’t her physical surrender that he craved.

It was Goldie herself he wanted. From head
to toe, inside and out...he wanted all of her, and he wanted it
with a desperation he could find no will to fight.

As Saber laid her back down on the mattress,
Goldie realized she yearned for whatever he would give her tonight.
Whatever special thing he did to her, whatever wonderful words he
told her...she wanted it all. All of
him
.

The thought brought her gaze to the bit of
his chest she could see. With trembling fingers, she touched the
top button of his shirt.

And undid it.

She continued until the shirt was opened
completely, then slid her hand across the hard, warm expanse of his
bare chest. The feel of his skin was so wonderful, her breath
caught in her throat.

Saber began to chuckle. In spite of the
sensuality of the moment, he simply could not keep from laughing.
“Goldie, I’m terribly ticklish,” he informed her, trying to roll
away from her hand.

She smiled, feeling mischief take hold of
her. Quickly, she reached toward him again, her fingers searching
for his most vulnerable spots. She soon found they included his
lower abdomen and the area around his collarbone. Deftly and
delightedly, she concentrated her attentions there.

Saber howled, his laughter so great he
couldn’t breathe. Knowing he would soon die if he didn’t get some
air, he curled his body into a tight ball, shielding his tickle
spots from her wiggling fingers. “Goldie!”

She found a shred of mercy and ceased her
torture. But no sooner had she taken her hands from him than his
came at her. “Saber, don’t!” she begged, her own laughter even
louder than his had been.

“I haven’t even touched you yet!”

Her stomach heaved with laughter. “I know.
But all you have to do is
think
about ticklin’ me, and I
laugh!”