Diamonds in the Dust (22 page)

Dora felt as if she had been torn apart as horror and shame rested on her like a heavy weight. Lily was sobbing, and she gathered her in her arms. Tom and Lily were going to need protecting from the disgrace. It was unlikely that Lily fully understood what their mother had been doing; she was crying because they had just been told their mother was dead. The little girl had probably been holding on to the hope that she would return to them one day. But Tom knew. That was clear to see as she looked at him. She kissed the top of her sister’s head, rocking her in her arms. ‘Shush, sweetie, we’ll get through this. It’s terrible, but we guessed something like this must have happened to her, didn’t we?’

Tom could contain himself no longer. ‘We’re bastards! How are the hell are we going to live with that?’

‘Not easily, but we’ve got to stay calm, Tom.’ She was concerned. Her brother was vibrating with fury. ‘There’s going to be a lot to deal with. We’re really on our own now and we can’t expect much help or support. Once this becomes known we’ll be branded with the disgrace, even though we knew nothing about it.’

‘We’re not the only illegitimate children in the world,’ Tom snorted in disgust. ‘And they manage all right.’

‘And so will we, but we have to face the fact that things might be difficult for a while. This is bound to make a difference to our lives, and I want us to face that right from the beginning.’

‘Stan will help us.’ Lily looked up, her face puffy and red with tears. ‘He’s our friend.’

‘Make her understand, Dora. She’s got to know what we’re facing.’

‘Listen, sweetie.’ Dora smoothed back Lily’s hair. ‘We can’t count on anyone being our friend now. Our mum and dad didn’t get married, and it’s possible Mum has been earning money in a way that isn’t very nice. It’s unlikely we can keep it a secret for long.’

The tears were coming again in streams. ‘But they loved us, and we haven’t done anything wrong.’

‘No, we haven’t, but society frowns on unmarried people having children. Those children are called illegitimate.’

‘And that’s bad?’

Dora nodded. ‘But we’ll be all right. Now, we must all eat even if we don’t feel like it. Then we’ll try and get some sleep. In the morning I’ll send notes to your schools saying you won’t attend until after our mother’s funeral.
I’m sure they’ll understand. Our first job will be to see the undertaker and then let Reg know who it is. Next we’ll visit the solicitor and tell him who we are.’

‘What about Mum’s family?’ Tom asked. ‘Hadn’t we better get their address from Reg and let them know about the funeral?’

‘I suppose we must. It would only be polite. But from the sound of them, I doubt if they’ll come.’

‘What will happen about this flat, Dora? Are we going to be allowed to stay after this? The doctor’s a kind man, but will he want three illegitimate children living in his house? The scandal might harm the good work he’s doing here.’

‘Oh no!’ Lily wailed, wide-eyed with distress. ‘I can’t leave my angel.’

‘I’ll see Doctor Burridge in the morning and tell him what’s happened.’

‘I won’t leave my picture. Ray did it for me!’ Lily was in a terrible state of agitation, waving her arms around, gasping sobs shaking her body. ‘I don’t care what people say about Mum. We haven’t done nothing! Mum and Dad loved us. You know they did. They weren’t bad! They were lovely!’

Dora would normally have corrected her sister for using a double negative, but tonight wasn’t normal and she ignored it. She had to do something now, or Lily was going to make herself ill. She reached for her purse to see how much money she had. Satisfied, she stood up. ‘Take care of Lily, Tom. I’ll go now and see the doctor. He’s probably still at the hospital.’

She didn’t even remember the journey; it was as if
she had been detached from the world – as if she was no longer a part of it.

‘Dora, what are you doing here?’ The doctor saw her as soon as she walked in the door, then he reached out quickly to steady her. ‘My dear, what’s happened?’

‘I have to talk to you, sir. Can you spare me a few minutes?’

‘Come to my office.’

Once there she gripped on to the back of a chair to steady herself, Lily’s terrified face vivid in her mind. Without hesitation she told him the whole story. She wasn’t going to hide anything from him.

‘I’m so sorry.’ He took her by the arms and made her sit down, then poured a glass of water and placed it in her hands. ‘You shouldn’t have rushed over here. You’re in a state of shock.’

Taking a gulp of water, she gazed at him, pleading in her eyes. ‘I’ll understand if you don’t want me to work for you any more, but can we stay in the flat? Please. We’ll pay you rent …’

‘Of course you can stay! What on earth makes you think I would want you to move?’ He studied her intently and then sighed. ‘Our arrangement stands, Dora. Why would you think otherwise?’

‘Because of the disgrace … People will frown when they know our background, and we don’t want to cast a shadow on the vital work you’re doing.’ Her voice was husky with shock.

‘What disgrace? What your parents did wasn’t your fault, was it?’

‘No.’ She looked puzzled. ‘But—’

He waved his hand to stop her. ‘Tell me, Dora, when you met the shattered young men, did you shun them? Have you judged them as lesser people because they have a disability?’

‘Of course not! They couldn’t help what happened to them.’

‘Exactly!’

‘Sorry?’

‘What your parents did does not reflect upon you. You have nothing to be ashamed of.’

‘Others may not see it that way.’

‘Then that’s their problem, not yours.’ He smiled gently. ‘You take a few days off to deal with the arrangements, and then come back to work. You know I’m never on time if I haven’t got you to keep me in line.’

Relief surged through her and she dragged herself to her feet. ‘Thank you, sir. I’m so grateful. I must get back and tell my brother and sister.’

‘I expect they’re worried, so I’ll take you home and have a word with them. Shall I?’

‘Oh please! They’re very upset.’

On the drive to Wandsworth, Dora suddenly realised what she was doing by dragging this man away from his work, and felt ashamed. She had acted in panic by coming to him, and that was something she couldn’t ever remember doing before. But then, she had never been faced with such a frightening situation. She was doing lots of things she had never done before! ‘I’m sorry, sir, I shouldn’t have come to you so late. I should
have left it until the morning, but I panicked.’

‘You did the right thing, Dora. I don’t want you making yourself ill with worry. You’ve shown great courage in dealing with the distress of the last few weeks, and you’re going to need all your strength to carry you through the difficult times ahead. I can at least take one burden from your shoulders right away.’

When they reached the house, Dora was beginning to suffer a reaction from the shock, and her legs almost gave way as she climbed the stairs. The doctor said nothing, but placed his hand under her arm to steady her.

She was still feeling guilty about dragging him out like this, but when they walked into the flat and she saw the distress on the faces of her brother and sister, the guilt vanished. She had done the right thing.

The doctor went straight to Tom, placing his hand on his shoulder and giving a reassuring smile. Then he stooped down to Lily, who was holding on to her brother, her eyes red from crying.

‘Are you going to make us go away because of our mum?’ she whispered.

‘No, this is your home now, and I hope you’ll be living here for a long, long time. Nothing –
nothing
,’ he emphasised, ‘will ever make me change my mind. Now dry your eyes, my dear.’ He stood up and addressed the three of them. ‘Dora’s told me everything. What your parents did is no reflection on you, and you mustn’t take on their guilt. It sounds as if your mother acted out of love for you – her children. You don’t need to judge her harshly. Remember she was treated disgracefully by her
family. They’re the ones who should feel shame – not you.’

A little colour was coming back to Tom’s face now. ‘That’s kind of you to say those things, sir, but society will stand in judgement against us.’

‘Sadly that’s true, but I believe you’re all strong enough to rise above such prejudice. I want you to know that it makes no difference to me, and it won’t to any of your friends. You can rest assured that your home here is secure, and so is Dora’s job with me.’ He turned his head and smiled at Dora. ‘She’s the best assistant I’ve ever had. I have no intention of letting her go.’

‘Thank you, sir.’ Tom held out his hand, unable to conceal its tremor. ‘We were sure everyone was going to turn against us. This kind of thing is considered disgraceful.’

The doctor shook hands, treating Tom like an adult. ‘You’re to come to me if you need help. I’m a good listener, as any of my patients will tell you. And don’t forget that you have many friends who will continue to support you. Now, I’ve given Dora time off to deal with the funeral and any other business.’ He bent down to Lily again. ‘You’re quite safe, my dear. You must be brave and help your brother and sister as much as you can.’

‘I will.’ Lily tried a smile but wasn’t very successful. ‘Will everyone know what our mum and dad did?’

‘The only thing people need to know at the moment is that she’s died.’ He stood up again. ‘Say as little as possible for a while, in order to give yourselves a period of mourning to get through the funeral. If they catch the culprit who did this it will all come out in a trial. But that’s some way off and he might never be apprehended.’

‘I hope he is!’ Tom said forcefully. ‘Whatever Mum did, she didn’t deserve this.’

‘No, she didn’t.’ The doctor looked at his watch. ‘I must go, Dora. Will you be all right now?’

She nodded. ‘Thank you for coming, sir. It’s been a great help. I think we might be able to sleep now.’

But, as the long night dragged on, Dora knew that rest was going to be impossible. They had guessed that their mother had been doing something she didn’t want them to know about, but this was beyond belief. Their life had been a sham of respectability; an illusion. And tonight that illusion had crumbled around them. She’d had to send Stan away, not being able to look him in the eyes and see disgust where there had once been love. He was lost to her now. He was a decent man, and no matter what the doctor said, it would be wrong to expect him to want to take on three illegitimate children. The word cut through her like a physical pain, making her groan in despair. Dora felt the shame, and the last thing she wanted from anyone was pity. That would be the final humiliation. There was great sadness for her mother and the awful way she had died and been treated. It must have been terrible to be turned out by her parents. She knew that if she ever met them, it would be hard to be polite.

With a tremendous effort she clamped down on the distressing thoughts, turning her mind to what needed to be done the next day. Settling back she made a mental note of the tasks, praying that she would find the strength and courage for what was to come.

‘Stan!’

He spun round at the sound of his sister’s voice. ‘What are you doing here? You should be fast asleep by now.’

Winnie grimaced. ‘So should you. Reg and June are sleeping peacefully, but I can’t get the picture of those youngsters out of my mind. What a nightmare! I don’t understand why they sent us away like that.’

‘I do. They’re ashamed, and fearful that society will now reject them, including their friends.’

‘Damn society!’ Winnie swore. ‘And surely they know we wouldn’t turn away from them because of something their parents did?’

‘No they don’t, and it might take a while to convince them that it makes no difference to us. They’re very close and they’ll cling to each other to survive this disaster – or disgrace, as they see it.’

‘They shouldn’t have to suffer like this. What can we do, Stan? Can’t this be kept a secret?’

‘I wish it could, for their sakes, but it’s bound to come out eventually.’

‘You’re right, of course.’ Winnie sat down heavily and bowed her head. ‘Poor little devils. You’ll watch over them, won’t you, even if they try to turn you away.’

‘I’ll be beside them every step of the way.’

‘Right! What’ve we got to do today, Dora?’ Tom had a determined gleam in his eyes but was quite calm.

‘We’ll get more done if we work separately. The first job will be to make arrangements for the funeral. I’ll go to the one in the High Street – Chandlers. Then I’ll visit the solicitors and introduce myself to them as Reg suggested. He’ll have to talk to us now we know Mum’s name was Duval.’ Tom nodded agreement, and she was grateful for his strength of character. He might be a bit volatile at times, but he always pitched in when anything needed doing. ‘I’d like you and Lily to go to the police station. Tell them who the undertakers are, and get the Duvals’ address from Reg.’

Tom nodded again. ‘We’ll meet you back here for lunch. How are we going to pay for the funeral?’

‘I don’t know yet.’ Dora rubbed her tired eyes. ‘I’m hoping there might be an insurance policy at the solicitors. If not we’ll have to raise the money somehow. We must do this properly. She was our mother and we know she loved us. We owe it to her to see she has a dignified funeral.’

Silent tears were trickling down Lily’s face. All this talk about funerals was upsetting her. She whispered, ‘What do you want me to do, Dora?’

‘As I’ve said, I want you to go with Tom. You can write down everything Reg tells you. Can you do that for us?’

She swiped away the tears and nodded. ‘I’ve got a little notebook. I’ll take that with me.’

Glad that was settled, Dora stood up and began clearing the table. She hadn’t been able to eat. It felt as if there was a large empty hole inside her and food wouldn’t have stayed there. She still hadn’t come to terms with what they had been told, but there was far too much to do today and she had to get on with it.

‘Leave that,’ Tom told her. ‘We’ll clear up. You’ve got a lot to do, so you’d better be on your way. Have you got enough money for your fare?’

‘Yes.’ She picked up her purse. ‘Thanks, Tom. I’ll see you both later.’

‘Head up, Dora,’ he said sternly as she reached the door. ‘We are
not
going to carry the shame for something our parents did. It’s not our fault we’re illegitimate. It’s not as if we had any say in the matter.’

She straightened up and forced a smile. Her brother was a sound thinker, and that was just what they needed
to remember in order to get through this. And get through it they would! She was absolutely determined. ‘You’re quite right, Tom.’

Dobbs was just arriving when she came down the stairs. He stopped and stared. ‘My God, girl, you look done in. What’s up?’

There was no point evading the question. It was going to be known soon enough, but for the moment she would only mention one thing. ‘They’ve found our mother. She’s been killed.’

‘Oh, that’s terrible news.’ He was genuinely upset. ‘I’m so sorry, girl. Is there anything I can do for you?’

‘No, but thanks. We’ve got it all under control.’

Once outside Dora felt like bursting into hysterical laughter. All under control? It didn’t take long for the lies to start coming, she thought bitterly as she made for the High Street.

By the time she reached the undertaker’s she didn’t feel quite steady enough to go in, so she kept walking. She wasn’t going in there until she could conduct the business without breaking down. It was about fifteen minutes before she felt in control enough to turn back.

Much to her relief the undertaker was dignified and businesslike. If anyone tried to sympathise with her at the moment, she would not have been able to cope. The arrangements were concluded quickly and she stuffed the papers in her bag, not looking at them. Time enough to study the details tonight when Tom was with her. She had chosen a good-quality coffin without giving the cost a thought. They were going
to have to sell quite a few things to pay for it, but she didn’t care. How she would have loved to have Stan with her today. She had never felt so alone in her life, but this was probably how it would be from now on. At least she had Lily and Tom, and without them life would now be unbearable.

Stopping halfway along the High Street, she gazed around, lost for a moment when her mind went blank. Where was she going? A bus! She had to catch a bus to the solicitors’. That’s right, she had to go to Bloomsbury next.

Pretending to look in a shop window, she called herself all the names she could think of. This was no time to be falling apart. She had things to do, and a brother and sister to look after. The news had been horrific, but they knew now what their parents had been hiding all these years. They had loved each other; that had been plain to see when they had been together. Looking back now, she could see that their mother had changed after their father had been killed, but they’d put it down to grief over losing the man she loved. Why she had done the things she had was a mystery and would probably remain so. Perhaps that was for the best.

Feeling steadier again, she caught the bus. What was done was done, and whatever the consequences, they had to work their way through this nightmare. It felt as if she had a notice around her neck telling the world that she was illegitimate, which was ridiculous. Tom had declared that they didn’t need to carry guilt around with them. She must remember that, but it was hard. The cloak of
respectability they had worn had been torn from them.

From the bus window she could see people going about their daily business and she wondered what secrets some were hiding. There was nothing to single anyone out, and that was how it was with her. The shame was inside, out of sight, and it was up to her to see that it didn’t ruin their lives.

She rested her forehead on the window and calmness filled her. This would not ruin her life! If she allowed that to happen it would drag down her brother and sister as well, and she wouldn’t do that to them. The next couple of weeks were going to be distressing, but she would be strong.

The bus stopped and she got off. The weakness of mind and body had left her, so she stepped out confidently. It was only a short walk to the solicitors’.

‘Can I help you?’ a young man asked when she walked in.

‘I’d like to see the person who is dealing with Mrs Duval’s affairs. I’m her daughter.’

The man disappeared into another office, returning almost at once. ‘Mr Graham will see you, Miss Duval.’

He held open the door and she walked in, not bothering to correct him about the name.

A rather elderly man stood to greet her. ‘Please sit down, and tell me what I can do for you.’

‘My mother is dead, sir, and I believe you hold papers of hers. I would like to know what they contain.’

‘I’ll need to see a death certificate, and proof of your identity, before I can do that.’

‘My mother was murdered, so there will be a short delay before the death certificate is issued.’ Dora was pleased with the way her voice sounded, firm with no hint of weakness.

‘I’m sorry to hear that …’

Dora continued. ‘I was brought up under the name of Bentley, not Duval.’

‘I see.’ He narrowed his eyes and stared at her intently. ‘You have something to identify you as Bentley?’

Opening her bag she took out an official letter given to her by Dr Burridge stating the terms of her employment. It was something he had insisted she have, and now it could prove useful. After handing it over she sat back while he read it. ‘If you are in any doubt, then the police will confirm that what I have told you is true.’

He folded the letter carefully and gave it back to her. ‘You understand that I cannot show you the will until I see the death certificate?’ When she nodded, he continued, ‘But I will tell you that Mrs Duval has mentioned three names. Can you tell me what they might be?’

‘Dora, Thomas and Lily Bentley.’

He nodded, his expression softening. ‘Have you made arrangements for the funeral?’

‘Yes, this morning. It will be in ten days’ time.’

‘Ask the funeral directors to send the bill to me and it will be paid out of your mother’s estate.’

‘Estate! What estate?’

He stood up and opened the door, bringing the meeting to a close. ‘I will tell you next time you come, Miss Bentley.’

Dora walked out of the solicitors’ in a daze. If there was money, then it could be from doubtful earnings – she refused to admit to the word that was forcing its way into her thought.

No one really knew what her mother had been doing, and she wasn’t going to label her in such a disgraceful way. Let people think what they liked, to her children she had been a loving, caring mother, and that was how they would remember her. It was a relief to know that the funeral expenses would be paid. If there was anything left over, they would keep it for Lily.

When she arrived home, Stan was there with her brother and sister. Lily was still subdued and grieving for their mother, but thankfully she was too young and innocent to understand all they had been told. They hadn’t enlightened her, but she wasn’t daft and obviously knew something was very wrong.

She went immediately to Dora, holding tightly to her hand. ‘We saw Uncle Reg and he showed us around the station. The policemen gave us tea and biscuits.’

‘That was kind of them, sweetie.’

She nodded. ‘Tom tried on some handcuffs and he couldn’t get out of them, but they had a key. They put them on me, but my hands were too small and I just pulled them out again.’ Lily was chattering nervously. ‘Stan wasn’t there, but he’s come to see us now. He’s bought a car. Did you see it outside? Did you see about burying Mum …? Was it all right? Did you have enough money?’

Dora knelt in front of her sister. ‘Everything’s been
taken care of, my love. The solicitor said that Mum has left enough money to pay for the funeral.’ She kissed Lily’s cheek and forced a smile. ‘You’re not to upset yourself. How about making me a cup of tea? I’m gasping.’

‘It’s ready. I’ll get you one.’

As soon as Lily hurried off, Dora stood up. Stan had been watching, not speaking, and Dora wished he wasn’t there as a witness to their grief and struggle. ‘Have you come to find out when the funeral will be?’

‘No, I came to see if there’s anything I can do for you.’

‘There’s nothing. We can deal with this ourselves.’

His face darkened with frustration. ‘Damn it! Don’t turn away from me.’

‘Just a minute!’ Tom stepped up to Stan. ‘We know you want to help, but Dora’s right, there’s nothing anyone can do for us at the moment. And I won’t have you raising your voice at my sister like that. Don’t you think she’s got enough to cope with?’

Stan lifted his hands. ‘I apologise.’

‘You must give us time,’ Dora explained. ‘What we’ve found out has knocked us off balance. We’re feeling lost. The best thing you can do is leave us alone while we try to sort out our lives.’

‘All right.’ He couldn’t hide the regret he felt at their withdrawal from him. ‘But you’re not getting rid of me – ever! So while you’re sorting yourselves out, remember that. Also remember what I said to you at the party, Dora. I’ll step back for now, but only for a few days. The sooner you sort yourselves out the better
it will be for all of us.’ Then he turned on his heel and walked out.

‘We’ve upset him,’ Lily whispered. ‘We shouldn’t do that, Dora.’

‘I know.’ She sighed deeply. ‘We’ll apologise when we’re feeling better.’