Diary of a Mummy Misfit #1 (35 page)

Last night at Jenny and Colin’s was a bit mixed - great company (well that’s obvious - never a dull moment with them and F&J), great food, flowing wine and all in the most superb ‘little hice’ crammed full with stunning art deco antiques.

Combine that with lots of laughter and a few side-shows from Fenella and Jenny and it had been the perfect night.

Until Jenny decided that, as a friend, she’d let us know that the school fees were about to go up by a ‘considerable amount’.

Colin made a big show about telling her to, “Sshh Jen!” and “It’s not the time or the place.”

I know she hadn’t said it with any mischief intended, and we’re grateful to her for the tip-off, but the evening lost a little of its sparkle.  We hadn’t budgeted for an increase
quite
so soon and, if redundancy
is
in the offing, we’ve a lot at stake.

As I’m writing I feel a sudden sense of panic - have we bitten off more than we can chew?  And are all my feelings of ‘not belonging’, trying to tell me something?  Here I am agonising, when to most of the other Manor Housers a fee increase just means cutting down a bit on one of their many holidays.

Dog is rubbing his head on my leg in a comforting way that makes me believe he understands our plight.

Just realised he also does that when he needs a wee so maybe he’s more tuned in to his
own
plight.

PM

In a fit of madness, I went on the Internet and ordered Ned a laptop for Christmas - nothing to pay for ten months and, afterwards, manageable monthly payments (provided Ned still has a job).  He’s wanted one for so long, I just wanted to make him happy.

OK, OK … I know it wasn’t the most logical thing to do but at least I’ve deferred the pain of spending
real
money at Christmas and I can pretend that we can afford all the things
other
people have.

Shit … now I’m beginning to realise what I’ve
actually
done!  Think I’ve just gone a bit overboard with internet retail therapy.

Oh bugger it!  I can always cancel it - it won’t be despatched for seven days and there are at least two lotteries before then.

Think the best thing I can do is go and have a nice glass of Chardonnay and a fag and think about it tomorrow.

Sunday 23rd November

The bloody weather’s doing nothing to lift my mood - torrential rain and non-stop storms.  We’re holed up at home, apart from short bouts round the block with the dogs (whoever draws the short straw).

Have made and stored my Christmas cake, executed numerous Christmas crafts with Max, sorted through the tree decorations and baked and frozen two tins of sausage rolls for Christmas Eve nibbles.

Yet I don’t feel remotely festive - think I may have overdosed on Christmas fair preps. 

MUST have Christmas feelings - I have a little boy who can think of nothing else and I need to buck my ideas up and get in the mood.  Write Christmas present list and pull self together.

PRESENTS

NED - Decide what to do about laptop - tomorrow.

MAX - Find lots of cheap stocking fillers - as with any child, he loves the tat the most.  Take trip to the Pound Shop with Fenella. 

Main presents - don’t have a clue.  Go through his ‘most wanted’ list and search the web for the bargains.

MUM - Nothing will be good enough so will probably just get her M&S smellies.

NED’S MUM - Thankfully, easy to please.  Always asks for an historical novel and then moans every year because nobody bought her one.  Guess what Ria?  This could be your lucky year!

NIC, RICK, LOU, CAM, FINN, HARRIET & ELLE - have agreed on a ‘no present’ policy.  Think Nic may have broken it by buying me the necklace at the fair so will get them some scented candles.  Will probably stick a fiver in the post to Finn.  Harriet and Elle always arrive on Christmas Day armed with goodies and masses of presents for Max, so will buy them both a ‘little something’ and say it’s from Max.  Great present ban that turned out to be!

FENELLA, JOSH & KIDS  - Difficult one.  First Christmas as friends.  To buy or not to buy?  Will she buy and then I feel bad for not buying or vice-versa?  Think about it tomorrow.

MRS S - New Mills and Boon I spotted in the book shop, “Sultan of Seduction” - must check it’s not one of their new racier range as I think she’s probably more into the chaste kiss than the full blown heaving and throbbing variety.

TEACHERS - Read somewhere that teachers get sick of smellies and chocolates when all they really want is booze - can’t say I blame them after putting up with 20 kids all week.  Surprised they don’t ask for Class A drugs!  Find good wine deal at off-license and stock up on gift bags from the Pound Shop.

All looks so easy when you see it written out.  Sure it won’t cost much at all …

Think I just felt the first stirrings of excitement - knew I could do it if I tried hard enough.

Off to dig out Christmas CD’s but think it might be a little to early to start listening to them - best not to overdo it.

PM

Had a glass of wine and listened to ‘Christmas with Cliff’ - couldn’t resist and promise to put the remaining CD’s in the cupboard until mid December.

Email from Pritesh:

‘Libby, am worried that Mum is over-doing it with this business idea.  Could we meet?’

Sure, Pritesh, any excuse.  NO, we couldn’t meet.  Why can’t they get it in their heads that I’m a happily married woman?  Just because I have the odd erotic dream doesn’t mean I’m on the market for an illicit affair.

Sent polite but firm email back saying that I would speak to her and also meet with the suspect Skunk - can’t do more than that.

Monday 24
^th
November  AM

Well, it’s true what they say.  Things
do
come in threes.

Woke to a soaking wet landing carpet - we have a fucking great leak in our roof.  Would laugh if I could but I think, if I did, it would be slightly hysterical and I may not be able to stop.

Ned took the day off work to be around for quotes from builders and to take up our now ruined hallway carpet.

Drove to school in my fancy borrowed wheels, wearing my pathetic second hand clothes and sat at the school gates, feeling what could only be described as ‘toxic’.  I could feel the venom racing through my veins like a drug.  I knew it was wrong but just couldn’t stop myself.  Logically, I knew it wasn’t the other parents’ fault that they have more money than they know what to do with but I just wanted to shout at them all, “YOU DON’T REALISE HOW LUCKY YOU ARE!  SWANNING OFF ON YOUR FOUR HOLIDAYS A YEAR AND NEVER HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT WHERE NEXT TERM’S FEES ARE COMING FROM.  BET YOU
DON’T HAVE A LEAK IN
YOUR
ROOF.  AND IF YOU DID YOU’D JUST PAY THE MOST EXPENSIVE ROOFER IN THE LAND TO FIX IT PRONTO. 
ARSE-HOLES
!”

Max interrupted my ‘in-head-screaming-match’ with, “Come on Mummy.  I need to go in.  I LOVE Mondays. We’ve got gym this morning and I need to get changed.  YIPPEE!”

Made a silent promise to myself that we’d get through this and, come hell or high water, we’d never pull Max out of Manor House.

At least we’ve had the third in our series of unfortunate events and I guess there are a lot worse things that could happen than a leaky roof - like Gestapo breaking an acrylic for example or the Gnome finding that GapKids don’t stock the trousers she wears anymore.

Can’t be
that
depressed - bitching mechanism still in full working order.

PM

An assortment of quotes have shown that we’re looking in the region of eight grand to get the roof sorted.  What we’d hoped would be a few tattered tiles has ended up being several jiggered joists.

Ned spent the rest of the day organising an emergency overdraft and we then spent the evening in stilted silence - no point in talking.  There’s nothing to say except, “SHIT!”

Tuesday 25
^th
November  AM

Committee meeting tonight

Rushed home from school this morning and cancelled the lap top order.  Don’t think Ned would take too kindly to me committing us to even more monthly payments, deferred or otherwise - it was a great idea while it lasted but, sadly, not to be.

Add to Christmas present list - NED: Socks?!

Popped next door and finally got to meet Skunk.  What a lovely young man.  Peculiar looking but lovely.  He has nothing but respect for Mrs S and has adopted her like a much loved granny, even to the extent of calling her “Ba”.  Far from taking advantage he’s advising that she be very careful committing herself to too much by way of a business loan and has even offered to go in with her, contributing some money from his own grandmother’s will.

Left them with their Babycham, discussing website designs and how quickly they thought Mrs S could teach him to make all the recipes.

PM

Meeting went well and should have left me feeling euphoric.  Everyone very complimentary and we really had set a fundraising record.