Diary of a Wedding Planner in Love (Tales Behind the Veils Book 2) (21 page)

I may have ended up in Paris alone, but I wasn't alone anymore.

Still My Birthday (Long Day!)

On Top of the World

We walked to the refreshment stand underneath the Tower and bought water bottles, which we quickly drained.

"Okay!" Jack said, tossing his empty bottle in the recycle bin. "Let's do this."

"Do what?" I asked, afraid I already knew.

"You conquered Notre Dame and lived to tell about it." He pointed above us. "You can't leave Paris without going to the top of the Eiffel Tower." He grinned, and the dimples in his cheeks deepened beneath those gorgeous teal eyes.

"Oh hell no. You're insane." I shook my head and took a couple of steps backward.

Jack laughed. "Come on! Think about how awesome it felt when we came down. You were so excited! Don't you want to feel that way again?"

"I was excited to have my feet back on solid ground."

He shook his head. "No, you were excited because you faced your fears and challenged yourself to step outside your comfort zone. That was just the beginning, Birthday Girl. The warm-up to the main event. You can do this."

"Can't you find a tunnel or a secret passageway under the city for us to see? Aren't there, like, catacombs?"

"You'd rather go in a dark tunnel filled with skulls than the top of the Eiffel Tower? Really? Besides, you've already been beneath the city. The Metro."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, which went oh so well."

Jack laughed. "Come on. You have one shot to make this birthday count."

"That sales spiel already worked on me once. It won't work again." I smiled at him and crossed my arms over my chest.

"But wasn't it worth it? Didn't you love the view? Think how awesome it'll be from here! It's even higher."

"Okay, that is not helping your case." I lifted one finger and wagged it in front of him.

"You're stalling. Let's do this, Birthday Girl."

I shook my head again, but I felt no real resistance. After all, he was right. It was a day for facing my fears and stepping out of my comfort zone. I'd arrived in Paris yesterday morning alone and bereft. But I'd made the best of it and created some pretty incredible memories along the way. I craned my neck back and shielded my eyes against the sun.

"Oh, wow, Jack. How high is it?"

"I don't remember. I think it's like six hundred feet. Want me to look it up or ask someone?"

I smiled and shook my head. "No. It doesn't really matter, and knowing would just make it worse."

He laughed as he wrapped me in another hug. "You can do this," he whispered against my hair.

I knew I could do it, but that didn't stop my stomach from wanting to upchuck lunch.

The sign for the lift said the wait was over two hours. I remembered Cabe's anger at the airport and how upset he'd been at the prospect of standing in the line. Jack seemed undaunted, however, deeming it worth the wait. My stomach turned its flips every time I looked up or thought about how high we'd go, but I also felt excitement building within me. My nerves buzzed with adrenaline. A lingering euphoria from my climb earlier today, perhaps.

We'd been in line about a half hour when I looked up again and shivered against my will.

"Are you cold? Here." Jack rubbed his hands up and down my arms.

"Thanks. I'm okay. Just nervous."

He looked ahead at the line before us, which barely seemed to move at all.

"Come on," he said, taking my hand and pulling the stanchion up for me to go under.

"What are we doing?"

"The line for the stairs is a lot shorter. We can take the stairs to the second level and then take a lift from there. Besides, climbing the stairs will help warm you up."

I pulled back on his arm. "No, no, no. No way. It'd be bad enough in the elevator. I can't climb those stairs and be able to look down and see how far it is. I'll flip out. I won't be able to move!" I stood firmly in my spot as he tugged lightly on my hand.

"Tyler, you can do this," Jack said. "I've got you. I won't let anything happen to you."

I started to tell Jack that climbing the stairs of the Eiffel Tower was nowhere on my bucket list. Like even if you looked all the way down the list, it wasn't there. But the way he looked at me, pleading with me to come with him, melted me a little. He'd made the difference in my birthday being special after Cabe left me high and dry. I didn't want to let Jack down.

"Okay, but if I faint or throw up, it's all on you. Literally!"

"You won't." He laughed and pulled me with him to the stairs. "You want to go in front of me or behind me?"

"Neither" I laughed as the nervous energy inside me bubbled over.

Seven hundred and four steps later, we reached the second level. Every single one terrified me. If it wasn't for Jack, I'd probably still be sitting on one of those damned steps with my head between my knees crying. Of course, then again, if it wasn't for Jack, I wouldn't have gone on the stupid steps to start with.

He was an amazing coach, though. If I ever lose my mind and decide to run a marathon, I will definitely look him up and have him be my trainer. He encouraged me and waited patiently for me, moving aside to let other people pass when I needed to sit. He held my hand and stroked my hair, speaking softly to me the entire climb, instilling me with courage and strength. Jack made me want to reach the top. For him. For me. For my future endeavors and things I may add to my bucket list now.

We walked around the second level and soaked up the view. No pictures or postcards from Paris could ever adequately capture its beauty. I tried to take in every single detail, but with so much to see, it felt impossible to absorb it all.

Jack held onto the rail and leaned back, his face turned up to the sun, and his ever-present smile radiating almost as brightly. I felt a bit guilty about monopolizing his experience with my fears. I'm sure he would have enjoyed the climb up the stairs much more without me alternately crying, cursing, and hyperventilating.

"I'm sorry about the stairs, Jack, I hope I didn't ruin it for you. I really appreciate you making me do this. You were right. It's incredible."

"Don't be sorry! I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to. Life is usually better when it's shared with someone else. Especially the scary parts. I was honored you let me share it with you, Birthday Girl."

I smiled and turned back to feel the sun on my face. I saw the rays reflecting off
Les Invalides's
golden dome through a film of moisture. I had planned to share Paris with someone. As thankful as I was for Jack's appearance and his presence, it also made me painfully aware someone else should have been here with me. My smile faded as I blinked rapidly against the tears.

"Hey, you okay? Did I say something wrong?" Jack asked.

I shook my head but kept looking straight ahead, scared the tears would come spilling out if I looked at him.

He knew something was wrong. To his credit, he didn't push the matter, although I'm sure his next question was because of my tears.

"So, I don't think I asked you. What made you decide to travel to Paris by yourself?"

He stayed silent while I considered my answer. I didn't trust my voice to speak right away.

"I had originally planned to come with a friend"—pain pricked my heart at the word—"but it didn't work out. I didn't want to miss the experience." And what an experience it had been.

A call for the open lift to the top floor rang out, and Jack took my hand again as we headed toward it. We piled into the crowded lift, and I felt certain I would throw up by the time we got to the top. I had visions of me passing out at the top of the Eiffel Tower. Paramedics rushing to the scene. Tourists snapping photos and posting them on social media. News crews reporting live on the scene. And Jack, standing there embarrassed. Insisting he didn't know me. Had never seen me before in his life. Disappearing into the crowd as they hauled me away.

I didn't want to let him down or make him think less of me. He had put a lot of effort and encouragement into getting me up there. So I gritted my teeth and pushed my paramedic fantasy from my thoughts as I stepped out on top of the world.

I have regrets in my life, to be sure. But taking the hand of a relative stranger and climbing five hundred and ninety feet to the top of the Eiffel Tower will never be one of them. (I looked up the height afterwards.)

It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Truly magnificent in its fear-inducing, awe-inspiring, breathtaking, and nausea-defying awesomeness.

A Perfect Ending to

a Damn-Near Perfect Birthday

We took the lifts all the way back down, and once again, I felt euphoria and intense hunger.

We found a cafe near the river, where we sat under an umbrella, a cool breeze chilling us as the sun started its descent. Two hours went by like minutes, and I soaked up every bit of happiness I could pull from the scene. The sunset, the people around us, the conversation, and the magical energy pulsating through Paris.

After we'd eaten and drunk our fill, we meandered along the riverbank in the dark. Jack took my hand in his, and I let him, enjoying his warmth and his company.

"Wanna take a river cruise?" Jack asked. Memories of Cabe flooded to the forefront of my mind after I'd successfully held him at bay for a tiny block of time. I remembered him talking about the river cruise and how much he looked forward to taking me. I clenched my teeth and begged the anger to rise before sadness could take over. I would have loved going down this river with him, but he wasn't here. He chose not to be.

"Let's do it," I said somewhat defiantly. "Let's take a river cruise."

"You sure? You seemed to hesitate."

"I hesitated about climbing over a thousand steps today, too, but that didn't stop you." I stuck my tongue out at him and walked up to the ticket counter.

We sailed the Seine snuggled together underneath the blanket provided as we listened to the guide explain why Paris is known as the city of love. The boat's bright green and yellow lights danced along the river's banks and flooded over the tall buildings built alongside it. After a while, I rested my head against Jack's shoulder and breathed in his pine scent, lulled into a relaxed state by the movement of the boat and the wine I'd had with dinner. A moment so perfect I wished I could freeze time. Just to be there for a bit longer. Wrapped in Jack's arms underneath the blanket as the cold nipped at my nose and cheeks, listening to the guide regale us with love tales, surrounded by the magic and splendor of Paris. I didn't want it to end. I didn't want to go back to my real life and the mess I'd left behind.

We disembarked near the Eiffel Tower and sought out a coffee shop to get some hot java before the nightly light display began. It dazzled me all over again. The sparkling flashes added to the air of magic, another layer of the surreal spell Paris had cast over me where we existed in a different world, far removed from our everyday lives with their stresses and entanglements. I was mesmerized by the cold air, the bright lights, the buzz of the crowd surrounding us, and the warmth of Jack by my side.

I don't know exactly what led up to it, or who started what. I don't know if Jack kissed me or I kissed him. I guess we kissed each other. One minute we were sitting on a bench, huddled close together as we watched the lights sparkle and dance, and then there we were. Lips on lips, tongue against tongue. Hungry and needy. Searching and exploring.

I won't even lie and say I didn't enjoy it. And I won't even try to regret it.

After all, I was in Paris, the City of Lights. The City of Love. I was in the arms of a handsome, successful, well-spoken, well-educated man whose company I enjoyed immensely. It was my birthday. A day that had been incredible from start to finish. Great sights. Great food. Great company. Great accomplishments.

What could be a more perfect ending to a perfect day than a kiss underneath the Eiffel Tower while intoxicated by French wine and the magic of Paris?

Jack pulled back and looked down at me, his teal eyes vivid green in the amber glow of the tower.

"I wish I could stay right here. Right in this very moment," he whispered.

I smiled at his own thoughts so closely echoing my own. I shivered as the wind swirled between us, and Jack pulled me closer in his arms as he kissed me again. Warmth seeped through my body and spread like wildfire. A deep warmth no cold could touch.

We stayed there for over an hour, talking in between kisses. The frigid cold finally got the best of us, though, moving us indoors to a nearby restaurant for dessert and more wine.

The clock had long ago struck midnight when I finally climbed my final stairs of the day up to my room. Jack had left me at the hotel entrance with a rather passionate kiss and a promise to be around early to take me to breakfast.

My calves screamed with each step I climbed, and my mind swirled in a whirlwind of wine and confusion. I liked Jack. A lot. I'd enjoyed spending the day with him. In another world at another time, I'm sure I would've felt like one lucky girl to have found him. I mean, what was not to like? He was sweet. Charming. Intelligent. Funny. Upbeat. Always smiling. Definitely nothing like the maelstrom of depression and doubt I'd been dealing with back home.

All in all, I'd had a wonderful birthday, in large part due to Jack.

Which turned my thoughts back to Cabe.

How would the day have gone if Cabe had been here? Would we have laughed and been crazy like we can be? Or would he have been moody, withdrawn, and sensitive to everything? The Cabe he's been lately? Would I have felt so free and so exhilarated? Or would I have been worried about Cabe? Seeking to make sure he was okay. That
he
was happy.

I entered my room to find our suitcase on my bed with a note from the airport apologizing for the delay.

Our
suitcase. A visual, tangible reminder of Cabe. Of his absence. Of his presence.

The illusion of my perfect day shattered, and my emotions went into overdrive as I wavered between guilt for feeling like I'd rather be in Paris with Jack instead of Cabe, and a longing for Cabe that threatened to completely undo me.

It was all so unfair. Why couldn't Cabe have chosen me? Why couldn't he have just gotten on the plane and been here to experience everything by my side? Then I would have never met Jack.

My heart rebelled at the thought even as it fleeted through my mind. I couldn't regret meeting Jack. He'd been a bright spot in the darkness for me. He'd been there for me when Cabe wasn't.

I showered and dug through the suitcase to find something to sleep in. I shoved Cabe's clothes to the side, but then I held his shirt to my face and inhaled deeply, the scent proving more painful than I could bear. I wiped my tears and exchanged the shirt for one of the silky negligees, but that brought forth memories of what might have been.

So I guess I'll just sleep in my birthday suit again tonight. Appropriate to close out my birthday, I suppose.