Diary of an Expat in Singapore (12 page)

Your child brings soy sauce to school in case they are serving rice.

When your child starts doing this, I think it is safe to say she’s ready for her PR. If Singapore and Italy were playing a football match, Singapore just scored a touchdown. You can pack all the leftover pasta bolognese from the night before in her lunchbox, but if the girl has soy sauce on her mind, she’s gone local.

When you ask your son what season it is, he answers: “Monsoon?”

Theoretically, you know the changing seasons have not had the same impact on your kids’ lives that they had on yours (mainly because they haven’t experienced them). However, it is still a shock when you ask that question in December and you are expecting him to answer: “It’s winter.” The fact that it really is monsoon and has been raining night and day with flash floods along Orchard Road does show he has a point. Still, it’s unexpected.

When asked how they are in Italian, they answer in Chinese.

Even more disconcerting, when they are in Italy during the summer and don’t understand what someone is saying, they usually reason: “I think he’s Chinese.”

Then again, when they don’t understand someone in Singapore, they’ve been known to say: “He’s Korean.” It’s complicated.

The answer to “What sign are you?” is not Sagittarius. It’s Snake.

Undeniably Asian. At this point, I’m thinking this answer might not improve my son’s chances on the dating scene in America. On the other hand, if he never pronounces that cheesy question to a girl, I will consider myself one proud, Asian parent.

At birthday parties they sing Happy Birthday in Chinese… before English.

At all birthday parties in Singapore, it is customary amongst expats to sing both in English and Chinese. Now that my children automatically and without prompting sing the Chinese version, I can’t help but wonder: “Will they ever learn how to sing Happy Birthday in Italian?” Followed by: “Will they ever be invited to Italian birthday parties?” Remembering the huge quantities of liquor and cream-filled pastries I was forced to eat as a child… maybe that’s not a bad thing. And, exclusion does build character… or was that resentment?

Swimming in an outdoor pool on Christmas Day

Only in Singapore. As I watch my kids frolicking in the water, I make a mental list of all the other things that make Singapore unique and differentiate it from Verona, as well as from most other places.

Parental guidance

No need. Profanity on television is bleeped and there is no nudity. I mean, none. My kids are totally shocked when they watch TV in Italy. And, that’s just the commercials.

Capital punishment

Once hoping to have a lively debate with my university class, I brought up the issue of capital punishment and asked my students: “Who’s in favour, who’s against?” 100% in favour… no debate. I knew I should have prepared more material.

Live-in maids

Cheap labour from the Philippines, Indonesia, and Myanmar. Here, even the maids have maids. Seriously. The wealthier Singaporean families have more than one maid so it is entirely plausible to hear how maid number one is training maid number two. The ideal scenario in Singapore includes a grandparent who keeps an eye on maid number one while she keeps an eye on maid number two. A viable solution for the dual-working-parent household or merely a way to keep the grandparents busy? Who’s to say?

School etiquette