Diner Impossible (A Rose Strickland Mystery) (16 page)

Chapter 20

A pinched-face man walked over and took the seat Roxy had just vacated. “Hello. I’m Ensign Ray Jones.”

“Nice to meet you. So, can you tell me a little about Starfleet? How does it work, exactly?” The KAWs were pretty clear. Dress up, drink, and grunt. But the Fleeties were a different bird.

“We’re a national organization with a love for
Star Trek
, obviously.” Running a hand over his uniform, his smile held a touch of self-deprecation. At least he didn’t take himself as seriously as Smith. “We have regions and local chapters, attend Cons. We bowl every Tuesday. We’re just a club.”

I glanced at the pin on his collar, signifying rank. “What does an ensign do?”

His smile strained a bit. “Keeps the ship running.”

“What does that mean in club terms?” I was sort of fascinated by all this hierarchy. It was just like the police force or the military. But with no authority whatsoever.

“I make sure there’s coffee for the meetings. I assist the others in any way I can.”

I shifted in the uncomfortable chair. “Why can’t you just call yourself a doctor or a first officer or something?”

His mouth fell open at the suggestion. “It doesn’t work like that. You have to be recommended to climb in rank, complete a certain amount of classes for each advancement level, and you can’t climb too high too fast.”

“Classes? Like what?” I was something of an expert at taking useless classes.

“Sci Fi film courses, Trek Trivia. Although, some courses are more practical. I’ve taken several. Taught one, too, on electrical wiring. They have degrees and everything.”

“You’re an electrician?” Always good to know. My landlord was pretty timely about fixing broken stuff, but he bitched so much, it was sometimes more of a pain to call him than not.

Ray bobbed his head. “I do other stuff, too. More an all-around maintenance guy. I diversify.”

“If you fix cars, Ray, I might marry you tonight.”

He grinned. “Nope, sorry. Just my luck.”

I tapped my pen against my lower lip. “So, why aren’t you a higher rank? I mean, ensign’s pretty low on the
Star Trek
totem pole, right?”

The smile faded. “You’d have to ask Captain Smith about that.” Hmm. There was a story here.

“Captain Smith seems very…intense about all this. He’s the one keeping you from advancing? That hardly seems fair when you’ve got degrees and everything.”

He paused for a moment. “Okay, I’m going to tell you this, but you have to swear to secrecy, by the laws of the Alliance.”

“Of course.” What were the Laws of the Alliance again?

“Captain Smith and I were at a Con four years ago and we both finaled in the Picard tribute video contest. I won. He’s been mad about it ever since and refuses to recommend me for promotion.”

“That must be rough. Why don’t you stage a coup? Overthrow the Captain and take control?”

He looked at me like I’d suddenly turned into one of the Borg collective. “That’s treason.”

We sat in silence for a few.

“Would you like to see my entry for this year’s Con?” he asked.

No
. “Love it.” He handed me his phone and I scrolled through the pics.

“I painted a portrait of Spock in his dress uniform,” he said.

The painting wasn’t half bad. For a portrait of Leonard Nemoy. But jeez Louise, Ray Jones was a slob. I quickly tapped his screen and saw pics that included his bedroom. Piles and piles of dirty laundry covered the floor in front of the easel. And he had Trek posters hanging all over the walls. “You’re really talented, Ray.”

“Thanks.”

I handed his phone back. “Did you see anything strange the night the uniform was taken?”

He shook his head. “Not that I can remember.” He pointed to the overhead screen. “It’s my turn. Nice to meet you, Rose.” Then he hurried off.

I glanced around, searching for Roxy. She stood in between two Starfleet guys, her hands feeling up their biceps as she giggled. She glanced back at Brian more than once, but he showed no signs of noticing.

Ma, arms crossed over her
I’m Not Irish, But Kiss Me Anyway
sweatshirt, bobbed her head at the bald man she sat next to, listening as he talked. Ma was an excellent listener. Hopefully, she was uncovering a clue or two.

As I was contemplating what Ensign Jones had said, Bee Hive slinked
her way toward me. “Hello, I’m Lieutenant Junior Grade Katherine Donner.” She sat in front of me and crossed her long legs. Even though the go-go boots stopped mid-calf, she flashed more leg than a Rockette doing the can can.

Roxy started to storm our way, but with a little shake of my head, I held her off. “So, tell me about the laser tag.”

She sat up straight, making the most of her torpedo boobs and checked to see if Brian was watching. He was. “I was hit midway through the game.”

“Where did people go when they got zapped?”

“To the little concession area down the hall or off to the side to watch the action. We brought sub sandwiches and the KAWs brought dessert and chips. We all wandered around, talking to each other.”

“Where were you?”

“In the concession room.”

“Did you ever leave the room?”

Her brown eyes darted around the alley. “I went to the restroom once. And Brian and I slipped behind the theater for a bit of fresh air.” She frowned at me, causing a little crease to appear between her eyes. “You don’t think I took the uniform, do you?”

I was tired of people asking me that question. Of course I suspected them. I suspected everyone. Guilty until proven otherwise.

“Did you meet any of the Trekkers outside?”

“No. Brian and I were too busy with each other. You know what I mean.”

I knew exactly what she meant. And that was bad news for Roxy. She was obsessing about Brian because she didn’t want to dwell on her breakup with Tariq. And Brian was turning out to be a dick.

“What about the rest of the night? Anyone missing?”

“I don’t remember seeing Axton. And Sid was in the bathroom for a long time at The Carp. I remember because he seemed really upset when he went in and much calmer when he came out. Anyway, everyone knows the KAWs took the trophy. They’re the only ones who could have.”

I wasn’t so sure about that, but one thing I was certain of, Axton didn’t take that uniform.

“I heard Melissa Sue was engaged to a Fleetie. Can you point him out?”

She glanced toward the lanes. “Chief Petty Officer Sid Rivers.” He’d been the man talking to Ma. Tall, thin, nerdy, round glasses.

“Tell him I want to see him next. By the way, how long have you been crushing on Brian?”

“Since he got into town almost a year ago,” she said, lifting her shoulders. “Why?”

“Into town? From where?”

“Nebraska. He was a Cornhusker KAW and switched chapters.” She patted the top of her wig. “Did he say something about me?”

“Nothing at all,” I said. “In fact, he claimed he didn’t have a girlfriend. When I saw you throwing your goodies at him, I thought you were just another Klingon groupie.”

She stood, placed her hands on her hips, which made the hem of her dress rise to panty-flashing levels. “I was not throwing my goodies, okay? It may not be official, but we’re going out.”

“Sorry. I guess I got my wires crossed.”

She dropped her hands and ran them over her short uniform. “You did.” She straightened her shoulders before sauntering off.

Katherine Donner and Brian deserved each other. I hoped Roxy would come to that conclusion as well.

Melissa Sue’s ex-fiancé, stepped up next. “I’m Sid Rivers.” He didn’t sit, but hovered over me with a scowl on his face. “Let’s get this over with. No, I didn’t take the uniform. Yes, I was engaged to Melissa Sue and yes, it hurts like hell, but that doesn’t mean I’m a thief. Are we clear on that?”

“Clear. So when did you break up?”

He pulled a square of bright purple cloth from his pocket and nervously rubbed it between his fingers. “When she hooked up with Dale. We were supposed to be married next month. A Trekker wedding.”

“Divak Khard? That Dale?” Hmm. There was a twist for you. But curiosity won out over a missing Kirk shirt or a Trekker love triangle. “What’s a
Star Trek
wedding look like?”

“We were going to dress in our uniforms and serve Trek dishes, like groat cakes—crepes.
Gagh
. Noodles, not real worms, of course. We even hired a decorator to replicate the bridge of the Enterprise.” He cast his eyes down to the cloth and wadded it in his fist.

“I’m so sorry.” Despite Sid’s protests, he could have taken the uniform to get back at the KAWs. I remembered Ax saying something about Divak Khard and Sid getting into a fight at the end of the battle. I thought it had been about laser tag, but they were fighting because of Melissa Sue. 

Lifting his lenses, he rubbed at his eyes.

“We had a love that was as undeniable as the fact that
The Wrath of Khan
was the best movie featuring the original cast.” He shoved the square of material back in his pocket and stumbled up the stairs toward the bar.

I talked to the rest of the Fleeties, and heard the same song and dance. No one saw anything. The thief must be a KAW.

After a while, Ax climbed the stairs and sat next to me. “Any news?”

“Captain Smith is an asshole, Ensign Jones can’t get promoted, Sid still loves Melissa Sue, and Brian played Roxy.”

He shrugged, his shoulder rubbing against my arm. “I already knew all that.”

“So Melissa Sue canceled her wedding because of Divak/Dale? You might have mentioned it.”

“It happened months ago. Sid found them in bed together.”

I gasped. “Isn’t that cause for termination from the group or something? I thought you guys were all about honor. There’s not much honor in cheating.”

“That’s part of the Klingon way. Divak Khard was the stronger of the two men, strong enough to get the girl.”

“But Ax, you’re not really Klingons. And that had to kill him, seeing his fiancé in bed with someone else. At the very least, his pride took a serious hit.”

He nodded. “I’m not condoning what they did, Rose. This is why everyone suspects Dale. He stole another dude’s girl, why not the uniform?” He bumped his fist gently on my knee. “How’s the other thing going? You making any headway in finding the killer?”

I laid my head against his shoulder. “I don’t know. Probably not.”

Ax patted my hair. “You will. And you’ll find out who stole the uniform, too. It’s what you do, Rosie.”

I wished I felt as confident in my abilities as he did. I opened my mouth to tell him that when a high pitched scream echoed through the room. Ax and I both jumped to our feet at the same time.

Roxy and Bee Hive faced off near the ball return, yelling at the top of their lungs.

“Then why was he with me last night?” Roxy yelled.

“He’ll be with me tonight, bitch.”

Bee Hive slapped her hands in the middle of Roxy’s chest and shoved her back three steps. Oh hell no. Big mistake.

By the time Ax and I rushed toward the lanes, the Starfleet crew had crowded around the two women, obscuring our view. I pushed my way through the group to find Captain Smith trying to pry them apart. But Roxy had pulled off Bee Hive’s wig and flung it at him. It looked like he was getting face-humped by a hairy, blonde alien.

Then the two girls clung to the other’s arms, each grappling for the upper hand. But Bee Hive’s slick boots were no match for Roxy’s thick-soled lace ups. Standing her ground, Roxy gave a final push and sent Bee Hive sliding over the foul line and down the lane where
she waved her arms like a pinwheel before landing flat on her butt. Her real blonde hair lay in a messy tangle down her back, and sitting with her legs wider than a wishbone, Bee Hive screeched her plans for revenge and tried to stand, only to slip and fall all over again. On her stomach this time, causing her skirt to fly up over her ass.

Captain Smith straddled the gutter, carefully making his way toward her. Grabbing her boot, the Captain pulled her to him, causing her dress to ride up to her boobs. When the bare skin of her belly kept her from being dragged further, her boot popped off, and Smith went sliding like penguin on ice into the other lane.

I snatched Roxy and Axton’s arms and yanked them backward. This wasn’t going to end well.

Ma stood on the outer edge of the group. I caught her eye and jerked my head toward the front of the building. She nodded and grabbed her ball, shoving it in her bag.

Ma had thrown on her coat, and the four of us made like the wind and scampered up the steps, leaving the mayhem behind. I cast one last glance over my shoulder. Bee Hive still couldn’t gain any footing. The Captain’s bare belly hung free from his too-tight uniform as he scooted his butt toward the crowd.

We were almost to the double doors when Wanda and her cigarette moved to block our exit. “You need to take your friend with you. We have a lane surfing policy.” She pointed to the other end of the building where Stoner Joe slid up and down the last lane in his stockinged feet.

From the other direction, Bee Hive was trying to free herself from alley purgatory, all the while wailing and pointing in our direction. Shit.

Ax thrust Ma’s bowling bag in my arms. “Take this and get them home. I’ll grab Joe and catch a ride with Brian. And remember, live long and prosper, dude.”