Dirty Fighter: A Bad Boy MMA Romance (12 page)

“
T
hank you
, again, for being so understanding,” I said, hugging Jaime tight. She was smiling now, tears in her eyes, and she shrugged.

“I can’t believe how much you’ve changed,” she said, laughing gently. “I’ll see you around okay?” she said, backing up to her car.

“Sure,” I said, feeling awful because somewhere in my heart I knew I wouldn’t see her again.

Everything in this town had a sense of finality to it, like this was the last time I’d have to be there, the last time I would have to refresh those memories I’d pushed down. I waved goodbye to her, and then looked down the road. I was only a couple blocks from the hotel that Adam was staying at, I could have easily just walked to him.

My skirt flit in the air as cars drove by, far fewer than I was used to seeing on any road in the last three years. It was almost a culture shock, coming back to small Podunk Nothingville from California. I held my purse to my side and enjoyed the smell of fresh cut grass and juniper in the distance.

I didn’t notice the first time the blue pickup truck passed me by. I hardly noticed the second time, but when I saw it’s shimmering blue paint the third time, as it slowed down next to me, I became completely self-aware.

There wasn’t that much traffic, this was a small town. I was somewhat famous though.

I stepped away from the curb, but the person in the truck hopped out and was saying my name.

“Brooklyn,” he said, coming towards me, walking not running. “Brooklyn White, I need to warn you,” he said, his voice was deep, just a twang of the southern accent most of the younger generation had weeded out of ourselves.

“Yes?” I asked, knowing that if I ran I could easily be caught. He was holding his baseball cap in his hands and his eyebrows were knit tight together.

“I need to warn you about Adam,” he explained, looking cautiously around.

My heart stopped.

“What about him?” I asked, not having to fake my confusion as much as I was. He swallowed thickly.

“That boy is my nephew and he killed my brother, I know he did,” he said, still approaching me. I stepped away from him to keep our space. Shit. He knew.

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked, still acting confused. Thank God I was a professional actress.

“He’s a murderer, he killed his father and you need to keep away from him. Keep your distance,” he explained, keeping his voice low. I was horrified that he knew, the worry must have come across my face, I needed to know more.

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, he went missing the night my brother did, y’know, and I know it’s not my place to say, but his dad used to beat him a lot, it’s pretty obvious,” he explained. He didn’t know much then. Good. Thank god.

“Thank you for your concern, but you’re wrong, he wouldn’t kill anyone,” I said, shaking my head. “I have to go, have a good night,” I said before turning and leaving.

“Keep an eye on him!” the old man shouted behind me. I felt chills go up my spine. That was damned close. What if he knew? What if he figured it out and it put Adam in trouble? The second that blue truck was out of sight, I started running. I had to get to Adam, had to make sure he was safe.

I knocked hard on his hotel door, almost banging on it, wanting him out as soon as possible. Wanting to see that he was okay. He opened the door and I immediately grasped onto him, holding him tight as he closed the door behind me.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice wary.

“Your uncle, he knows,” I said, shaking. “I mean, he doesn’t know much, but he tried to ‘warn’ me about you,” I laughed at the thought of anyone needing to protect me from Adam.

“Oh,” Adam’s face made my stomach drop, he looked concerned.

“I love you,” I admitted softly, his eyes lit up just a little. “But maybe we should keep some distance, if your uncle digs any deeper and figures out about my dad too,” I paused, these words were killing me. “You’ll get the chair Adam, they won’t care about the fact that you were defending yourself, or that you’re a good person. I can’t be the reason you get locked away or killed,” I said softly, holding his face in my hands. He looked heartbroken and I felt the same.

“I was thinking the same, but for you,” he said, his voice was rough. “If you get mixed up in this it’ll kill your career and your ability to live a happy life,” he explained.

I felt tears running down my face and we kissed as our heart ached, resigned to the fact that we’d have to be apart again. Realizing this was really it.

“I want to be with you one more time,” I said softly, holding him tight against me. I saw that his bags were packed, and somewhere in the back of my mind I saw my mom’s purple paisley luggage. It wasn’t the same, I had to tell myself that, it wasn’t the same because we both decided this.

He kissed me back, his hands were tight on my hips.

“Alright,” he said softly, his tongue danced against mine and we stumbled towards the bed and slowly divested each other of our clothing. He kept kissing me as I removed my bra and underwear, and felt totally bare, more than just physically. He knew everything about me. He had me like putty in his hands and I wanted to be there, wanted him to have me.

He lowered his mouth, lavishing my left nipple with his tongue before he slipped lower. He kissed me with tickling lips, slipping down to my thighs until he kissed me between my legs. His tongue and lips moved against my clit and entrance like he was kissing me goodbye, I found myself saying his name in reverence like he was God. He pulled his mouth away, his fingers kept moving inside me, and he kissed my stomach, then my neck, until his mouth was back on mine. I didn’t care that I could taste myself on him, and I didn’t care that this was a hotel I would have never gone into. I cared that I may have been kissing him for the last time.

Adam pulled his fingers out of me and slowly pressed in his cock, filling me slowly and well.

“Adam,” I gasped, wrapping my legs around his waist and kissing him gently, lovingly. He started pressing and pulling in and out of me, I writhed beneath him in pleasure. My heart was breaking, but my body felt so right, so perfect.

He was beautiful, amazing, in every single damned way. He was mine for a couple days, finally, after waiting for so long.

His thrusts became quicker, and I pressed up against him to meet him with each one. His fingers were so tight on my hips that I could tell there would be bruises. I didn’t care. I wanted that reminder of him to stay. We were both moaning, both lost in the sensation, the bed’s headboard softly hitting against the wall.

When we came it was at the same moment, an almost unreal moment where we were both in space, our minds clear of any responsibilities, any promises.

I would never see him again, but for now I had him in my arms, and for now we were flying.

As we came down from our orgasms, he pulled out and laid next to me. We were both short of breath, panting and trying to kiss at the same time.

We cuddled there, sweaty and sticky from sex, not caring. We pulled a blanket on top of ourselves and fell into a deep and fantastic sleep, trying not to think of what the rest of the day would bring when we woke up.

W
hen I woke
up I didn’t remember anything yet. I didn’t know yet. I didn’t want to. The hotel alarm clock on the nightstand said it was 4:14 PM in bright red numbers. I looked over at Brooklyn. She looked so peaceful, so comfortable. She was smiling in her sleep. I couldn’t help but wonder what kinds of dreams she had, or if she ever snores. For half a moment I thought to myself that I had time to find out, but then I remembered the conversation we had.

My heart dropped into my stomach, and my mouth flooded with saliva like it thought I was going to be sick.

I had just agreed with the woman I love that we shouldn’t see each other anymore.

She just told me that she loved me.

I stood up and slipped into the bathroom, taking my second shower of the day. I needed it. I turned and let the hot water beat down over my back and into my hair. The steam quickly filled the small bathroom.

I finally had Brooklyn in my arms and I was getting ready to let go of her again.

I felt the tears come, and this time I actually let them fall. Under the shower water my tears were indistinguishable, like they weren’t even there. I felt them in my heart though, and I felt like I was falling apart. This was a thousand times worse than giving up fighting, this was worse than the year I spent on the streets. This was the worst feeling I had ever experienced.

I shampooed and washed myself, thinking somehow that if I just took forever, if I waited long enough, that I would be able to just pretend we hadn’t talked about that. That I could just move past it and we could stay together.

When I turned off the shower my tears had stopped, still I slid my towel over my face to completely dry it off. I could hear the television playing in the room outside, she was awake. I wiped steam off the mirror and stared at myself, my face red from the shower, red from crying.

“Just tell her,” the thought slipped into my mind. I could hear it loud and clear, but I still tried to shut it down. I brushed my teeth and got dressed. Telling her would be selfish. Asking to stay together would be selfish. There was no way I could do either of those without putting her at risk for my sake.

Still.

Still, I loved her. Still I hadn’t told her yet. Still I didn’t want her out of my life so soon.

I buttoned my shirt and sighed. She told me she loved me, and somehow it just made me feel worse, made me question all of my decisions even more. If she hadn’t said that it would have been easier to convince myself she could get over this quickly. It would be easier to let myself think I could get over her somehow.

She said it though.

I sighed, feeling the full weight of the situation, and opened the door. The steam rushed out, like my stress, and I let it take my worries away. This was Brooklyn, I could talk to her. She’d understand.

She was lying on the bed, wearing just her underwear and one of my shirts as she watched a daytime soap opera. The television’s video was fuzzy and showed its age. She looked up at me, her face sad and almost forlorn, and she turned off the TV and sat up.

“Hi,” she said softly, patting the bed beside her.

“Hey,” I replied, unsure of what else to say. That’s a lie, I knew exactly what I wanted to say, I just didn’t have the guts yet. “Do you need water or anything? Are you hungry?” I asked, praying for a distraction. She shook her head. This was happening then. I sat down on the foot of the bed beside her, resting my hand on her ankle.

“Brooklyn, I want to lay it all out on the line,” I sighed out. No turning back now. She didn’t reply, just watched me with those bright green eyes.

“I love you,” I said, feeling all of my insecurities lay their stomachs bare.

“I love you too,” she replied without pause. My heart ached.

“I need to be honest with you,” I began, trying to relax the most I could. “The three years I spent away from you were hell, they were literally the worst. I spent so much time thinking about you. When your first movie came out, I went and saw it every day it was in theaters just so I could see your face,” I said, not feeling embarrassed about it anymore. “I spent so much time thinking about you, hoping you were happy, wanting to talk to you, missing you…” I continued.

She looked like she was being careful with her heart. I could tell she was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I spent so much time wondering what would have happened if I went to New York with you, or if I tried to actually get in contact with you. I spent so much time wondering if I could have kept all of this from happening if I just told you sooner. If I let you know I knew what was going on in your life. If I had actually kept you safe instead of purposefully keeping myself on the outside,” I continued on, the words just bursting outside of me now.

“Spending time with you for the last couple days, just eating junk food and joking around. Getting to kiss you, getting to talk to you, it’s all been more than I could ever hope for, it’s been amazing,” I said. I paused to think of how exactly I should phrase it. Brooklyn took my hand in hers and held it tight.

“I’m not ready for it to be over,” I said, not able to make eye contact with her. She ran her fingers over my hand, soothing, and it guided me along. “I know it’s selfish, and it’s awful, but I can’t just let you walk out of my life,” I said, feeling the guilt rise over me like a tidal wave.

“I love you, and I want to stay with you,” I explained, breathing out a sigh of breath as I finally got it off my chest. I squeezed her hand and looked up at her face, finally, wanting to see what she thought. She leaned over to me and caught me off guard by kissing me.

W
hen I woke up
, Adam was turning on the shower.

I was relieved that he wasn’t already gone. I had dreams of us running off together, of us going literally anywhere in the world together, anywhere but here. Waking up to the stark reality of the decision we had made felt like being hit by a truck.

It felt like I was losing a part of myself.

So when he sat down and sweetly explained his feelings to me, I felt like he had plucked his fingers through my dreams himself. It was like he had seen into my very mind and spoke my thoughts. As I kissed him, I tried to ease his heart, tried to undo just part of the pain we had been through in the last couple years.

“I am worried about ruining your career,” he mumbled as we broke our kiss. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.

“I hate acting,” I admitted, shrugging and feeling my face contort into an odd sad smile. “I hate it; they treat me like a commodity to make them look good. I’m the one whose public image is on trial, I’m the one who has to keep up a certain look and lifestyle. I’m the one who has to have cameras on me all the time. Yet, they treat me like a trained monkey who should get paid less than even a secondary character, just because he’s well known and a dude in his thirties,” I said, finally getting that complaint off my chest.

It was true. I had spent so much time on set, so much time in the sun or a forest being sunburned or bug bitten. I was their doll to pose as they wanted. In the beginning it was nice to not have to control my own life. It was nice to have someone else take the reins for me. In the end though, it was just empty. It left me not knowing who I was, not sure I wanted to know.

Here, though, with Adam with me I felt truly alive. I felt like I had run out of the fog that covered my life and had found myself on the other side. I wasn’t just falling in love with Adam, I was falling in love with myself all over again, getting to know the woman I was. I was glad to have Adam with me while I made these discoveries, while I found out how much I had grown.

He looked surprised.

“Honestly, I spent so much time wondering what you’d think of me. I was worried you’d think I was fake or plastic, or that I was letting it all get to my head,” I added.

“My career is already dead as far as I’m concerned,” I explained.

“That doesn’t mean you need to throw the rest of your life away for me,” he started, but I wasn’t having it.

“My parents are dead, my aunt is a piece of shit, and literally the only person I have in the world that I truly care about, that I truly love, is you.” I kissed him again, wrapping my arms around him, holding him tight.

“I love you,” he said softly as our lips broke apart. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt safe, I felt like I had found a home, a place where I belonged, for the first time in my entire life.

“Run away with me then,” I said softly, sighing against him. “We have money, we have time. We could go literally anywhere, although it’s probably best if we drive so that we aren’t checked out so heavily,” I added. “We could start a life together, just the two of us, away from the eyes of your uncle or the media,” it sounded like a dream.

I didn’t care that I just made up with my friends, I didn’t care that there were people in “The Business” who depended on me, I didn’t care about any of it. I cared about how I felt for once in my life. I cared about my own happiness. I would let myself be selfish for the first time in three years. I deserved that much.

“You’re sure?” he asked, still seeming to have trepidation.

“Absolutely,” I said, trying to be as serious with my voice as possible. “I want to be able to wake up with you every day. I want you to be able to spend a life without looking over your shoulder. I want that more than anything in the world,” I explained.

“Then I’m all in,” he said, kissing me. I could feel myself trembling with happiness. It was like a light had finally shined down on us, like we finally had a chance at happiness. Tears started streaking down my face, and they were hot and thick with happiness, he wiped them away with his thumbs and we laughed between each other.

The man who saved my life would get to stay in it.

“We need to get packing then,” I teased. “Is there anything you need from California?” I asked, stretching against him as I finally relaxed.

“Everything I need is here,” he said, looking right at me. I didn’t care that it was cheesy, I didn’t care that we’d have to start from scratch.

It was perfect in every damn way.