Dirty Little Love Story (6 page)

I’ve always been the good girl, ever since the get go.

Got straight As.

Stayed with my highschool sweetheart.

Got a good career at a young age.

Did everything right.

You know what I realized in the past few days, though? All the good in the world won’t make people better. You can smile, you can help, but they’ll cheat and ruin you. They’ll stomp all over you and take everything you love. And when that happens – and it always does, eventually – your good deeds won’t mean
shit
. And you’ll be right at the beginning.

As I look at my reflection in the mirror, my hands shake lightly. No one said this would be easy. But it’s what has to be done.

I think of Reina, of how confident she was when I first met her. The image is quickly replaced with her tear stained face as she sits in my kitchen, her broken posture, her shaky fingers. She’s vulnerable, after all. You just have to take the right steps to reveal her soft center.

“All gone, babydoll,” I murmur, whether to myself or to the ghost of Reina, I don’t know. All that matters is that
I’m
in control now. I hold the reigns, I lead the game. I’m the one who gets to play.

I’m trying hard to ignore the tension in my body, the panicked breathing, the numbness deep inside. I will not break. I never do.

I pick up my new ruby red lipstick, completely out of my comfort zone, and slide the garish color over my full lips. I step back and survey myself one last time.

Black bandage mini dress? Check.

Voluminous blonde waves? Done.

Killer heels? On, and hurting my feet already.

I grab my sequinned purse and head for the door.

Today, my new life starts.

I take a break from dancing and make my way to the bar, waving to my friend from pilates class to signal I’ll be back. She nods while laughing at some random guy, and I stumble through the crowds in the club.

Usually, it would take ages to get the attention of the bartender, but today I’m on fire. I press my arms together to create an even more impressive cleaveage and order a dry martini.

“On the house,” the bartender winks at me a moment later, sliding a glass towards me. I don’t even acknowledge him, sipping out of my glass instantly and heading back to the dance floor.

My glass is empty in seconds and I place it on an occupied table while two modellesque bitches frown at me. I don’t care. I’m over it. Over everything.

Before I can make it back to my friend, someone blocks my path and I look up, feeling frustrated. It’s the bartender.

“It’s polite to say thank you for a free drink,” he yells in my ear over the loud music, giving me a grin. His chocolate brown skin is glistening with sweat from the overheated club, and I can see his muscles rippling beneath his shirt.

“Let me do that, then,” I yell right back and push my tongue inside his mouth, hard.

I’ve never kissed anyone other than Jacob, but I’m too numb to think about that.

He’s not even surprised, taking me in his arms quickly and kissing me with nothing but lust. No feelings here. All he wants is to fuck me, if the bulge in his jeans is anything to go by.

“Come on, I’m on my break,” he groans in my ear and pulls me after him, heading up the stairs where I presume the staff are is located. I let him, swaying slightly as he pulls me through the crowd, almost stumbling a few times in my too high heels.

In moments, we’re in the staff lounge, and he kicks the door closed, pushing me against it. He doesn’t bother with my dress, just slides my panties down and tosses them to the floor. His zipper’s undone, his hand is pulling out his cock, and in a split second, he’s inside me.

I groan, I moan, I make all the sounds I know he wants to hear. I gasp, I sigh, I exhale and inhale at all the right moments. I’ve got my act down, apparently, because in minutes, he releases with a loud curse and I feel warm liquid running down my leg.

Without further ado, he zips his jeans up and steals a glance of himself in the full length mirror on the other side of the room.

“Thanks, babe,” he murmurs distractedly, then opens the door for me. In a haze, I get out and he smacks my ass as I leave, closing the door unceremoniously.

I stand in front of the door, realizing my panties are still somewhere in there.

I thought I could do it. Meaningless, casual sex, evil schemes, threats. I thought I had it all figured out.

I’m too drunk to care, anyway,
I tell myself. I stumble back into the dance floor, where my friend shrieks with delight as she spots me. I dance with her all night, feeling sorry for her as she cries on the way back since no one was interested in her. I supply her with tissues as she laments her life, and I wonder.

I’ve messed it all up. But one thing I’ve never been is a quitter.

If this is what I’ve decided to do, I’ll go through with it. I’ll be the villain. I’ll be the bad girl.

And I’ll stop those tears from coming – whatever it takes.

I will not break.

I’m lost in a whirlwind of thoughts. It’s been like this for days. All I’ve done is lay in bed, faking a fever and being sick as the housekeeper frets around me. Rowan’s away on a business trip, and for once, I am thankful for it. I need time to heal, and to think.

As I lay in my queen sized bed, my hands sliding over the silk sheets, I think of my life. Think back on all the terrible things I’ve done. All for him. Always for him.

I drift between sleeping, daydreaming and laying there without a single thought. Memories come and go, tears run down and dry up.

I’m breaking.

Slowly, but surely, I am
breaking
.

I met him first.

He was mine before he was hers.

Always remember that.

***

I was dreading the evening ahead of me already, and it wasn’t even 5 p.m. I had a dinner to go to, once again forced to attend by my opportunistic mother. We were having a late lunch together, like usual. She never came home early enough to have a normal one, so I’d resigned to eating it this late in the day.

“I want you to wear the green dress I got you,” my mother was saying, a fork in one hand, her Blackberry in the other. She was typing something furiously, her long nails clacking on the keyboard.

I looked at my own hands subconsciously. My nails were bitten down and had chipping red nail polish on them. We were so different, my mother and I.

“Please remember, Reina,” she kept on saying, never once looking away from the tiny screen in her hands. “You have to make a good impression, since I won’t be there. You’ll have to convince them that we’re a good client for them.”

She set her phone down. Finally. She still wouldn’t look at me though, focusing her gaze on the roast and the potatoes in front of her. My food tasted like sawdust in my mouth, and I was having trouble keeping it down.

“They’re sending a lawyer over from the firm, to help and guide you,” mother went on and I found myself nodding. At least I wouldn’t be completely alone, even if that meant I’d be in the company of a balding bespectacled man of the law.

We ate the rest of our meal in silence. Well, she did. I knew I couldn’t keep down much food, so I just picked at my plate, hoping my mother would not notice and sneaking glances at her. She never once returned a look, or offered even the smallest of smiles.

Abruptly, she got up from the table and wiped her mouth with a cloth napkin. I stared at the fabric as she discarded it, the stark white now marred with her dark lipstick. She never wore reds or pinks, instead preferring a dark purplish shade that had gotten her the nickname Vampire Queen.

As I surveyed her stained lips, she really did remind me of a blood sucker.

While I was looking at her, I realized she was finally looking back for once. I blushed lightly, but matched her gaze. Her eyes were cold and numb, and she was appraising me.

“Wear the green dress,” she repeated. “And for god’s sake, do something about your chest.”

She turned on her heels and walked out on me, while my hand rushed to cover my quickly reddenning decolletage. I was a late bloomer, but my breasts had gotten enormous during the past year – a fact my mother never let me forget, declaring them tacky and demanding I hid them as best as I could.

I sat alone in the dining room for another minute, contemplating my sorry excuse for a life. My classmates were all at college now, and I was dealing with my control freak of a mother.

Fuck my life.

As I was getting ready, the green dress taunted me. It was an old fashioned number, completely hiding my best assets and making me look older and about 5 years old at the same time. I hated that thing with a passion.

In an act of sudden rebellion, I opened the doors of my walk-in closet and surveyed the inside. My eyes landed instantly on my hidden purchase. I would have a lot of explaining to do when my mother realized I’d swiped my credit card on a short, midnight blue cocktail dress that went perfectly with my skin tone and red hair.

I wanted to wear it so badly. Surely it couldn’t be so bad if I wore the blue instead of the green?

Not letting myself think it over, I slipped the blue dress of the hanger and over my head. It hugged my body in all the right parts and I knew it made me look like a million bucks. Accompanying it with minimal black heels and a sequinned jacket, I was ready in time to go for once.

The driver was waiting for me already as I rushed out of our house, almost stumbling in my heels. Suddenly, the prospect of going to an art gallery opening didn’t feel so dreadful after all. I might even have some fun without my mother breathing down my neck every second of the evening!

As the driver opened the door for me and I climbed in, I stumbled again and made a not-so-graceful entrance into the car.

“Careful there,” a rough voice warned me and I jumped up, hitting my head on the roof of the car. Brilliant, Reina, I scolded myself in my mind, settling on the seat.

My eyes found the mystery voice.

I could tell you some bullshit or other about love at first sight, but I refuse to do that. This wasn’t love. As soon as I looked into those dark eyes, I fell hard. I saw him making it all better. Saw him taking care of me, wiping my tears when no one else would. Kissing me goodnight and holding me until I fell asleep.

I blushed furiously as the thoughts raced through my head and looked away, clutching the sequin jacket closed over my chest, suddenly self-conscious.

He leaned forward and offered me his hand. “I’m sorry,” he said gruffly. “I didn’t even introduce myself. I’m Rowan Carlson. I’m from your mother’s new law firm.”

I reached out a shaky hand and used the moment to steal another glance at him. He was so tall his head was almost touching the roof of the car. Dark, messy hair that didn’t suit a lawyer at all, and scruff on his face. Those dark eyes, and full lips, combined with chiseled cheekbones, made me crush on him instantly.

He was older, but not ancient, like I’d expected him to be. I stared at his lips intently for a second, wondering what he tasted like.

Stop being such a stupid schoolgirl, I scolded myself and fought back a giggle.

“Reina,” I said simply, and realized with surprise he was smiling himself. “What?” I demanded.

“Err,” he hesitated for a moment, then laughed softly. “You’ve got lipstick all over your teeth.”

I blushed again and furiously wiped my mouth as the car got going. Great first impression, I thought sarcastically. Way to go, Reina.

The evening was a blur in the best way possible.

As soon as we made our way to the gallery, my eyes were wide open and curious. I thanked myself in my mind for not wearing the green dress – everyone there was so fashionable and chic. Rowan offered me his hand as we walked in and I hesitated before taking it.

As soon as I did, an electric current ran through my body and I had to look away to hide my sharp intake of breath. It felt so good to be touched by him, even if it was in a platonic way.

For the next few minutes, wonder took over my crush as I was intrigued by the beautiful exhibition. I wandered around the place, inspecting every painting and smiling politely at the visitors. Everyone was so nice, and I’d had a few compliments already. Whereas I would usually shrug them off, today I took them in stride, glowing brighter with every new one.

Sometimes, I felt Rowan’s eyes on me, but as soon as I turned to look at him, he looked away. I felt a burning need for him in my stomach like nothing I’d experienced before when I went out with my classmates. But combined with the high of being out on my own, I was thrilled.

Even the talk with the investors went well, and only took a few minutes. They complimented my appearance and I blushed lightly, taking the compliment. Reassured, the investors went on to see the exhibition and I clutched Rowan’s hand excitedly, forgetting about the crush for a split second.

“That went so well!” I said excitedly and he gave me a small smile.

“I’m not surprised. You’re a born talker,” he winked at me. God, that made my insides churn.

I looked away, blushing for the upteempth time that evening, but he took my hand and I turned back, surprised.

“Want to see something?” he asked in hushed tones and I found myself nodding excitedly. “Come here,” he said softly, and looked around before pulling me towards a door with the sign Fire Escape.

I only hesitated for a moment before following him.

***

We ran up the fire escape, me giggling quietly and Rowan encouraging me to be quiet with a wide grin on his face. I don’t know how many floors we passed, but my legs were aching by the time we got to the top.

We were in front of an enormous door.

“You ready?” Rowan asked and I nodded quickly, trying to catch my breath.

He grabbed my hand and pushed the door open.

We were on the roof of the building. It was late now, and the sky was the same midnight blue as my dress and pepper with so many bright stars and a shiny moon, I felt my face get illuminated by the light.

“Wow,” I breathed heavily and turned my face upwards. “Wow,” I murmured again.

I had thought the art show was beautiful, but this was different. This was beauty that wasn’t of human origin, but nature in its purest form. It was beautiful, a play of light and darkness, reminding me of my inner turmoil.

As I stared at the infinite sky, I felt my eyes welling up with tears and I looked away, trying to hide my emotions even though I never could do it very well.

“Are you okay?” Rowan was asking me, but it felt so far away. I nodded slowly. He was next to me in seconds, turning me around so I could face him. “Are you afraid of heights?” he worried out loud, and I could only shake my head.

“Is it me? Did I upset you?” he asked.

I shook my head again, the tears spilling over.

He didn’t ask anything else, but produced a tissue from his pocket and gently pressed it to my cheek, his finger connecting with my warm skin as our eyes met above his hand.

I wanted him to kiss me very badly. But it was for all the wrong reasons. I would not make him make it better, because tomorrow, it would be back to reality, and I would be even more heartbroken when he wouldn’t acknowledge me at the next charity function we attended together.

Instead, I kissed him.