DirtyBeautiful (19 page)

“Down,” she commanded.

Bud stopped jumping, his big brown eyes latched on her plate
as he pranced around her. A whistle made his ears perk and he shot off again.
Erica looked up as Dylan finished pulling on his shirt. Bud sat before Dylan,
tail wagging. He crouched to pat the dog then scratched his tummy when Bud lay
on his back.

“Wow, you’ve trained him already.”

Dylan stood and accepted the plate of brownies, while his
other hand clasped hers to lead her toward the gazebo. Erica made a sound of
awe. He’d done a bit of work since she’d seen it last. Turned wooden banisters
fenced in the gazebo and little loveseats were propped against two sides of the
hexagon. She sat on one seat, and Dylan settled beside her, putting the plate
between them.

“This looks great.”

Dylan swiped hair back from his face. “Thanks. Bill helped
me with the turned wood. I don’t have a balanced hand like he does.”

She settled a hand on his thigh. “You’ll do great I’m sure.
I can’t believe you did this all because of a fantasy of mine.”

“Yeah. I get preoccupied with that kinda stuff.”

Erica drew in a steady breath. “I wanted to ask about last
night. Did I…come on too strong?”

Dylan chuckled. “This feels an awful lot like déjà vu.
Except last time I was the one asking the questions. And no, you didn’t come on
too strong. Instead, you made friends with a trash can last night.”

Erica’s jaw dropped and she covered her mouth with a
disbelieving shake of her head. “No. I was that bad?”

He fingered her cheek. “Hey, it happens to the best of us.”

“Why did you leave then?”

He looked toward the house. “I…had a personal matter to take
care of.”

Erica frowned as he took both her hands in his and sidled a
little closer to her. She knew moves like this. Her heart stuttered and she
swallowed back the apprehension inside.

“Look, there is something I have to tell you. It’s about
Ruby.”

She struggled to breathe.

Dylan dropped his head and exhaled sharply. Finally, he
looked at her, a downward turn to his lips. “Ruby—”

“What are you doing?”

Erica twisted around at the sound of an irate woman and
found Ruby standing just beyond the gazebo, brown eyes flashing with fury.
Where did she come from? Her gaze swept over what the woman wore. A loose shirt
that looked similar to Dylan’s.

Breath left her in a gush. “Why is she wearing your shirt?”

Ruby waved a hand. “Why else? I slept here. Have you told
her yet?”

Erica’s rib cage hollowed out. “Told me what?

Dylan’s hand tightened over hers before he released them.
“Don’t try to come between me and Erica, Ruby. That other matter doesn’t involve
her.”

Erica frowned. “What other matter?”

Ruby flicked back a lock of hair. “Me being pregnant.”

Dylan muttered a curse as Erica’s stomach bottomed out. Her
lungs constricted and she faced Dylan, noting the way he turned his face from
her. A lump settled in her throat. “Is…is it yours?”

A muscle leapt in his jaw. “I don’t know.”

A whimper left her, her head pounding even more. “I…I…” She
didn’t know what she wanted to say and stood, her legs struggled to take her
weight.

Dylan grasped at her hand but she wrenched it away.

His eyes implored her. “Nothing happened last night, Erica.
I swear.”

Erica blindly scanned her surroundings. Wishing to be
anywhere but here. “I think I should leave.”

She hurried down the steps, ignoring the woman’s smirk as
she passed. Everything moved by her in a surreal sense of slow motion. Pain
throbbed through her chest. He had gotten another woman pregnant and now he
might’ve cheated on her. Who was she to believe?

She opened the door to her house and stepped inside to lean
against it. A shuddered breath left her. Everything about her first meeting
with Ruby came into focus. She should’ve known. It was so obvious now that Ruby
and Dylan had an intimate past. But the question remained how recent was it,
and the reasons behind their breakup.

She dropped her face in her hands and willed the sickening
churn in her stomach to cease. Her day couldn’t possibly get worse.

Chapter Ten

Dylan glowered at Ruby as Erica disappeared around the
corner. He stood on the steps of the gazebo, a dull ache in his chest for the
hurt he caused Erica. Damn it, he needed a little more time to sort this stuff
out.

“What the hell did you think to achieve, Ruby?”

Ruby folded her arms. “Protecting what’s mine.”

Rage exploded behind his eyes and he pressed the balls of
his fingers against them, begging for patience. “I’m not yours. It’s over,
Ruby, and has been for a long time.”

“You can deny this all you want, but that’s not what you
said three months ago.”

Dylan rubbed his forehead. Five months ago was the beginning
of his downward spiral. Sex had gotten boring. The excitement had disappeared
and he started to experience a sense of self-hatred. His evenings were spent
binge drinking and waking up in his vomit. The turning point came on an act of
desperation. Three months ago he found himself at Ruby’s front door. He wanted
to feel something and thought he might find it in her arms. His memory was
fuzzy, but he remembered having to cajole and seduce his way into her bed. He’d
ignored her reluctance and the resigned look on her face as she soothed him
through sex. He
thought
he used a condom that night, but it all felt so
surreal.

The following morning he’d awoken, bare-ass naked with Ruby
curled around him. He’d felt like the biggest dick in the world. He’d promised
her the world and in the stark reality of sobriety he knew he offered her
nothing but lies. The aftermath of it all wasn’t pretty either. That week he
made plans for his exodus.

“Look, I’m sorry about that night. It was a fucked-up thing
to do. I take full responsibility for my actions.”

Ruby’s gaze flicked to the ground and she rubbed the subtle
bump on her stomach, an absent action he’d noticed she’d adopted.

Suspicion niggled at the way she wouldn’t meet his eyes. “We
fucked a lot of people, Ruby. How do you know this baby is mine?”

Lips pursed. “You think I don’t know who the father of my
child is?”

“I’m just saying that we don’t know for sure.”

Ruby threw herself at him, her manicured nails raked at his
face and he jerked away. Nails scraped across his neck and he cursed, grappling
for her hands. He snatched her wrists and subdued her.

“Damn it, Ruby!”

Her eyes swam with tears and he clenched his jaw and reined
in his anger. Despite what happened, he and Ruby
did
have a past.
However screwed up it was.

“I’m sorry. I know you weren’t expecting to get pregnant.
But we have to look at the facts. We fucked for a living and there is more than
one candidate for this.”

Ruby glared at him. “I know about the time I got pregnant
and I was too sick around that time to have too many partners, so it’s not as
many as you’re implying.”

“How many then?”

She looked down and kicked a clump of grass. “Two, maybe
three.”

Wow, that was unusual. Vane mostly liked to work everyone
like fucking machines. “Okay so the chances that I’m the father are there, but
also with the other guys.”

She stepped back, her hand pressed over her abdomen. “You
would abandon your child?”

Dylan grimaced. No, he’d never do that. “You know I won’t.
And even if the child isn’t mine, I’ll help you.”

The corners of her lips dropped. “But you won’t be with me.”

Dylan shook his head. “No. We want different things, you and
I. You like surpassing the Joneses and I’m happy just being me now.”

Ruby’s lower lip trembled and she pressed a hand over her
chest as though he’d stabbed her. “But what if I could leave that stuff behind?
I could learn to love it here, you just have to help me.”

Dylan’s heart ached for her. He couldn’t miss the
desperation in her tone and briefly wondered what had pushed her to seek him
out when other times she refused to leave Los Angeles. “You can’t learn to love
something, it just is.”

Or someone
remained unsaid, but she dipped her head,
hearing him loud and clear.

“Ruby, you know this isn’t you. Whatever you want, I’m not
it and you’re not going to find it running away from who you are.”

She folded her arms defensively, the tears drying in a flash
of anger. “You think I’m running away? You’re one to talk.”

Dylan shrugged. “I’m sorry, I fucked up badly. I should’ve
handled it better, but I can’t change it. You’re a really nice person, Ruby.
Truly. But I can’t be an adult film actor anymore. It was killing me.”

“You think I like being an adult actress?”

Dylan frowned. Of course he thought that. Even in the
quietest moments of their relationship, Ruby never hit any lows. Her blasé
attitude was surpassed by her excitement whenever new men joined in. She’d done
it all, unashamed of her sexuality.

“What are you saying?”

Ruby glowered. “Nothing.”

“Ruby, after all we’ve been through…”

“
After all we’ve been through?
” A scornful laugh cut
through the air. “You don’t get to play that card with me. Ever.”

“You’re right. But I am your friend, Ruby. No matter what
you might think.”

“A friend wouldn’t just up and leave without a word. A
friend wouldn’t act like I’m a dirty little secret. You came to LA and what did
you do? Tried to hide us away like our presence would sully your precious
little girlfriend. Where do you get off?”

Dylan recoiled, a sharp stab of guilt hit him in the chest.
He never thought how his actions would’ve been perceived by them.

“Do you even know what it’s like for me? To know when I walk
down the street, every guy I see has seen my snatch. Jacked off to me moaning
and thinking I’m a God damn free-for- all.”

He dipped his head, his mind roiling with her revelation.
He’d seen the way men eyed her, and their eagerness to get a signature. The way
they “accidentally” brushed their hand over her body. She took everything in
stride. Flirted, laughed and sauntered away. Never for a moment did he think
she hid a deeper hurt.

Dylan swiped a hand through his hair, guilt settling heavily
in his gut. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

Ruby scoffed, the sound underscored with misery. “I’m an
adult actress with a baby on the way. I’m not going to do some pregnancy fetish
movies. I have nothing to go back to. What am I going to do now?”

The stark knowledge that Ruby had left it all behind without
a parachute hit him like a two by four. Before becoming an adult film star,
he’d at least had a prior career as a carpenter. Ruby…he didn’t know what she
did beforehand. His brows lowered as he tried to recall any conversation they’d
had about their pasts, but there was nothing. Everything they spoke about was
frivolous and present.

Was there more to Ruby than he’d initially thought? Shame
drew down his shoulders. When had he taken the time to get to know any of his
friends? No one talked about their pasts, nor did any of them care to pursue
it. Live in the now. It was what they all did.

“Look, Ruby, if you need some place to stay for a while, you
can stay here.”

She blinked a few times, a flash of something indecipherable
passing through her eyes. It could’ve been anger or relief, he wasn’t sure.
“I’m sure your Pollyanna is going to love that.”

Dylan grimaced and shot a glance over his shoulder. He’d yet
to resolve this misunderstanding with Erica. But what other option was there?
He couldn’t turn his back on Ruby, especially if there was a chance, however
minute, that she carried his child.

“She’ll be okay with it,” he mumbled, inwardly worrying that
this was the end of the relationship he’d been searching for.

* * * * *

Erica fingered the curtain and stared through the window at
the conversation going on in the backyard next door. She knew nothing good
would come from spying as she did, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. Dylan
stood on the steps with Ruby, his features caught between guilt and sadness.
Their words were unable to carry to her ears, but she could tell whatever they
talked about hit home to Dylan. Ruby’s hand drifted to her stomach and Dylan
stepped closer, drawing her into an embrace.

Pain stabbed through her chest and the curtain dropped from
nerveless fingers. Struggling to breathe, she barely made it to a nearby chair
before falling into it. Elbows propped up against the table, she raked her
hands through her hair. A shuddered breath left her in a gush as she stared
sightlessly at the vase of roses in full bloom. What chance did she have to
compete against a woman like Ruby? She was slim and chi chi where Erica
preferred simple things and was well-rounded.

Her headache returned with a vengeance and she dropped her
forehead onto the tabletop. The citrus smell of wood polish filled her nostrils
and intermingled with the subtle whirl in her stomach. Thoughts careened
between Dylan coming over to break it off with her and the yearning need that
he come to her and tell her it’s all okay. But neither was going to happen any
time soon.

Eyes burning, she stood and trudged back up the stairs to
hide under her bed sheets and pretend this morning never happened.

Erica had no sooner shut her eyes before she woke to someone
knocking at her door. Rolling over, she frowned, her thoughts disjointed. Then
everything hit her. Dylan, his ex and her subsequent pity party. She snuggled
back in the bed, sheet hooked over her shoulder, but the knocking continued.
Mumbling, she left her bedroom and tromped down the stairs. At least her
hangover had eased.

Her hand hovered over the door as she heard Dylan call her
name. Fingers clenched in a fist, heart thudding in her chest, she wondered if
this was it. The moment where her budding relationship was tossed aside, much
like Greg had done to her. Throwing her over for another woman. Swallowing
hard, she gripped the doorknob with a sweaty palm and eased it open.