Disarm (25 page)

“Did he sound torn up?” I asked. I imagined Henry crying into his ramen noodles and stifled a grin.

“No. He sounded . . . determined. He said he was going to get you back.” Julie waited for a reply. When she didn't get one, she asked, “Well? Did he?”

“Not quite. He's still trying to make it up to me.” I explained to her the challenge and the added problem of my impending move.

Julie's face fell at the news. “I'm really happy for you but I was hoping Will could get to know his aunt.”

“I've got it all worked out,” I assured her. “Direct tickets from Denver to Dallas are cheap, about a hundred bucks round-trip. I plan on visiting every month if you'll let me.”

“Of course,” she said, her sunny smile returning. “Come as often as you want!”

I smiled at her, wishing she could have been my sister-in-law. “Did you love Jason?” I asked, which took her by surprise.

She blinked a few times. “Yeah. With everything I had.”

“How did you two meet?”

Julie's eyes were misty but she gave a rueful smile. “You're going to think I'm a complete whore, but I met him at a spring break party and we slept together,” she said, then added, “but he was the only guy I slept with that whole time.”

The puzzle piece clicked together. “Henry said something about you. That Jason really liked you but you lived too far away from each other.”

“We had an on-again-off-again love affair, you could say.”

“I wonder why he never told us.”

Julie looked pensive. “I've wondered that too. My guess is that he just wanted to make sure we were on-again permanently before he broke the news.” She looked down at her bare left hand. “It was during the deployment that he brought up the subject of marriage.”

I grasped her hand, the one with the phantom engagement ring, and squeezed. “Why didn't you try to contact us sooner? Didn't you have the apartment phone number?”

“I did, but I knew Jason wasn't due to come home for a few more months so when I didn't hear from him for two weeks, it didn't even occur to me to call his apartment. I just started scouring the news for his name, looking for something I hoped to God I'd never find. The day I saw the story about the airman killed by a sniper in Kabul, I became seriously depressed. My roommate even called my mom, who came down to try and talk some sense into me, not knowing I was pregnant with a dead man's baby.”

She pulled a tissue out of her purse and dabbed at her eyes, keeping her mascara from running.

“I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to,” I said. My own tear ducts were threatening to let loose as it was.

“I want you to know what happened,” she said. “Anyway, I stayed with my mom for a while and tried to pick my life back up. When my coworker Kyle—who had been in love with me for forever—asked me out I said yes and we began to date, pregnant as I was. The day Will was born, Kyle came to visit us in the hospital with a teddy bear for Will and a ring for me. You have to understand, I was vulnerable and was full of excess hormones so I said yes. I just didn't want Will to grow up without a dad.

“Kyle and I got married and we lived in Denton and life was nice for a while. He even wanted to adopt Will, but I always put it off because, in my heart, it didn't feel right. Maybe that was the first indication that our marriage wasn't going to last.” Julie stared off into space for a few seconds before collecting her thoughts. “Anyway, by the time I left him and it occurred to me to look for you, you and Henry had both moved out. I'm sorry it took me this long to find you.”

I squeezed her hand again. “Don't be sorry. I'm so grateful you contacted us.” I glanced back over to Will, who was jumping circles around a laughing Henry. “I feel like I have a piece of my brother back.”

“Are your parents going to hate me after they hear that story?” she asked.

“No way,” I said with a shake of the head. “How can they hate you when you've given them a grandson?”

We turned when we heard crying and saw Henry approaching with a sobbing Will in his arms.

“He scraped his knee,” Henry said with his eyebrows drawn. He set Will down on a chair and crouched in front of him. “You okay, buddy?”

Julie pulled an antibacterial wipe from her purse and handed it to Henry, who proceeded to clean the raw knee gently.

“Ow, it hurts!” Will said and jerked his leg away.

“Now, Will,” Henry said firmly. The little boy took immediate note of the change in Henry's tone and sat up. “I know it hurts a little bit but I need to wipe it down to make sure it's clean. Do you think you can sit still for me?”

Will's lower lip trembled but he nodded. He winced when Henry touched the wipe to his knee again but didn't cry out.

After he was done, Henry said, “Good job, Will. You are one tough little man.”

Will sat a little straighter. “Thanks, Henry.”

Julie nudged me and whispered, “He'd make a great dad.”

I nodded. I couldn't have agreed more.

Julie insisted that we stay at her house that night, setting us up in a charming guest room with a queen-sized bed.

As soon as Henry saw it, he looked at me and said, “I can sleep on the floor.”

I agreed to the arrangement, but at the end of the day, when it came time to turn off the lights, I found I couldn't sleep. I felt a dull ache in my stomach as I lay in that soft bed, thinking about Denver and what my new life would be like. By the time I decided that things would be so much simpler without Henry, the pain had moved up to my chest, radiating around one stubborn muscle. “Are you comfortable down there?” I asked him in the dark.

He didn't answer for so long, I thought he'd already fallen asleep. Then he said, “Not really.”

Before I could decide against it, I said, “Do you want to sleep up here?”

His head popped up above the mattress. “You sure?”

I patted the bed. “Come on, let's bunk.”

He climbed under the quilt beside me, careful to keep his distance, and folded his arms behind his head. “Remember when this used to feel so natural?”

“Yeah,” I said wistfully. I turned to my side and laid a hand on his chest, threading my fingers through the dark hair covering his pecs. “I can't believe how much we've changed since then.”

He wrapped a hand around mine and pressed it closer to his heart. “But some things are still the same.”

“Are they?”

“The way I feel about you will never change,” he said in that husky tone.

But I knew that had changed too. How could it not when the person himself was no longer the same? “I'm not sure that's true,” I said.

He blew out a breath. “Are you going to question everything I say?”

His anger took me by surprise, rendering me speechless.

“I'm trying here, Elsie. I'm trying so hard to be the good guy, to show you that you mean everything to me,” he said with an edge to his voice. “But this won't work if you never give me the benefit of the doubt.”

“Well, do you blame me?” I asked.

He was quiet for a long time. Finally, he said, “I don't. But I wish you would stop doubting me.” He turned over, giving me his back. “Good night.”

I heard the frustration in his words but his anger only fueled my own. “You put the doubt there,” I said, flipping to my side and taking a large portion of the blanket with me.

His gruff voice reached out in the darkness. “I love you.”

I sighed, wishing that, just once, the exasperating man would let me stay angry.

The next morning, when the sun was beginning to peek through the blinds, I woke up to find Henry's body pressed into my back. I realized cuddling was not all he wanted when his hand slid under my shirt and palmed one of my breasts. He moaned into my ear and pulled me closer, gently rocking his erection into my backside.

Even though we were on unsteady ground right now, I was only human and needed to release the tension that had started building up since Henry's reemergence into my life. Unable to resist, I squeezed my butt against his hard length and felt his cock jump each time.

His hand left my breast and slid down my stomach to the waistband of my pajama pants. The breath hitched in my throat when his fingers crept under my panties and began to draw lazy circles on my clit. His other hand grasped a breast, his thumb playing with my nipple.

“Elsie,” he groaned and bit on my earlobe before kissing along my neck. He pushed one long finger inside me, then two. “I want to be inside you like this,” he said, his hips matching the pumping of his hand. He let out a soft hiss when my vaginal walls squeezed at his fingers, bending them so that they were grazing that sensitive spot as they slipped in and out. “Yes, squeeze me like that.”

Fairly soon I was panting, my entire body coiling tighter and tighter. Henry was everywhere, invading all of my senses, inside and out and all around. I twisted my head around and kissed him, sighing when he pivoted his hand slightly so that his thumb was rubbing against my clit as he screwed me with his fingers.

“Come for me,” he breathed against my ear and I flew apart into a thousand euphoric pieces. I buried my face in the pillow, biting down on it as I tried to come as quietly as possible.

His fingers kept up the assault as he wrung out every inch of that orgasm until I was a trembling, moaning mess. When the tremors inside me had subsided, he pulled his hands away. I twisted around to face him just in time to see Henry bring his fingers up to his mouth, sucking on each one with a grin.

I grabbed the back of his head and kissed him, tasting myself on his tongue.

“God, Elsie,” he groaned into my mouth. He grabbed my hair and tilted my head back to lick at my neck. “I want you. I want to be inside you and drill you until the only thing you remember is my name.”

His words did strange things to me, making me tingle with anticipation all over again. I reached down between us and asked throatily, “Do you want to fuck me, Henry?”

“Hell yes.” His entire body went rigid when my palm made contact with his cock. I squeezed the tip once, twice, but just when I started to stroke, the bedroom door squeaked open and a little voice said, “Excuse me.”

Henry pressed his face into the pillow and stifled a groan. He took a few deep breaths, then lifted his head to look across the room. “Yeah, buddy?” he asked with a tight voice.

“Do you want to play Xbox?” Will asked, standing at the foot of the bed. “Mom got me a new game and it can have two players.”

Henry shot me a longing look; I squeezed his cock in return. He closed his eyes, his eyebrows furrowing as I squeezed him again, then turned back to Will. “Okay,” he said, surreptitiously extricating my hand from his pants and sitting up. “I just need to take a long, cold shower okay?”

Will's face lit up. “Awesome! I'll go set it up!” he cried and ran out of the room.

I grinned up at Henry as he got out of bed to gather his clothes and toiletries, his lips taut and his pants bulging. “Good morning,” I said with a languid smile, stretching my hands above my head.

“For you,” he grumbled and leaned down to give me a kiss. He gazed at me longingly a few seconds longer, then, with an exaggerated sigh, stalked off to the guest bathroom.

ARRIVALS AND DEPARTURES

Julie was nervous as hell at the airport as we waited for my parents to deplane. The original plan was to have Henry pick them up but Julie decided that it would be less stressful to meet in neutral territory first. My guess was that she was worried they would judge the life she'd provided Will before they had a chance to judge her character. I assured her again that they would like her no matter what, but that didn't stop her from tapping her foot anxiously as we waited.

I was first to greet my parents when they came out of the security gate, giving them each a warm hug. With our elbows linked, I led them toward the nervous group. “Mom, Dad, this is Will,” I said, motioning for the little boy to come forward.

My mom dropped her bags and crouched down. She already had tears in her eyes by the time Will made his way over.

The kid held out his hand all businesslike. “Hi. My name is William Jason Keaton.”

Mom laughed as she shook his hand. “Well hello, sweetheart, my name is Elodie Sherman. I'm your grandma.”

“Are you my dad's mom?” Will asked.

“Yes, yes I am.” She gave him a watery smile. “Can I give you a hug?”

Will gave a small nod and was immediately encircled in my mother's embrace. “Oh my goodness,” she kept saying over and over. “My little grandson.”

I looked up at Dad, and he too was a little misty around the eyes. “He's the spitting image of Jason,” he murmured. He swallowed down the oncoming grief and took a step toward Julie with his hand outstretched. “You must be Julie,” he said. “It's nice to finally meet you.”

“Same to you, Mr. Sherman,” Julie said with a tentative smile.

“Please call me John.”

Mom stood up but instead of shaking hands, she hugged the surprised Julie instead. “Thank you,” Mom said. “Thank you for giving birth to this little wonder and for letting us be a part of his life.”

Julie shook her head. “I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner.”

Mom looked down at the miniature version of her son. “Well there's lost time to make up for. That just means we're going to have to spoil him extra rotten.”

Julie laughed. “As long as you don't get him a flamethrower, we'll be fine.” When my mom cast her a confused look, Julie added, “Henry's been giving Will toy weapons.”

All eyes swiveled around to Henry, who had been standing quietly at the edge of the crowd with his hands in his pockets. He met my parents' eyes and I swear there was dread on that handsome scruffy face.

On the way back, I rode in the car with Julie and Will as my parents insisted on riding with Henry. When we arrived at the house, Henry emerged from the car looking more than a little shell-shocked, his face pale. I hadn't told him that my parents already knew about his return from Korea and his objective to win me back. I guess I could have given him a heads-up, but where was the fun in that?

Dad pulled me aside as we made our way toward the house. “We talked some sense into that boy,” he said, his lips twitching. “Gave him a good talking-to.”

I glanced behind us at Henry, who was bringing in the luggage. “What did you tell him?”

“The gist of the talk was that if he really loved you, he would let you go and fulfill your dream.”

“And?”

“He said that's what he was trying to do,” Dad said. “Is that the truth?”

I nodded. “Yeah, he's trying to be supportive.”

“Good,” Dad said. “I'd hate to think Henry would do something so selfish as to keep you from your dream job.”

“He's trying,” I said. “Did you tell him anything else?”

Dad had mischief in his eyes when he said, “I said if he ever hurt you like that again, I would castrate him.”

We spent the rest of the day at Julie's house, catching up on the lost years. My mom commented on how much she loved Julie's decorating style and was especially drawn to the collection of birds. Julie showed her the glass eagle that I had guessed correctly was a gift from Jason.

“He knew how much I loved birds,” Julie said softly. “Every time we said good-bye, he liked to tell me to
fly on home, little bird
.”

Mom took great care in placing the fragile figurine back onto the mantel. “You should come to Monterey soon. We can show you where he grew up.”

Julie nodded. “I'd like that.”

After Will showed off his room and his impressive Lego collection, he set up the Xbox and the men started a game of “Lego Star Wars.” Mom, Julie, and I—content to play out gender stereotypes for one afternoon—went to the kitchen to start making an early dinner.

“I'm glad you're giving Henry a second chance,” Mom said as she cut vegetables for the salad.

“You are?” I asked, tearing apart the lettuce leaves. “I thought you wanted to put a hit out on him.”

Julie coughed out a surprised laugh as she headed toward the pantry.

Mom grinned. “I know, but the boy seems genuinely contrite,” she said. “Still, I hope you're making him grovel.”

“He's suffering, that's for sure,” I replied, thinking back to that morning.

Julie joined us at the counter with some fixings for the chicken. “You're not mad at him?” she asked my mom.

Mom shrugged. “I am but I'm not. I just think that his actions were not as selfish as they first seemed,” she said. She turned to me. “Before your dad retired, I met a lot of the airmen under his command. I noticed that when they returned from their deployment they felt alienated from the world, like they no longer fit in. And worse, their friends and family didn't—or just couldn't—understand them and what they were going through. It's a pretty common problem for soldiers coming home from war and each person deals with it differently.”

I stared at her as I absorbed her words.

“Henry could have handled it better, but also had the added pressure of losing his best friend.” She touched my arm. “Of course the boy came unhinged. Did he act rashly? Yes. Was it understandable under the circumstances? Probably so. It took me a while to finally see that.”

Her words squeezed at my insides. “Why didn't you tell me before? It could have saved me so much heartache.”

“I didn't want you to get your hopes up, sweetheart,” she said.

“But you told me in the car in Monterey, on the way to the airport, that the story wasn't over yet.”

“It's not,” she said, giving me a tender look. “I just didn't want you to hold your breath while you waited for that next page to turn.”

Henry and I made our way back to Oklahoma at around six o'clock that night. Mom and Dad wanted to stay another day in Texas but I had to get back home to finish my last week of work and start the dreaded packing process.

“About last night,” I said somewhere between Ardmore and Pauls Valley. “I really don't mean to question everything you say.”

“If you never believe anything else I ever say, just please trust that the way I feel about you never changed,” he said, his voice tender and deep. “Do you remember what I said on the tape, about the day you cut my hair in high school?”

“That you were sure I was going to be your happily ever after,” I said, remembering how he'd said the same thing the night he'd broken up with me.

“I'm still sure,” he said. “That one fact has been the only constant in my life.”

My eyes were fixed firmly on the road, my knuckles white as I gripped the steering wheel.

“Believe me,” he said. “Believe
in
me.”

I nodded, choosing to lift the wall around my heart and let that little confession slip under. “I do.”

He reached over and tenderly cradled my cheek in the palm of his hand. I leaned into his hand, relishing the strength and vulnerability of Henry.

A little over an hour later, Henry and I arrived back at my apartment and said our good-byes at the parking lot.

“So about this morning,” he said, gathering me into his arms. “Does this mean . . .”

I looked up at him as I contemplated his question. “Maybe,” I said with a tiny smile.

“Right now?”

I bit my lip. “I'm not sure. When the time's right, we'll know.”

“I can live with that.” He gripped my hair and crushed me closer, kissing me with the passion that had accumulated since this morning. His tongue swept into my mouth, his other hand grasping my ass and pressing me into his erection.

I wanted to stay there forever, our mouths locked in an exchange of breath. My mom's words echoed in my head, weakening the walls around my heart, shedding new light on Henry and his actions.

We pulled away when someone walked by and cleared their throat. Henry was breathing heavily when he said, “I have to go take another cold shower.”

I bit my lip, trying to catch my own breath. “Me too,” I mouthed.

“How about now? Is now the right time?” he asked.

I shook my head. As much as I wanted Henry, there was still a part of me that was holding back, that still hadn't completely forgiven him.

“Worth a try,” he said. He retrieved the car keys from his jacket and slung his backpack onto his shoulder. “I'll see you tomorrow after work?”

I nodded and grabbed the lapels of his jacket, pulling him down for one last, lingering kiss. “Good night, Henry,” I said against his lips.

“Night, Els,” he said as he walked away with a smile on his face. “I love you.”

It wasn't until after he had driven away that I whispered, “I love you too.”

The week went by in a blur. Henry came over every night but we did more talking or horsing around than packing. Henry had a story for nearly everything, reminiscing about each object before packing it in the box. Those he hadn't seen, he asked about. Needless to say, what would have taken a day lasted an entire week. I had a feeling that had been Henry's plan all along.

The relocation package from Shake Design allowed for a moving company, but I opted to keep the money for an apartment deposit instead and move everything to Colorado myself. Mostly it was just a thinly veiled excuse to have Henry come with me. He had agreed to drive the truck while I followed in my Prius, and I'd purchased a walkie-talkie so we could talk nonstop during the drive.

On Thursday, I picked up the moving truck and invited friends over for a moving party. They brought beer, pizza, paper plates, and their muscles. Everyone helped load boxes and furniture into the truck and afterward, we all went back inside the empty apartment and said our good-byes. Beth and Sam were the last to leave, lingering long after the others left.

“I'm going to miss you, girl,” Beth said, giving me a warm embrace. “Come back and visit, okay?”

“Of course.”

“Maybe we can get stationed in Colorado next,” she said and shot her fiancé a questioning look.

“It's possible,” Sam said, giving me a quick hug. “Peterson Air Force Base is on my dream sheet.”

Beth turned to Henry. “You too, Henry. Good luck over there.”

He frowned. “I'm just driving her up there, then coming right back. I'm not staying.”

Beth smiled like a Cheshire cat, making me wonder if she knew something I didn't. “Oh, my mistake,” she said.

Whatever it was she knew, Henry was not in on it. We just shot each other confused looks as Beth and Sam left.

I stayed at Henry's house that night, slept in the same bed nestled in his arms. He didn't try anything sexual, didn't even want to talk before we fell asleep. He simply kissed me, told me he loved me, and fell right to sleep.

The next morning he was gone when I awoke. After I showered and dressed, I found him at the kitchen counter with breakfast already made. “I didn't want to wake you,” he said, not meeting my eyes as he sipped his coffee. He turned his attention back to the newspaper, to whatever article he was so engrossed in.

Swallowing down my disappointment, I sat with him and ate quietly, stealing glances at his face. He looked weary, with dark circles under his eyes, but he forced a tight smile when he caught me looking.

“Did you sleep okay?” I asked, trying to get his attention.

“Wonderful,” he said, keeping his eyes on the newspaper.

I set down my coffee mug. “We don't have to say good-bye yet, Henry. We still have the long drive together.”

He finally looked up from that damned newspaper. “I'm not saying good-bye yet.”

“Then why does it feel like you are?” I felt the pressure of tears behind my eyes and took deep breaths to keep from breaking apart.

His blue eyes bore into mine. “My heart is breaking here, Elsie,” he said softly. “I'm doing everything I can to keep from begging you to stay.”

I looked down at my plate, hiding the tears that were threatening to slip out.

“Helping you pack and letting you go is the hardest thing I've ever done. I mean it when I said I wanted you to fulfill your dream.” He motioned to himself. “This, what I'm doing, is just my way of internalizing everything so you won't have more sadness to bear.”

But the weight was already too much for my tired heart to carry on my own, so I got to my feet and stumbled to Henry. I threw my arms around him and buried my face in his neck, letting loose the tears that I'd been suppressing the past week. “I love you, Henry.”

His arms were like bands of steel as they came around me, holding me tight.

“You won the challenge,” I said. “You won me over.”

He grasped the sides of my face and looked at me with red-ringed eyes and damp cheeks. “Thank you,” he said, kissing my lips over and over. “For trusting me again.”

I followed the moving truck out of my neighborhood and onto the interstate with my heart lodged firmly in my throat. I silently said my good-byes as we passed by landmarks, taking in the sights for the last time. I had experienced so much heartbreak while living here, yet Oklahoma was the place I had grown the most and become my own person. This place would always have a special place in my heart.