Disclosure of the Heart (The Heart Series) (13 page)

“I think that’s the easiest way to manage the pain of seeing someone so ill. You get lost in the details.”

“‘Lost in the details.’” A bed creaked through the phone. He must’ve lain down as he said, “That’s exactly what’s going on. Meanwhile my father is literally shrinking before my eyes, and the house smells like a dodgy hospital.”

“Oh, that smell! I know that smell.”

“The smell sucks.” He laughed.

“Where do you think it comes from?”

“I don’t bloody know.” His voice became a little mischievous. “I think the nurses bring it into the house.”

“No, they’re nice. They wouldn’t do that.”

“Then what’s the cause? Because I’m fucking sick of it.”

“I don’t know…” Then I did a double-take at what he’d said. “Wow. You just said ‘fuck.’ I was beginning to think you’d given up cursing. You used to swear like a sailor when we were in high school, but not anymore.”

“Give up cursing? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I curse all the bloody time.”

“Not around me.”

“That’s because I’ve been trying to be good around the deputy White House press secretary.”

“You’re so full of it.” I laughed, though I wondered if there was something to what he’d said.

“It’s true.”

“Oh yeah? Do tell.”

“Fuck no,” he said with snicker.

For the next few hours, we laughed and talked, and while it wasn’t just like old times, it was a lot of fun. There were moments when it was better than our past, simply because I thought he was even more interesting now, but there was still our underlying relationship from our youth. Our past together just made the conversation richer. I watched the clock tick the hours away, not wanting to be the one who cut off the conversation.

Late in the night, he finally said, “Nicki, I’m so sorry. I’ve been talking your ear off, and I didn’t notice the time. It’s two in the morning.” He then added, “You probably want to call Juan Carlos.”

“No. I already talked to him earlier today. He’s on a cross-country flight tonight.” Mention of Juan Carlos was a reminder of my responsibilities, though. Reluctantly, I said, “But I should go to sleep. I’m not getting much of it these days.”

“Well, thank you for calling…and listening. I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t thank me. I wanted to.”

“I suppose I’ll talk to you in a few days when we’re back in DC.”

My response was swift with no forethought or caution, just my own personal want. “No, I’ll check in with you tomorrow. Night, Adam.”

And I did—every night for the next three nights. His dad’s health and family took up a chunk of every long call, but with each evening we talked more about other things: our work, our old friends, and what was going on in the world. Yet we never talked about what might be going on—or had gone on—between us. Instead, we chatted and laughed and teased one another.

The final night that we spoke, I couldn’t stifle all my yawns as the clock ticked on. Adam said, “It’s quite late, Nicki. You need to get to bed.”

“It’s okay. I’m in bed.”

“Are you now?”

“Of course. It’s after three.”

“You’re in bed. Now, that’s something I’d like to see…again.”

I had been in a half-dreamy state, but that woke me up. It was an unmistakable flirt, making me as flustered as a seventeen-year-old. “Uh…it’s not very exciting. I’m staying at the Lagos Sheraton. I might as well be in Phoenix.”

“What are you wearing?”

“A T-shirt.” I gulped. I’d had enough phone sex with Juan Carlos to know what was coming next.

“Anything else?” he asked.

I shook my head. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t go there. “Adam…”

“You can’t blame me for trying.”

I winced. What had I done? I’d started this, and maybe he thought I wanted a fling to remind us of old times. But as I pinched my brow with worry, he stunned me. “Nicki…you must know by now how much you mean to me. I adore you. I always have.”

My hand searched my chest for my heart. Adam had crossed the line. The professionalism and friendship we’d so carefully established had been breached. And as worrying as that was, I was tickled to my core that our feelings from so long ago were reciprocal once again. Yet now I was mature enough to control them.

I couldn’t say anything like that to him, though, even if it was truer than true. I stumbled. “And you mean…the world to me, Adam, but I don’t know if…and then there’s…” Defeated by all the complications between us, I sighed. “We should probably have this conversation in person.”

“Probably so.”

He sounded a little dejected, so I wanted to say something encouraging. “I want you to know our talks have been the highlight of my trip.”

“Mine, too.”

“I should go now. Good night. Have a safe trip back home.”

“I’d tell you to have a safe trip as well, but I think Air Force One is pretty secure.”

“That’s true. It’s the only time I’m not scared at all to be on a plane.”

“Well, go get some sleep…in your T-shirt and what little else you’re wearing.” His swagger was back.

“Adam…” I giggled.

“Oh, don’t mind me.” He laughed. “Good night. We can talk next week.”

Did things change between Adam and me because of that night, or had it been a slippery slope over time? Or, if I looked back on it, had anything ever changed?

Air Force One was the worst place to collect my thoughts on the matter, but it was also an in-my-face reminder of my problems. Work was all around me, people mentioned the BBC wasn’t on the plane because Adam was with his dying father, and there was always the random friend of Juan Carlos’s asking me to say hello.

Maybe it was my discomfort with the situation that made me rationalize my dilemma. Pretending to read a document on my laptop, I sat quietly in my seat and dissected my life. First, I set aside that I was supposed to be in a happy relationship with Juan Carlos. That was an issue unto itself. Then, I played out the problem with Adam. If anything happened between him and me and it got out, which it always did, it would disgrace us both professionally. In public relations, there was only one repeatedly proven method to weather a scandal—get all the bad information out there yourself as soon as possible. Full disclosure and nothing less.

It took me a nanosecond to reject that idea. Nothing had really happened between us yet. We’d simply expressed there was mutual interest. The timing wasn’t ripe to disclose anything to our bosses or even our partners. What if nothing came of it? We could cause an unnecessary disaster for everyone.

But what of Juan Carlos? Was it just Adam who could turn my head, or could another guy do it as well? I didn’t know. I was sure, though, that Juan Carlos and I couldn’t move in together, at least not yet. With our travel schedules, things had already felt a little distant between us for a few weeks. Even the phone sex was non-existent because of the eight-hour time difference. Yet despite my feelings for Adam, I missed Juan Carlos. Maybe because I knew he would be there for me. Adam was still an unknown.

The middle of the following week, Lisa caught me before I left work for the day. “Where’s Juan Carlos this weekend?”

“Hmpf,” I grunted as I put in an earring. “He’s here on Friday but leaves Saturday morning for Hawaii, of all places. There’s a senate race.”

“So you would be okay if I invited Adam and David over on Saturday night?”

My mouth gaped open. “What the hell? Are you kidding me?”

“Nope.”

“What’s changed?”

“It started when David sent me a dozen roses at work while you were gone.”

“Really? So he asked you out properly?”

“Hardly.” She shook her head. “He told me he wanted to play doctor.”

“And you fell for that?”

“No way. I told him to knock it off.”

“What did he say?”

“He asked if he could make it up to me by cooking dinner.”

“And you said yes?”

“I said I’d only do it if you were there, too. He said three’s a crowd but then asked if Adam could come, too.”

“Does Adam know?”

“I’m not sure.” She leaned against the doorjamb and eyed me. “So should I invite them over?”

What a little shit. She was forcing me to make the call for everyone. I would be the one to decide if things could proceed or not for either of us, and Adam would most definitely find out. I hadn’t told her about our phone calls while we were away. If she knew that, I bet she’d demand I inform Juan Carlos immediately. Yet here she was practically setting me up to cheat on him. What was her deal?

“What’s going on?” I casually put my other earring in. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“It looks to me like you need some help sorting your shit out. This is just a nudge.”

“Okay, maybe I do…” I smiled. “What about poor David?”

“Did you just say ‘poor David’?”

“Yeah.”

“Pfft. As for ‘poor David,’ I’m just toying with him.” She crossed her arms. “What’s your answer?”

“Sure. It’s just a dinner among old friends,” I said, convincing no one.

“Very nice.” She turned to walk away. “Good spin.”

“Because it’s the truth!” I called back.

The following day after the press briefing, Adam walked up to me with a smile. I’d just been grilled over health care, so he was a welcome sight.

“Morning, Adam,” I said.

“Hello. It sounds like you’ve got your work cut out for you on the health care legislation.”

“Yeah…well, any reform we do will be compared to the British system. That’s both good and bad, as I understand it.”

“Anything free at the point of access has to be good.”

“Excellent point. I’ll remember that.” I grinned.

“Did I just give you a talking point?”

“Maybe.” I scanned the room to see if anyone was in earshot before I asked in a low voice, “So, dinner with David and Lisa?”

“Odd…but I’m looking forward to it.”

I studied his happy face. “I agree.” I then gestured toward the door. “I’ve got a meeting. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Wait. Please. I’ve got a question.”

“What’s that?”

“Are you going to tell Juan Carlos?” he asked quietly, staring me down.