Discovering Stella (20 page)

“He’s
fine,”
Todd
sighed, turning back around and leaning up against the bench.
“At
least he was when he left the
pub.
He’ll have a nice shiner
though.”

Meg closed
her
eyes and massaged
her
temple
with
her
finger. “Bloody hell! What happened?”

“Leigh pushed him too far and he snapped.
It
wasn’t
his fault,
baby.” Todd
reached forward and pulled
Meg’s
hand away from
her
head before giving me
an
uncertain look that
told
me there was
more
to it.
It
also
told
me that I was part of the reason Lawson had snapped.
Oh no!
It’s
my fault. And what does
Todd
know about me
...
about Lawson and me?

Turning
around, Meg
began dishing
up
the
bacon
and eggs.
“I
could
just
slap that slutty
bitch,”
she
mumbled
angrily,
aggressively
slopping
my
egg
onto
a
piece
of
half-buttered
toast.
“I
don’t
know what
he
ever
saw
in
her.”
She
pushed
a
plate
in
my
direction.

“Thanks,” I replied
quietly,
rearranging
my
massacred breakfast.
My
mind was running rampant with thoughts
of
what could’ve happened at the
pub. Obviously, it
had concerned
Vicky.
Had they talked things
over
after I’d rejected him? Or worse, reconciled and Leigh had tried to stop
it?
And where had he stayed the night?
Was
it
really at the workshop? Or had he ended up at
Vicky’s?

Now
feeling a little ill at the thought
of
possibly being respon
sible
for
coaxing Lawson back
into
Vicky’s
tattooed arms and destroying any chance of us ever having
anything
, I pushed through
my
now-vanished appetite and finished
my
breakfast.
Today
was sure to be a
long
and miserable
one.

*
 
*
 
*

During a somewhat
silent
and awkward drive with
Todd
to the
pub,
I was
now more
than
ever convinced that what had transpired the night before with Lawson had something to do with me.
Todd
was quiet, which was unusual
for
him,
but
he was also avoiding eye contact and displaying minuscule signs of frustration with the tapping
of
his fingers
on
the steering wheel.

“What did he tell you?” I asked, turning toward him and coming right
out
with it.

He
glanced in
my
direction
for
the smallest of seconds before focussing
on
the road again. “Who?”

“Lawson. What did he tell you?”

“About
what?” he asked, clearly
trying
to evade the obvious.

Huffing, I crossed
my
arms
over
my
chest. “Quit it! I know what
you
are doing.
Did
he tell
you
about me and him
...
about
my
husband?”
Angry
tears pricked
my
eyes at the thought of Lawson betraying
my
trust.
I knew it!
You can’t
trust anyone, Stella.

“Your
what
?”
Todd
shouted, shooting me
an
astonished, wide-eyed look.
“You
have a husband?”

Shit! I was wrong. Clearly, he
hadn’t
told him

Closing
my
eyes
due
to
my
own
idiocy,
I let
out
a breath in defeat. “Had.
Don’t
any
more.
He’s
dead,”
I said
flatly, my
voice
devoid
of any
emotion.

Todd
immediately pulled the
car
to the
side
of the road, the tyres skidding
as
they tried to come to grips with the change
of
road surface
as
we stopped. “What the hell, Stella? I know we had a bad patch,
but
fuck!
You
want to tell me
what’s
going on?”

I leaned forward and placed
my
face in
my
hands.
“There’s
nothing to tell. I was married and
now
I’m
not.
He’s
dead, and
it’s
for
the
best.”

“Jesus Christ! When did this happen?”
He
unclipped his
seat
belt and leaned
over,
rubbing
my
shoulder.

“Todd,
really,
I’m
fine.
It
happened just
over
a year and a
half
ago. His death was sudden and
it
was his fault.
He
deserved it. End of
story,”
I mumbled, keeping
my
head in
my
hands. The last thing I wanted was
for
him to see
my
eyes, to look
into
those glass gateways and read what was truly behind them.

“I
...
I
don’t
know what to
say.
I’m
...
I’m
so
sorry.”

Dropping my
hands, I kept
my
gaze
directed straight ahead.
“Don’t
be
sorry.
Please!
It’s
like I
told
Lawson,
it’s
not
any
one’s
fault
but
his
. So
don’t
be
sorry.”

“Is there anything I
can
do?”

“Yeah.”
I smiled weakly and turned to face him, noticing that he’d placed his thumb and finger
on
the bridge of his nose, his eyes screwed
shut. He
looked upset
...
and terribly concerned, and seeing him that way stirred
my
inner guilt.
“I’m
sorry I
didn’t
tell you,
Todd.
But
it’s
okay.
I’m
okay.
Just
don’t
bring
it
up again. I
don’t
want to
talk
about
it
or
think about it.
It’s
done
and dusted.
It’s
in
my
past.”

He
opened his eyes
but
left his hand where
it
was.
“You
sure
that’s
—”

“I’m
sure,”
I interrupted, emphasising that
my
decision to deal the way I wanted to deal was the correct
one.

He
placed both of his hands back
on
the steering wheel and shook his head
mildly.
“Okay,
I
won’t
mention
it.
But
please know that
you
can
tell me anything.
Talk
to me about anything.”

“I
know,
and
I’m
so grateful
for
that.
You
have no idea
how
thankful
I
am
to have
you
in
my
life again.” I patted his leg
lightly. “I
just
don’t
need to dwell
on
it, okay?”

“Okay,
Stel.
It’s
your
call.
But
...”
The
tone
of his
voice
suddenly changed from
benevolent
to mildly menacing,
“...
you
will
talk
to me about Lawson. What happened?”

My
eyes filled with tears — a process they’d become quite accustomed
to. “I
hurt him. I treated him terribly and I pushed him
away.”

“Why?” he asked
quietly,
his response
now
soft and supportive.

“Because I like him
more
than
I
should,”
I admitted, releasing a
sob.
“And
because
I’m
no good
for
him.”

“Who says
you’re
no good
for
him?”

“Me.
I say
it.”

“Well,
I hate to admit it,
but
you
aren’t
a very good judge of your own character.
You
want to know why? Because in the short
couple
of weeks
you’ve
been
here,
I’ve
seen a change in Lawson.
You
bring something
out
in him that no
one
else has. And
I’ve
known him
for
a
long
time.”

I shifted in
my
seat, wanting —
but
at the same time,
not
wanting — to believe what he was saying. “What are
you
talking
about?”

“He’s
happy when
you’re
around. Genuinely
happy.
And
it’s
clear
as
day that he has feelings
for
you. Plus, he follows
you
around like a lost
puppy.”

“He
does
not,”
I dismissed.

Todd
laughed. “Stella,
you
seem to forget that I have years of experience where
you
and boys are concerned. I know a Stella admirer when I see
one.”

“I
hate
to
burst
your
bubble,
but
Lawson
is a
man,
not
a
boy.
And
yes,
I am
aware
he
has
feelings
for
me,
but
they’re
nothing
serious.”

“Suit yourself. Think what
you
like. I know
for
a fact that they
are,”
he said with disdain, turning the ignition and continuing our
journey.

Narrowing
my
eyes, I queried his statement. “What do
you
mean,
you
know
for
a fact?”

“Let’s
just say that what happened last night at the
pub
was partly because of
you.”

I knew it!

Placing
my
elbow
on
the window ledge and resting
my
head in
my
hand, I sighed
stubbornly. “How?
I
wasn’t
even
there.”

“That’s
probably
a good thing. Leigh said something along the lines about wanting to hook up with
you
and Lawson lost it.
Truth
be
told,
if he
hadn’t,
I
would’ve.”

I
went
to say something,
but
closed
my
mouth instead. I really
didn’t
know what to say to that, and I really
didn’t
know what
it
meant.
Or more accurately, I
didn’t
want to believe it.

*
 
*
 
*

During the course of the
day,
I’d
finally
been introduced to Sharon, or
Shaz,
as
she had insisted I
call
her.
Prior to meeting
her,
Todd
had warned me that she
was
loud, proud, lewd and crude, but
also
that she
was
one
of the best people he knew. She
was
the part-time bartender, waitress, security
guard,
cook, cleaner and organiser. Basically, she
was
the
feisty
and lovable all-rounder.