Dissolve (14 page)

“I missed you,” I say. “When you left, I –”

He silences me with another kiss, then pulls back. “I’m never leaving you again, I promise.”

“You will,” I feel tears start to well up. “You’ll leave when you know how messed up I am.”

“And you don’t think
I’m
messed up?” He laughs, and when I don’t even smile, he pulls me into his chest. “You and I can be messed up together. Whatever it is, however bad it is, I’ll stay with you. I’ll help you work through it, just like you helped me all those years ago. I was ready to give up, and then you became my friend, and I had a reason to live. That’s what you’ve always been for me, Evelyn. My reason to live. And I was an idiot for being scared of that.”

He cups my cheek, pulling me in for a kiss deeper than anything I’ve ever felt. All my worries, all the wounds in my heart are dulled, like his touch is a shot of pure morphine. He’s my painkiller. When I kiss him, everything is right in the world for just a single moment.

“Take me somewhere,” I mumble.

“Where?”

“Anywhere but here.”

He smirks and tugs on my hand. “Your wish is my command.”

We make our way down the sidewalk, my phone blowing up with my Mom’s text messages asking where I am. But I don’t want to talk to her right now – I don’t want to talk to anyone but Kai. Kyle? No – he’s Kai now. He leads me to his motorcycle and hands me the helmet I used last time. This time, I’m not as nervous as I ride with him. I wrap my arms around his back, hugging him close, and I can feel him laugh, rumbling low in my chest.

The wind drowns some of my anxiety, and by the time we reach his apartment, I’m much calmer.

“I’ve never seen your place before,” I say. “It’s nice.”

“You think?” Kai looks up at the plain brick apartment building covered in ivy. “It’s a bit of a dump on the inside, but it does the job. And I like the view. Come on.”

He leads me inside and up the stairs. His apartment is number 203, the bronze lettering a little faded. Inside I can see it’s a studio apartment, a queen-sized bed in one corner and no kitchen – just a microwave and a mini-fridge. Posters of rock bands litter his walls, and I expected it to be messy, but the floors are clean, and while a few jackets hang on the faded couch, there’s not much in the way of clutter. Books pile next to his bed, and that’s when I know he’s definitely Kyle – he went everywhere with a book. He’d always have a few in his bag, preferring to read during lunch than eat. That’s why he was always so skinny.

“You still have Where the Red Fern Grows,” I point to his book pile. He smiles shyly.

“You know it. The saddest, best book I’ve read. Well, one of the best. I’ve read too many to call just one book ‘the best’. Are you thirsty?”

He opens the fridge and pulls a bottle of water from it, tossing it to me. I manage to grab it, and drink, my throat suddenly parched.

“Thanks.”

“Anytime.” He sits on his bed, shedding his leather jacket. He loosens his tie, unbuttoning a few buttons from the top of his shirt and exposing the skin of his pecs. “God, these kinds of clothes get on my nerves. You don’t mind if I change, do you?”

“Not at all.” I turn around, and he chuckles. I hear the rustling of cloth, my memories vibrant with exactly what his skin looks like, smells like. His muscles are a faint outline in my mind, and I burn to know what exactly he looks like. That night we were together was made fuzzy by booze, but now in the cold light of day I want to see him again.

I turn around, his gorgeous back rippling with muscle definition as he takes off his shirt. He’s so broad, so different from the Kyle I knew. My fingers itch to touch him, and as if in a daze, I feel myself walking towards him. I put my palms on his shoulderblades, so sharp and hard. He jumps a little, then turns his head to look at me with those mismatched eyes.

“Ev? What are you doing?”

I turn my touch into a hug, pulling him close against my chest. He smells the same as I remember, a smell I tried to forget – leather and smoke.

“Hey,” He turns around, brushing my hair out of my face. “You know your touch drives me crazy, right?”

I blush. “I’m not trying to drive you crazy.”

“I know, and that’s exactly why you do,” He smiles. He leans in, his lips glancing across my neck gently. I hear a moan from my own lips, in my own voice, and yet it doesn’t feel like it’s me at all. I’m losing myself in his touch, his lips moving down to my collarbone. He bites softly there, and I squirm, new sensations melting through my body. I want him. I want more of him – no, I absolutely want all of him.

I push him down on the bed, and he quirks one eyebrow in surprise.

“Feeling feisty, Lioness?”

I try to pull my own dress off, but I can’t reach the zipper. After an awkward moment, Kai laughs.

“Need a little help?”

“Yes, please,” I pout, willing my blush to go down. He kisses my shoulders, pulling the zipper down slowly and dragging his lips along with it. I suppress my shiver, but he feels it. Something in him snaps, and he rips the dress from me with a hunger I didn’t know he had. He grabs my ass, growling appreciatively.

“Goddamn, Ev. You look even better in the daylight.”

I turn, and dance my fingers along the hem of his pants. “What about you? It’s not fair when I’m the only one undressed.”

He smirks, and unzips his pants, pulling them down. I can see the hard rod straining against his boxers, and I feel my heart flutter. His waist is shaped like a perfect v, toned and lean. His strong arms reach around and undo my bra, his eyes glimmering as my breasts bounce free.

“I’m the luckiest man alive,” He sucks in a breath, and kisses the curve of my breast.

“N-No,” I manage to say. Kai looks up, confused.

“What’s wrong?”

I tug at my panties, letting them pool around my legs. He sees it and presses harder against me, his boxers the only thing separating us now.

“Come on, Ev.” His voice is low and gravelly. “Don’t tease me like this.”

“I’m not,” I say. “This is yours for the taking, whenever you want.”

“Right now,” He demands.

“Right now,” I agree, and capture his lips with my own. That one move is like a sign for him. He lets his boxers down, his pride unleashed for all to see. Before I can blink, he pushes me up against the wall, grabbing one of my legs and wrapping it around him.

“Hold on tight, Lioness,” He smirks. “Because you’re going for a ride.”

He enters me slow at first, like he’s testing me, and when he’s all the way in I feel so full, so perfectly content. But then his hips move, and I remember exactly what it felt like that night to be in his bed. His every thrust is deep and hard, finding all my most sensitive spots and sending them into pure bliss. My entire body is going into overload, my brain short circuiting. I can barely feel the wall anymore, my entire focus on where he and I meet.

“Evelyn,” He pants. “Fuck, Evelyn, you feel so good. There’s no one like you.”

He kisses me, deep, and a wrap my other leg around him, now completely pinned to the wall by his furious thrusting.

“I love you,” I moan, feeling my own edge coming. “I love you, Kai.”

His eyes widen, his thrusting slowing. His dark hair falls in his surprised expression.

“Ev, you - you mean it?”

“I – ah! I do! Kai, please – harder.”

His lapse in attention is quickly remedied as he starts up again at full speed, so deep and thick I can barely breathe. My mind goes blank, and I hear my name on Kai’s lips, over and over and over.

Kai’s appetite isn’t satiated until hours later, and my body feels worn; exhausted yet satisfied. I’m definitely going to have to build up some stamina if I want to keep up with him in the future. We lie together in bed until the sun sets, him playing with my hair and me tracing the lines of his body, his mouth, his hairline.

“What are you doing?” He asks hoarsely.

“I’m trying to memorize you,” I say.

“Why?”

“In case you…in case you go away again.”

He pulls my fingers to his lips, kissing them softly. “I’m not going anywhere, I told you that.”

“But I can’t –”

“I know you can’t be sure of that,” He sighs. “And that’s my fault. So I’ll just have to make up for it, starting now. Every moment, every kiss, every touch. I have to show you I’m not leaving, no matter what. Not again. A third time would be too –”

“Painful,” I finish for him, and he smile and kisses my forehead.

“I’m glad you understand.”

I watch him get up, his muscles rippling in the later afternoon sunlight as he goes over to his phone and orders food for us. While we wait, I shower, and he showers, and when we’re together, clean and eating delicious pizza, he asks the question that makes my stomach drop.

“I’ve never asked for this in my life, so I might be shit at it,” He starts. “Do you – do you wanna go out with me?”

I laugh. “It’s a little late for that, isn’t it?”

“It’s just – we never got to date for real in high school. I always wanted to ask you, but I was too scared you’d say no.”

My heart feels like it’s being squeezed. “But – what about your scholarship? Don’t you want to go back and get that?”

“I will,” He smirks. “That was just a frilly awards ceremony. It means jack shit. They’ll mail me the real paperwork later. But right now, I wanna take you out on a date. A real one – anywhere you want.”

“This is your last chance,” I say. “To choose another girl.”

He just laughs. “Keep saying that, lioness. But no matter how many times you say it, I’m going to keep choosing you, for as long as I’m alive. Now – enough stalling. Where do you wanna go? Anyplace. You name it.”

“The zoo?” I try. “I haven’t been there yet, and I’d love to see it.”

He brushes his hands free of crumbs and stands. “The zoo it is! My treat.”

“I can pay, too.”

“I know you can, but I sure as hell won’t let you,” He grins crookedly at me. “I’ve been wanting to take you out for six years, now. Just let me, okay?”

I feel spoiled, almost, as we get on the motorcycle, and he pays for my zoo ticket. The zoo is huge, but practically empty at this time of day – twilight. All the families have gone home, their children too tired to walk anymore.

Kai holds my hand as we walk in, his warm palm comforting. He lets go for a moment.

“Hey, wait here, okay?”

I nod, and watch him jog into the gift shop. He comes out with a small stuffed penguin, and hands it to me.

“Penguins are your favorite, right?”

“Yeah,” I say, awed. “I can’t believe you remembered.”

“Of course I did. You’d always doodle them in your notebooks. Mr. Watts would get so mad.”

I laugh. “Do you remember when she sent both of us outside because we’d been passing notes?”

“He looked like an overripe tomato when he yelled, like he was gonna explode,” Kai chuckles, then looks around. “Alright, where to first, lioness? You lead the way.”

“The penguins, obviously.” I grab his hand and pull him towards the arctic exhibit. We spend the entire time until closing looking at the animals, sharing stories of the past. He buys me ice cream, and I tell him everything I know about different animals – which isn’t much. He listens to it all, though, fascinated. At the last exhibit, the lions, he wraps his arms around me from behind, murmuring into my ear.

“See? Look at the lionesses.”

I look where he’s pointing, to several huge, majestic lionesses basking in what’s left of the sun.

“They’re beautiful,” I say. “And terrifying.”

“Like you,” He smiles.

“Am I really that scary?”

He kisses the side of my face. “No. It’s just scary how perfect you are.”

“Okay, corny.” I chide. “Let’s get out of here, before I feed you to these lions.”

“I’m quaking in my boots,” He smirks. We watch the lions for a moment more, the massive male lion wandering over and, to my total embarrassment, mounting one of the lionesses.

“Whoa, keep it PG, friends,” Kai shouts. He looks at me. “You’re blushing like a fire truck.”

“Ugh, let’s just give them some privacy.” I turn away, and Kai follows, chuckling.

“What’s wrong, lioness?” He catches up, slinging an arm around my neck and whispering in my ear. “I could take you like that, if you want.”

“Is sex all you think about?” I sigh, but I have to force my legs to keep going and not quake. The thought of him and me like that has my head spinning.

“No,” He admits. “I think about your smile, too.”

“And my brain,” I add.

“Of course. You’re the smartest girl I know, lioness. You’re the only one who’s ever been able to give me a run for my money. That’s why I love you.”

“That’s it? The whole reason?”

“Well, that and your ass.”

I scoff, and he moves in front of me, cupping my face.

“You know I’m joking, right?”

I let my mouth soften into a smile. “Yeah.”