Dissonance (28 page)

Love?

Did I love her?

In my shock, I didn’t notice Charlotte finally reaching me. She proceeded to wrap her arms around my neck and lean into me.

“I told you I’m a sweet drunk.”

I love her. Holy hell, I love her.

I helped her pull off her dress, revealing the beauty I’d tried to prepare myself for. Before that moment, I would have been sure falling in love would scare the ever-loving shit out of me, but with my angel in front of me, I felt completely at ease. I was in love with Charlotte, and I’d never felt more content.

As tempting as it was to stare at that gloriously smooth skin as she slipped off her bra, I forced myself to keep my eyes on her face. I grabbed her one of my t-shirts to wear, having learned that she preferred my shirts to sleep in. Who am I fooling? Seeing her in my shirt and her panties was enough to bring me to my knees. It was like putting her in my clothes was laying claim to her as mine.

Holding out the cotton shirt to her earned me a pout that was probably aiming for sexy, but landed on painfully cute instead. At least it did until my eyes decided to forfeit the game plan and look down at that incredible body. I was immediately rock hard and desperate for her, but I would not touch.

“Not tonight, honey,” I forced out, even as my body screamed in protest. “You’re very drunk. We can both get what we want tomorrow.”

She looked ready to strike up a protest that I knew would crack my resolve.

“Please, angel,” I half-begged. “I’m trying to be the good guy. Come lay with me. I’ll give you anything you want in the morning. Right now, you need to sleep this off.” I could hardly believe the words were leaving my mouth. In my mind, the mantra “do this for her” was on constant loop to keep myself from falling victim to the pleas of my solid dick. I could be the good guy, and damn it all I was going to prove that to her. I would be the best man I could be for her.

Somehow – the grace of God himself, perhaps – I got through to her. There was still disappointment as she lowered on the shirt, but hell, I was feeling that, too.

We settled onto the bed, Charlotte’s body immediately relaxing against mine. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how important that test of my will was. Not just for her, but for me, as well. I’d done it. I’d put her before my own desires, despite the epic case of blue balls I was well on my way to. Deep down, I knew she would always come first, but proving it to myself was something else entirely. Maybe I really could be worthy.

“You’re so good to me.” Her voice was a bit garbled against my chest, but I could just catch each word. “He never would have said no. He’d have taken advantage.” A pause as she pulled herself tighter into me was punctuated by my stilled heart. “He was good at that.”

No.
This wasn’t happening. Blood pounded in my ears so violently that I thought I might burst. Every muscle in my body was so tense, that I could feel them strain down to where they connected with my bones. Never in my life had I been so all consumed by rage as I was in that moment.

Maybe I was overreacting. I had the warnings from Eli, from Alex. I’d watched her fight her way through a panic attack. I’d felt her stir awake in the middle of the night, obviously frightened by what was in her dreams. Maybe I should have expected this at some point. Maybe I should have been more prepared. But as Charlotte drifted off beside me, I knew one thing for sure: I was anything but prepared to hear those words. I highly doubted I ever could have been.

Instead, I forced deep breaths that burned like acid in and out of my lungs. Instead, I held fast to my beautiful girl and tried to fight the fury, the fear, the tears that itched in my eyes. Instead, I let my angel fall asleep beside me, knowing with a sickening clarity how deeply I loved her, and how far I would go to keep her safe and happy.

I experienced two things before I opened my eyes the next morning. First, the headache that felt like my skull was shrinking in on my brain, second that the room was permeating with the drool-inducing smell of bacon. It wasn’t until I pried my heavy eyes open that I even realized Logan wasn’t beside me. Too bad, waking up to a half-naked Logan had become my favorite part of every morning.

The ache in my muscles fought for supremacy over that in my head as I worked my way upright. The room shifted dizzyingly to my eyes, but at least it didn’t send my stomach rolling. I tried to piece together my night after Logan came to pick us up, but had more than a little trouble. It wasn’t fuzzy so much as just… gone. Alex really had gotten me way too drunk.

Just as I swung my feet off of the bed in an unsteady attempt to stand, the door opened to reveal quite possibly the most delectable sight of my life: a shirtless Logan carrying a tray of delicious smelling breakfast. Exactly which was causing my mouth to water to dangerous levels wasn’t clear.

“Good morning,” he beamed. “I guess I was just in time with this.”

Not even the most vibrant sunlight could brighten my morning like that smile.

I pushed myself back to the head of the bed and sat against the headboard. Logan situated the tray across my lap and placed a kiss on my lips that got my heart racing in that way that only he could. As delicious as it smelled, breakfast lost some of its appeal compared to the idea of devouring Logan. Focusing on the omelet in front of me instead of his abs as he settled onto the bed, I tucked in. The food was so welcome and so tasty that I couldn’t suppress my moan of appreciation.

“If I knew you would react that way, I’d have made you breakfast in bed a long time ago,” he laughed.

I blushed despite myself when he adjusted the length that had already begun to stretch his pajama pants.

“Oh God, now you’re blushing,” he groaned. “You’re killing me, babe. Moaning and blushing are a little more than I can take in the morning. Eat you breakfast before I toss it off the bed and find other ways to occupy you,” he ordered. My thighs tightened against the tingling he elicited between my legs.

While I ate, he watched with an expression that was at once adoring and predatory as he inched slowly onto my side of the bed.
Wait. My side of the bed?
When had I started thinking that way? When had I laid claim to half of his space?

I kept picking through my food, hoping Logan would not pick up on the direction of my thoughts, mot that he would mind. No, he was only too open to the “what’s mine is yours” arrangement. I was the hesitant one. It wasn’t that I didn’t like things the way they had become. What made me uncomfortable was that, whether he realized it or not, Logan had more power over me than anyone ever had before. As extraordinary as it felt, I still hadn’t fully shaken that twinge of fear that accompanied it.

When I looked over again, he was lazily smiling at me still. The fear didn’t matter when I looked at him. Foolish or not, I trusted Logan even with my most precious possession, my heart.

After I finished off as much of my feast as my body could hold, I moved the tray cautiously to the floor. With it safely out of the way, I would thank Logan the way I wanted before I lost my nerve.

I went to lay against his side and pressed a soft kiss to his chest.

“Thank you for breakfast,” I murmured before peppering more kisses across the warm expanse of skin. I could see the heat building in his eyes, but he remained still. I hoped he’d continue to. Anxiety ate away at me with the knowledge of what I was going to do. Old fear leered from the edges of my consciousness, trying to take control. I didn’t want to give in. I wanted to give this gift to Logan. “And thank you for getting me to bed last night.” My kisses sunk down his abdomen causing his body to coil tightly under my hands. “You are always so good to me,” I kept my voice low. “I want to be good to you.”

His breathing had been reduced to uneven pants. “You are,” he half-moaned. I skimmed my fingers lightly down his sides, tracking my descent. “Oh hell, yes,” he grunted. “You are so good to me.”

The rough ridges of his muscles had heat gathering in my body. The desire pushed the fear further from my thoughts. I embraced the sensations pulling Logan and I under. Leaning over him, I licked down the center of his stomach until I reached the thin line of hair that led down below the waist of his pants. His pelvis thrust upward towards me and my mouth watered. I wanted this, to taste him.

Forcing the trepidation back, I focused my mind entirely on the man before me. Every sensation, his taste, his scent, the luscious feel of his skin beneath my fingers, kept the demons of the past at bay. I wouldn’t let my memories meld with this moment.

When I tugged on the drawstring of his bottoms, he lifted to pull them off for me. His cock sprung free from its restraints. My stomach tightened at the sight, but not from apprehension. His rigid length had desire cascading through me, driving my onward towards my goal.

I crawled down his body until I was kneeling between his legs. As I bent down, Logan’s eyes grew wide and his hand shot out to cup my cheek.

“You don’t have to do this, baby,” he said in a voice hoarse from need.

“I want to say thank you.” I tried to keep my voice steady and hoped the distress that started taking hold again didn’t show in my eyes.

His cock twitched at my words, but his hand stayed firm. “I don’t expect anything in return. I do things for you because I want to, to make you happy. You know that, don’t you?”

I nodded. With Logan, I did know that. He would never expect anything like this from me, he’d never say it was “my job to please him,” or that I “owed him.” It was what gave me the strength to do this with him. I met his eyes, trying to assure him, but he still seemed reluctant to let me go.

“I know that, Logan. I want this, though. I want it with you,” I tried to placate him.

He held me a moment more, his eyes blazing as lust overcame his indecision. His hesitation caused the last of mine to dissipate. He would never push me, would never think of hurting me. That trust was unlike anything I’d ever known. It was exactly what I needed. Logan must have recognized the confidence he’d given me, his hand finally falling away.

Being so close to his erection, which had not slackened at all, had my heart pounding. I relished the exhilaration that overcame me as I wrapped my hand around the base. He was solid, and yet tantalizingly smooth. He was so powerful, and yet allowed me to take control. I ran my hand up and down his length and marveled as every muscle in his body contracted. The curved lines that led down his hips drew my gaze. Those muscles had driven me crazy since the day we’d met. For the first time, I gave in to their pull and traced each with lush kisses before allowing my tongue to explore. Logan’s deep groan vibrated through me.

Knowing what I was doing to him pushed me over the edge. I wanted to finally have him inside my mouth, to give him everything I’d been promising. Gripping tighter at the base, I pressed a kiss to the tip before darting my tongue out to caress the entire crown.

“
Charlotte,
” he hissed. The plea in his voice and tension in his jaw told me everything I needed to know.

Slowly, with my eyes locked on his face, I sucked the swollen head into my mouth, laving it with my tongue. More sounds of pleasure escaped him. His eyes tracked my lips as I took him deeper, pulling back and taking him further in each time. When his length brushed the back of my throat, I froze. Hesitation took over. I knew it was possible to go further, knew that men enjoyed it. I couldn’t do it. The memories of gagging, choking with no way to stop came back. I wasn’t ready to try.