Distant Choices (70 page)

The supper dishes put away, the kitchen tidy, they walked out in the twilight down the field path to the water, Oriel's hair still hanging smoothly down her back, Kate's very elaborate again until, suddenly snatching out the pins, she shook it free.

‘How beautiful,' she said, taking a deep breath of the night air. ‘What are those lights on the other side?'

‘Watermillock. Morag and Elspeth are there tonight. Morag is coming over here tomorrow. Mrs Landon won't let Elspeth come, of course. She won't want the girl who is going to marry her son in contact with me – or you either – just in case our sins are catching. I don't think she much liked me even when I was a good woman. But never mind. I'll be seeing Elspeth soon enough.'

‘My word,' murmured Kate, ‘is this what motherhood does to us? Will the day come, I wonder, when I shall be judging some poor Tom Landon or other nowhere near good enough for my Celestine?'

Stooping to set another gold leaf afloat on the water, Oriel smiled at her. ‘That's the first time I've heard you speak your daughter's name.'

‘I dare say,' she shrugged. ‘That's what Francis said. And I had to agree it sounded quite odd talking to him about “your daughter” when she's mine as well. Except that she isn't. No – no, not really. It takes more than those months of being sick and those few hours of straining and pushing and all the rest to make a mother. Don't argue with me, Oriel, because you've never done the pushing. Does it worry you?'

‘Oh – it used to. No more.'

‘You've done the caring though, haven't you?'

‘No, Kate. I've taken the responsibility, that's all. And it hasn't been enough.'

‘So now you're going to make amends?'

She nodded. But with her eyes on the lights of Watermillock it was neither Morag nor Elspeth who rushed into the forefront of her mind. Only Garron was there, his presence, his voice filling her head.
I'm asking you to marry me, bonny lass
. He was only ten days away and when he returned,
then
, with a true and happy heart, she knew she could be his wife.

‘You're quite fond of that giant of yours, aren't you?' murmured Kate. But fond had never been a word in any way applicable to Garron and laughing, taking Kate's arm, she shook her head. ‘You don't
like
giants. You either can't stand them at all, or you can stand them very much. But let's talk about your newly discovered Celestine instead.'

‘My dear, I haven't seen her yet. She was a toddling little scrap who terrified me. Now she's a young lady of seven who may look me up and down with absolute disdain. Or may class me forever as the wicked witch come to steal her father. I shall take it all very steadily. And try never to take too much of Francis either – or not when she's looking. Even then she may never love me. But what right have I to complain? I'll do the best I can, and so will Francis, which is something we have no right to expect of her. She didn't ask to be born, did she? And certainly not to a mother who had to run away – if not precisely on a camel to Arabia – just to learn how to grow up.'

‘Might you think of giving her a brother or a sister?'

Shivering quite violently Kate laughed. ‘I dare say Francis might think of it. A son for Dessborough. Unless, of course, he decides it might upset Celestine.'

‘I dare say you'll know how to convince him it might.'

‘Very likely, my dear – very likely, as any woman worth the name does.'

Turning they began to walk slowly, arm-in-arm, back up the field path.

‘You loved your mother, didn't you, Oriel?'

‘Very much. Worth has nothing to do with it.'

‘Lord – you don't have to tell me that. I loved my father, even on the days when I couldn't find a scrap of worth in him anywhere. We ought to meet on Sundays, now that we're going to be married ladies again, and put flowers on their grave. They might think it amusing.'

They walked on, close together in the dark, slender, minute shadows of humanity disappearing among the fells.

‘Do you know,' Kate said. ‘Francis forgave me all my lovers. And I said that was very fair of him and I certainly didn't feel entitled to go on too much about the lovers he's had, since it was my running off that put him in the position of needing them in the first place.'

‘That seems fair to me, too.'

‘Well – yes. But these lovers of mine, you see – what I didn't tell him was that, really, I haven't had so very many … Not in the way he means, at any rate. There have been men around me all the time, that's true enough. Men who've loved me quite a lot, and men I've absolutely adored on occasion. But what Francis thinks of as a love affair doesn't altogether suit me. He's had his little ladies from Merton Abbey for a night or two and then never thought of them again. Well, I've learned a lot about the sexual act since I grew up, without feeling the need to do it in any way that might be taken for granted …'

‘Kate, you'll have to do it with Francis.'

‘Darling,' she chuckled, ‘thank Goodness for that. The prospect delights me. But I don't think I'll confess my relatively mild promiscuity to him, would you? He likes the exotic and the exciting, and although I could never compete with the pilgrimage to Mecca, I'm ready to do my best.'

‘Does he still want to go there?'

‘Oh – I think he likes the idea of it. And perhaps the idea is all he needs. One learns the trick of that. I believe we call it “compromise”. The very wisest of my friends all swear by it, Oriel. Don't you?'

Opening the garden gate they stood for a while looking down at the lake and the reflected path of moonlight in the water.

‘I'll take the dog with me,' said Oriel. ‘He'd pine otherwise. The cats will make their own way – splendidly. I'm sure of it.' As Quentin would do.

‘And the house?'

‘Yes. I think we should sell it. Garron will never want to come here and I wouldn't come, now, without him.'

‘I see.' Kate laughed, pressing her cheek against Oriel's shoulder.

‘The lengths to which some women will go to get rid of Mrs Landon's son, the fiancé.'

And they stayed for a long moment in companionable silence, Oriel's arm around Kate's shoulders, their heads close together.

‘No,' Kate said. ‘Your cottage doesn't want to be sold. It's just told me so. Francis will never want to come here either. But all we have to do is keep on that good lady of yours to feed the cats and do whatever has to be done. And who knows? At least it's here. And ours. We have a place of our own. And I seem to remember solitude as a great luxury in even a happy married life.'

‘Just be happy, little sister,' Oriel said.
And if it ever happens that you're not, then there's no need to run any further than to me. As I ran to you. As I know I can always do again
.

But he was only ten days away and now, waiting for him already with an eager welcome and – she was glad to discover – a clear conscience, she did not envisage any likelihood of flight. For her freedom had come hand-in-hand to her with choice and she believed that now
her
choice – how magnificent – had been made.

First published in 1986 by Collins

This edition published 2012 by Bello an imprint of Pan Macmillan, a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited Pan Macmillan, 20 New Wharf Road, London N1 9RR Basingstoke and Oxford Associated companies throughout the world

www.panmacmillan.com/imprints/bello
www.curtisbrown.co.uk

ISBN 978-1-4472-2704-5 EPUB
ISBN 978-1-4472-2703-8 POD

Copyright © Brenda Jagger, 1986

The right of Brenda Jagger to be identified as the
author of this work has been asserted in accordance
with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

Every effort has been made to contact the copyright holders of the material reproduced in this book. If any have been inadvertently overlooked, the publisher will be pleased to make restitution at the earliest opportunity.

You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

The Macmillan Group has no responsibility for the information provided by any author websites whose address you obtain from this book (‘author websites').

The inclusion of author website addresses in this book does not constitute an endorsement by or association with us of such sites or the content, products, advertising or other materials presented on such sites.

This book remains true to the original in every way. Some aspects may appear out-of-date to modern-day readers. Bello makes no apology for this, as to retrospectively change any content would be anachronistic and undermine the authenticity of the original.

Bello has no responsibility for the content of the material in this book. The opinions expressed are those of the author and do not constitute an endorsement by, or association with, us of the characterization and content.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Visit
www.panmacmillan.com
to read more about all our books
and to buy them. You will also find features, author interviews and
news of any author events, and you can sign up for e-newsletters

so that you're always first to hear about our new releases.