Distant Fires (14 page)

“Come now.”  She said suddenly, rising from her gloom, with a daub at her eyes, “we will spend time on these and other matters, at a later date.” Looking to Shanata, she whispered, “Do not tell the child that she cannot return to her family, it is not what a child should hear. Instead, ask her if she would like to stay with the Cloud Lady.”       
 

Nicholas did so, and the child stared off, quiet, and seemingly bewildered. She turned her attention to Louise with a dull resignation.   
 

“Yes,” she answered simply, to Nicholas’ inestimable relief.  
 

“Shall we return to the chateau?” He said with a smile, extending a hand to each female. His mother took his arm, but Shanata surprised him, by instead reaching for Louise’s hand. This simple act touched a chord within Louise in a most intimate way. There was something reassuring in the small grip. The most difficult aspect of losing her son to maturity had been the knowledge that she would never again feel the warmth and confidence of a simple hand holding, and through it, the ability to guide another to its destiny.  Perhaps, for a moment at least, she would have that chance.
 

Chapter 10
 

The next few days were difficult ones for Louise. The strain of the official ceremony marking the memorial plunged her into renewed despair, in which it was all she could do to sustain herself. Much as she felt remorse over the death of Felippe, it could not compare slightly with the overriding bereavement she experienced over the loss of Armand. He had been her beacon, her light in the darkness, beckoning her to live again.  
 

Now, as she stood, alongside her son, draped in mourning, masking her tears behind lace, she had nothing but the promise of the long, interminably lonely years stretching ahead.     
 

Soon, she would return to Quebec and begin the painstaking and depressing task of disposing of much of their possessions, by way of auction. She knew that Armand’s brother, Gilbert, would be officially notified, and given cash from the sale. She wished she could meet him. Armand had spoke of him with affection...
 

The child, Shanata, had thus far kept to her rooms, which was just as well, considering the attitudes of Madame Girald’s children; particularly Sophie, the eldest, who had accosted Louise in the hallway the previous evening, rudely demanding to know why she had brought a “savage” to stay in their home….      
 

In view of the dreadful stories she had heard about natives, particularly Iroquois natives, she was surprised to find that she had felt no real reluctance to take the child in, however temporary. True, it was partly for the sake of Nicholas, but then too, there was something special about this child. She seemed like a wise old woman dressed as a little girl. Though unable to verbally communicate, Louise sensed a strong intelligence. Through gesture, she was able to convey much of her thoughts, with very little effort, and during the course of his visits, Nicholas began to teach his mother some of the language, and in turn, taught the child a few French phrases.          
 

Marie was suspicious and resentful of the child, particularly when asked to accompany her to the seamstress in lower town to fit her for some new dresses, but Louise gave her to know, what she would not tolerate.
 

Following the memorial ceremony, Monsieur Girald, now the acting Governor of the colony until such time as a new Governor and Intendant could be installed, resolved to journey
with Louise and family back to Quebec, aboard the new schooner, “Countess”, a vessel more spacious than the Galiote. It was understood that they were to inhabit Armand’s former residence, until Louise returned to France.
 

The morning of departure, Nicholas stood upon the dock, feeling tightness in his chest, as he embraced his mother, for what he felt would be, the last in a very long time.
 

“You have become such a fine man, my son.” She whispered, smiling through tears.  “May you be blessed in this path you have chosen I shall do everything in my power to restore your estate. Who knows...perhaps in years to come...?”
 

He could not respond, so overcome was he with emotion. He realised now, that he had been in a state of denial over his father’s death, for the sake of his mother. His acceptance and understanding had been put on hold.  
 

Now, as he faced her embarkation, the full impact of losing both parents had risen to the fore. In his father’s passing, never again would Nicholas know his embrace, feel the pride in his achievement, share laughter and advice. And with his mother, went a passage of time never to be repeated. He felt his heart bursting like the staves of a barrel.
 

Extending a shaky hand to her cheek, he kissed her forehead, and held her long. Then, before they turned to go, he squat to the child’s level. She wore a pretty dress of pale blue Grisette, which illuminated her smooth tawny skin.
 

Her eyes were dark and wary. “You go now with the cloud lady,” he uttered, with great difficulty. “I will come to see you when you are settled. If you have need,” he added, his voice wavering with emotion. “Remember my name and where I live.”  He took her little hand, “Thank you for being my friend, and please believe that I am sorry for all that has happened.”
 

She looked at him, staring with a mixture of hope, disheartenment, and submission, unable to bare her feelings; and all at once, the hand, away from the crowds and to the ship, escorted her.
 

Stepping up to the gangplank, she surprised onlookers by breaking with Louise, and racing back through the hordes before Nicholas had a chance to stand, whereupon she threw her arms about his neck, with such force that he was nearly knocked over. So touched was he by the gesture of this beautiful, innocent child, that for the first time, long-dormant tears began to flow, leaving damp traces of emptiness and anguish on her clothes and hair. Then, like a dream, she was gone.
 

Standing alongside Louise, with Madame and Monsieur Girald, while their daughters, Sophie, Celine, and Berthe, kept to a distance by the far railing, Shanata felt such sadness at leaving the kind man, and could not help but wonder if she would ever see him again; where the
great canoe would take her.  Her thoughts were cut short by Alexandre, who came up behind her, hoisted her high onto his shoulder, and allowed her a final glimpse of the handsome man in blue.  
 

                                               ............         
 

The journey was long, made longer by the pall of sorrow and frustration, which seemed to intermittently engulf Louise.   
 

Helene and Francois were kind and spent much of their time trying to draw her in to conversation, but she found it too much of an effort. Their son was a nice young man, eager to entertain or amuse, as was the middle child, Berthe, but Celine and particularly Sophie, unpleasant from the start, were now horribly brash and self-centred creatures, whom often quarrelled with their own parents, and certainly showed a decided lack of respect for Louise and her title. Several times she heard one or the other girl arguing with their mother, over what they deemed their inadequate accommodation when compared with “Madame de Belaise”, to the point where Louise felt like giving them a good throttling.  
 

The child proved to be a delight. She was quiet though not overly, and when not sequestered in her world of sadness, Louise began to teach Shanata her manners.
 

She seemed eager to learn French, and although she refused to speak conversationally in all but her native language, Louise was impressed by her facile grasp. Even the dour Marie appeared to enjoy her; doting on the child’s appearance, as she did her mistress.
 

Over the days spent together, the child seemed to quietly blossom under Louise’s tutelage and attention. She lost the look of hunted animal, and began to smile.  
 

Louise even began to wonder if she had not, perhaps done too good a job. After all, proper manners and personal hygiene were not an essential in most homes, nor were the dresses and pretty bows and amusements preparing her for the monastic attire and peaceful ways of the convent.
 

Still, try though she might to do otherwise, she could not help but indulge her.
 

As the sun began to set on the final day of sailing, Louise stood alone on deck a few moments, taking in the cool, air of a late summer.
 

Lowering her head, she stared down through silent tears, at what had become, the swirling watery grave of her beloved. As she gazed, the depth of her despondency grew.  
 

She found herself mesmerized by the roll of wave, and the simplicity of the act of submitting to it...why not fall...let herself be swept away? She had lost everything of importance.
It was only life itself, which was to be mourned, when it granted one a taste of fulfilment, only to spirit it away in the next...
 

Her body began to tilt with a will of its own, urging her forward, until she was suspended over the railings.
 

It began as a slight pull, she heard a sound, and felt a frantic tugging on her skirts, wrenching her back from disillusionment. Her dizzy mind harkened her to reality, focusing on the worried little face that emerged through the pool of tears. Clutching her, in the knowledge of her near fatal act, she was stirred with a force of awakening. It was providence that they had each come into the other’s life. In the span of a few short weeks, she had lost a husband, a son, and a lover, and now, unable to thwart her feelings of redundancy, this child had emerged from the shadows to change her life, if not just for that moment.
 

Shanata, who had lost a home, a way of life, and ultimately, her entire family, under circumstances which even time could not diminish, was now teaching Louise something about survival—doing whatever must be done, to ensure preservation.  For one dangerous second, she had lost sight of her possibilities.
 

Like Shanata, Louise had been treated as a child for most of her life, unable to make even the most mundane decision. Now, through her opportunity to control the De Belaise Estate, she had been given a chance to use her mind and skills, to some purpose.
 

But to find this truth, she was suddenly aware that the child had also caused her to uncover a complicated area of emotion. She began to have second thoughts about placing her with Mother D’Agoust, and realised she was developing maternal feelings for Shanata. And yet, it was nonsense to assume that she might raise this child as her own. She had an image to maintain, and such a move would bring social ruin. Then again, it would seem unthinkable to give her over entirely to the care of a household member, to be treated as a servant, when they had been on such intimate terms.
 

Conversely, was it fair to leave her with the Ursulines or another family, which might, in doing so, deny her a more comfortable existence on the basis of race and the iniquities of circumstance? These were not questions she could readily answer, but out of sheer necessity, they were waylaid for the present.    
 

The morning of the fifth day, they arrived to a mixed reception at quayside. The Quebec inhabitants, having heard the solemn news regarding their Governor and Intendant, gathered with
Bishop Langvois, the third member of their governing triumvirate, to pay their respects to the old, and, in the form of the Girald family, to catch a glimpse of the new.
 

Following a brief speech by Monsieur Girald, members of the crowd expressed their sympathy to Louise. She and her small entourage, including Felippe’s valet, Robert, now employed by the Girald family, broke with the masses, and were ensconced in carriages, which carried them to the chateau.
 

Here, Louise was met with a similar outpouring of grief and sympathy, by household members. Through it all, the child remained by Marie, quietly observing.  
 

Finally, all eyes fell upon the child, as Louise hesitantly drew her from the shadows.  She was introduced as a child in her temporary care, and instructed staff, to treat her kindly.
 

She decided it would take at least a fortnight to organize and supervise inventory of personal effects of both houses, and to arrange an auction, before she could fully address the question of the child…
 

Shanata followed the cloud lady up the staircase, to a room at the top, watching the people hastily bustle in and out, while they prepared the room.
 

A few stared as though she were wearing a frightening mask, while others, pretended not to see her. Once, a younger woman, touched her head, and bade her sit. She wondered how long she would remain here, if she would move again.    
 

The cloud lady had been kind and had shown her so many things, that over the past days, she had not felt as lonely or sad. Everything was so different in this world to which she had been brought; in these long houses, there were separate areas to sleep and eat, people wore strange, uncomfortable clothes and put false hair over their own, and they had mysterious customs—ways of eating, walking, sleeping, speaking. Little by little, she found herself adjusting to it, wishing to please the cloud lady...
 

The final ship of the season arrived, and although Madame Girald entreated Louise to remain until spring, it was Louise’ intention, to embark on its return.  
 

In the meantime, the days passed swiftly and busily. Louise had difficulty overseeing Armand’s effects.