Distract my hunger (20 page)

I let my body fall on my knees and held the bare blade with my hands to take it out of his body. I could feel it digging into my flesh but I didn’t care, I just wanted it out of Jonathan. I didn’t want it to soil his body any more. As soon as I managed to rip it out of him I threw it away, as far away as I could and held his still body in my arms.

He looked so serene; I held him and rocked him like a child. I wanted to lull him to sleep, to make things right, I simply wanted to hug him and kiss him forever in my arms.

My hands where sticky with my blood and my cheeks felt damp and soiled with tears. What would I do? He was so still, and he was not as warm as before. I hugged him closer and wanted to have him hold on to my warmth, but my body was so cold . . . I looked at his angel face and saw a snowflake fall on his now whitening lips. His lips used to feel so warm, they used to be full of colour, and now even the snow wanted them to be hers: to become cold and white as ice.

I couldn’t stand the snow taking him, not now, not here, not ever. So I moved my hand to brush the infamous flake from his lips, those lips that where only mine to kiss. I brushed it out of sight but I soiled them with my bloodied fingers. My blood made them bright red as if freshly painted.

It looked monstrous at first. I had soiled his face just like the snow but with blood! Still, after the original shock I started tracing and retracing his lips with my fingers. I couldn’t help myself! I wanted to feel them under my fingers one more time, and with my blood on them I felt the illusion of them becoming warm again.

And that is the last I remember of the battle in the clearing. After some time with Jonathan in my arms I passed out.

*     *     *

I thought I’d died. I saw my parents smiling this time. Not like in the other dream I had of them where they were scared and running from something. They held each other’s hands and smiled. I wanted to be with them, to meet them. Were they dead like me too?

I heard Jonathan’s voice once more. I heard him saying “I love you” one more time. It felt it whispered in my ear. I could imagine his breath on my face and his lips on my cheeks once more. I did not care if I was dead now, he was dead and I was dead with him. No one could set us apart now; we’d be together in limbo forever.

Yet something did not convince me of my death yet. I could still feel my limbs, my hands and my feet, I could even feel a rough wooden floor beneath me. I felt my eyelids fluttering and tried to open them.

It was so difficult! I felt like Orpheus in his descent to the underworld. I didn’t really know where I stood but I kept on my journey.

After a long battle with my subconscious my eyes finally flung open. It was all so bright! I could see nothing but shadows and outlines. Then, slowly, figures became more recognisable and I came back to my senses.

Jonathan was beside me and he was holding my head on his lap just like he had done some days before in his living-room. I could see other faces too but was unsure of who they were until I managed to sit up with Jonathan’s help.

If I was dead, we were all dead, and it was not that bad. Perhaps this was the afterlife? I was still a bit confused about everything that had happened . . . things were not clear in my mind still.

I could see Corbin and the Twins seated near my feet, Ginny was standing right behind them. Lucrecia sat beside me and held one of my hands. Her face was bruised and a deep cut was set on her lower lip making her look like the frail survivor of an accident. Terrance was quite absorbed putting some of his ointment on the huge cut I had on my leg. That thing smelled foul! It made my nose wrinkle in disgust at its sight and Terrance lifted his grey eyes at me and smiled.

The dark-haired vamp-woman and the old guy stood by a window and spoke quite seriously to other vampires from The Order that were with them.

I felt so safe and at home once again in Jonathan’s arms, I felt in utmost bliss! My happiness was such that I turned and kissed him. I let myself melt in his arms and felt whole again. For a second there I thought I’d lost him. He was bruised and hurt but was alive! My whole body felt stiff and wounded but I didn’t care I just wanted to stay in his arms forever. We were all alive! How we made it I didn’t know, but something still bothered me.

I let go of my gorgeous guy for a second and asked:

“Where is James?” And as soon as I said it aloud it hit me. The image of him very still on the muddied snow, Jonathan’s cry, Jonathan stiff and cold in my arms . . .

Nobody had to tell me, I knew the answer. James was gone. He had not survived the fight . . . but, Jonathan . . . I thought Jonathan had died too!

“I had not died completely” he said and caressed my hair with his hand. His eyes where bruised with sorrow and rimmed with tears. “A small part of me was still alive when you held me, and I tried so hard to hold on to you, but you seemed so far away. I felt tired, very tired. It felt as if I was sinking, until you gave me your blood.” A faint smile was drawn on his lips and he waited for me to process it.

I had saved him! Without even knowing what I was doing, when my blood had trickled into his mouth it made him come back . . . I didn’t even know what I was doing at the time, yet my blood kept him here. It just made me wonder . . . Could I have saved James too?

“No honey, you couldn’t” Jonathan whispered reassuringly. “He was already gone when I found him.”

He said those words and I cried. I cried because I had in a way lost a parent figure too. In a very short time James had become a very important person in my life, and now he was gone forever. He was gone and I had never told him how much he meant to me.

“He knew” Lucrecia said holding my leg and making me realize once again I was shouting out my thoughts. I couldn’t help myself but laugh at that, no matter what, I was still me: clumsy and unable to veil my thoughts . . .

“What will happen now?” I asked. My voice sounded different, it was like the voice of someone I had once known but didn’t quite remember. I sounded perhaps stronger, I’m not quite sure, but I can assure you something had changed.

Maybe I had truly died and then come back to life and it changed me. I guess I’ll never know for sure.

The old guy walked slowly towards me at my question. He had been listening the whole time. He stood right at my feet and looked at me intensely with his ancient, wise eyes.

“Aidan is gone, and both of their new allies died too.” He said and paused just long enough to let me answer.

“And Gwen too, right? I killed her . . .” I said and let my voice drift off.

“I’m sorry.” He answered and looked at his feet. “She seems to have gotten away or Liam took her corpse, I don’t know. We cannot be sure but I believe she survived . . .

When you produced that expansive wave you knocked everyone off their feet. I even believe it was that blast that killed the bigger guy and maybe even the leanest of our unknown enemies. We all seem to have passed out and when we woke up we saw you unconscious in Jonathan’s arms. Liam and Gwen where nowhere to be seen, they must have escaped.” He whispered and looked intently at Terrance.

“I thought you where dead.” Terrance said looking right into my eyes. “Jonathan was mute. He said nothing, so we had no clue of what had happened. I touched your hand and some energy seemed to buzz through me! I was in awe! But I knew it was surely a sign that you where still alive, so we got you in here and we used the special Iris ointment.” His voice was truly sweet; he seemed to be truly glad that I was still alive. Terrance was a very sweet person on the inside. He made me smile.

“Some blast you made girl!” Ginny whined. “It was so bright I thought it would burn my eyes off! It even knocked me right off my tree!”

Corbin said nothing but just smiled at me. I could feel the sorrow being still too much for him to speak and I understood. I smiled back at him. His brother, his team-mate was gone and that was tough to deal with.

“What do you want to do next
Lady
Iris
?” The old guy asked me and bowed. He was treating me differently I realized, he was making
me
the leader now. It was strange, but I finally felt I was vampire enough for the task.

I smiled and looked at them, at all of them. My clan, my vampire family, The Order members, I felt deep pride and appreciation for all of them. They mattered, and they made me really want to make things change.

Perhaps I truly was the leader they were expecting, and perhaps I wasn’t but I now knew one thing for certain. I was definitely the child of two Council rebels. I remembered nothing of them but I wanted to know what had happened to them, I owed them that much. And to be truly honest, something deep down told me I would someday find them
alive
.

“I want to find them, my parents I mean.” I said shyly. I was still unsure of how that would sound after all that happened. “I also want to make sure that Liam and Gwen cannot ever hurt a soul . . . things must change.” I added and felt calm. I had said my heart’s desires.

I looked at my mates old and new as they all smiled at me. We had been through so much but somehow I had not let them down, not yet at least.

We had a plan, and that’s how my story started; that’s the end of the beginning or perhaps the beginning of the end. Above all believe me, I’m still me, I’m just Iris.

EPILOGUE

My
dearest
Juniper:

It’s
been
two
whole
years
since
your
last
letter,
and
I
miss
you
like
I
would
miss
a
part
of
me.
My
best
friend
is
gone,
and
I
know
nothing
of
her.
I
do
not
even
know
where
I’ll
send
you
this
letter,
I
may
not
ever
be
able
to
make
it
get
to
you
at
all,
but
I’m
compelled
to
write
it.

I’m
coming
after
you.
I
decided
to
do
just
as
I
should
have
done
from
the
very
start.

For
some
time
I
was
able
to
withstand
The
Council’s
turmoil,
they
did
not
realize
both
you
and
Duncan
had
left
with
her.
Still,
they
finally
guessed
you’d
taken
her
as
soon
as
no
news
about
either
of
you
came
their
way:
you
two
were
also
a
part
of
it
after
all.

Many
sessions
were
convened
but
none
of
you
ever
showed
up;
it
was
quite
easy
to
deduce
from
then
on
what
you
had
done.
We
should
have
known
from
the
very
start
that
you
would
do
it,
that
you
would
go
away.

I
read
your
letter,
so
you
couldn’t
put
an
end
to
her?
I
must
admit
I
wouldn’t
have
been
able
to
do
so
either
if
she
had
your
face.
I
can
imagine
her
looking
just
like
you:
your
eyes,
your
lashes,
your
whole
face,
looking
right
up
from
a
newborn’s
 
.
 
.
 
.
It
would
have
been
impossible.

You
should
know
that
it’s
not
only
me
that
is
looking
for
you.
The
whole
council
is
chasing
after
you
too.
They
would
be
looking
for
me
too
after
this,
but
I’m
quite
sure
that
I’m
one
of
their
least
worries;
I
think
it
is
enough
that
they
believe
killing
the
one
is
of
highest
importance;
much
more
important
than
looking
for
me.
That
enough
will
keep
them
off
my
back
I
guess.

I
hope
I
find
you
before
any
of
them
do,
but
if
I
don’t,
I
promise
I
will
fulfil
your
wishes
and
make
sure
she
sees
the
end
of
this
all.
You
said
nothing
of
this
in
your
letter
but
since
you
saved
her,
I’m
sure
you
wish
the
prophesy
gets
to
be
fulfilled.

Are
you
well?
Are
you
keeping
her
with
you?
I
imagine
she
keeps
your
heart
jumping
with
everlasting
joy
at
her
mere
sight.
How
is
Duncan
taking
this?
Though
I
missed
you
above
all,
but
to
my
surprise:
I
missed
him
too,
you
know?

I
will
look
for
you
every
day
and
every
night
until
I
see
your
face
again.
I’ll
follow
the
steps
I
would
have
taken
and
follow
my
heart,
for
I
was
always
sure
we
were
more
a
part
of
each
other
than
you
ever
dared
to
admit.
(I’m
so
sorry
Duncan
if
you
read
this
 
.
 
.
 
.)
Century
after
century
I
felt
you
were
a
part
of
me,
even
though
I
know
I
was
nothing
more
to
you
than
a
friend.
I
didn’t
care;
you
were
still
always
there
until
now.
I
will
find
you.