Divided (82 page)

“He was a hero, but he was not the only hero.”

-A Hero’s Peace v.ii

Calis stared at the sack of fruits that they had managed to
accumulate over the past cycle.  Katt had even thought to bring a few
provisions of her own, and yet they were still running out of food.  Moreover,
they were running out of time—somehow, they had yet to be found, and Calis had
yet to allow anyone to return to Telandus to determine the state of affairs. 
Lee was pacing the floor in front of him, informing him of the assortment of
reasons why they needed to check the city.

Taeru had been up and down for the past few suns, clinging
to consciousness intermittently, and when he came to long enough to
communicate—the agony of what had happened was all too present in his eyes. 
Calis had spent most of his time by Taeru’s bedside, holding the injured form
and willing sleep upon it.  Despite his guilty conscience, Taeru was recovering
physically.  Katt had done an excellent job of treating him, and occasionally,
she would wake him and have him chew a healing leaf.

Juliet had obviously taught her well, as she knew every
matter that she ought to attend.  Taeru muttered his thanks when he was awake
enough to do so, but the pain that he was experiencing didn’t seem to be relenting. 
Alyx, for her part, seemed to be trying to cope with the loss of her
family—though she had broken into tears unexpectedly a few times, as well.  All
in all, things had to change soon, and yet, there was something oddly soothing
about being secluded in the cabin with Taeru so close and so easy to protect.

Taeru was hurt, but Calis was able to soothe him into
submission at even the worst of times.  Happiness was not something Calis
should have been experiencing through this time, but he was, solely because he
was with Taeru.  His body ached to be able to communicate with Taeru freely,
but in the Cathalari’s current state, it wasn’t possible.  Especially since the
longer they were outside the city, the more Taeru began to worry about his
sister.  Not to mention, the nightmares had returned in full.  Even when Taeru
wasn’t conscious, he would scream out desperately to someone who couldn’t hear
him.

The dreams’ reappearance could only mean that the war that
seemed to be approaching would certainly seal some sort of fate for Taeru. 
Calis’s heart twisted at the fact, and he knew that he had to relinquish this
happiness.  Taeru was worth it—he was worth anything.  “The Cathalari army will
be getting closer—and they aren’t going to just stop.  That isn’t how war
works,” Lee informed Calis for the thousandth time.

“I don’t intend to allow them to reach Telandus without
first informing them of the situation.  Taeru is alright—and we know that their
response was in order to keep him safe.  Surely, there will be a man reasonable
enough in that crowd to realize that I killed my own father for their prince. 
I would do anything for Taeru.”  His words were soft, and Lee was staring at
him, as though trying to break through some barrier.

Then, though, Lee nodded his head in agreement.  “I don’t
doubt that.  I just want to make sure you understand that you will have to stop
the Cathalari before they breach the walls.  Someone will have to meet them.”

“I am not a fool, Lee, I do know that,” Calis answered.  His
fingers moved over a piece of fruit that he took from the bag.  “Has Taeru
eaten this sun?” he asked no one in particular.  Lee’s face was blank, as he
wasn’t to be bothered with that sort of thing.

An answer surfaced a moment later, though.  “Calis, you gave
him part of your food earlier,” Katt reminded him exasperatedly.  Calis’s mind
flashed back to the scene, and he shook his head.  Perhaps he had known that,
and he had simply been looking for a reason to go back in and check on Taeru. 
Though, Katt had insisted that Calis needed to spend at least some time away
from the injured boy.  She said it was bad for Calis’s welfare to see Taeru in
such a state. 

Moments later, Calis spoke, aware that his desire to go into
the other room and be with his unconscious lover had not lessened.  “He had
another dream this last moon,” Calis whispered.  “I think they’re getting
worse.”

“I’m sure they will stop once we put an end to this war,”
Katt said, though she seemed to speak in order to convince herself.  Perhaps
everyone had an ominous feeling that there was more to this than stopping the
war.  Why was Taeru being plagued so constantly?  Calis would have faced the Magister
himself if he had been able to stop whatever caused it. 

Calis closed his eyes, ensuring himself that Taeru would be
alright, when a thud and a whimper alerted him to something far more pressing. 
His body leapt from its perch, disappearing into the other room more quickly
than ought to have been possible.  And there he was—Taeru—in the center of the
floor, with a disgusted expression on his face.  “Taeru!” Calis yelped, and he
moved to hold the young man.  “What are you doing?”

“The war,” Taeru choked.  “I have to stop it.  I should go
there—to the place… to tell the Magister that it won’t happen.  I… no…”  Taeru
was arguing with himself, it seemed.  “No, give me the horse.  I need to go
meet my brother.  He can’t get to the gates.”  Taeru trembled in agony of which
he seemed mentally unaware.

Without bothering to respond, Calis pulled Taeru off of the
ground and into his arms.  Taeru blinked at the sudden movement, and only when
Calis moved him back towards the bed did he begin to struggle.  “No,” Calis
said simply.  “Taeru, you are in no state to ride a horse, let alone convince
an army to turn around.”

“Calis!” Taeru begged.  He struggled endlessly, fighting
against Calis and causing the Telandan prince to struggle for balance.  Katt,
Alyx, and Lee had followed him into the room, and they appeared to be almost
amused at the spectacle.  “I have to, I have to stop them.  They can’t get this
close!  Let me go!”  Calis couldn’t be amused when there was so much pain and
desperation haunting Taeru Lassau’s voice.

Releasing Taeru back onto the bed, Calis sat down next to
him.  “Taeru, stop,” he said calmly.  When Taeru continued to fight, trying
desperately to explain the situation as tears pricked at his soft eyes, Calis
watched him tenderly.  “I said stop,” Calis repeated.  When Taeru continued,
Calis reached forward, grabbing Taeru’s face once more.  “Stop!  Taeru!  Look! 
Look at this!”  Releasing his face, he grabbed Taeru’s arms and turned them so
that the marred flesh was apparent.

Taeru blinked down at it.  His eyebrows furrowed, and he
glanced up into Calis’s eyes with a lack of understanding.  “It’s from the Prisoner’s
Bane.  The insects and the root’s venom.  It’s not going to go away for a while
yet.  It doesn’t really hurt…”  That was a lie, but more importantly, the way
Taeru objectively described what had happened to him infuriated Calis.

A piece inside Calis snapped, and he let out a strangled
sound.  “Listen to yourself!  Look at your arms!  Look what happened to you! 
Don’t say it doesn’t hurt, you thoughtless fool of a liar!  I know it does! 
You ought to be slapped.  If I wasn’t so terribly worried for you, I would slap
you.  You were tortured, you fool!  And yet, you list off what happened as
though it were a theatric performance to be observed impartially, an experiment
that ought not be taken so seriously—you were nearly hanged!”  The words
cracked, and Calis growled while his head lowered.

Taeru’s blue eyes were wide, and the understanding seemed to
be seeping gently into them as Calis spoke. “I can’t do this anymore, Taeru!  I
can’t listen to you pretend that you aren’t a person!  Oh, don’t you see? 
Don’t you get how much people care about you?  How much you deserve to be cared
for?  No… no, you don’t.  You can’t.  Oh, Taeru… my Taeru… my poor, little
Taeru Lassau… you can’t see it, can you?  The curse of someone who can do
nothing but give.”  Calis touched his lover’s forehead with his own, as he
stroked his cheek softly.  “Please, let me love you.  Let me show you,” Calis
whimpered.  He brought the boy to his chest. 

The shock in Taeru’s voice was palpable.  “C-Calis…”

“Taeru,” Calis started.  “You mean so much to me.  You’re
everything to me, everything,” he reiterated.  “Look at your arms, your back,
your face,
you
… and you took it all thinking solely of the things you
had done wrong.  You’re
hurt
.  You’re in so much pain, and you won’t
acknowledge it.  Do you know what would happen, if you did ride out there—and I
don’t doubt that you would do it, that you could… no matter where you met them? 
Someone in that army, be it your brother, your father, or some man that you used
to know, would see you, and your words would be irrelevant.  Because they would
know that someone, some monster in Telandus, had done this to you… and they
would come faster.  So, please… stop this.  I will uphold your promise to any Magister. 
I will ensure that you don’t fail because I can’t bear the thought of anything
happening to you.”

“B-but… I’m afraid that Tareth might… send someone to meet
them.  I’m scared…”  Taeru closed his eyes. 

Lee sighed from somewhere near the back of the room.  “I highly
doubt that Tareth will cause issue…” 

“Oh, I’m doing it again.  I’m sorry, Calis.  It just feels…
it feels like my pain is insignificant comparatively.”

“It’s not—you care for me, don’t you?  Imagine for a moment,
that what had happened to you—happened to me.”  The horrified expression
eclipsed Taeru’s features, and he blanched, as though he’d been saddled with
the worst of fates. 

Taeru shook his head.  “No.  No!”

“That is how I feel.  What happened to you matters more than
any other fate in this world.  It’s killing me…”

“Oh…”  Taeru’s eyes dawned with recognition, and he threw
his arms around Calis.  When Calis bent his head to kiss Taeru, the boy looked
hopeful.  The kiss was chaste, though, and the disappointment in Taeru’s face
made Calis laugh.  “
That
was not a real kiss,” he whined.

Calis laughed another time, and he very gently kissed Taeru
on the side of the mouth.  “I will make up for this once your mouth has
recovered.”  The idea of Taeru whining was so novel that Calis grinned like a
fool at hearing it.

A breath escaped Taeru’s lips, and he seemed to understand
Calis’s reasoning.  He stared blankly at the window, and he flinched at some
internal memory.  “I’m sorry, you’re right.  I think I’m still trying to get
the taste of your brother out of my mouth.”

Everything seemed to stop, color drained from Calis’s entire
body, and he stared blankly at Taeru.  Taeru was looking away from him, looking
just the same as he had a moment ago.  The world seemed to be unmoving for
Calis, though.  “What?” he choked.

“Not that your kissing isn’t… infinitely better… just… that
was rather traumatic…”  His words were just short of pained, as though they
were accepting a fate about which he could do nothing.  Calis’s jaw clenched. 
Tareth… kissing Taeru? 

Calis repeated his question, and this time, the malice
echoed off the walls and brought a frightening silence to the cottage.  “What?”

Then, Taeru seemed to understand, and his cheeks turned a
shade of red.  “Ah, you didn’t know… oh—but I thought… before, when you were
acting so possessive—I just thought… I’m so sorry.  I thought… I… oh, please,
please, don’t look like that.  Calis, you look frightening.”

There was nothing to be done about that, Calis wanted to
tell him.  But he was sure that if he spoke he would scream.  Taeru needed to
explain this to him,
now
.  “…my brother kissed you?”  Possessive,
indeed.  Calis could feel more anger now than he had felt in the grand hall,
and it swelled through his system, shaking him to the core.  “What?” he
repeated a third time, like a growl.

Taeru shrank away warily.  “Y-yes,” Taeru whimpered. 
Calis’s eyes were torn at once to the fading mark on Taeru’s neck.  It was a
bite mark.  Bite mark.  Why hadn’t Calis noticed it before?  Was he trying not
to?  His entire body shook.

Taeru moved forward and took Calis’s face in his hands
lightly.  “It’s okay.”

A hollow, black laugh escaped Calis at those words.  “No,”
he hissed.  “What did he do to you?” Calis asked, and though he didn’t force
Taeru’s hands away, his anger didn’t recede.

Lee was the one who answered, as Taeru seemed too horrified
to manage an intelligible response.  Obviously, he hadn’t expected such a
violent reaction.  Well, he ought to.  “Tareth had cells of men and women that
he raped… he was apparently…”

Calis’s entire body convulsed, and a horrified sound escaped
him—strangled.  He felt strangled.  No… no… not this.  Not.  This.  “No,” Calis
whispered.

“No!” Taeru shouted.  “He didn’t, Calis.  He didn’t.  He
tried to.  He kissed me, he… but he couldn’t.  He couldn’t because of you.  I
used your amulet.  You protected me.”  Funny that Taeru should know to use
those words as a weapon now.  “He didn’t rape me, Calis.  He hurt me, but he
didn’t rape me.”

“He tried, though,” Calis said simply, “he touched you, he kissed
you—he forced himself on you.”  His voice quaked with fury. 

“It’s okay,” Taeru whimpered again.  “It never happened, and
even if it had, I still love you, I still love you.  It was… I’m still yours,
and I’m always going to be yours.  I mean, as long as you still want me to be.”

“No!” Calis snapped.  “No—no,
what
?  I don’t care
about that.  Well, I mean… I do, but...  I mean, of course you still love me,
of course you didn’t enjoy it.  Of course I still love you and want you. 
You’re perfect.  That’s not… it has nothing to do with me.  He-he put his hands
on you.  He violated you.  He touched you against your will…”  Calis shook his
head, and the words were bringing a rage that he’d never felt into his body.

He tried not to see it in his mind.  He could see Tareth’s
too-big hands touching Taeru, though, even as Taeru begged him to stop. 
“Calis… I don’t…”