Divided: Brides of the Kindred 10 (38 page)

“No,
no—it’s delicious,” Becca assured him in a choked voice. “Just…not what I
expected.” She put the small bowl of
chii
down carefully on the low
table beside the fire. “So tell me, who’s Nella?”

“No
one.” Garron looked away. “She is…gone.”

“Gone
where?” Becca asked softly. She could tell that Truth’s brother had some secret
pain. He’d been so kind to offer them a place to stay when everyone else hated
them, she wished she could make him feel better.

“To
the sky. More
chii?”
Garron asked, reaching for her bowl. “You still
have a little left.”

“I,
um, I’m watching my figure,” Becca said weakly. “So maybe in a minute. First
tell me about this Nella. What do you mean, she went to the sky?”

“To
be with the Father of Flight.” Garron sighed. “It’s the way we say someone is
deceased. She’s dead.”

“Oh!”
Becca put a hand to her mouth. “I’m so sorry! I feel like such an idiot for
prying. I know how your people are about privacy. I just thought that maybe if
you wanted to talk…” She shook her head. “Never mind, it’s stupid.”

“No,
it’s not.” To her surprise, Garron pulled up a small seat which looked like a
log with a padded blue cushion on top. “Will you sit?” he asked courteously,
offering it to her.

“Yes,
thank you.” Becca settled herself on the cushioned log, which was surprisingly
comfortable. Garron simply sat on the wooden floor beside her and crossed his
long legs in front of the fire.

“Forgive
me if I sounded unwelcoming of your questions. It’s just that…no one asks
questions here. Not personal ones anyway. It is…not the Rai’ku way.”

“So
I gathered from Truth,” Beca said dryly. “He’s an intensely private person.”

“Then
he probably hasn’t told you much about our society,” Garron said.

“I
know a
little,”
Becca said cautiously. “I know you have a second nature—that
your people can turn into some kind of, um, animal when they want to.”

“Males
only. Females do not have a
dr’gin
within.”

“They
don’t?” Becca was surprised. “Truth never mentioned that.”

“Being
pure bred Kindred he has no
dr’gin
within to speak of.”

“And
you do?” Becca asked without thinking. “I mean, being only half Rai’ku…oh dear,
I probably shouldn’t have asked that,” she said, seeing the closed look in his
turquoise blue eyes. “It’s way too personal, isn’t it?”

“It
would be coming from one of my own people but you are an outsider,” Gannon said
stiffly. “You’re entitled to some curiosity.”

“But
if you’d rather not answer…”

He
sighed. “No, I don’t mind. Everyone else knows—why shouldn’t you? The color of
my eyes proclaims that I
should
have a
dr’gin
within me—one of
exceptional size and power.”

“But?”
Becca prompted gently when he fell silent.

“But
I don’t,” Garron said bluntly. “Or if I do, it has yet to manifest and it is
long past the time when it should have come to light.” He ran a hand through
his thick, black hair. “I cannot tell you how many times the virgins have been
gathered for me and yet…nothing seems to bring it out.”

“Virgins?
What does gathering virgins have to do with it?” Becca asked uncertainly.

“When
it comes time for a male’s first change—his first turning as we call it—all the
unmated females of the pack must be called together so he can pick one.” Garron
shook his head. “To be surrounded by a group of very expectant females over and
over again and not be able to turn…” He trailed off, staring into the fire.

“That
must be really frustrating,” Becca said softly.

“It
is
humiliating.”
He sighed. “But also…something of a relief. I’m only
half Rai’ku—I suppose that’s why I have no taste for blood.”

“Um,
what?” Becca coughed to cover her confusion. “I’m sorry but what does that have
to do with anything?”

Garron
looked up at her. “Oh, I suppose that’s another thing Truth never told you.
It’s the real reason the Kindred High Council won’t sanction a formal trade
with the Rai’ku.”

“Do
you bite the girl you pick as a mate?” Becca asked, fascinated despite herself.
“Because I know the Blood Kindred—”

“We
kill and eat them. One at least—sometimes several. It depends on how long the
dr’gin
has been waiting to surface and how bloodthirsty it is when it finally
emerges,” Garron said in a low voice.

“You…eat
the virgins?” Becca felt a little sick to her stomach and it wasn’t just the
chii
she’d had that was making her ill.
“Seriously?”

“Unfortunately,
yes.” Garron looked into the fire again. “You may have noticed that there are
many more females than males in our society.”

“I,
uh, mostly noticed the way they were looking at me and Far and Truth,” Becca
said in a low voice.

“There
is a ratio of about three to one. It is nature’s way of making sure the race
doesn’t die out completely,” Garron explained. “When at least one or two
females must be sacrificed for every male who comes to maturity, you must have
many more females to start with.”

“I
suppose
that makes sense,” Becca said faintly. “But why…why do you kill
them?”

“It’s
not intentional,” Garron said. “It’s simply that the
dr’gin
is a
mindless beast—especially the first time it emerges. Like any other newborn
creature, it is ravenous. Its first instinct is to feed, its second is to
breed. Only after both of these things are accomplished can any kind of thought
process begin.”

Becca
was horrified though she tried not to show it.

“So
every time one of the males is about to…to change for the first time the girls
are all gathered together knowing that one or more of them isn’t…isn’t going to
make it?”

Garron
nodded. “That is what happened to Nella. She was…sacrificed during a First
Turning.”

“Oh,
no.” Becca put a hand on his arm and Garron stared at it curiously. Suddenly
she remembered that the Rai’ku were very touch-me-not. Her gesture of comfort
would probably not be welcome. “I’m sorry!” Quickly she withdrew her hand.

“Don’t
be. I take no offense.” He looked away. “You’re the first person besides Truth
to express any kind of sorrow for Nella’s death. I…appreciate that.”

“What?
But how can that be?” Becca asked. “Her family must have mourned for her.”

He
shook his head. “Until a female is mated she is nothing. Sometimes she isn’t even
given a name. Most times girls are named Eldest Daughter, Middle Daughter,
Youngest…and so on. That is what Nella means—baby or little one. She was…” He
coughed and Becca thought his turquoise eyes were suspiciously bright. “She was
the youngest of her siblings. All of her elder sisters had made good matches
and none had been sacrificed. People said her family’s luck couldn’t hold but
Nella and I were so sure we were meant for each other…”

He
got up abruptly and paced to the other side of the room. Becca’s first instinct
was to go after him and comfort him but she sensed that wasn’t what he wanted.
Instead she sat quietly, waiting.

After
a long moment, Garron started speaking again.

“We
waited for so long. Every year on the day of my birth—my name day—when the
virgins gathered for me, Nella was there. I remember looking into her eyes and
being so…” He cleared his throat. “So
afraid
. I hoped that if my
dr’gin
emerged he would know her. I knew that if I woke after my turning with her
blood in my mouth and found myself mated to someone else, it would drive
me…drive me mad.”

“Does…does
that happen a lot?” Becca asked softly.

“More
often than we would like.” Garron’s deep voice was grim. “It has made for some
very tense matings. And of course, our people mate for life so there is no
turning back once your
dr’gin
chooses.”

“But
you never turned for Nella,” Becca said.

“No.”
Garron came back to the fire and sat down heavily beside her. “I should have
declared myself
O’ahn—
an adult male without a
dr’gin,
as the Kindred
who interbreed with us do. Then I could have mated Nella and we would already
have children of our own.”

“Why
didn’t you?” Becca asked softly.

“My
mother. She wanted me to wait. All of the other Kindred-Rai’ku hybrids have
proven to have
dr’gins
within. And the color of my eyes promised mine
would be especially powerful.”

“Sky
eyes,” Becca said. “That’s what Truth said.”

Garron
nodded. “Yes. And so we waited. It wasn’t just my mother though—Nella wanted it
too. She knew that our children would never have full Rai’ku status if I
declared myself
O’ahn.
And I…I wanted to be a full male as well—to
change my name to the mature form. To at last become G’ron the man instead of
Garron the boy. And…”

“And…?”
Becca said softly.

“And
we waited too long. Spun the wheel of fate one too many times.” Garron raked a
hand through his hair again, turning it into a series of spikes and whorls. “In
the end, it was my own younger brother who took Nella as a sacrifice. He is a
full four years younger than me but his
dr’gin
manifested early. It
was…very hungry. No fewer than three virgins were sacrificed to appease its
appetite.”

“How
awful,” Becca breathed. “You must have been devastated.”

Garron
nodded. “But a male must not show such feelings. It is weak…wrong. Ever since
Nella’s sacrifice relations between myself and my family have been…strained.”

“Of
course they are!” Becca exclaimed. “And Nella’s family?”

Garron
sighed. “They pretend she never was. Because to the Rai’ku way of thinking,
that is the truth. She was never mated, never named…therefore she never truly
existed. There is no record of her anywhere. Except here.” He put one large
fist to his chest.

“Oh,
Garron…” Becca wanted to hug him in the worst way but she knew she couldn’t.
She contented herself with laying a hand on his arm again. “That’s awful. I’m
so sorry.”

He
shook his head. “Apologies if I discomforted you. I don’t know why I told you
all that.”

“Maybe
because I was willing to listen,” Becca said softly. “Have you been able to
talk to
anyone
about her death?” She refused to say “sacrifice” as he
had done—it didn’t seem right somehow.

“Only
Truth,” he said in a low voice. “Because of his Kindred nature he…understands
things that others do not. He never called me weak for missing Nella. Or for
hating myself for waiting too long to claim her.”

“You
can’t feel that way,” Becca objected. “You had a lot of pressure on you to
become a…to become something else. Of
course
you wanted to conform and
give your parents what they wanted. What everyone expected.”

“No
justification in the world can undo the past. I cannot place the blame on
anyone but myself.”

“But
what if you
had
changed and you had done, uh, what your brother did?”
Becca asked. “You’d feel even worse. This was a no-win situation you were in,
Garron. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Then
why do I bear the guilt of it?” He looked up at her, his vivid eyes shadowed
with pain. “If I had to do it all again, I would declare myself
O’ahn
at
once and take Nella for my mate. I listened to my pride and my family instead
of my heart and I lost her because of it.”

“You
were following the ways of your people—doing what you had been raised to do,”
Becca said. “You were just being a…a normal Rai’ku guy…er, male.”

“Being
what everyone else considers ‘normal’ is cold comfort.” He looked down at his
hands. “When you have the chance to be with someone you love you must take it
quickly, before it can be snatched away. I see that now. I wish I had before.”

He
stood abruptly and cleared his throat.

“Forgive
me. I’m not usually like this.”

“You’re
fine,” Becca assured him. “You’re just still grieving. Everything you feel is
natural, believe me. I lost someone close to me too and for a long time I felt
like it was my fault.”

In
fact, a part of her still
did
feel that way— she had to admit it was the
main thing that was holding her back from a full bonding with Truth and Far. It
wasn’t just what her parents would say—it was that horrible lingering guilt,
the fear that if she let herself really love and commit to them, one or both of
them would wind up like Kenneth.

Dead,
you mean,
whispered a mean little voice in her head but she pushed it
away.

“It’s
normal to feel bad when you lose someone you love,” she said to Garron. “Not
weak. Not bad.
Normal.”

“Maybe
on the planet where you come from.” He laughed grimly. “But we Rai’ku do not
admit to such things.”