Divided Hearts (13 page)

“When Jenna comes home from the hospital, will I have two mothers to deal with?” His brows lifted slightly. “Seems I’ll be perpetually outnumbered.”

Faye narrowed her own eyes, taken aback by his comment. “I’m not against you, Simon. I want to help you.”

“I appreciate that.” He glanced down at Hannah, his expression easing. “But I’m going to have my own opinions, and my own way of doing things. And I think decisions ought to be made between me and Jenna.”

“I see.” Absently Faye sucked her lip between her teeth, absorbing the sting of his words. She hadn’t anticipated this kind of disagreement, but she supposed it was an inevitable outcome of Simon’s increasing involvement as Hannah’s parent. And maybe her annoyance was out of proportion to the offense, stemming from her own insecurities. Her role in the life of the little girl she loved so dearly was diminishing, and she knew it. Day by day, she felt her influence slipping away.

Simon’s gaze softened; her fear must have shown in her eyes. “Faye—”

“You’re right, Simon,” she said bleakly, sinking onto the towel next to Hannah, who immediately began scooping sand onto Faye’s leg, watching in fascination as the grains flowed over the arc of her calf. “Hannah has two parents now,” she added listlessly. “I’m becoming superfluous.”

“You’re in no way superfluous.” Crouching next to her, Simon caressed Faye’s arm in reassurance. It was the first time he’d touched her in weeks, and her nerves jumped in response, craving the contact they had missed. “You’ll always be important in Hannah’s life. Neither Jenna nor I would presume to try to push you out.”

“But I’m not really needed now, am I?” She shrugged away from him, halting the current of warm sparks that had begun to skip along her skin. “Jenna’s got the financial support she needs. Hannah’s got twice the family she used to have. I have to start letting go.” Hearing her voice begin to quaver, Faye cleared her throat.

“This is a good thing,” Simon added encouragingly. “You can have your own life back. Don’t you want that?”

“What life? All I have is my work. The rest of my time has been dedicated to Hannah for the last year and a half. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.” She reached over to straighten Hannah’s hat, angled sideways over one ear. The thought of not seeing this little girl every day struck her heart with a profound ache. She wanted to be there to hear each new word, to receive Hannah’s slobbery bedtime kisses and to watch her chase dragonflies at the park—all the things she’d grown accustomed to.

“Hannah still needs you,” Simon said. “
I
need you, Faye.”

The unusual resonance in his voice prompted Faye to lift her eyes to meet his. In his gaze she glimpsed something deeper than a new father’s plea for assistance—she saw a yearning that sent a warm shiver down her backbone. Then he glanced away, leaving her to wonder whether it had been only her imagination.

She shook her head, offering a skeptical half-smile. “You don’t really. Look how great you’re doing. She’s yours now.”

Simon’s abrupt laugh startled her. “Don’t you think this still scares the hell out of me? Suddenly I’ve been given the responsibility of raising a child. And not like other dads, who have time to prepare and get used to the idea, and someone to share all that with. Do you think I know what I’m doing? Not even close. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost called you up in a mad panic because her diaper’s leaked all over her clothes, or she’s gone suddenly hysterical and I don’t know why.”

His admission of insecurity surprised Faye, and at the same time a small bubble of gladness grew within her. Yes, he did still need her—if only because of Hannah. For now, at least. “You can call me whenever you need help. I don’t mind.”

Simon shrugged. “I know. But I won’t be able to lean on you forever, will I?”

“I suppose not.” Just as quickly as it had formed, the bubble ruptured and sank. Like it or not, she’d have to come to terms with her own redundancy in Hannah’s life. Even if Simon and Jenna weren’t a couple, they were her parents, and the little girl sifting sand at Faye’s feet belonged only to them.

Scanning the wide expanse of beach around them, Faye noticed all the families, dozens of them crowding the warm sand and spilling out into the bay. She saw a small girl and boy wading at the water’s edge, their mother and father nearby. The father held up a camera, while the mother bent beside the children, pointing to something in the water—an interesting rock, or maybe a crab? Watching them, Faye felt her throat tighten with emotion. She couldn’t see the mother’s face from this distance, had no idea who she was, but recognized within herself a sudden, aching desire to slip inside that woman’s skin—to look at those children and know she’d be the one to fill their Christmas stockings and bandage their scraped knees.

As for the man with the camera—in her imagination she saw him with Simon’s dark-blond hair and azure eyes, his broad, sensual mouth pulling upward into a heartstopping smile.

Such a pretty picture
, Carole had said. A family, she had meant. It was something Faye hadn’t thought she wanted for herself, and all at once it was all she could wish for.

Simon leapt abruptly to his feet. “Bloody—I mean, I forgot my appointment. I’m late.”

Faye stood up with him, lifting Hannah into her arms. She’d forgotten, too. “You go. I’ll take it from here.”

“Thanks.” His quick smile made her heart stutter. “See you later, Faye. See you soon, my cherub,” he said, bending to kiss his daughter’s pink cheek.

“See you,” Faye called out as he hurried across the sand toward the parking lot. “I’m stupidly in love with your father, you know,” she told Hannah quietly, feeling her heart swell at the thought, as she watched his form grow smaller in the distance.

“Eesh-ah,” Hannah replied gleefully, grabbing at Faye’s nose. “Ba ba ba.”

“Yes, it is nonsensical, isn’t it.” Faye bent to pick up the towel from the sand, shaking it out with her free hand. But saying the words aloud to another person had lifted a weight from her, at least a little. Was it too late to tell him now how she felt? She had pushed him away, and maybe his feelings for her had withered over the weeks since. Maybe his fondness for her had grown out of simple loneliness in the first place, or the need to connect with the person closest to his daughter … other than the child’s mother.

“Let’s go home,” she said, holding Hannah close in her arms, not knowing how long she’d be able to say those words.

As she turned to head back to her car, Faye stopped short, her breath catching as she gaped at the man approaching her from the direction of the nearby snack bar. He raised an arm to wave at her, hastening his pace to a slow jog, the ocean breeze stirring his salt-and-pepper hair.

“Faye, fancy running into you,” he said jovially as he reached her, a warm smile lighting his features.

She blinked at him, unable to hide her surprise. “Dad, what are you doing here?”

Chapter Ten

“Just came down for a walk,” Tom Harper explained, his gaze turning to Hannah, who had curled herself against Faye’s shoulder, observing him warily. “My, I barely recognize this little one. She’s grown so much.”

“She seems to get a little bigger every day.”

“Your hair is twice as long as when I last saw you,” he remarked, observing Faye from behind his thick-rimmed glasses. “It looks very pretty, but it makes me wonder where the heck the time has gone. Obviously we don’t see enough of each other.”

“No, we don’t,” Faye agreed. She hadn’t seen him since her birthday in March, although they spoke on the phone regularly. Having moments ago been longing for connection with family, she felt her throat close over with emotion; it was almost as though her father had materialized out of thin air to ease her aching heart just as she most needed it. “How have you been?”

“Just fine, Faye. Looking forward to retirement, I can tell you. I have a trip to Europe planned for next spring. Six weeks travelling the continent. Sound good?”

“Sounds fantastic.” It delighted her to see her father so cheerful; since his second marriage ended he’d sunken into a persistent depression, but he seemed to be finally emerging from it. To Faye he looked even younger now, the fine lines on his face barely perceptible, his hair still thick.

“Wish I wasn’t going alone, though.”

“Maybe you’ll meet some charming lady during your travels,” Faye suggested, offering a smile of encouragement.

He shook his head. “I don’t know. I think I might be through with relationships, at least for now.”

An awkward silence fell between them. It had been difficult establishing a comfortable adult relationship with him, and Faye knew she hadn’t put in the effort; as she’d told Simon, part of her still blamed her father for the abrupt destruction of their family, his affair having set it in motion. On another level, she realized there had to have been a fundamental problem in her parents’ marriage that she knew nothing about, and her father’s infidelity merely a symptom of that. Still, he was the one guilty of betrayal, and small pieces of her heart remained hardened toward him.

“You look down in the dumps, Faye. Is everything all right?”

“Fine, Dad.” She let her gaze flicker away as she brushed sand off Hannah’s shoulder.

“Getting enough sleep?”

“Of course.”

His brows rose skeptically. “As usual, you’re probably wearing yourself out looking after other people. Just like you used to look after me when you were a kid. When’s the last time you went out and had a little fun?”

What leapt to Faye’s mind was the exhilarating afternoon on Simon’s boat, over a month ago. It had also been the first time Simon had asked her whether looking after Jenna and Hannah was all she needed. She’d told him yes … which seemed like a foolish answer now. “It’s just a busy time right now.”

Her father nodded his understanding. “That fellow I saw you with just now. Was that Hannah’s dad?”

Faye nodded. “His name’s Simon.”

“So what kind of a guy is he?”

Faye shrugged. “Very kind, charming, sophisticated, and so devoted to Hannah.”

Her father’s thick eyebrow’s inched upward. “You like him quite a bit?”

“All these questions, Dad.” Faye heard the timbre of her voice rise involuntarily, and cursed herself silently for it.

Her flustered reaction to the question wasn’t lost on her father. He paused a moment before speaking again, regarding her inquisitively. “I’ve got another one. Why are you blushing?”

Faye dipped her chin, avoiding his gaze. “I’m not.”

“You are.” Her father’s lips tugged upward at the edges, his green eyes dancing with amusement. “And you don’t need to answer my question. I can tell by the colour in your cheeks what you think of him.”

“It’s not like that,” Faye protested, embarrassed. It felt awkward talking to him about deeply personal matters, but at the same time it was just the connection she’d craved, even though she’d made a habit of refusing to acknowledge it.

One of his brows rose higher in query. “Does he like you, too?”

She let out a breath, relenting. “He did. Maybe he still does. I don’t know. I told him we couldn’t be together.”

“Jenna wouldn’t like it?”

“I really don’t know what she’d think,” Faye replied, lifting her shoulders.

“Then what’s the problem?”

Faye shook her head. “I just think maybe it’s too late.”

Her father’s hand squeezed hers briefly in reassurance. “You’ve hurt the man’s pride, that’s all. You only have to let him know how he makes your heart go pitter-patter and you’ll have him back in an instant. A smart, beautiful girl like you—how could he resist?”

“Thanks, Dad. I’ll think about it.” Faye smiled; his advice made her feel a bit more settled.

“I only want to see you happy,” he went on. “God knows your mother and I failed to bring you much happiness growing up.”

“Don’t say that,” Faye said, though her heart rose a little to hear him admit his regrets. All at once he seemed more human to her, vulnerable to error and deserving of forgiveness. Maybe it was just the growing distance in time from her childhood that altered her perspective on her past. And maybe her need for his guidance was more important than the anger she carried.

He waved it off, his face brightening. “Never mind, the past can’t be undone. Only the future is in our hands. I look forward to meeting your young man sometime soon.” He cast Faye a sly wink, and she felt herself redden again.

“Sure, Dad. I’ll get back to you on that.”

“Are you busy right now?”

“Not particularly,” she said, though she had work to finish at home.

“Why don’t you girls join me for coffee and pie?” he offered. “My treat.”

Faye smiled, hitching Hannah higher on her hip. “Love to.”

* * *

Faye glanced through the window at the overcast sky. The clouds looked ominously dark, threatening rain. It was a cool day for June, with a brutal wind, and she hoped the jacket she’d dressed Hannah in was warm enough; but knowing Simon, he’d buy her a sweatshirt in the gift shop if she needed one.

Hearing a knock at the door, she hurried to open it. She found Simon in the hallway, a limp toddler draped over him, her dark head resting serenely on his shoulder, eyes hooded. She clutched a toy stuffed otter under one arm.