Divided Souls (Captured Miracle #3) (14 page)

Calix didn’t say anything. Instead, he leaned forward to catch my nape in his hand - and then he crushed his lips to mine. He kissed me fiercely, passionately, and through his kiss, I tasted every ounce of love he had for me.

When he pulled away, he spoke through shaking tones. “Thank you, love.”

I beamed. “I love you.”

“You know I love you.” He reached out for the third and last box, before placing it into my lap that was still covered by our baby’s first blanket. “Now, the best for last.”

“I don’t know if anything can beat this blanket,” I paused to reconsider with the mind of an obviously pregnant woman. “Or the macaroons. The macaroons are pretty darned delicious.”

He cocked a grin. “Open it, Nova. I can guarantee it’ll be your favorite.”

“Oh alright!” I huffed playfully, my fingers already tearing through the paper. I knew I was getting something to do with jewelry when I revealed the black box, but I had no idea what exactly I was getting until I opened it.

Lifting the lid, I gasped at the sight of a beautiful gold bangle. Lifting it from its silken cushion, I brought it level to my face for inspection when I notice that it had been engraved. On the outside of bangle, I read....

Calix + Nova =

“What do Calix and Nova equal?” I asked eagerly, breathlessly.

“The names of our children.” He explained, pointing to the bangle. “Whoever this little one is,” he rubbed my belly before pointing a second time to the bangle right after my name. “We’ll engrave the name here.” He explained. “There is enough room for four or five children, depending on the length of the names we choose.”

My breath caught and I sputtered. “Four of five?”

He nodded and I could already see him suiting up for war. “Yes, we will have a full house, love.”

“Maybe two or three.” I tried to negotiate.

He shook his head. “Four or five.”

“Calix.”

“Put the bangle on, love.” He commanded, and because it was so beautiful and he was so hard to resist, I complied.

“It’s perfect, Calix.” I felt my heart swell. “You’re right, it is my favorite.”

Chapter 14

The light of a white moon spilled into the room through the slightly pulled open curtains hanging over the massive window. Through the exposed glass, I could see the large Sitka Spruce towering over the house to cast slicing shadows through the cool glow of the moon. I don’t know what it was exactly that woke me - the light of the moon, or my very large belly - but whatever it was, I knew I wasn’t falling back asleep any time soon.

Before I even looked over my shoulder for Calix, I knew that he wasn’t with me. For the last two months, ever since right before Christmas, he’d been disappearing in the middle of the night to
work
. He claimed that he was having a hard time sleeping and that he felt he was wasting good time lying in bed, tossing and turning, when he could be working. But I knew, with every passing day, he was growing more and more exhausted. Although I agreed he was having difficulty sleeping, this routine had gone on long enough. It was late February, and I couldn’t have him pushing himself to his every limit, every damn day. We were going to be sleep deprived enough when our baby decided to make its appearance in only three months. We needed to take the sleep we could get, while we could get it.

Placing a hand on my swollen belly, I wiggled to the corner of the bed before placing my bare feet against the cool hardwood of the floor. As soon as my body slid from the warm confines of the blankets, a terrible chill seeped through my skin before sinking deep into my bones. With chattering teeth, I made a quick run for the closet where I shoved my arms into the fluffiest pink housecoat known to - well - me. I would say man, because this housecoat really was something else, and made me look like I was preparing to face a blizzard in my pajamas. It even had a hood! I mean, one of those really big ones with the extra fluff around the face, simply divine!

Tying the housecoat around my belly, I padded my now slipper warmed feet from the room.

As I moved along the hallway, I could have sworn I heard a woman’s voice, and I froze. My ears strained to catch the unfamiliar sound once again, and I swear, I was irritated that I could hear the beating of my heart over the quiet sounds of another woman’s voice. It had been so long since I’d heard a woman speaking - and in my home with Calix - in the middle of the night when he was supposed to be in bed with his pregnant wife.

Something inside of me switched, and I went into stealth female investigator mode. Ditching my slippers at the top of the stairs so as not to make a sound, I crept slowly down the stairs - all the while holding my breath. When I came to the bottom of the steps, I heard the voice again. It was so faint and oddly distant - while so very familiar. I knew this voice well, but for the life of me, I couldn’t place it.

Blood rushed in my ears as I moved slowly forward. My heart was drumming erratically in my chest as I fought to keep my fear, anger, and abandonment contained.

Could it be possible that he was -
cheating
? I didn’t want to be the kind of woman who jumped to conclusions - but I was on an island with my husband who was sneaking out of bed nightly to
work
. I mean, what the hell else was I supposed to think at the sound of a woman’s voice?

Creeping around the corner, I felt my heart lodge itself into my throat as I realized why the female voice was familiar. Chills crept over my flesh like a disease, spreading like wildfire. My ankles felt suddenly weak - and I couldn’t help but wonder if they were going to continue holding my weight as I moved closer.

The voice of the woman was familiar - because I knew her, intimately.

The voice belonged to my sister.

Jaylah
.

My eyes strained to take in the scene in the darkness. From where I stood beside the kitchen counter, I could see Calix sitting with his back to me on the couch. He had his laptop resting against his lap, and it was open to a scene of my family - like a movie playing on demand. The bright light flooded a small orb of space around him, and although his head bobbed a few times, protesting his determined lack of sleep, his eyes remained on the screen.

“What are you doing?” I asked before I’d even thought of the words. I’d wanted to watch longer - I wanted to know what he was seeing and why he was sacrificing his sleep to spy on my family. But I felt, too angry and, well, betrayed to keep silent for long.

Calix jumped as though I were an intruder. His laptop slammed closed to fast, I heard it slapping together as the room was flooded in complete darkness.

“Nova,” Calix breathed my name as he stood to spin and face me. “What are you doing awake? Why didn’t you call for me?”

Had I only imagined I’d spoken? Why wasn’t he answering me?

“What were you doing, Calix?” I stepped toward him, feeling suddenly angry and determined. I knew he sensed my sudden shift in mood, because he raised his hands into his disheveled hair and a strangled groan built in his throat. I didn’t care much about his frustration as I demanded once again. “Why are you watching my sister?”

“I’m watching your entire family.” He replied exasperatedly.

“For how long?” I demanded, stomping my foot in the darkness.

“For as long as I’ve been getting up in the night.” He replied matter of fact. There was no hesitation or remorse in his voice, and I felt my throat close in a sob. How could he remain so uncaring about something that obviously hurt me?

“Calix,” I struggled with his name and his newest betrayal.

“Don’t ask questions to which you do not want the answer.” His reply was cold, almost clinical. I hated when he did this. I hated the chill he allowed to infuse the warm man I knew, every time something became hard and he was faced with the repercussions of his actions.

“You better believe I want the answers to my questions.” I pointed my finger at him as sobs built in my throat. But this time, they were angry sobs. I was physically vibrating with rage that was fully directed at my husband. “It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like fuck, but I want them.”

“Nova,” He began, presumably to scold me for my unladylike language.

I lost a little piece of myself then. “Don’t tell me what to do!” I screamed. “Don’t tell me what to think or feel or say! I am your wife, God dammit. I’m your fucking wife!”

“Damn right, you are.” Calix roared in response, moving quickly across the room to face me. His hands settled firmly on my upper arms, and then he pulled me into his chest. “You’re my wife, Nova, so I’ll do everything - every God damned thing I can - to keep you and our baby safe from harm.” His voice shuddered through his body. “I’ll sell my soul to the Devil, or fucking find my knees in prayer, to ensure your safety. I’ll risk hurting you now as down payment for your continued happiness in the years to come, Nova.”

I struggled in his arms, but I knew, before the struggle even began, that I was going nowhere. “I can’t listen to this.” I whispered, feeling defeated as I always did when he overpowered me with the feel of his body and love and - self sacrificing desperation. “Just tell me why you’re watching my family in the middle of the night.”

“I’m looking for a clue.” He whispered through a hoarse voice.

“Clue?” I shook my head, before tipping it back to look into his face. “What clue, Calix?”

“A clue that your father is accepting us. A clue that all Jaylah’s work isn’t for nothing.” He sighed. “You asked her to convince your father, Nova, that you need me. Well, she’s been trying. Every day she tries, because I truly believe she believes that if she doesn’t succeed, she’s going to lose you.”

I gasped. “Is it working?”

There was no light but the moon shining over is in the room, but I knew, instinctively, that his blue eyes had darkened impossibly. “No. It’s not working on your father.”

“But?” I asked breathlessly.

“But it’s working on your mother.” He announced. “She’s weakening her resolve against me - I’ve watched her and your father discuss how you were when you came home last time. She believes that accepting you with me is the only way to have her daughter. She knows they have no proof to convict me, and all she wants is to be part of your life, so that she’ll know if I’m ever hurting you. She’ll be there to protect you.” His tone grew thick with disdain. “She wants to be part of our life because she’s still afraid of me. Being separated from you is worse for her than accepting you with me. She’s growing exhausted with your father’s involvement in pushing you away - and keeping you away.”

“So you think she will break him?” I asked.

“I think she’s the only one who can.”

I dropped my forehead to his chest. “Why couldn’t you just tell me?”

“It’s not my job to tell you things that can hurt you, or place stress on you.” He replied factually. “It’s my job to protect you always. From everything.”

Instantly angry, I shoved myself from his arms. “It’s your job to be honest with me - to be my partner. We’re married, Calix, I’m not your child. I am your equal.”

Moving closer to me, he caught my chin in his hand before tilting his face down to mine. “You need to understand something, Nova, because if you don’t, we’ll undoubtedly go through this again and I’m growing exhausted with these pointless confrontations.” He paused as though to allow his words to sink in before continuing in a cold, matter of fact voice. “You and I are not equal. We will never have the marriage that you seem to believe we
should
have. You will always be mine, Nova. You will always be mine to protect, satisfy, and love. Your happiness will always be my responsibility and if I decide your awareness of our struggles need to be deluded, by God, they will be deluded.”

Tears pooled in my eyes as I shook my head at him. “Sometimes I hate you.”

“Love and hate are one and the same, love.” He replied sadly. “They are both intense emotions. You cannot feel one without first knowing the other.” He shrugged. “I’ll accept your hate now, because I know its intensity stems from your love.”

The tears I’d been fighting to keep from falling slipped through my lids to stream in shimmering silver ribbons down my face. As I stepped back away from him, I spoke softly, feeling defeated on every level. “Every time I think you’re a better man, and that we’re growing together, you do something horrible - like this - to shove me back onto square one.” I shook my head. “Every time I think I understand you, I realize that I don’t even know you.”

As I walked back to the stairs, suddenly desperate to escape him I heard his soft voice spill into the silence. “You do know me, love. Yours is the only soul on this earth capable of knowing mine.” I didn’t turn to face him, but I knew the look in his eyes was tortured as his last words flowed from his mouth. “You’ve known, from the beginning, that we aren’t forces that can exist apart, Nova. Apart, you are a light the world can’t face - you’re too bright and beautiful and kind and innocent. Me, I’m the darkness that suffocates the life from everything beautiful. Together, we’re balance. You know me, love. You know my darkness, and yet, somehow, you’ve found a way to accept me into your heart regardless. Now that I’m there, you know I’ll never leave. I’ll do everything I can to protect you - even from myself. If that means I keep things from you - that is a fact you’ll need to accept.”

“And if I can’t?” I didn’t turn to face him as I clutched the railing of the stairs.

“You can, Nova.” He replied darkly. “You don’t have a choice.”

I didn’t reply as I took the steps quickly to the top, and Calix didn’t follow me. I felt a little like I was dying inside, my heart breaking a thousand different ways in my chest. I’d wanted to tell him that I
did
have a choice - that I
could
choose to leave him and never look back - that I
could
come out to the police and tell them the truth about my beginning with Calix - but I knew I couldn’t.

The facts were a cold, hard, sticky pill to swallow - but I’d swallowed it a long time ago. Calix was right - I was his. For better or worse, I was his. Our marriage might not be conventional or anything I’d imagined when I’d fantasized about belonging to a man in matrimony - but it was ours. It was what we had, and in spite of all its darkness, in spite of all Calix’s darkness - it really was beautiful.