Diving Into Him (13 page)

“So.” She twisted the ring on her thumb.

They sat in silence. Minutes slogged by. She leaned back into the couch, leather creaking beneath her. New worries swirled through her head. She stared at the black and empty flat screen of the television they rarely used, wondering whether they could still live together or if she was about to find herself homeless as well as single. She nibbled at a hangnail on her thumb, teasing the dead skin away. If Koty asked her to move out, she had nothing except for her clothing and equipment.

Staying in the same condo would be even worse, though. It would make things awkward in South of Forever. No matter how hard they tried to stay friends, things would still be weird between them. Things were already rocky in the band. She had a feeling that they weren’t about to improve.

Tears threatened her eyes again. She had put herself in a horrible position, all of it just for her career. She wondered if it was worth it, especially if she ended up alone. Tyler somehow intuitively knew about her and Koty’s history. Even if she and Koty could be friends, and she worked things out with Tyler, he would always know. That jealousy would always be there, if only because Koty had been in her life first, and he was still around.

She had singlehandedly destroyed her old band, not because of her feelings for her ex-boyfriend like she had feared when they were dating. Her own demons and drinking problem dragged Perpetual Smile to the grave. As she sank deeper into the couch, she wondered if she could avoid history repeating itself.

It was time to do things differently. The definition of insanity, after all, was doing the same thing again and again while expecting new results.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she buried her face in her hands. Diving into the unknown was the most terrifying thing of all.

“I guess this is it.” Koty’s eyes met hers.

Nodding, she hugged her knees to her chest. “What now?” She lifted a hand to indicate the condo.

He blinked at her, eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Jett shifted in her seat, folding her legs underneath her. “I don’t think we can live together.” She gave him a soft smile.

Emotions played across his face. His eyebrows slanted down. He gazed into her eyes. “Why not?”

He still hoped that things might work out between them, she realized. She sat up straight, planting her feet flat on the floor. She gave him a tiny shake of her head. “This is exactly why,” she said softly.

Koty looked away.

The muscles in the back of her neck tightened. She rubbed her fingers into them, trying to undo the knots. She wished that there was a way to make things easier. Maybe, if things were different, she could feel for Koty what he felt for her. Too much had happened, though, and the timing had never been right. It was time to walk away.

Climbing to her feet, she jerked a thumb toward the door. “Let’s go. I don’t want to keep Griff waiting forever.” Especially since she was going to ask him to be her new roommate. Her eyes avoided Koty’s as she tugged on her jacket. Then she slipped through the front door.

The day had warmed considerably. Bright sun broke through clouds, caressing her bare face. Pretty soon she wouldn’t need to wear her jacket. She trotted toward Griff’s rental and slipped into the front seat.

Griff raised his eyebrows at her. “You good?” He nodded toward Koty, who pulled the front door to the condo closed behind him.

Jett gave him a thumbs up, her lips twisting wryly. “We just broke up.”

Griff frowned. “But you weren’t dating.”

“Exactly,” she said.

Koty opened the door to the back seat and climbed in.

Looking away, Griff put the car into reverse and headed toward the studio.

Silence blanketed the car. The sun slipped behind a cluster of clouds. Jett leaned her head against the cool glass of the window, wondering how long they would be lucky enough to have a car to take them wherever they wanted. Griff had to be running out of money. They all were, she mused, patting the envelope of cash in her pocket. She had enough to pay everyone, and maybe put a deposit on Boston’s cheapest efficiency—if there was such a thing.

She sighed. She could just ask Tyler if she could stay with him, but she didn’t want things to move any faster than they already were. The slower, the better. Even if she was comfortable enough with the idea of moving in with him, she would still have to contribute toward rent. She was better off just getting a place with Griff for the time being. Besides, she had no idea whether Tyler was still interested.

The second that they pulled up in front of the studio, Koty jumped out of the car and headed upstairs. Jett watched him go. She sighed again.

Griff shut off the engine. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She laughed. “There’s really nothing to talk about, but thank you.” She took a deep breath. “I do have a favor to ask you, though.”

He feigned a gasp, eyes widening in mock horror. “Really?” His tone was dry, but a smile danced on his lips.

“I’m moving out.” She splayed her fingers on her thighs, studying her chipped nail polish. “Wanna be my new roommate?” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

Griff pressed his lips together. He pulled the keys out of the ignition and bounced them in his hand. “I sort of just signed a lease with Perry.”

“Perry?” Jett squeaked. Twisting in her seat, she turned to face him. “Seriously?”

“He’s really not that bad,” Griff said. He twitched a shoulder. “He needed a roommate, and I needed a place to sleep.”

Wrinkling her nose, she turned away from him. “Dude’s got a drinking problem,” she said.

“So do you.” Griff opened the driver’s side door.

She opened her door and got out. “Not anymore. He still spends all of his money on booze, though. You weren’t here when I recruited him.”

Griff leaned on the roof of the car, elbows spread. “Jett, you do know that once you’re an alcoholic, you’re always one?”

She scowled at him over the car. “I haven’t had a drink in months.”

“Have you
thought
about drinking?” His grey blue eyes bore into hers.

Lips parting, she started to tell him what to do with his question. She
had
thought about it, though—several times. She often wondered if she would ever stop wanting a drink. Every time things got hard, her mind automatically went there. Taking a deep breath in through her nose, she turned and headed into the studio.

“I’m just looking out for you,” Griff called after her as she climbed the stairs. She heard his heavy footsteps behind her.

Gritting her teeth, she pushed open the door to the studio. Max sat at his keyboard, fingers dancing across the keys. No sound came from the instrument. She followed the bright white wire of earbuds from his ears to the keyboard. His tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth, his eyebrows knitted together. She suppressed a smile. He looked like, if he concentrated any harder, he might hurt himself. On the other side of the room, Perry caressed the strings of his bass like a lover. He wore his dreads up, pulled back by a bandana. She had to admit that, when he wasn’t picking fights with Max and half cocked, he was actually okay—and kind of gorgeous, in his rugged, wild way.

Her gaze flicked to Koty. He slouched in a corner, his guitar across his knees. He stared down at the instrument, his hands splayed on the wood. Guilt rippled through her. She tore her eyes away. Moving into the studio, she plucked Max’s earbuds from his ears and yanked them from the jack.

Max jerked, nearly falling out of his seat. “Hey!” He reached out for them.

Jett moved farther into the room, Griff at her heels.

“Your tact gets better every day,” Griff told her.

“Listen up, gentlemen,” she said, stopping at the center of the studio. She pulled the envelope of cash from her pocket. “It’s pay day.”

Perry put his bass down. He started toward her.

She lifted the envelope into the air. “Business, first.” She nodded for him to sit down.

He tossed her a flat look, but leaned against an empty wall, crossing his arms.

“I know you’re all antsy about the agent,” Jett said, meeting Max’s eyes. He blushed and looked away. She pressed her lips together. She needed to say something to encourage them, or she would lose them—especially Max. Being the least experienced in the group, he would be the first to quit. She cleared her throat. “It doesn’t matter what he says.” She glanced at each of her men, letting her words register.

Perry shifted his weight from one foot to the next, but said nothing. Koty wouldn’t even look at her. Looking at Griff, she spoke to Max, her gaze flicking to her youngest band member.

“We have work to do. You’re all really talented. We kicked ass on that stage.”

Koty snorted. She would have given him a cool look, but he still stared down at his hands.

She pressed her lips together. She needed to ignore him. If the rest of the band sensed that there was trouble, South of Forever would fall apart before they really got started. “We’re going to finish that EP, and we’re going to sell it at shows, and we’re going to hook that agent.”

At that, everyone in the room looked at her—even Koty.

“We are?” Max asked, his eyes as lit up as a kid seeing a Christmas tree for the first time.

She nodded. “We’ve got to get this done quickly, though. Griff, have you made any head way getting another show lined up?”

“I have some leads.” Griff sat behind his drum kit, clutching his sticks. The way he tapped his feet on the floor told her that he was more than ready to get started.

A smile curled her lips upwards. Pleasure coursed through her. Even the best lover couldn’t make her feel as alive as singing did.

“Are we getting paid for that?” Perry asked.

Jett nearly snapped her neck turning in his direction. He smirked at her as she rubbed at the sore muscles. “We’ll split the profits at shows with the venues. South of Forever gets fifty percent. Every one of us in this room gets ten percent.”

Perry tossed his dreads over his shoulders. He stalked toward her. “Are you trying to rob us?” Stopping just a couple of feet away from her, he towered over her.

She forced herself to remain calm. Planting her feet flat on the floor, she rose an eyebrow at him. “Do you want the band to be able to afford better equipment?”

He narrowed his eyes at her.

Cymbals crashed. Jett turned to look at Griff. He stood from his drums. “We need a better studio, for one. Renting that space out costs money. Would you rather contribute out of pocket?” He eyed Perry.

Jett didn’t give the other man time to answer. She turned away from Griff and back to Perry. “Ten percent.” She held out her hand.

“Oh, I’m in,” Max said. The grin on his face spread from ear to ear.

Ignoring him, she gave Perry her hardest look. She sliced her hand through a couple of inches of air across her neck.

Perry rolled his eyes, but clasped hands with her. His grip was rough and warm. “Ten for now, but when things get rolling, I want more.” He turned and stalked to the other side of the room, his work boots heavy on the floor.

Max appeared at her elbow, holding out his own hand.

“We don’t all need to shake on it,” she said, but shook hands with him anyway.

“Can we put it on iTunes for download, too?” He bounced on the balls of his feet.

Jett couldn’t help but smile at him. “Why not? It’ll make us more money. We’re going to need to do the marketing ourselves or hire a manager.”

“Oh, let’s just spend
more
money,” Perry grumbled.

She lifted an eyebrow at him. “Is there something else you would rather spend the band’s money on?”

Koty cleared his throat. “I might be able to find us someone.” His eyes didn’t meet hers, but he had at least stopped staring at his hands.

“Cool,” she said. Addressing the group again, she waved the envelope in the air. “Now, who wants to get paid?”

* * * * *

Head rushing, eyes closed, Jett let herself soak in the fading notes swirling from the headphones into her ears. Buzzing silence settled around her.

“That was good,” Max said into the intercom.

She opened her eyes.

He gave her a thumbs up through the window of the recording booth. “Come on out and give it a listen.”

Yawning, she hung up the headphones and stepped away from the microphone. She ambled out of the booth, the faces of her waiting men blurry. She blinked, rubbing at her eyes. Max sat at the mixing board, eyebrows raised. She gave him a soft smile, stifling another yawn. “Let’s call it a night.” She reached for her jacket.

“So soon?” Perry smirked from his position on the floor, his chin propped in his hands. He stretched like a cat, adjusting his posture until he sat cross-legged.

Ignoring him, Jett nodded toward the door. “Hit the road, fellas.”

Max stood from his seat, arms reaching toward the ceiling, fingers splayed.

“Do you mind waiting a minute?” she asked him.

Glancing at the other men as they filed through the door, Max shrugged. “What’s up?”

She sighed, rolling her neck. The events of the day were finally catching up to her. For a moment, she considered just heading back to the condo. She would almost rather crash in her own bed than have to explain her problems to Max.

“Everything okay?” He touched her arm, concern knitting his eyebrows.

“Mostly. I need a place to stay for a little while, until I can get my own.” She twirled the ring on her thumb. “Do you have a couch?” She tried to smile to lighten up the question, but her heart lurched in her chest.

Both of Max’s eyebrows shot toward the ceiling. “So it
is
true,” he said.

She cast him a sideways glance.

“Sorry.” He cleared his throat, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I’d have to check with Savannah. It’s her home, too.” He looked down at the floor.

Jett’s heart sank. Swallowing hard, she blinked away tears. “Don’t sweat it.” She forced herself to smile. “I just figured I’d ask.”

He smiled back. Fishing keys from his pocket, he nodded toward the door. “Do you need a ride?”

Lips parting, she started to accept his offer. Then, remembering that she didn’t have anywhere to go other than back to the condo—and Koty—she shook her head. “I’m gonna hang out here a little longer.” She waved him away. “Go home to your family.”

“Okay,” he said, eyeing her. After a moment, he trotted toward the door, whistling “Sex on the T.”

The second that the door closed, she crumpled to the floor with a sob. Burying her face in her hands, she shook her head at herself. She couldn’t face Koty again—not yet. All she wanted to do was go to sleep in her own bed, but it looked like she would be crashing in the studio for the night. She hoped that David wouldn’t mind. Body shuddering, she kicked off her boots, swallowing back tears. She lifted her head from her hands, glancing around the room. There wasn’t even a single throw blanket.

Paper crinkled as she removed her jacket. She slid the envelope of money from the inside pocket. Tapping her chin with it thoughtfully, she drew a map in her mind, drawing on her memory of the area near the studio. She could get a motel room for the night and be back in the morning before anyone knew. Hopefully, by then, she would be able to stay with Max and Savannah. She opened the envelope and slid out her remaining cash, counting it. A frown creased her forehead, her lips turning down. After paying everyone for the past few weeks, she barely had anything left for herself.

She definitely wouldn’t be able to get her own place if she started blowing her money on a motel room every night.

Sighing, she glanced around the studio again. It would have to do. Jett drew her knees to her chest, skin turning to goosebumps. With no one else in the studio and no amplifiers on, the little room was cold. She longed for company, but not from anyone she knew. Griff would only lecture her, and seeing Koty would just be too hard. She had already made two walks of shame in one day. No, the kind of company she sought was that of strangers, exchanging nods under an umbrella of music loud enough to drown out her thoughts.