Divorced Dating and Damn Drama (23 page)

Ok, ok I'm going to take a full weekend course to be a cosmetologist. It begins at 7am on Saturday and ends at 10pm Sunday night. All I'm really going to learn is how not to set somebody's hair on fire but Sara and Ruby are taking it with me and I really think it will be a good bonding experience. I am also optimistic that I might make a new friend. I know, I'm 27 and I'm desperate not only for a man but a friend as well.

"Hi I'm Marissa." I say to a short older woman as I take my seat

"Don't talk to me, and that seat is saved."

"Excuse me."

"Move you freaking bitch, what do you not speak English. Go back to where you came from!"

Wow! I get up and find a seat in the corner in the back. Sara is having fun chatting it up with everyone. Even Ruby is making friends. Why does everyone hate me? The class starts and I am relieved not to of run into anyone who hates me. Well other than that one woman, I ran into her. "Ok, Class, are you ready to dye some hair?!" Shouts the instructor. Sara and Ruby quickly take their seats by me and their new friends follow. The woman in the front is sitting by someone who looks like her husband. They lean in for a kiss. That would be cute but she was mean so I refuse to think it's cute. The instructor continues to talk about the different kind of hair dye. This drags on and we break for lunch at 2pm. By 2 I
am starving. Now I know I have slimed down but
I still have a big stomach and it likes to be filled to capacity. So while the other girls go to the building's cafeteria and get their side salads I make a mad dash to the convenience store five blocks away for some nachos. I barely make it back in time for the class to begin again. What? I had to change into my jogging shoes so I could get the nachos. You know my luck with cars. If I took it, it would just get ruined.

I get a mannequin head with a wig on it and I'm told, along with the rest of the class, to make the wig purple with pink highlights. Everyone finishes in about a half hour and I am still reading the directions on the bottle on how to properly mix the blue and green dye to make purple. What? I just want to make sure it's done right. So by 10pm I am still working on my first wig and everyone else has moved on to bigger and better things. When the clock strikes 10:30 the class bell rings and everyone waits for the instructor to gather up the supplies. Low and behold something important is missing and no one can leave before it is found. I sit down and go online with the laptop in my back pack. The building has free wifi and I love free things. Why did I bring a computer? Well I am a pack rat and I wanted to. What? Better safe than sorry. Yes, I also brought a charger.

"Ok, I'm tired of this Shit, you are all on lock down!" screams the instructor. What the what? She can't do that. "And for all of you who think I can't do that, I am a former prison guard and I can do whatever I want!" she screeches. Well there are thirty four of us and one of her. I think we can take her. The elderly woman's husband runs to body tackle her and she whips out a professional taser and shoots him. This is not an ordinary taster, it shoots out two thingies attached by wires into the old man's chest. He goes down fast. "Anyone else want to try?" She shouts waving the taser around. What is going on here?

I look over at Sara and she is just video chatting with some guy on her phone, then I look at Ruby and she looks pissed. I kind of feel like this is a hostage situation. Ruby gets up and sits by me. She leans over.

"We need a distraction, and you're it." Ruby informs me.

"What?" I ask generally confused.

"You go it the front
of the class and just be you." I stare at her. She then gets and empties the contents o
f her water bottle one me. Eww her water smells like gas. "I just poured gasoline on you and I will light you on fire as a distraction if you don't get up there and do something." Wow, Ruby really is insane.

I run up to the front and start shouting "Fire!". What? There will be a fire if I don't make a distraction. I see Ruby mad tackle the woman and tie her up with her own panty hose. Ruby is one crazy individual. So we get to leave, we lose the money we spend for this course and I find myself buried in a tub of ice cream at 2am watching a horror movie with Sara and Ruby. What happened to the old guy? He was rushed to the hospital and is expected to make a full recovery. The instructor? Oh I don't know probably in local lock up.

So Sara got me some local modeling jobs. She says it's not only because she is amazing, but also because she got me a start by sending in embarrassing photos to Gossip Magazine. Right, now I remember you did that. What I forgot? Since people already hated me before the article when people hated me after, I didn't really notice. I mean what's the difference from my grandpa flipping me the bird because I divorced Henry or him flipping me the bird because I was interviewed. I mean it's the same bird he's flipping me. Ok, my grandpa doesn't hate me he just blames me for my grandmother's death. See I love my grandmother, I say love because even though she is dead I still love her. She passed away days after I filed for a divorce. My grandpa told me she died of a broken heart. But I'm pretty sure she died of a heart attack, but I didn't argue. Maybe my divorce did help lead her to her final resting place, but I think if she knew what Henry was really like she would have sided with me. I miss my grandma.

So I'm at a studio, a real studio, modeling some sort of sportswear. I never really saw myself as a model but after living like one, I don't mind it. I have gotten used to everything, the primping, the prodding, everything really. I sit in a makeup chair while a professional applies my makeup. Sara is in the corner talking with the designer. I wouldn't say I'm happy, I'm not happy to be like this but I'm getting by. I think people sometimes are so obsessed with their own happiness that they don't do what they should. Do you know how many times I have wanted to move, to quit my job and just change my life. The constant torment is overwhelming, but I don't. I can't. Where would I go? What would I say? I feel a hot tear roll down my cheek. "Oh, did I poke your eye honey?" asked the makeup artist.

"No, I'm good. I just have sensitive eyes." That's not really a lie. I do have sensitive eyes. If I'm being really honest with you I often find hot tears reaching my eyes. I don't know why. No one has died, no one is sick and nothing bad had happened really. I don't know why I
cry at night. I honestly don't know.
Sometimes I just lay there, in my bed and I cry. I think I am sad but I don't know why. What could I possibly
feel sad about? I don't think about Henry, I don't think about my parents, I don't think about my job.
I just think about me. And when I think about me, I cry. I think I might hate myself.

I'm directed in front of the camera and the flash of the camera is still overwhelming
. I have gotten used to it but I have never gotten to a point where I enjoy it. But it
makes people happy. I'm so used to people hating me that I will do
anything to make people like me. Even this. A few more outfits and
a lot more flashing. I'm finally finished. I don't immediately wash the makeup off when I get home. I'm going to keep it on so I don't have to reapply it. I have yet another online date tonight. I'm not supposed to sleep in makeup, but I'm going to anyways. I don't really have much energy nowadays. I lie and bed and yet again the hot tears invade the crevasses in my cheek.

I get up at 7pm and change to yet another revealing outfit and head out for my date. I tried to go more casual than I have been. I'm wearing a pink sparkly crop top with stylish black sweats and pink high heels. I wait for what seems like forever until Brad Morrick arrives. Brad is 24, works for a production company (I think) and is an actor.

"Oh wow, baby I just saw you on the runway on TV." He exclaims upon entering the restaurant and sitting down. He is wearing black tight skinny jeans and an open button up blue shirt. His dark brown hair has blonds highlights scattered about them and I can't tell you the color of his eyes because he has not taken off his sun glasses. I don't think he will ever take them off.

"Yeah, I was the chicken mascot." I answer honestly.

"So you weren't one of the fine looking Runway models for Gossip fashion line?" Brad asks upset.

"No, I was the mascot because I lost the bet." I state bluntly taking a sip of lemon water.

"Well, your ad is very misleading." He says while crossing his arms. What ad? We only talked on a dating site and I didn't even mention I was the chicken. I don't know about you or how fame works, but I don't think being the mascot is something to brag about.

''I don't have an ad." I say looking down.

"So how do I know you?" Brad asks confused. If you don't know how you know me then you should not have showed up.

"From online dating." I say kicking my feet under the table.

"Oh right." He says looking at the menu.

"Yeah." I say to him then place my prepaid order. Remember I prepay for my meal now.

"So have you been in anything I have seen." Brad asks then places his order.

"I was in Gossip magazine." I say hoping this will peak his interest.

"As a model?" Brad asks getting excited.

"Not really." I answer as the food arrives.

"Oh now I want to see." I pull out the copy of Gossip magazine from my over large purse. What? He wanted a celebrity I'll give him a damn celebrity.

"Oh wow you're on the cover. That's a horrible photo but you made the cover." He says taking out his cell phone and taking a picture. He then asks me to hold up the magazine to my face so he can take a photo, I oblige. Next he invades my personal space by sitting beside me and taking a photo with me. Finally he moves back into his seat. Well, that was exciting. Is this what people normally
do? He looks down at the
magazine and says, "Gossip standards must be lowering."

"Only for me." I say stuffing some mashed potato into my mouth.

"What?" He asks back on his phone typing away. Probably talking about how he met the weirdo who was on the cover of Gossip. What? He took photos of me and the magazine I really don't think it's a jump to assume he is posting about me.

"They lowered the standards for me." I say meekly continuing to eat my meal.

"That's just sad." He says snapping a few more photos of me eating. Is this what it is like to be famous? Because it sucks.

"I know." I said shoveling more food into my mouth. This went on for about another half hour. Him randomly taking photos of me; then messing with his phone. We really didn't have a conversation and perhaps that was for the best.

"You are going to have to get a sponsor." Sara says while she is getting in the fridge. I had just finished telling her about my date I had a few nights ago. You remember the guy who kept taking photos of me. But knowing Sara she is taking about something totally different.

"Sara I'm just having a glass of wine. I don't need a sponsor" Yes, I know that's what everyone says.

"No not that, a model sponsor." Sara said bringing the conversation back on topic.

"A what?" I asked. Has anyone else ever heard of a model sponsor?

"A sponsor for your modeling." She repeats sitting on the couch squishing between me and Ruby. Ruby is focused on some sort of video game that is hooked up to the TV.

"I don't do modeling." I tell Sara taking another sip of wine.

"You were on the cover of Gossip magazine and you did a photo shoot. You're a model." States Sara bluntly.

"No." I say focusing my attention on the video game.

"Yes." Sara says grabbing my wine and finishing it off. "Can you act like a real person for five minutes?" Sara says clicking off the TV with the remote.

"Ok, what do you want?" I ask as Ruby gains control of Sara and obtains the remote. Ruby flicks on the TV and continues playing. "I just don't want you thinking I'm something I'm not." I say turning to Sara.

"Ok fine, I didn't need the competition anyways." Sara storms off into her room.

Now, we all know I avoid the elevator, however this time coming home from work I really had to go to the bathroom. I feared the only way I would make it in time was if I used the elevator. However I was sorely mistaken I parked my old used new car in my assigned parking spot in the parking garage. I make a mad dash to my apartment. Once I arrive at the bottom of the stairs I see the elevator and I think that if I don't face my fears I will wet my pants. I am wearing the basic pink high heels I have been wearing for the past month and although I can walk in them, I can't run up stairs with them. What? Even without the heels I still wouldn't have made it. And although I am already the butt of every joke; I still don't want to give them fuel for the fire. So I am forced to take the dreaded elevator. I get in and hit the five. The elevator does goes up and I can't help but dancing back and forth trying to hold in my urine. Then the unthinkable happened. It stopped. The damn elevator stopped. This is not happening. This cannot happen.

I start to bang on the doors shouting help over and over again. I take off my heels and try to pry open the door, nope. I get out my cell phone and call Sara.

"What?" She screams. She must be at a party the music is blaring in the background.

"I'm stuck in the elevator and I have to pee." I inform her.

"That's amazing!" She shouts, clearly not listing.

"No! Sara listen, I need help." I plead.

"Don't get piss on the shoes." She laughs.

"Sara call the land lord." I shout.

"What?" she shouts back.

"Oh for the love of god." I
yell then hang up. I find Ruby's number and give her a ring.

"Ruby!" I shout.

"That's my name." She says rudely.

"I'm stuck in the elevator; can you help me get out?' I ask sounding desperate. What? I am desperate.

"No
." she said then hangs up. I hit redial.

"Ruby call someone!" I shout.

"Why don't you call someone?" She accused.