Do Cool Sh*t (22 page)

My friend Andrew and I were looking around the big costume tent at Kostume Kult, a well-known camp at Burning Man. We were among a hundred other people rummaging through racks and racks of costumes, and we were captivated by the wild array of colorful and creative items.

We definitely needed to find new outfits. Andrew was wearing this horrible poncho, and I was determined to find something sexier for him to wear. It reminded me of a potato sack, and it covered his whole body—which I knew from previous events was quite hot!

The cool thing about Kostume Kult is that while the costumes are free to take, you have to put yours on and walk out onto a runway in front of hundreds of spectators on your way out.

As I rummaged through one of the boxes, I found a gold pharaoh neck ornament, a pharaoh crown, and golden arm band. We found a white sheet and tied it around Andrew’s waist. The poncho came off and the gold jewelry was placed on his bare chest and bulging bicep. I fastened the crown on his head.

“OK, I think you’re ready for the runway.” I smiled and hurried out of the tent so I could take a seat by the runway and watch him walk out in his new and improved getup.

The master of ceremonies, a hilarious and long-gray-haired man with nothing but a short girly tutu on and no underwear was calling out the next runway models.

“Next, we have a Pharaoh King with his princess!”

Mediterranean music was cued and one of the Kostume Kult girls danced out first in a sexy tasseled bikini top and tasseled skirt, carrying a ceramic bowl over her head. As Andrew walked in behind her, back straight with perfect posture and his strong bare upper body with the gold jewelry shining in the sunlight, I had to gasp. As he danced with the girl, he eyed her up and down seductively and did a playful turn.

My jaw literally dropped as I watched him strut behind her and dance for her (and for the audience). I’d never really looked at him in this way before. It was in that moment that I fell in love with him.

We had arrived at Burning Man the day before, new to this incredible experience in the Nevada desert where sixty thousand people gather for one week to experience the engaging surroundings and people in the midst of incredible art and music.

We arrived at Burning Man as friends, but little did we know, we wouldn’t end up leaving that way.

Rewind six months:

Andrew and I first met at Summit at Sea. I would like to say that there was instant attraction when we met, but it took a while for it to get to that point. We met on the dance floor, rocking out to the Roots and Pretty Lights under the stars, somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Nothing
happened
on the boat, but we knew there was something there between us. He lived in Washington, DC, at the time anyway, and long-distance was out of the question in my mind.

Over the course of the next six months, I saw him twice—both times I was dating other guys. I had just gotten out of a three-year relationship and told myself that I would date freely for a year before jumping back into something serious. I’ve been known to be a serial monogamist, so I was giving myself some breathing room to date and have fun!

It was at my family’s annual barbecue, Agra-Palooza, that we decided to lock in our plans to finally go to Burning Man together with my sister, a group of my close friends, and my then boyfriend. We ironed out the details, and we spent the next two months planning for this trip. We had to secure an RV, get flights, and get all of the food, bicycles, costumes, and gear to deal with the harsh desert climate.

Things were looking good, until about ten days before the trip, when shit hit the fan. Radha and her then boyfriend backed out last minute saying that they had too much work and not enough time to plan. Then the guy I was dating and I broke up.

That left just me and Andrew. We said screw it and decided to go for it.

The two of us flew into Reno on Thursday night, a day earlier than planned, because we wanted to escape from Hurricane Irene. We got a cheap hotel room for a couple of nights, and we even shared a bed but literally put pillows in the middle so that we could establish a clear friendship boundary.

During those two nights together, I learned more about him and it was great. He had a great attitude, carried himself like a natural leader, and seemed to always be happy and up for anything. Furthermore, he asked so many thoughtful questions, and I noticed that he was a great listener. It felt good being with him and about to head out on this awesome adventure!

The first day at Burning Man was a blur. It was like being on Mars. We couldn’t believe the kind of art that was set up all over the desert and it was one discovery after another of breathtaking new art and installations created by inspired and inspiring artists. The music was some of the most inviting, infectious, happy, exciting, body-moving stuff I’d ever heard. It was just a phenomenal thing to watch sixty thousand people peacefully experience a festival like this. I was again really impressed with Andrew because his bike pedal broke the first day (the Burning Man grounds are vast and everyone had to get bikes) and he had to use his foot to push the bike forward, which was a giant pain in the ass in the desert, but he never complained once and just struggled with a smile.

Nevertheless, Andrew and I explored and danced the whole first day. It was the second day that really changed everything.

After the runway moment at Kostume Kult, where he was transformed into a pharaoh, I knew I wanted to be with him. I already loved dancing with him (being a good dancer is a big draw for me); I loved the way he walked and carried himself; I loved how he listened, and I loved that he was highly empathetic. Instead of going to work at a flashy and high-paying hospitality job when he was twenty-two years old, he started a nonprofit called Dreams for Kids DC, which helps at-risk youth with career and life skills. I was smitten.

We went on a great adventure together all over the Playa (what they call the Burning Man grounds), and I was hoping to spend all night hanging out with him as well.

But then he told me that he didn’t want to.

Huh?

That threw me for a loop. He asked me if he could go on a night adventure with some of the boys and he didn’t want to include me. I was really bummed out but pretended like it was no big deal, and I decided to go an adventure with my dear friend Alex.

Alex and I ran around all over the Playa from dance party to dance party and had an absolute blast, but all I could think about was Andrew. I worried that he was off meeting other women.

It was 5:00 a.m. when Alex and I finally headed back to our camp and I popped by Andrew’s tent to see if he was still out. I was sure he wouldn’t be, but when I peeked in, I was ecstatic to see him there, asleep.

I must have been delirious and I don’t know what came over me, but I crawled into his tent and I leaned over and quickly kissed him on the lips. As soon as I kissed him, he screamed and I jumped up; I said, “Oh my god, I am so sorry! I don’t know what I was thinking.” But he calmed me down and said, “Sorry, I didn’t know who it was. Why don’t you come and lie down?” Sheepishly, I went to bed next to him on his blow-up mattress and snuggled in for the night.

The next morning, I escaped his tent before he could wake and went to get breakfast at the camp’s headquarters. He came and found me about thirty minutes later. I was still really embarrassed from the night before but put on a brave face.

I said to him: “Hey, I’m sorry about last night, not sure what I was thinking.”

He paused and said, “Miki, I think you’re the coolest girl I’ve ever met”—(flattery will get you everywhere!)—“but I’m about to move to Chicago and start a new life there. Not to mention, I really want to keep you in my life as a friend and I just don’t want to screw it up. Does that make sense?”

I responded softly, “But it’s Burning Man . . . Who cares, no? There are no rules here. Can we not overthink this? If I want to kiss you, maybe just let me? And if you want to kiss me, go for it.”

He paused and said, “You’re right,” and smiled.

That day, we went on another great adventure—checking out new art, attending some seminars—and that night, as we were dancing under the stars, we finally really kissed for the first time. It was a deep, passionate, and wonderful kiss, and I was so happy in that moment.

The next morning, I again snuck away from Andrew—this time I left for an entirely different purpose. I went to his tent, where I spent the next few hours cleaning and tarping it properly, and then I took his bike with the still broken pedal to one of the camp mechanics to get it fixed. I had never been more excited to lend service for someone. When Andrew woke up and came to his tent, he found me there, cleaning next to his newly fixed bike. He grabbed me and kissed me.

We were both so giddy from that point forward. I think we were just so excited to have found each other in such a strange place. We wanted to celebrate finding each other on the Playa and looked inside the program book to see if there was somewhere we could go to celebrate and saw that there was a place called Wedlock Ranch, where someone named Reverend FunkPocket “married” people.

When we got to the ranch, we saw a man with a big, giant handlebar mustache, playing the ukulele, and asked him if he knew where Reverend FunkPocket was. He put his ukulele to the side and joyfully exclaimed, “Why, that’s me!”

We decided to be married on the Pier to Nowhere, which is where Andrew and I watched the sun set for the past two nights, and it was definitely our favorite place within the festival grounds. It was a real pier, but since it was built in the desert, the artists put speakers underneath it playing sounds of waves crashing. They also secured fishing rods at the end of the pier where people could “fish for anything your heart desires.” So brilliant!

Yay! I was getting married for the first time. (Since it was a Burning Man wedding, the marriage only lasted for one week, which was perfect.) I’ve heard it said that one Burning Man day is like three months in the real world. Where cell phones don’t work and there are none of the typical distractions of life, we experienced more and discovered more about each other and about ourselves. With this kind of focus within and on the present moment, Burning Man was the place to reveal so many things and manifest it all.

I believe that loving someone is the most important experience in a lifetime. My mother’s biggest (and only) lesson about lasting love: “Always maintain a little mystery.” Make the other feel safe in your love, but keep them on their toes. What good advice. Thanks, Mama.

Andrew came up with an acronym that really resonated with both of us. It’s LACE. We found that these were the four pillars of a successful, lasting relationship:

Looks—
to be undeniably attracted to each other

Adventure—
to bring new things into each other’s lives; to want to try new things together

Challenge—
to challenge each other mentally, physically, and spiritually

Enhance—
probably the most important, to enhance each other’s experiences wherever we go and whatever we do

As I watched the sun begin to sink, I realized I had only a few minutes to get ready! I ran to my RV, found some sheer white fabric that I had purchased at Walmart, and some gold ribbon. How did I know that I would end up needing this fabric? The wise energies behind Burning Man just knew!

I made a sari out of the fabric and a white Lawrence of Arabia–style headdress with the gold ribbon, threw my boots on, and rushed out of the RV and onto my bicycle. I can still remember how my heart raced as I was speeding against the setting sun toward the pier, with my headdress trailing in the wind behind me.

When I got to the pier, I threw my bike down on the ground and rushed up to get to the top where the ceremony was being held. We didn’t know anybody attending except for the reverend. It was all random people spectating, which to me was even more whimsical and romantic.

As I was climbing up the pier, I tried to look for Andrew at the top—my bearded man wearing the plain white sheet around his waist—but as I looked through the crowd that was forming, I got only a glimpse of a gorgeous, clean-shaven man wearing a brand-new baby-blue seersucker suit with a beautiful red-and-blue handkerchief in his lapel pocket. Who was this person?!

I did a double take because I realized that it was Andrew!! I had
never
known him without a beard, and I had no idea where he could have gotten that suit. I couldn’t stop staring at him. I was in awe; he looked incredible.

When he saw me, his face lit up and I could sense that he was just as excited to see me as I was with him.

Andrew and I held hands, and the truth was, words were exchanged but all I could do was grip his hands and stare at his beautiful face, including his handsome and newly exposed jawline and look deep into his sparkling eyes.

This was it. This was the love I had always dreamed of.

Since then, Andrew and I have traveled to twenty-seven cities, moved four times, and even got remarried at Burning Man this past year (in front of fifty of our friends, including Rads!). We are still happier than ever! You can check out the video at docoolshit.org.

We certainly have faced our set of challenges, but we are learning something about each other and about ourselves every single day.

Here are my love lessons I’ve learned thus far.

• Take three deep breaths when you feel like blood is rushing to your head and you are losing your patience. I can tell you that I used to be one of the most impatient people I know, but I realized that in order to communicate effectively, you need to take a step back and allow the other person time to understand where you’re coming from.
  
• Stuff like “Can you please look into my eyes when I have a conversation with you?” “I love it when you compliment me,” “You’re touching me wrong,” and everything in between may take a few times before he remembers and gets it. Be patient, and try and be cognizant of the things that your significant other wants of you.
      It’s sort of like telling someone who has never spoken German to “speak German now!” and they’re like, “But, but, I’ve never spoken German before!” and expecting that they will pick up the new language right away. You need to give him a chance to learn the new love language, especially if it’s foreign to him.
  
• Listen sincerely. Sometimes it’s important to just let him finish before you say your piece. Bite your tongue, take those three deep breaths, and actually listen sincerely to what he is saying. The more you listen, the better your understanding will be. It’s so hard, I know, because your mind may be going too quickly and you often have an answer before he’s finished. Do your best to let him finish. It will go a long way toward understanding each other and having a more intimate relationship!
  
• Do something nice for your partner often. Surprise him with gifts and experiences when you can. It doesn’t have to cost anything—just create a memorable experience for the two of you to show that you are thinking about him.
  
• Be willing to grow together. You are not perfect. Your partner is not perfect. Remember that!
  
• When things are really heavy and the conversation is getting ugly, really try and cut it with a joke, or come up with a word that resets the situation. Andrew and I have the words
  fresh start
  as our key words to start over and reset the mood. It’s all about keeping that promise to actually start over in your mind if you say that special word or words. It can be hard to do in the heat of the moment, but you can train yourself to do it.
  
• Give your partner space to do his own thing. Let your partner have space. Nobody wants to feel kept. If you prefer spending all of your time together, then that’s awesome—but that’s not everyone’s thing.