Do Not Forsake Me (21 page)

Peter cleared his throat and straightened, trying to hide his feelings. “You drive those two home first. Then you can come back and give me the particulars on yourself. See if you can get Randy to write down Jake's father's full name and bring it to me. I have no doubt she knows what it is but was afraid to say it out here today.”

“Sure.” Jeff started out, but Peter called to him. “What do you know about Randy's health…this…surgery she might need?”

Jeff shook his head. “I just heard about it myself this morning. I don't know the details.”

Peter frowned. “I know Ed Rogers pretty well. Maybe I can learn something from him.”

“Maybe. I'm sick about it myself, Mr. Brown. She's a wonderful woman.”

“She certainly is. In all his years of living the outlaw life, Jake struck pure gold when he met Randy. Nothing he ever stole or earned can match what he found in her.”

“I have no doubt he is completely aware of that, sir. I think she's real worried about what he would do if he lost her. So is Lloyd.”

Peter rubbed at his eyes. “I understand Jake Harkner more than you know, Jeff, and that's the hell of it. The man loves as passionately as he hates, and there is no competing with him.” He looked at Jeff sadly. “Do you know what I'm talking about?”

Jeff nodded. “I think I do, sir.”

“Yes, well, it's just kind of understood. It's just…there…a fact that I can't deny, and Jake damn well knows it. He has every right to put a gun to my head for thinking like I do, but out of respect for Randy, he won't do that—although I can't be real sure of that if I step over the line. Which I would never do anyway, because I know it's hopeless, plus I respect Randy too much.” He eyed Jeff directly. “That's between you and me, not something for that book of yours.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Go on now and take them home.”

“Yes, sir.” Jeff walked out, his head spinning with all the angles he could use for his book. This was turning into a far more complex project than he'd dreamed it would be. A love story. A story of the outlaw way. A story about what could cause a young boy to kill his own father. A story of tragedy and triumph and gunfights and secret feelings and stashes of money and everything that made a damn good book.

He hurried out and climbed into the two-seater buggy Peter had told them to use. Jake sat in the backseat with his arm around Randy, who rested her head on his shoulder. Jeff got the horse moving and headed for Jake's house. On the way, they passed a flatbed wagon going the other way. Hash Bryant was driving it, and Brad Buckley lay in the back of the wagon. Hash looked darkly at Jake as the two vehicles passed each other.

No, this thing with the Buckleys and the Bryants is not over
, Jeff thought. He glanced at Randy. She had closed her eyes and apparently didn't notice Hash Bryant, but Jake…Jake did.

“I don't know what to do, Katie. Everything is a mess.”

Katie curled up against Lloyd, kissing his cheek. “I wish I knew what to tell you. Brian said we have to think positive about this.”

Lloyd stroked her hair. “Dr. Rogers verified what Brian figured. She's got some kind of growth. And he isn't even sure he or any doctor in Guthrie can operate on her, so now she and Pa have to decide what to do next. He has to head out the day after tomorrow, so it will have to wait. And that scares all of us, because we don't know how long is
too
long to wait. Dr. Rogers said it's best to operate soon to have a chance of getting it all.”

They'd decided to lie in bed together after sending Stephen off to school, knowing they had only today and tomorrow before Lloyd had to leave again.

“I'd go alone this time so Pa can be with my mother, but if the judge finds out he's not doing his job—”

“Lloyd, surely the judge would understand.”

“Maybe, but with Pa asking for a reduced sentence, he can't take any chances, and with Marty Bryant out there somewhere with a new bunch of men behind him, Pa would never send me out there without him, and I'm not letting him go without
me
. And with Evie carrying and having to watch after Little Jake, Brian doesn't want to leave her, plus she's had a lot of morning sickness this time, so she's been pretty tired and weak.”

“Could there be a doctor in Edmond who could operate? That's not so terribly far, and if you and Jake get back soon enough, Jake could take her there.”

“Brian and Ed Rogers are looking into it.” Lloyd sighed and pressed her closer. “It isn't just my mother or the timing. It's my pa. I know him, Katie, and I don't even want to think about what he'll be like if my mother dies. If that happens, I'll actually lose
both
of them, because there will be no reaching my father.”

Katie kissed him softly. “Whatever happens, I'm here, Lloyd.”

Lloyd pulled her close, relishing the feel of her nakedness, the sweet warmth of having just made love. “I wish I didn't have to leave you, Katie. While I'm gone I want you to stay close to town at all times, understand? Your parents will be here tomorrow to stay awhile so you won't have to be alone. Once Pa and I find Marty Bryant, we can relax more.”

“How long will you be gone this time?”

“It's hard to say. Some of it will be routine. We do have to serve Jessie Buckley those death certificates and see if we can find out anything about the whereabouts of Marty Bryant. The paperwork is piling up, and if the judge thinks Pa is shirking his duties, he might not even consider a reduced sentence.”

“I'd love to move to Colorado with you and get away from all this. I thought I could handle it better than this, but I'm already wondering how long I can live this way.”

There it was—the little wedge that kept trying to come between them. Katie was having a hard time accepting the situation, but then, so many unexpected things had come up since they married. It had been difficult to settle into any kind of normal routine. Most women didn't have to worry about their husbands facing constant violence, but Lloyd was having trouble with Katie always being afraid. Something was still amiss. Deep down Lloyd felt as though she wanted him to choose her…or his father. Beth would never have asked that of him, but then Beth understood better all that had happened after Jake went to prison. She'd been through the worst of it with Lloyd and fully understood his reasons for always wanting to be close to Jake.

He still missed Beth, and he felt so guilty for it. He couldn't blame Katie for that.

“Katie, when I get back I'll tell you all of it—the truth about Pa's past, all right? He doesn't just love me like any normal father loves his kid. He
needs
me. There is a fine line there, between sanity and just…going crazy. That's why I'm so concerned about him losing my mother. She's the anchor that keeps him from drifting away to a really bad place.”

“I want to understand, Lloyd…all of it.”

“And you have a right to know, so it doesn't keep coming between us.” Lloyd stroked her hair. “I promise things will get better once we find Marty Bryant and end all this…and once we move to Colorado.” He moved on top of her, kissing her lightly, then stiffened when someone knocked at the door. “
Damn
,” he grumbled.

“I knew we shouldn't do this in the middle of the morning!” Katie lamented.

Lloyd moved off the bed and pulled the covers over her. “Stay there.” He quickly pulled on a pair of long johns.

The knock came again and he yelled out, “Just a minute!” He grabbed his denim pants and yanked them on. “Whoever it is, I'll tell them you don't feel well. Maybe it's just Pa or my mother.” He hurriedly buttoned his pants and grabbed a shirt and started pulling it on as he hurried out and closed the door. “Who is it?” he called.

“Lloyd, it's me—Brian. I have someone with me.”

“Jesus God Almighty,” Lloyd grumbled. He ran his hands through his disheveled hair and pushed it behind his ears. Evie had recently told him he was starting to look like an Indian, but Katie liked it long and he hated sitting for haircuts, so he just kept letting it grow. He opened the door, his shirt open and his feet bare. He frowned when he saw Peter Brown standing there with Brian.

“I'm sorry, Lloyd, but we need to talk to you,” Brian told him.

Lloyd shook his hair back again and stepped aside. “Come in.” He closed the door after them. “Come into the kitchen. Katie isn't feeling well and I don't want to bother her.”

Brian and Peter followed him into the kitchen.

“Sit down,” Lloyd told them. “There is still some coffee on the stove. Either one of you want any?” He poured himself a cup.

“No, thanks,” Brian told him. “I'm really sorry to bother you. I know you and Jake have to leave day after tomorrow.”

“It's all right.” Lloyd set his cup on the table and then took a tin of Lone Jack cigarettes from the top of a cupboard. He took out a cigarette and lit it with a stove match.

“What's going on?” Lloyd asked as he turned a kitchen chair around and straddled it, leaning forward on the chair back.

Brian glanced at Peter, then back to Lloyd. “We just want your opinion about something. Don't fly off the handle. Just listen. If you love your mother, you'll agree we need to do this.”

Lloyd stiffened. “Do what?”

Brian rubbed the back of his neck.

“Peter here knows of an excellent surgeon in Oklahoma City. He talked to Ed Rogers about him, and Ed agreed that if your mother has cancer, this man is the best there is. And Peter has to go to Oklahoma City on business. He also knows a lawyer there who would be willing to go on to St. Louis to petition Jake's judge for a reduced sentence. So—”

“He wants to take my mom
with
him to Oklahoma City?” Lloyd immediately stood up. “This is my
dad
we're talking about! Do you really think Jake Harkner is going to let a man who's in love with his wife take her that far away?
Alone?
”

“Lloyd,
think
about it! This can't be put off without possibly endangering your mother's
life
—more each day! Who better to go with her than someone who loves her just as much as your father does?”

The remark brought fire to Lloyd's eyes. He rose, fists clenched. “Did you hear what you just said?”

“Lloyd, you know I'd never suggest this if I didn't love Randy just as much as you do,” Brian told him boldly.

“
Nobody
loves my mother as much as
Pa
loves her!”

The room hung silent as Peter laid a long sheet of paper on the table, filled with signatures. “Look at this. I've been going around town for days gathering signatures on this petition. It says your father deserves to have his sentence reduced because of his outstanding service and because he has a family and this is endangering their lives. The petition says he's a good citizen and well liked. I worded it myself, and I've been working night and day on this. I have three hundred signatures, Lloyd. Three
hundred
. That should show you how much I respect Jake and how much a lot of people in this town respect him. I'm doing everything I can to get that reprieve. I want the judge to see this. This should show you my good intentions.”

Lloyd studied the signatures, stunned by how many there were. “
You
did this?”

“I thought it would help.”

Lloyd turned away. “You want this for my mom, not my dad.”

“So what if he does?” Brian asked. “Peter completely respects Randy and what she would want and what
Jake
would want. Do you want Randy to risk surgery for something this important with a doctor who's not totally qualified to do it? Don't you want her to have the best? Wouldn't
Jake
want that?”

Lloyd paced and smoked. “Jesus,” he muttered. “I was just telling Katie how torn I am about everything that's going on, and now this! You should have gone straight to Pa, not to me. I'll not be a part of something that he might think is some kind of betrayal.”

Peter closed his eyes and sighed. “Lloyd, if you don't want to feel like you're going behind his back, I'll talk to him alone about this.”

“
Alone?
” Lloyd shook his head. “Pa isn't exactly in the
best
mood he's ever been in. I won't
let
you go over there alone, because I need to be there to stop him from doing something he shouldn't.” He looked at Brian. “Does Evie know about this?”

“Not yet, but she'll want what's best for her mother. You know that.”

Lloyd turned away, taking a deep breath. “I appreciate that petition, Peter. I just hate the
real
reason you're doing this.”

“Believe it or not, Lloyd, I really want this for your father too.”

Lloyd rubbed anxiously at his forehead. “Let me go over there first. For all we know, my parents are—” He turned away. “I just want to make sure they're open to company. We can't just go barging in on them with something like this.” He finished buttoning his shirt. “Let me go talk to Katie and finish dressing. Brian, you take Peter back to your house. I'll come and get you once I know it's okay, but I'm warning you, Peter, that you might need my brother-in-law's doctoring when this is over.”

“I might need a doctor myself,” Brian quipped.

Lloyd smiled sadly and walked out of the kitchen and into the bedroom. “Shit,” he grumbled. He did not relish going to Jake Harkner and telling him another man, who was in love with his wife, wanted to take her away for a good two weeks or more…maybe to die…in that man's arms instead of his father's.

Jake finished shoving cartridges into his extra ammunition belt as he watched Randy dry a dish and put it into the cupboard. “I meant it when I said I want you to get help for everything,” he told her. “No hard work while I'm gone.”

“I know.”

“Especially laundry. I don't want you lifting those heavy baskets. You have the laundry service come and pick up our things and deliver them when they're finished. And you stay with Katie or Evie—not alone.”

“I will.”

“I'll get back as fast as I can.”

“Then what? Ed Rogers isn't sure he should operate on me himself, so what do we do? And how long do we wait?”

Jake set the cartridge belt on the table and sighed. “Damn it!” He rose. “We're getting short with each other, and we never do that. I hate this mess we're in.”

“Do you think I don't?”

“If it weren't for me and this goddamn job, we wouldn't have these decisions to make.”

Randy faced him. “Jake, will you ever stop cussing? And you have to stop blaming yourself for everything that happens. This isn't something you can fix with fists or guns. And you're being short because you have to leave.” She turned away. “And I'm being short because I'm scared and I don't want you to go.”

He walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her from behind. “Then I'll stay.”

“You can't. I won't let you risk the judge's decision, Jake.”

Someone knocked on the back door.

“Who is it?” Jake barked, picking up one of his guns from the kitchen table.

“Lloyd. We need to talk, Pa.”

Scowling, Jake opened the door. He set his gun on the table as Lloyd stepped inside and glanced at his mother, who clearly looked upset. She wore a simple housedress and her hair was down, as though she'd dressed quickly in case of company. Jake wore an open shirt. “Is this a bad time?”

“Right now there is no such thing as a
good
time.” Jake turned away and Lloyd glanced at the array of weapons and cartridge belts on the kitchen table. “Pa, Brian wants to talk to you and Mom…and Peter Brown is with him.”

Jake and Randy looked at each other, then at Lloyd. “About what?” Jake asked.

Lloyd glanced at the guns again, wondering if he should take all of them out of the house first. “I'll let them tell you. I had nothing to do with any of it, except that I agree with them on one thing.” He saw the suspicion move into Jake's eyes. “I think you should…listen to what they have to say and I think you should…uh…let this be Mom's decision, not mine or Evie's or Brian's or…even yours. It's her life hanging in the balance, and we all want her to live and be healthy and…that's all that matters.”

Jake took a cigarette from a tin on the counter but didn't light it. “What the hell is going on, Lloyd?”

“I'll go tell them to come over.” Lloyd put on a look of warning. “You just remember, Pa, that Peter Brown is going to do his best to get your sentence reduced, and that Brian loves Mom like his own mother, plus he's a doctor and he knows what might be best for her…and he's Evie's husband and has been as good to her as you could ask of any man who dared to marry your daughter. So don't you say anything to hurt him.”

Lloyd left and Jake looked at Randy. “Do you know what he's talking about?”

“No.” She touched her hair. “Jake, my hair is down and I…good Lord, do we look like we just got out of bed?”

“So what if we do? We're married and we've been doing this for twenty-six years.” He scowled. “Trouble is, after twenty-six years, something's come between us—and I don't know what the
hell
it is!”

Randy's eyes teared. “The only thing between us is your anger over not knowing what to do about me, and that makes me feel responsible, but I'm
not
responsible, because I didn't ask for this. Please don't stay angry—not when we only have one more day together. You usually leave your anger outside the door, Jake.”

He sighed. “I'm just angry at myself.” He walked up behind her and grasped some of her hair. “I was okay until Ed Rogers said he didn't want to operate on you. That's when I really started getting scared.”

She hung her head.

Jake reached around and grasped the side of her face, making her turn around. He leaned down and met her mouth in a kiss that grew desperate. He pulled her into his arms, then lifted her off her feet and set her on the counter, where the kiss lingered. She wrapped her legs around him, and he wound his fingers more deeply into her hair. He left her mouth and wrapped her tightly into his arms, letting her head rest against his chest.

“I'm sorry,” he repeated. “I never get short with you, and you sure as hell don't deserve it right now. I'm angry at whatever is wrong with you,
mi
querida
, not at you—angry at myself for not being able to do something about it.”

“I know. I just don't want you to
stay
angry—not when we have so little time together.” She reached around his neck. “After they leave, I want to go back to bed, Jake. I want to say good-bye like I always do before you go.”

Someone knocked on the front door then, and Jake gave her a quick kiss. “Damn.”

“We might as well see what they want, Jake.”

Jake lifted her down and Randy put her hands to her face to cool her cheeks. She ran her fingers through her hair and wished she'd had time to pin her hair properly and put on a better dress. “Button your shirt,” she told Jake.

He picked up his cigarette and bent down to light it at the stove. “Let them think what they want. We're man and wife and can do what we want in our own house.”

“Jake, hear them out. Please, please, hear them out. Apparently Brian and Peter have some idea that might help us through this.”

Jake walked to the front door and Randy quietly followed, standing at a window with arms folded, feeling undressed and undone and defensive. Jake opened the door to Lloyd, Brian, and Peter. Randy noticed Peter look Jake over with more than a little trepidation. Then he glanced at her and nodded. Jake moved back and told them all to sit down.

“I'll stand, Pa,” Lloyd said, moving closer to Jake. Randy knew immediately that her son was making ready to light into his father and hold him back if he lost his temper. She felt her heart pounding harder.

Jake watched Peter carefully. Neither he nor Brian sat down either. In fact, they both looked as if they were making ready to run if necessary. “What's this about?” Jake asked.

Lloyd moved a little closer.

Peter took a deep breath. “Jake, I know of a doctor who is an expert in the kind of surgery Randy needs. He saved my wife's life once in Chicago, years before she died in a buggy accident. I wired him there and found out he's now in Oklahoma City.”

Jake watched him closely. “I'm sorry about your wife, Peter, but what's all this got to do with Randy?”

Peter stiffened. “I have to go to Oklahoma City on business, and that's where a lawyer friend of mine has his office. He's agreed to plead your case in St. Louis because he knows that judge. While I'm there, Randy could see this doctor, if you'll allow it, and if she needs surgery, she could have it there.”

Jake just stood there, silent, smoking, staring at Peter. The room hung thick with Jake Harkner's presence. Lloyd watched him closely, not sure exactly what was going through his father's mind.

“Let me get this straight,” Jake finally spoke up slowly. “You're suggesting that you take my wife with you to Oklahoma City, you make decisions
I
should be making about her health…
You
, a man who's in love with my
wife
, want to take her away alone for a good two or three weeks, depending on how the surgery goes.”

Randy turned away. The fact that Peter Brown loved her had never been put into words until now.

Peter didn't flinch. “Yes.”

Jake glared at him. “You must either be very brave or very stupid…or maybe very smart. Don't be thinking I'm some kind of goddamn fool, Peter!”

“
Jake
!
” Brian spoke up. “
Think
about it. It could save her
lif
e
! Would I lie to you about something like that? Clara Donavan could go with Randy, but she needs a
man
to go with her—someone who can protect her better than a woman could—someone who can help make the proper legal decisions if she's too sick to. No one can do a better job of making sure everything is handled right than someone like Peter—and he
cares
, Jake, enough to make sure she gets only the best doctor and the best aftercare. He's someone who would look after her with the same concern as—”

“As her own
husban
d
?” Jake turned away. He glanced at Randy, who continued to avoid facing any of them. He turned back to Peter. “You're someone who can
protect
her? How do you propose to do that?”

“I have a handgun, more than one, in fact, and I know how to use them, Jake. I'm no damned Jake Harkner, but if I have to use a gun to defend Randy, I'll do it.”

Lloyd could almost hear thunder in the room. He thought that if looks could kill, the one Jake was giving Peter Brown right now would land the man flat on his back. “And what if she has this surgery…and she's dying and needs someone to
hold
her? I'm sure you'll gladly do
that
too, won't you, Peter Brown?”

Randy remained turned away, not saying a word.

“Pa, this is
Mom
we're talking about,” Lloyd reminded him. “She worships the ground you walk on. She'd never look twice at any other man, and you
damn
well know it!”

“She'll be in pain and vulnerable and needing
me
!
Me!
And I can't
be
there for her! And just maybe after all the other times she's needed me and I couldn't be there for her, she'll finally get tired of it and decide to be with someone who
can
always be there for her!”

“Use your head, Jake!” Peter shot back. “Yes, at the risk of you lighting into me, I
do
love Randy. And that's the best reason in the world to let me help her! Help
both
of you! I'll protect her with my goddamn life, and I'll make sure she gets the absolute best care possible—and yes, if she needs holding, I'll by God
hold
her so she's not scared and alone, and you know what? It sure as hell won't be
me
holding her. In her mind, it will be
you
! And no, I'm not stupid, and I sure as hell don't take
you
for a fool. I take Jake Harkner
very
seriously, believe me! Standing in front of you right now, admitting I love your wife, isn't the easiest thing I've ever done, and I'm sweating like hell under this suit at the thought of what you'd like to do to me. I have a feeling that if you tried, even Lloyd wouldn't be able to stop you!”

“Stop it!” Randy suddenly yelled, putting her hands to the sides of her face. “Does anyone care what
I
think of this?”

All four men looked at her. Randy rested her gaze on Jake. “I want to do it.”

Lloyd thought Jake looked like he'd just been slapped.

“Jake, when you're gone, I go crazy with worry. This will keep me occupied. And if this means I can have the best care, then that's what I want. I want to come home to my grandbabies and the new one on the way. I want to come home to my son and daughter. And I want to come home, healthy and alive, to my
husband
, and hope he'll be here waiting, and that he'll
also
be healthy and alive…and maybe I'll be able to tell him we're going to Colorado in another year and all this will
end
.”

“Pa, Peter has been pounding the boardwalks for days circulating a petition saying you deserve to have your sentence shortened,” Lloyd spoke up. “That you've done an outstanding job and that people here think you have paid your dues. He got three hundred signatures, Pa. Three
hundre
d
! Does that sound like a man who would turn around and betray you? That petition will go a long way toward influencing Judge Mitchell.”

Randy covered her mouth in surprise. “Peter! Three hundred signatures?”

Peter kept his eyes on Jake. “Yes. That's how much people in this town care about you, Jake. If you think only your immediate family cares, you're wrong. A
lot
of people care. And a lot of people see through that badge and those guns and your ability to shoot men down with seemingly no feeling, and they see the kind of father and husband and grandfather you are. A lot of people know what you've been through, Jake, and most have a damn good suspicion you had reason to kill—”

Both men never took their eyes from each other during the entire conversation.

“My father?”

Peter closed his eyes then and finally turned away.

“Jake.” Randy finally got his attention again. “Three hundred signatures. Peter is your friend, Jake, not your enemy. I've been trying to tell you that.” Her voice broke on the last words and she looked ready to pass out. Jake walked up to her and picked her up in his arms. “All of you get out,” he told the others. “Just get out and let us talk about this.”

Lloyd moved toward Brian and Peter. “Come on. He's right. They should talk about this alone.”

Jake and Peter shared a look like two men in a duel before Peter turned away and followed Brian out the door. Lloyd hesitated, eyeing his parents. “I want her to live, Pa, and you do too. I think she should go to Oklahoma City and soon. There really isn't any other choice, is there?”