Dodge the Bullet (20 page)

His mind screamed at him to STOP, STOP,
STOP! This was madness. This was why he’d spent all week avoiding
her. His hands kept on going. He paused for a moment when the echo
of his order to stop had begun to breach his foggy, lust-clouded
mind. When he heard Sarah moan, long and deep, while her back
arched beneath his palms and his fingers brushed the sides of her
breasts like a feather, he knew he’d crossed the point of no
return. She pulled her hands from her chest, placed them against
the wall in front of her face, and pushed her body back into the
swell of his.

Dodge’s hands crept around her small waist
and up to her breasts. He felt her heart hammer against his palm,
teased her hardened nipples with his fingertips and lost his mind
when she dropped the back of her head against his shoulder and let
him feast on her neck while his hands wandered everywhere. Her
moans became whimpers, her scent, the lemon from her hair and
arousal from the place he longed to bury himself, worked like a
mystical drug on his mind. Her skin tasted like sin and he gloried
in the flavor.

Sarah reached her arms around him. With one
hand she laced her fingers through his hair and with the other she
grabbed his thigh and tugged him closer. He could feel her heart
pump, felt her knees go weak, and tasted surrender on the delicate
skin of her neck. And her hands. God help him, the woman knew how
to use her hands.

The low hum of a motor made Dodge’s head
jerk over his shoulder at the open barn door. He pushed Sarah
upright and when she turned around, too surprised to hide her
glorious breasts from view, he looked down and groaned. He’d
unbuttoned his shirt before she could speak.

“Someone’s here.” He pulled the shirt from
his waistband, then his shoulders, and quickly wrapped it around
her small frame. When she was covered, he moved her behind a large
metal waste bin while she held tight to the shirt with her
trembling hands.

They turned toward the door with a jolt when
they heard a mumbled, “Mom?” come from outside. Kevin peeked his
head through the opening, saw Dodge in his undershirt and Sarah
wrapped in his flannel and obviously assumed he’d stumbled into
something he shouldn’t have. He assumed right.

“Kevin,” Sarah said on a sigh. “What are you
doing out here?”

“I could ask you the same, but I think I
already know.”

Dodge saw the boy’s face redden, watched his
gaze shift between him and Sarah. Sarah shook her head and had
taken a breath to explain when Dodge interrupted, pulled Sarah
around the barrel. “Your mom snuck up on me tonight. She cut her
back.” He turned Sarah and raised his shirt as proof.

Kevin stayed in the doorway. “What’s going
on? Why are you both out here?”

Sarah handed Dodge his jacket. “I saw some
headlights from my window earlier. They didn’t look like Miguel’s
so I decided to come take a look. It was stupid. Dodge and I gave
each other quite a scare.” She tried to smile, but the weak attempt
didn’t seem very convincing.

“Why didn’t you get me, tell me you saw
something suspicious?” Kevin took a step into the barn, shoved his
hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “You shouldn’t have come
out here alone.”

“That’s just what I told her,” Dodge said.
“And that’s what I’m telling both of you now. From now on,
especially at night, no one needs to be wandering around here
alone.”

Kevin snorted. “Thanks for the lecture, but
I don’t need a new dad.”

“Dodge is right, Kevin. I could have gotten
myself hurt much worse and so could you. Its good advice and we’ll
follow it from now on.”

When Sarah reached out to touch him he
jerked away. “I’m going back to the house.”

Sarah took a step to stop him and Dodge
grabbed her arm. “Let him go. He needs a few minutes to calm down.”
He watched her wide eyes blink as she stared after Kevin with a
look of horror on her face. “You okay?”

Sarah nodded once and then dropped her face
in her hands and sobbed. Dodge pulled her to his chest and gently
rubbed her back. He held her, ran his hands along her shoulders
when he remembered her cut and let her cry her heart out in his
arms. He’d seen her before she broke down, guilt and shame ran like
colors across her face, all because he’d let himself touch her,
smear her with his dirty hands. This was what happened to women
when they got involved with him. This was why they couldn’t be
together. He was the reason she cried and he could barely stand to
watch her unravel like a child in his arms.

Sarah pulled her head up, took a few calming
breaths and stepped out of his embrace. “I’m sorry.” Her voice
sounded raw. “I…I, I’m sorry.”

Dodge stepped toward her, pulled her chin up
until their eyes met. “No, I’m sorry, Sarah. This won’t happen
again. You have my word.”

“No…that’s not--”

“Shhh. I shouldn’t have touched you. I won’t
do it again.”

“Dodge, I didn’t mean I was sorry about
that. I’m sorry about crying all over you and about Kevin. I don’t
seem to know how to handle this. It’s just….”

He dropped his hand from her face. “There’s
nothing to handle. It won’t happen again.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t back away from me. Do you expect me
to act like this never happened? Christ.” She wrapped her arms
around herself and rubbed. “I can still feel your hands on me now,
right now. I can’t pretend I don’t want you to touch me every time
I see you. I was crying because I’ve taken a huge step backward
with Kevin, no matter what he thinks he walked in on. Dodge, I
haven’t been with anyone, other than my husband, in over fifteen
years. I’ve never wanted anyone that way. Until now.”

Damn it. She wasn’t going to let this go.
Why wouldn’t she let this go? They made a mistake they couldn’t
afford to let happen again. “You’ll thank me for this in a few days
when you’ve had time to think it through.”

She laughed now, a high pitched whoop. “You
think I haven’t thought this through? It’s all I’ve thought about
for days. Every time we get close it’s the same dance. One step
forward, two steps back. And you.” She moved forward, pointed a
finger at his chest. “You’re scared. This thing between us, it
scares you and that pisses you off.”

“You don’t scare me.” He’d clenched his jaw
so tight it ached. Almost as much as his loins. He should have
known she’d see right through his smoke screen like she always had.
“I don’t need this, Sarah. If you want to think I’m scared, if that
helps you put this little experiment of ours in place, then go
right ahead. But know this.” He took a step to close the gap
between them. “It won’t happen again.” He turned around and headed
for the door, put his jacket on and ordered over his shoulder, “Get
in the truck. I’ll take you home.”

“I’ll take myself home, thank you very
much.”

Dodge was in her face in two long strides.
“You stubborn damn woman. I could have shot you tonight, you cut
your back all to hell, and its freezing cold outside.” He grabbed
her arm and led her to the door of the barn. “Go get in the
truck.”

She tried to rip her arm out of his grasp
and Dodge, anticipating her anger, only held on tight and dragged
her to his truck. “You let go of me right now, Dodge, or
I’ll…I’ll…” She bent her knee and kicked him hard in the shin.

“Your slippers are no match for boot
leather,” he said and didn’t loosen his grip. He yanked on the
passenger side door, picked her up and bounced her onto the seat.
Before he closed the door to walk around to the driver’s side he
pointed a finger in her face. “If you try to get out of this truck
before I’m at your house, I’ll hunt you down and shove you right
back in the truck all over again. We can do this all night, I don’t
give a damn, but I’m taking you home.”

###

Dodge drove in stony silence to her cabin
while Sarah stewed beside him. The closer they came to home, the
closer she came to having to face Kevin. When Dodge stopped the
truck, she got out without a word or a glance in his direction and
slammed the door in her wake. She’d deal with him later.

When she came into the den, she saw the
blanket that Lyle had used on the floor and knew he was sound
asleep in his room. Kevin was still up; she could see the light
peeking through the gaps in his door. She knocked and heard a
muffled reply she couldn’t understand. Kevin looked up from his bed
and scowled at her when she opened the door.

“I don’t want to talk right now, mom.”

The look on Kevin’s face made her want to
run to her bedroom and hide under the covers, but she proceeded to
his bed and took a seat beside him anyway. “I have a few things to
say to you and I don’t think they can wait.”

Kevin sat upright with a jerk. “You can say
there was nothing going on out there all you want, but I know what
I saw,” he said. “Jesus mom, the guilty look on your face says it
all.”

Her little boy had become a man right in
front of her eyes. No child wanted to think about their parents
having sex, and they certainly didn’t want to think about their
mother having sex with someone other than their father. Sarah knew
she needed to be straight with him. Anything else would be
insulting.

“I can’t tell you how much I want to lie and
say you’re wrong. Something did happen, completely unplanned, and
I’m sorry you stumbled into to it. But I have feelings for him and
you need to understand that I’m not cheating on Daddy.”

Kevin’s eyes closed and stayed closed. “It
feels like it.”

Sarah reached out, placed her hand over his,
and felt encouraged when he didn’t pull away. She didn’t say
anything for a few moments, but just held on to him as every ounce
of love poured from her heart into her oldest son.

“I know it feels that way, Kevin. And if
your daddy were still alive, we would
never
be having this
conversation. But he’s not here and he’s not coming back.” Kevin
opened his eyes and looked at her, the green of his eyes dark like
emeralds and older now than they were just moments ago. “I didn’t
go out there tonight to be with Dodge. I didn’t plan to feel
something for him, for anyone. It just sort of happened when I
wasn’t paying attention.” She lifted her hand from his, pushed the
hair back from his face and took a deep breath. “I will always love
your dad. What happened with Dodge, whatever is happening with
Dodge, has nothing to do with Daddy. Life goes on, Kev, and I know
Daddy wouldn’t want me to pine away after him for the rest of my
life. I just hope you can accept that.”

“I don’t like it.” But he looked her in the
eye and he didn’t sound sulky. He’d simply stated fact.

“I know that. I don’t expect you to.”

“What’s going to happen now? Is he going to
be living here with us? Staying here overnight?”

“Kevin.” Sarah sighed. How could she explain
what was going on with her and Dodge when she had no idea where
they stood with each other? “No, to both of those. I don’t know
what’s going to happen. Right now he’s pretty mad at me and I’m not
all together happy with him. But I’m an adult and you’re my son and
I’m going to tell you right now that most of what’s going on is
none of your business. The only reason I’m talking to you about it
now is because I wanted to be straight with you.” She patted his
hand and stood up to leave. At the door she turned around and
looked at her son on the bed. “I love you, Kevin. No matter what,
you and Lyle will always come first.”

Sarah stood in the shower, let the hot water pound on her head and
winced when it slid beneath the bandages Dodge had applied the
night before. What a mess. She didn’t even know how to be around
Dodge, or how she felt about him. But whatever she thought,
whatever she felt, she knew they weren’t finished. If she had to
force the issue, they weren’t through.

Hell, they’d barely gotten started, barely
touched one another and she’d had to explain it to Kevin. Well,
damn it, if she had to discuss it with her kids, had to feel guilty
about taking steps to move on, then by God she was going to have
the pleasure of actually moving forward. But she knew they’d stay
stuck in place for awhile, this needy, edgy place where all the
lines were blurred. He’d called her stubborn, but Dodge was as
hard-headed a man as she’d ever met. If he had it in his mind that
being together was a mistake it would be awhile before she’d get
the chance to be alone with him.

She dressed and went to the kitchen to make
coffee. Kevin came out of his room while she loaded the maker with
grinds. He nodded at her, his usual morning greeting. With him, at
least, she felt the air was clear.

Sarah surveyed the view from the kitchen
window. Off in the distance she saw Dodge’s truck come to a stop by
the barn, saw him get out and disappear around the front of
Miguel’s house. She turned away from the window and watched her son
flick channels on the television.

“You’re up early,” she said.

“We told Miguel we’d help him with some
stuff today.” His voice sounded scratchy from disuse. “We got any
frosted flakes?”

Sarah smiled and felt relieved he didn’t
want to rehash the night’s events. “Yeah, they’re in the cupboard.
I’m going to work on the computer for awhile. Come tell me before
you guys head out.”

“Hey, Mom,” Kevin said as she turned toward
the hall. “Bang on Lyle’s door. If I have to do slave labor, so
does he.”

###

The phone rang around lunchtime, the sound
of which brought Sarah back from the Caribbean island where her
characters had started a vacation. She clicked save on the
computer, satisfied with the way the book had progressed, and
reached for the phone. Her pleasure lessened when she heard the
voice on the other end.

“Senator, so interesting to hear from you
again.”