Doing The Apocalypse Shuffle: Southern Prepper Adventure Fiction of Survival Grid Down (Old Preppers Die Hard Book 2) (17 page)

“Well, we can get it out of here and you said $2.50 if we can get it carried out the door, is that right?” Jeremy said.

“And if it gets dropped going out the door we even rent your dustpan, right?” Fong said grinning.

“Yup! That’s right, boys. If the two of ya’ll can get that thing out of here I’ll sell it to you for $2.50 and if it gets dropped and needs cleaning up it’ll cost you an extra dollar. Is that fair? Is that a deal?” Barnett said sticking his hand out to shake with Jeremy and Fong.

“That’s a deal. Me and Fong will get it out of here for $2.50 regardless of breakage and if we have to borrow the broom and dustpan for breakage then we owe you an extra dollar.” Jeremy said shaking the man’s hand and Fong joined in.

“Ok, I got to see this! Frazier, look here we got us a show for today. Those two boys are going to move that heavy thing out of here all by themselves!” Barnett said settling his bulk down on the worn out bar stool in back of the counter.

“I didn’t make that kind of deal, I didn’t say all by ourselves, I said me and Fong would get it out of here. Farley, I want you get yourself up and tote that thing out of here for us!” Jeremy said, surprising Farley who was grinning like hell and commenced to manhandling it out the door smiling all the way as Frazier gave his boss playful hell for getting one-upped by a thirteen year old.

“Now it was a fair deal, you told me and Fong we had to get it out of here by ourselves and I told Farley to do it for us. We got it out by asking and since he’s done doing it here’s the $2.50!” Jeremy said with a shit eating grin on his face to which Barnett and Frazier broke out into belly laughs and happily received their pittance thinking it was a turtle shack that they had just been beat out of.

Farley came back sweating and bitching about his exertions and laughing all the way that his two little traders had made the best deal of the day and asked Barnett how many chicken eggs he had for sale because they had them a birthday party to go to and they had to make a cake and some kind of tapioca pudding or soufflé or something for everybody living on their end of the lake.

“Farley, you ain’t told us yet exactly where it is you live over there, anyway. I ain`t seen ya’ll before and I meant to tell you them Willy boys said they saw your van up the road around some trouble we had around here not too long ago.” Frazier said.

“Hey hold on now a minute, I don’t know nothing about no Willy boys and just because ya’ll got a little spooked about some good trading doesn’t mean you can say I did something wrong.” Farley said indignantly.

“No, we were just asking you because they were saying they saw a van something like yours around…” Barnett began before Farley cut him off.

“I don’t know anything about anything and all I said to you was how much was some eggs and you two started getting upset over being beat out of $2.50 which to me is worrisome. But if you must know, me and my crew were on the side of a road taking a whiz when the Willy boys looked like to us that they might be going to rob my van and I said something to them! That’s it. We separated with no hard feelings between us.” Farley said giving a hard glare to Frazier and Barnett.

“No, no, don’t get me wrong, didn’t mean to rile you, Farley. I was just asking you because you were around to ask about it and wanting to sell you some eggs and don’t choke on the price of $6 a dozen nowadays.” Barnett said with a glare.

“Damn! That’s some expensive chicken fruit. I reckon it’s worth it to make everybody happy. I’ll take them if there’s no negotiation in price but I think $2.75 sounds better.”

“No, that’s the price; I’m not adjusting or negotiating food prices at the moment.” Barnett said with a calm, slight smile.

“No worries. Here’s $5 and one makes six and those eggs are mine now, right?” Farley said handing him a $5 bill and an additional $1 greenback.

“They’re yours then.” Barnett said. “And you can pick up your chickens in the back.” Barnett added, still smiling.

“I bet some of them damn eggs you just sold me come from some of my own chickens, you old scumgullion!” Farley said forcing a laugh.

“Might be.” Said Frazier with the same wry smile Barnett was wearing.

“Well, we won’t have that problem any more boys! Because you just sold them the best chicken incubator ever and the eggs to go in it!” Farley said laughing all the way out the door.

9

Plotting And Scheming

Farley and the boys were giddy riding down the road about how they out-traded Barnett and didn’t realize how long the trading had taken before they were supposed to meet back up with Dump Truck but evidently he hadn’t left because they found him napping under an old oak tree at the bar. Farley pulled into the parking lot and both boys bailed out of the van hollering ”Mr. Dump! Mr. Dump!” to which Farley chuckled at hearing one more funny version of his name.

“We just got back from Barnett’s and traded for a mess of chickens!” Jeremy said beside himself.

“What kind of chickens? How many did you get?” Dump asked slightly slurring his words because he had evidently killed whatever extra twelve pack he had found, telling by the cans in his vicinity.

“Don’t ya’ll be counting your chickens before they are hatched, boys!” Farley said with a smile.

Farley told Dump all about how the boys had got one over on Barnett and after a good laugh Farley said he was going to run the boys home and come back.

He came back in about a half hour and pulled into the parking lot.

“Dump, do you know anyone that might have any guns for sale or trade?” Farley ventured after making small talk with Dump upon his return.

“Well, no offense meant to you, Farley, but trading guns with strangers is not something I like to think about much, but I will consider it. The guy that owned this place had a bunch of them but they are mostly locked up in a gun safe that I don’t have the combination to and I am still trying to wrap my head  around what happened to him and what all this means. Take this place for example, the man’s dead and no next of kin in this state that I know of so does that mean I can claim it? And if I do claim it, what am I going to do with it? It’s not likely this bar will ever open again unless some miracle happens and the power goes back on. I helped Connors get the booze out of here and know where it’s at but it ain’t that much of it. Folks around here put a hell of a dent in the liquor supply the first few weeks of the disaster. We just set some candles and a few old lanterns out and it was business as usual for awhile. That reminds me, lots of folks around here will have heard about Connors’ death and will be after his stuff if they know whereabouts he lived. I best get myself on over there today and clear out whatever I want before the grave pickers come around, I guess.” Dump said.

“I am of the same mind as you on that. I imagine it won’t take very long for someone to be paying that place a visit then. No offense, Dump, but you are looking a little buzzed and I don’t think rolling up on a burglary in progress cross-eyed sounds like such a good idea.” Farley said, studying him.

“I ain’t that drunk, buddy, but you got a point. What time is it anyway? My watch quit a couple weeks ago.” Dump said sounding more sober.

“It’s about four I would say. I got to use the clock in the van to tell because I don’t wear a watch. You got about three maybe four hours until it gets dark, I would say.” Farley said eying the suns’ position.

“We always been damn careful about letting anyone know exactly where Connors lived but there have been more than one or two ladies that got to spend the night there, if you know what I mean. Farley, I am kind of in a bind here and I think you might be able to help me out if you want to. I don’t have anything but this scooter and that van of yours would be handy for what I propose to do, if you’re willing to help.” Truck said scrutinizing the man.

“You wanting me to go to a possible firefight with you and help you tote shit off.” Farley said, eying the big man back.

“Something like that, I don’t expect a problem, though. You see, being a bar bouncer and student of life has kind of given me an insight if you will, on people but I have also been wrong many times. You seem all right though to me, Farley, and if we are talking about doing any kind of gun trade I guess we are going to have to accept each other and the cards fate has dealt to us. I propose that we head towards Connors’ house and grab anything useful. I will tell you now he ain`t got much food, he was never one to eat at home much and we were struggling to call in favors or offer cash  for canned goods before his demise. If we could get into that damned safe of his we would have plenty of cash but like I said I don’t have the combination, besides lots of folks would rather have a can of beans these days over a hundred dollar bill so that’s a waste of time and energy for us to even consider breaking into the damn thing even if it were possible. I wouldn’t even know where to start trying to get into that thing without a power drill and we know that isn’t going to happen. In regards to guns for trade you were asking about, I know he had a Mossberg pistol handled 12 gauge next to the door, if it’s still there. It has a few tweaks on it like a heat shield, sidesaddle and a forward charging grip but it’s stock otherwise with a brass bead sight and a regular feed tube. That one I will trade with you for if you will burn your gas, donate some labor and be my backup with a gun on this mission.” Dump said, watching Farley’s eyebrow cock as he contemplated the offer.

“I would say that’s a pretty good deal if I could live to enjoy it. You sure who ever murdered him isn’t there right now after something else? Sometimes the better part of valor is to avoid a fight but then again if there is something worth fighting for I would consider it unless I know whatever son of a bitch might have just stole that same shotgun of his had it pointed at me. They ain`t worth a shit for hunting without a stock but for home defense or sneaking around an empty warehouse they do have their points. What’s he got that thing loaded with?” Farley questioned wondering what he had to possibly face out of that scatter gun.

“Reduced recoil 2 ¾” double ought buck, he didn’t believe in anything less and had no neighbors to worry about with over penetration or distance. The first round in that thing, mind you, is a three inch Remington Express round of No. 4 buck though, more lead, more distance he said cause he didn’t know how far his initial contact down his driveway might be. He was kind of wild if you know what I mean and he thought he might level that thing at somebody past 50 yards away. I told him that was a hip shooting gun not an aiming one but he couldn’t be deterred.” Dump elaborated.

“Is that first round 42 pellet no. 4 or has he got three inch 15 pellet double ought in it?” Farley asked.

“I think it’s number 4, he figured if he sprayed and prayed 42 rounds of .25 caliber that it was dang good to hit something. Oh by the way, if he didn’t give it away, he bought one of them Ruger 10/22 rifles with a 25 round clip in camo for us to plink with. I remember him commenting one time that by the time he emptied the .22 out one round of the no. 4 buck would be the same and I joked with him about that being a poor man’s machine gun because I could empty 6 rounds out of that shotgun I could put 252 rounds of .25 caliber downrange in comparison to hopefully 25 well-placed rounds of .22. In other words I could either make you duck like hell or ventilate a flock of geese into slivers!” Dump said laughing.

“Is that up for trade?” Farley asked with a smile.

“Not for just helping me out with the deal but yea, if it’s still there we can swap something for it, maybe. What do you got to swap for anyway, Farley?” Dump asked speculatively.

“Oh, I got a little bit of stuff but it’s a collective lot. I kind of collected up from everybody, got a little silver, a little food, a little gold, if you know what I mean.” Farley said getting ready to dicker.

“Well, I’ll trade with you but how do we go about setting prices nowadays, for example I wouldn’t give you two cents for a 1965 Mustang with no gas in it but I’d give you $25 for a big can of beans if that’s all you had to trade for. ‘Course I would have a hard time negotiating with you if all I had was $20 dollar bills and no change. I guess price is only based on circumstances now. You want it, I got it and what are you willing to give and what am I willing to take? Is that the name of the game these days?” Dump said reaching for another beer.

“Well like I said that damn cruiser model isn’t worth a damn for hunting and I’m more worried about hunting than somebody breaking into my house right now so I say it needs a price reduction. I say that gun was worth about $300 new before the fall, $225 -$250 in a pawn shop and it isn’t worth a damn if you ain’t got no ammo to go with it, because I ain’t got none. But even if it’s empty, I want it. I’ll go help you for the rounds it should have in it but there’s got to be more ammo around there somewhere.” Farley said, enjoying this trading banter.

“Aw, hell, that damn thing has got two side saddles on it, not just one; it’s got two sidesaddles on it plus what’s in it so that’s eighteen rounds at least. I am not going to charge you for the ammo and I agree with you about empty guns being useless but let me add on the fact that he bought a lot of combo guns that had a certain stocks or extra gun barrels laying around that place and you can make it how you want, if you have a mind to. I tell you what, he had him one of those things we converted one time from a shoulder stock to a pistol grip for the “coolness” factor and I like to never got off the standard stock until I went down to the pawn shop and got in their bin of useless tools and things for a 2 foot long screwdriver.” Dump said, waiting for Farley’s reply.

“Oh yeah, I love those bins $2.99 -9.99 buy everything from electricity meters to Exacto tools. What I have to get me is one of those gigantic pry bar looking things. We had tools but we didn’t have one of those. Anyway, there’s not enough room in the gun cabinets for extra tools and ammo, there should be guns and slings and all kinds of extra crap all over the place.”

“I had me a buddy named Neil one time that took advantage of that situation once when people were selling off those extra shotgun barrels when they bought themselves a combo on Ebay. One time he blessed me with a stock barrel that was brand new. You see a short barrel non-choke 12 guage is made to spread lead pellets at a close range but a modified choke barrel with those high visibility sights and maybe a ramp is made to reach out and touch a duck or a deer at a distance. ‘Course some of those come with what you call a “slugger” barrel that is somewhat rifled for a SABOT round or a Foster rifled slug so that it shoots more like a rifle than a smooth barrel shot gun. Now in my neck of the woods, I never had any call for having to have a slug barrel because I trust my own skills like everybody else that shoots shotguns to put a rifled slug through a smooth bore barrel at 75 yards, because the rifling on the slug compensates for that. But to each his own. In other words, if all you have is a slug barrel to go with it I can’t put a value on it and I’m happy and content to put my trust in a short barrel and the rifling on the slug to compensate. Now a modified choke is another matter. If I feel the need for distance, achieving a tighter pattern of lead going down range is a big plus and I’ll offer you a premium.” Farley said speculating on how to take a weapon made for close range human deterrents versus long range interaction with all animals.

“Well, I won’t charge you extra and I know there’s various kinds of stocks and shotgun barrels from 21 to 28 inches that you can have free range on, but that Ruger 10/22 and all it’s niceties like a 3x9 scope is a different matter.” Dump said making his final offer.

Farley tried to hide his excitement of being able to convert a close range weapon into a long range weapon for free and make it more practical but he could not hide his immediate smile too much from the Dump.

“OK, we’ll go down there but all I got is a .380 pistol and a .22 survival rifle to back you up with. You got a rifle hid around here somewhere besides that Glock pistol you got on your hip?” Farley asked, eying the man.

“Well, it isn’t legal but I got me a 12 gauge single shot Savage in my saddlebags.” Dump said with a grin.

“Sounds like something an old heathen like you would have!” Farley said enjoying his buddy’s resourcefulness.

“Well we ready to go on this mission then, huh? I could ruin their day at a hundred yards and you can splatter them at ten! So we got a deal then, Dump?” Farley said, extending his hand.

“Hey, everybody can hear my scooter coming from a mile off so before we get there I’m going to park it and get in the van with you. Now old man Connors has got a combination lock key pad on the gate, I got the code to it, and I know the batteries are still working to it ‘cause it’s on solar power, so we will know if anybody busted through there or not. There ain`t no way around that gate because it’s got a ditch on each side other than going straight through so them castle gates will either have been breached or not, which is to our advantage. If they are breached, I say we leave the van and walk up and try to figure out how many people are occupying the house and make a decision from there.” Dump said starting to speculate on his plan before Farley objected.