Dominion (29 page)

Suddenly I felt as if the room was spinning, or was it just too small with no room for me to breathe? I became claustrophobic, and my own shadow started hunting me as the voice inside my head kept whispering, “You’re in trouble.”

“
I’m not in love with two guys at the same time!” Tristan was easy to talk to, and I liked spending time with him, but that didn’t mean I was in love with him.

“
I said
like
, Abigail,” Sarah whispered, and suddenly I understood why she didn’t believe me.

Sarah’s interrogation made me uneasy for the rest of the day. I tried keeping my distance from her and Tristan with no luck.

“
I’m borrowing your guardian angel for a while,” Valoel said.

We were all hanging out in my bedroom. Valoel stood beside Tristan, and I was sitting on Gideon’s lap on my bed. “By the way, you and I should hang next week. I’d like to get to know my brother’s girlfriend,” she said.

I blushed, which made Tristan laugh, and then I started pulling my hair down to hide my face.

“
I don’t really want her around you. You’re a bad influence.” We all stared at Gideon. Valoel was a bad influence, and he wasn’t?

“
I think you’ve got that logic wrong,” she retorted. And with that, both she and Tristan disappeared. Watching them disappear, I knew I would never get over the whole being there one second and gone the next.

“
I
 
have to go,” Gideon said.

“
Go where?” I was about to reach for his hand when my TV turned on. When I looked at the TV, it was on one of the news channels.

“
So you’ll know where I am.”

When Gideon said this, I knew he was about to do something bad, something that would be in the headlines quickly. Suddenly my breath shortened, and my body shook in fear as the aftermath of an event that hadn’t even happened forced its way into my head.

“
Gideon, you can’t go and hurt an innocent person,” I said, getting up from his lap. I couldn’t believe he was going back to hurting the world.

I felt like I had let go of one nightmare and stepped into another.

“
I won’t do anything silly,” he got off the bed.

“
Silly? Harming the world and—”

“
The world?” he smiled ruefully. “Abby, the world you are trying to save is a wicked world.” He shook his head. “Your world is full of greed, hatred, and pain.” He paused for a second and then continued, “You think there would be hundreds of millions of your people living on the street if your world was loving and caring?” he asked. “Brothers killing brothers, and innocent people getting murdered, raped, sold, and tortured?”

“
Gideon, please don’t do this,” I begged. “Please, can’t you change…for me?”

And that was my plan, to change Gideon. Not for me, but for the world. I wanted him to change, to learn to love, and to stop hurting innocent people.

He laughed harshly. “You can’t change me, Abby. No one can.” His voice was mean and clipped. “If your plan is to change me, then let me go.”

Let him go?

“
You think you know the humans, our history, better than I do?”

Gideon almost laughed when he heard this. “Humanity is a book, and the sad truth is that your kind read it too fast. I’m doing you all a favor.”

“
For heaven’s sake, Gideon, don’t you think I know how the world is? Where we are heading?” I shouted. “I’ve heard about the past, the thirst for power, and the innocent blood that’s been shed. And yes, looking at the present, the future doesn’t seem so promising. I know what’s going on, one man turning his country into a graveyard and turning children into soldiers. Children massacring their fellow students. Greediness slowly sinking us into a black hole. I’m not blind, Gideon. I can see it. I know the world is full of unthinkable evil, but that’s not all the world is.

“
There are moments when nations come together to help others in need. One man stands and fights for what he believes in and makes a change. The world may be filled with evil people, but it’s also filled with good people.” My voice shook with each word. “I love you so much, and it’s clouding my judgment. I don’t know why you’re the way you are. But I know I didn’t fall in love with the Gideon people fear. I fell in love with the Gideon you are. The one you cared enough to show me.”

“
Abby, you—”

I cut him off. “Yes, I love you that much, Gideon. More than my life, and I don’t want you to leave.” I braced myself for the goodbye and looked him firmly in the eyes. “But if you do, we are done.”

I didn’t want Gideon to leave, but I couldn’t stay with him if innocent people were going to keep getting hurt.

“
If you leave, we are done,” I said again, standing my ground. The words scared me more than Gideon’s angry face did. “I know you can’t change in a day, but you’ll have to try.”

“
Abigail, I can’t,” Gideon said. He was frozen where he stood.

“
Yes, you can,” I assured him, hiding my fears and taking one step forward. “I know that it’s hard, but I swear, Gideon, if you leave now, we’re done.” I tried to sound brave.

“
Fine,” Gideon said and took a step toward the door.

“
I mean it, Gideon!” I shouted, and he turned around. “You take one more step, and it will be like you never existed.” I took one more step toward him. “I can help you change, one step at a time,” I promised.

I waited for Gideon to say something, but he didn’t. He just stood there staring at me. I was scared. What if he left and everything fell apart? Why would he want to leave? Didn’t he love me enough to stay and at least try? I couldn’t take the silence anymore. “If you’re going to leave, please do it now,” I whispered, closing the distance between us. “Just don’t stand there making me wish for the impossible.”

“
You said if I took another step I’d lose you forever.”

“
You’re staying?” I rejoiced, my grief turning into happiness.

“
You are my everything, Abigail.” he pulled me toward him. “If I lose you, I lose everything.”

“
I love you so much.” I said happily and looked up at him. Gideon’s happy face turned a little sad, and I remembered what Valoel said. She had told me that Gideon didn’t think he deserved to be loved, especially not by me.

“
I love you,” I said, looking straight into his eyes. “I know you don’t believe me, but you have to take my word for it.”

Gideon stroked my hair behind my ear. “I don’t get it, Abigail. How can you love someone like me?” he whispered dejectedly. “I don’t deserve it. I’ve done horrible things to innocent people and—”

I put my hand over his mouth. “Gideon, I love you because you admit your wrongs. I love you because you allowed me to see that part of you that you hide. I love you because you are willing to change for me. I love you because you love me for me. And I’d do anything to make you believe that.”

“
I must be the luckiest guy in the universe.” When I saw the smile stretch across his face, I felt like I fought a war and won.

WHITE SATIN

“
Before love grew claws and horns,

it used to have to have a halo.”

Melody Manful

š›

I
woke up the next morning in Gideon’s arms. When I left for the bathroom and came back, he was gone. Gideon hadn’t left, though, he had just gone and knocked on the front door instead, and when Ben let him in, he asked if he could drive me to school. I almost asked him where he got a car, but I didn’t because I already knew the answer—he made one appear.

After school that day, Gideon and I left for Grands.

An hour later, Gideon left with Valoel and Tristan. Once again, Gideon told me nothing was wrong when I asked why they were all acting so strange.

I sat on a sofa inside Gideon’s room with a book I brought along from Earth, waiting for him. I was reading it, but I kept glancing up at the door, waiting for him to arrive.

I didn’t see Tristan appear behind me, and he surprised me when he collapsed beside me on the sofa and asked, “What’s cooking, beautiful?” This made us both roar with laughter. “I should leave the cheesy lines to Jake,” he admitted.

“
I didn’t know you were funny,” I told Tristan. “I’ve always seen you as the do and say the right words kind of guy.”

“
I’m funny, Abigail. I tell jokes all the time.”

“
You didn’t crack a joke or two when I was sad and throwing stuff.”

Tristan laughed. “You mean the time you were declaring your undying love? That reminds me—you never did tell me if you fell in love with me,” he teased. “Did you or didn’t you?”

All of a sudden, I felt like I was under a spotlight, the kind that was too bright for anything living. I went for clueless. “Don’t know what you’re talking about,” I murmured. And then I did the worst thing imaginable—I looked up, and my eyes met his.

The situation would have been much easier if Tristan wasn’t sitting right beside me, and it would have been a hell of a lot better if we weren’t so close. Suddenly, we started leaning into each other.

My heart raced faster the closer I got toward him. I could taste Tristan’s breath, the way the air gently blew across my lips. His eyes gazed into mine, making me feel exposed. I wanted to pull myself away, but I couldn’t.

The air that passed between us turned into electricity. I felt the energy traveling between his body and mine, and from the way I was feeling, I knew nothing good was going to come.

I couldn’t pull away—no, that was a lie. I could have pulled away. I just didn’t want to.

No. No. No. No. No! My head was thinking straight, but my stupid heart wasn’t.

My voice wasn’t mine. “I…I…” I tried breathing. “I love…” And then, as if we’d both planned it, we moved closer.

Our lips touched, and before I even realized what was going on, Tristan was at the other end of the room.

“
Gideon loves you,” Tristan said.

Gideon? Gideon. Oh, my God, Gideon! What just happened? Did I just…? Did we almost…? But I–

Tristan was back beside me in a flash. “I am…” His eyes were filled with pain and... regret?

I tried to speak, but he was so close to me again that I couldn’t get a word out. So we sat there in silence. I didn’t know for how long. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours...with my luck, a century could have passed, and I wouldn’t have noticed.

I wanted to run away. I almost cheated on Gideon, inside his own room.

“
I’m an awful person.” It was now that I realized one of my hands was touching my lips. Somehow half of my brain was worried about Gideon, and the other half was still on Tristan and how much I had wanted to kiss him.

Tristan is just a friend. Tristan is just a friend.
I thought that if I said it enough, it would be true, and the feelings I had for Tristan would turn into something appropriate.

“
I shouldn’t have asked you that question. And you’re not an awful person.”

The guilt finally started rushing in. I wanted to find Gideon and confess that I had—well, almost— cheated.

“
If I’d asked you the same question, what would you have said?” I asked. This time Tristan became immobile. He just sat there beside me, staring at me with those eyes. I pretended I couldn’t feel it, but the air between us turned into electricity again as my gaze fell on his.

“
Can I lie?” He placed his hands on my cheeks. I shivered. Not because I was cold, but because his touch somehow amplified the current between us.

I shook my head. “No, I want the truth.” I knew how I felt about him, so I wanted to know how he felt about me.

He stood and said, “I can’t tell you the truth, Abigail.” He dropped down to a whisper. “Because I can’t allow myself to fall in love.” Suddenly he sounded sad. “I have to put everyone else first. And because of that, I’m afraid that if I allow myself to fall in love, I wouldn’t care anymore.” He sounded like he had a huge weight on his shoulders. “And I can’t have that because I have to care, for the sake of everyone.” He sat back down and took my hand. “So if you’re asking if I fell in love with you,” he looked me straight in the eyes, “the answer is no. I didn’t fall for you.”

The moment the words came out of his mouth, I wanted to cry. “Your first lie,” I said.

“
I didn’t lie,” he whispered. “I’m practicing being selfish.” And then he let go of me.

I sat still. “Tristan, I—” I cut myself off because I realized we weren’t alone.

I whipped around and met Valoel’s gaze.

“
I should have brought some popcorn,” Valoel said, looking at Tristan. They exchanged some silent words. Valoel looked from me to Tristan, and then said, “Well, try harder.” This only made me wish I could hear whatever was being said between them.