Donners Bend (28 page)

Once she awoke to find
Jon
and
Dr.
Hughes discussing something behind the backboard of her bed.

“How long?” asked
Jon
.

“I don’t really know,
Mr. Smithton
. 
It’s hard to say.”

“But she’ll get out sometime, won’t she?”

Dr.
Hughes took a moment before responding simply, “I hope so.”

And then
Ellie
drifted back into sleep again.

The next time she awoke she was able to speak
. 
Jon
was sitting in a chair near her bed
. 
Although he was mere feet away from her, it took a moment for her to recognize him
. 
His shirt was wrinkled, his hair dirty, and some stubble was beginning to grow on his chin from lack of shaving
.

“
Jon
,” she mumbled, reaching out her hand
. 
It seemed to be weighed down by something, though it wasn’t
. 
She’d never felt so weak in all her life
. 
All the effort she had went into a few simple movements: turning her head, reaching out her arm, and yet she still felt completely exhausted afterwards
. 

Laying her feeble hand back onto the bed,
Jon
ordered seriously “Don’t use up your strength, Mae
. 
Alright?”

Ellie
gave a small nod, knowing he was right.

Jon
’s hand reached out and felt the side of her pale cheek, then traveled up to brush a piece of hair behind her ear, “You need to rest now,” he said, “We can talk later
. 
Okay, Mae?”

Ellie
nodded once more and almost instantly she was fast asleep again.

The next few days were filled with little moments like those
. 
Sometimes
Ellie
would try to speak, but usually she wouldn’t
. 
She’d feel too weak to even open her eyes, and so she’d just listen to the people talk
. 

It seemed it was always
Jon
she heard
. 
He never seemed to leave her
. 
At times,
Dr.
Hughes would join him
. 
Once she thought she heard Emily’s kind voice, but she couldn’t be sure
. 
It was hard to know sometimes who was in the room with her
. 
Another day she saw
Louise
Rhodes
. 
She was very jittery, far more jittery than
Ellie
had ever seen the m
anner
ly, dignified
Louise
Rhodes
. 
She wondered why
, but
that thought didn’t last long
. 
Instantly, she began to listen intently for Jamie, but it seemed he hadn’t joined his mother
. 
Without opening her eyes,
Ellie
knew he wasn’t present in the room with her
. 
It was strange the way she began to
feel
presences
. 
She wondered if that was what it was like to be b
li
n
d.

The worst of it all was the cold
. 
She’d have shaking chills often and sometimes her teeth would begin to chatter, though the people around her seemed fine
. 
Even when covered in piles of blankets and quilts,
Ellie
still shivered
, a
nd, for the first few days, her lips seemed have a strange tint of bluish-violet to them, as did the beds of her nails
.

Her nights seemed to last forever
. 
Jon
usually lay asleep in the other room, but sometimes he’d end up dozing off in a chair beside her bed with his head and arms resting on her covers
. 
Ellie
told him he could go; she felt horrible that he thought he had to stay with her all day and all night, but whenever she tried to tell him he could leave he refused
. 
It was hard for her to get to sleep and when she finally did her dreams made her wish she’d stayed awake
. 
They were filled with frightening, bizarre images of her drowning in the icy lake
. 
It was like seeing one’s own death.

Like it’s been said earlier,
Ellie
had been afraid of the water since she was a young girl
. 
When she’d fallen under the ice that cold winter day,
Ellie
immediately thought that that was it; that was the end
. 
Luckily it hadn’t been, at least not yet
. 

So now her dreams continually made her relive those few moments under the ice
. 
They made it seem much longer than it actually had been
. 
In them,
Ellie
was spinning around in a
crystal clear lake
. 
Her face was completely numb and she was so dizzy she couldn’t navigate herself back up to the surface
. 
Out of nowhere, slimy green plant leaves completely covered in algae and the creatures hiding inside them grabbed onto her legs and pulled her down
. 
Ugly gray fish gathered around like an audience to her
struggling
, as did the mocking clams
. 
She thought she’d be pulled down into the algae, but then they stopped
pulling
and
Ellie
breathed a sigh of relief, though the viscous leaves hadn’t left her legs and refused to let her free
. 

And then, from the depths of the sea, beautiful mermaids swam up
. 
Their long blonde hair flowed behind them and their gorgeous, scaly fins sparkled and glistened as they came towards her
. 
They seemed to be angels
.

It was frightening how w
ithout
any
warning, their faces became menacing and
Ellie
’s arms were held above her head so she couldn’t fight back
. 
Two of the mermaids stuck their fingers straight through her dress and grabbed onto the laces of her corset while the others gathered around and giggled like schoolgirls
. 
The laces became tighter and tighter as the mermaids pulled, and
Ellie
’s breath became shorter and shorter
. 
The last image she saw were the beautiful, yet
scary
, laughing mermaids
, a
nd then she was gone.

Waking in a terrible sweat,
Ellie
breathed heavily and put a hand to her chest
. 
She wished t
o sit up but couldn’t find the
neither the strength nor
the will
. 
Jon
woke and raised his head sleepily off her bed with his hair flying in every which way.

“What’s wrong, Mae?” he’d asked, coming out of his dazed sleep and becoming worried with his friend’s condition.

“It was horrible,”
Ellie
whispered, her voice weak, “They were
pulling
me down and down
… and
the fish
...
 
they had my corset laces and
...
 
Oh
,
but they were so beautiful,
Johnny
and
...
 
And
I couldn’t breathe or fight back
…
, but
I tried so ha
rd, oh
Johnny
I did, but it just
…
it didn’t
...
 
and then I was gone.”
             

She spoke as though she were delirious, ramb
lin
g from one point to the next, without making much sense
. 
When
she spoke, her breathing became heavier and her eyes widened
. 
Her back slowly lifted up, as she wanted to tell
Jon
more.

He stood up and, placing his hands on her shoulders, pushed her back down to the bed, “Calm down,
darling
. 
It’s all right now.”

“But it’s not
Johnny
, it’s not,”
Ellie
insisted.

He set a finger on her lips, “Quiet, my dear
. 
You need your rest
. 
And you mustn’t get so worked up about such things; it’s not good for your health, you see.”

“But
Jon
. . .
”

“Please, Mae,”
Jon
cut her off, “You’re all right now, I assure you
. 
I’m not going anywhere and I’ll protect you from your dreams
. 
Okay?”

“But
...
but
...
”
Ellie
mumbled
dazedly
, but
she finally agreed, “Okay.”

Jon
smiled and whispered, “Goodnight, my love
. 
Sweet dreams.”

And he kissed her softly on the forehead, a worried expression overcoming his face as he watched her drift back to sleep
. 

This happened several times, and each time
Ellie
became more delirious and more worked up when she woke
.
  It was the hardest thing for
Jon
to see and have to deal with, but he dare not leave her, he could not risk even a moment of not being there.

Jon
couldn’t sleep either
. 
Each time he la
id
his head down to rest he thought of that fateful day at the lake
. 
He’d made her come skating with him, he hadn’t been watching her skate, and he was the one that responsibility should be
placed
on
. 
It was
certainly
all his fault
. 
All his fault
. 
The words ran through his head like a never-ending drum
beat
.

The feeling of guilt was overwhelming, so much so, that he couldn’t find rest, day or night.  How could something so awful, so unimaginable happen?  The horror of knowing that he was completely responsible consumed him.  He closed his eyes, often trying to purge his memory of everything associated with Ellie’s accident, but even there, the nightmares pursued him.  He was never able to escape the dread, nor the responsibility of shattering Ellie’s life.  How could he have been so irresponsible - to neglect her when he knew how dangerous the lake was?  Even more so, how could he have kept pushing Ellie to go in the first place?  He knew that she really didn’t want to go, but he insisted with his relentless prodding.  What kind of friend was he to have pushed her to do what he knew she didn’t want to do?

Jon was tortured knowing that the future which Ellie talked about when she was on the lake is now a shattered reflection of a life that she may never get to live.  He remembered how beautiful she was as she learned to skate.  Each stride gave her increased confidence and the sheer joy of accomplishment.  He couldn’t help but think about how watching her master ice-skating, mirrored her life and the exuberant confidence she displayed.  He recalled that it was there at the lake that he saw Ellie in her purest form: uninhibited, carefree and the happiest he’d ever seen her.  Perhaps it was something about that place, where the world stands still; and one pulls away from the busyness of life and ventures into a world of possibilities.  Maybe it was just the atmosphere itself that gave Ellie access to envision her hopes, dreams, and greatest aspirations.  Jon thought about how he loved watching her blossom as she learned to navigate her independence.  His mind went back to watching her on the lake in now what seems like a surreal moment before the impending doom.  She was full of joy and anticipation, accepting her place, and dreaming of her future.  She could see what others couldn’t, but now… Ellie is a frail reflection of her former self, incoherent and much of the time, unresponsive.  If only they could go back in time… perhaps then, Jon could find a
quiet calm where he no longer could hear Ellie’s reverberating screams, and the horror that is now their life would reverse itself and dissipate, as if this tragedy never occurred.