Don't Let Go (13 page)

Thankfully, the music has gotten louder and more people have found their way into the small bar, so people most likely assume we are just making out. To me, it is him and me and no one else is in this room, but when his fingers make their way out of me, emptiness consumes me.

Pulling his lips off mine, the smirk across Brady’s face makes me grin back, turning a slight shade of pink. “That was the hottest thing I have ever experienced,” he whispers so no one else hears him.

I slowly nod my head, agreeing with Brady when Rob’s obnoxious voice fills my ears. I roll my eyes and Brady laughs.

“Hey, Frat Boy and Joan Jet. Break it up. Another round.” He places two more shots in front of us. Brady pushes it back to him and Rob pushes it to me in return.

“Weak, Frat Boy. You take his shot, JJ.” I look at the dark liquid in the two shots, taking one in hand and bringing it to my mouth. The smell is nauseating me now. All I want to do is go home with Brady and have him burn through me instead of this alcohol, but I’m not about to step away and lose my footing with Rob. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol giving me that liquid courage I would see Theo get, but I’ve had enough of Rob’s mouth and I just want him to shut it.

“Alright, so if I down these two shots, I don’t want to hear any more names. This will be our truce. I’m sick of it, Rob. I know you perceive me one way but that’s not me…at least not anymore.” I lean over the table and look right in his eyes.

“Okay…truce. I still think you are going to break my boy’s heart when your daddy finds out, but if you down those two shots, I promise never to call you Princess, Gucci or any other goddamn names. On one condition though.” He puts up his finger. “No throwing up. You throw up and the bet is off.” He takes Jessa’s shot from her. “We do them together,” he finishes spouting his terms and raises his shot glass to me.

I glance over at Brady who is all smiles, probably hoping the drama will be over between me and Rob. I stare right at Brady as I tip the glass to my lips and down it with the hope he knows I’m doing this for him.

“One down Guc...Sadie,” Rob says, stopping himself. That might be the first time I have heard my name cross his lips. Picking up his second shot, he holds it out for us to click glasses. Jessa smiles up at us as I clink Rob’s glass. I let it run down my throat, happily not feeling the burn any longer.

“Done.” I slam my glass down on the table. “We will see you all later.” I grab Brady’s hand and yank him up from the seat. His eyebrows scrunch together in confusion, but he slowly follows me away from the table.

“Remember my room is right next door. When I get home, I don’t want to hear any ‘Oh God, Sadie’ or ‘Fuck Me, Brady’,” Rob’s voice bellows throughout the bar, but I ignore him.

The night has turned cold by the time we make it outside. The streets have emptied slightly but now the fellow partiers are stumbling down sidewalks, throwing up on curbsides, and practically having sex on park benches.

“Where are we going?” Brady stops me just outside, cornering me against the building.

“Back to your place,” I answer, attempting to give him my most flirtatious eyes.

“Sadie, you have no idea how bad I want to sleep with you. Especially after what just happened in there. I still haven’t come down from that, but you have been drinking and when we have our first time, I don’t want anything between us. I want to know every moan is pure ecstasy of you feeling me. When you scream my name, I want you to be completely sober.” Brady leans in, kissing me briefly before backing away. “I still want you in my bed tonight. I want to wrap my arms around you, hold you close to my chest, and feel your heartbeat against mine.” My knees go weak but Brady holds me firm, not allowing me to collapse onto the sidewalk. “Come on, let’s go.” Intertwining our fingers, he leads me down the road toward his car.

The walk is taking forever and I feel like a pinball between Brady and every object on my right, bouncing back and forth. I don’t remember the walk taking this long and the farther we go, the more tired I’m becoming. My feet hurt and these boots are so heavy. I pull my hand out of Brady’s and take a seat on the curb, leaning against a wrought iron trash can. My eyes droop and I can’t fight it any longer, I just want to sleep.

Big arms pick me up and I nuzzle my head in his neck. That light scent of his cologne and the feel of his crisp linen shirt tell me I’m safe. My arm stretches across his broad shoulders while my hand rests on his neckline, touching his hair. He always takes care of me, he’s forever my protector. “I love you, Theo,” I mumble before everything goes black.

Chapter 13

The first thing I feel is the dryness of my mouth, as if I just walked a mile in the Sahara Desert without water. Peeking an eye open, I try to decipher my surroundings. Oh shit, I did it again. A guitar rests against the wall in the corner, some band posters fill the walls. It’s oddly clean and thankfully no foul smell hits me, otherwise I’m pretty sure I would be running into the bathroom. Then I see the leather jacket hanging off the chair…Brady.

A breath releases from my mouth, realizing that I’m in Brady’s room. I feel safe now. Then his words from last night hit me so I stare down at myself. I’m fully dressed although my skirt has risen a little higher, stopping just below my ass.

Brady isn’t next me, or even in the room. In fact, it looks like I slept in this bed all by myself. Sadness automatically hits me. This is the way I always wake up, alone. I thought Brady was different, but he didn’t even have to sleep with me to not want me the next morning. I sit up and see the water bottle next to my bed with two aspirin. At least he left me a goodbye gift. I put the two white pills in my mouth and unsnap the water bottle. I let the water fill my mouth, swallowing the pain relievers. The cold water tastes so good, I continue drinking it and before I realize, it’s empty and I want about ten more bottles.

My clothes are neatly folded on his chair where I left them last night. I strip down from my rocker clothes and replace them on the chair, changing into my jeans and sweater. I pick up and smell Brady’s leather jacket one last time before I make my secret retreat. I’m going to miss him.

I know this act well, carrying my shoes in my hand as I tiptoe down the stairs. The sound of every step bounces off the walls of the quiet house. When I get to the bottom, I make the turn down the hallway to go through the kitchen to go out the back door. The aroma of the coffee hits me when I’m about to walk into the large kitchen. Shit, Shit, Shit. I freeze in the doorway. Brady is standing in front of the counter, facing the stove in a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. The blue plaid pants rest low on his hips and the strands of his hair are going every which way.
God, he is sexy as hell.

I turn around, making my way to the front door instead. I hope he won’t see me out the kitchen window when I walk along the side of the house to my car.

“Sadie.” His gravelly voice hits my ears and I close my eyes, willing the tears away as they threaten just below my eyelids.

I turn around to face him. “Good morning, Brady. Thank you for last night. I guess…” I have to swallow before saying my last words. “See you around,” I quietly say, giving a wave of my hand.

“Come have breakfast with me before you go,” he requests and I feel his body right against mine. If I turn around, my face will practically touch his chest. Those damn tears are prying to let loose. I can’t have breakfast with him; he is different than the others.

“I need to get going, I have a paper to work on,” I lie and keep my back to him. Then he rests his hands on my shoulders and one lone tear falls down my face.

“What’s wrong, Sadie?” His voice is so quiet and empathetic, I would swear he knows already.

“Why do you want me to stay, Brady?” I hear my voice shake, praying he doesn’t.

“Isn’t it obvious? You’re my girlfriend.” With that, he swings me around and sees my face. “Baby, what’s wrong?” he asks. He pulls me to him, wrapping me in his arms.

The tears come like rain. Actually, the sounds coming from the back of my throat probably sound like gasps of wind that flow through the air before a tornado hits its mark. I clutch onto the back of his shirt and his hand slowly brushes my hair.

“Shh, baby. Whatever it is, we will figure it out together.” His soothing voice brings a feeling of safety. I step back a little, but stay entwined with him.

“You don’t understand, Brady. I have to tell you something and I’m pretty sure after I do, you’ll want me to leave,” I confess, taking a deep breath while biting my lower lip.

“Come have coffee and we’ll talk.” Brady is silent while he heads to the kitchen. After he pours two cups of coffee, he turns back around. I follow him down the stairs to the studio. “I was afraid we would be interrupted if we stayed in the kitchen.”

I take a seat in one of the brown leather chairs but Brady stands in front of me with his hand out. “What?” I ask.

“I want you by me. Whatever you have to tell me, I want to be able to touch and reassure you that nothing changes for me.” I put my hand in his and he leads me to the couch. Stretching my legs over his thighs, he stares at me and I know this is the time. I can’t hide from my past any longer.

“This morning when I woke up…I thought you were done with me, that you wanted me to leave.” I keep my head down so he doesn’t notice my tear-stricken face. If I let him see how badly he hurt me, it will just make it worse.

“Last night was,” he starts to speak before he takes a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair, “complicated.” He sips his coffee, then turns to me again. “It took all my willpower not to stay next to you last night, but that didn’t mean I wanted you to sneak out of my house this morning.”

“Brady, you don’t know me.” I shake my head back and forth, staring down at my coffee cup.

“Let’s get something straight. There might be things in your past I don’t know. Hell, there might even be things in the present I don’t know about you, but I know you, Sadie.” His brown eyes stare right at me as he slowly speaks.

“Well…” I take another deep breath. I feel like I’m in the middle of a yoga class with how many times I have sucked air in my lungs over the past fifteen minutes.

“You know you don’t have to tell me, Sadie. One day, sure, when you want to, but it doesn’t matter to me.” He rubs circles over my shins.

“Brady, I need you to know. This morning I realized something, and as much as it will kill me if you decide you don’t want this, I have to tell you,” I say quietly, gaining my composure before starting. “I’m not a virgin.”

Brady’s laugh fills the room. “I never thought you were a virgin. Is that what this is about?”

“You have been so gentle, never pushing me further than I wanted to go.” I bring my knees up to my chest, suddenly embarrassed.

“Sadie, I could tell there was something holding you back and I wanted you to be comfortable,” he reassures me and scoots over to me, moving my legs back down across his lap.

“My past is bad, Brady. I have been with a lot of guys.” I throw it out there fast with the hope that maybe he won’t notice I just called myself a slut.

“Okay.” His voice doesn’t flinch. I hear or see no hint of disapproval and he isn’t backing away from me.

“I mean
a lot,
Brady. I don’t remember all their names or most of the experiences because I was usually so wasted. I woke up in guys’ beds, not remembering. Most of the time they were gone long before I woke up.” My eyes stare at the dark liquid in my hand, not able to see the disapproval in Brady’s eyes while I tell him what I’m sure boyfriends fear hearing the most from their girlfriends.

“Okay,” he says again, as though I just told him I prefer white bread over wheat.

“Don’t you have anything else to say?” I finally let my eyes fall on him. He stares right back at me, continuing to massage my calves, seemingly unaffected.

“Not really. It doesn’t bother me as long as I’m the only one you sleep with now.” He raises his eyebrows, questioning me.

“You are. I haven’t been with anyone for eight months,” I admit.

“I assume you are worried if you sleep with me, I’m going to toss you out the next morning?” he asks the question in such a matter of fact manner, it scares me.

“Yeah,” I respond quietly.

“You thought I left you this morning, hoping you would sneak out without having to see you?” He continues asking questions regarding my biggest fears, as though he knows my every thought.

“Yeah,” I answer, softer.

“Sadie, when you are finally ready to sleep with me, I promise you I won’t leave your side the whole night. I will hold you close to me and when you wake up in the morning, it will be my face you see smiling back at you. We will have breakfast and shower, hopefully together.” He winks over at me. “Then we will spend the day together. I hope like hell it continues like that day after day. I dream of a time when you are in my bed every night and every morning.” He sets his coffee cup on the table, bringing me completely on his lap. “I promise you, Sadie Miller, I will never leave your side, as long as you’ll have me.” He kisses me, firm and soothing.

“You are really okay with it? I know it’s a lot to handle. I regret that part of my life every day, but I was in a dark time, held captive in self-inflicted pain.” I rest my head on his shoulder.

“I have to admit, the thought of another guy’s hands on you pisses me off, but that is just selfishness on my part. As long as I’m the only guy that makes you quiver when I touch you. The only guy who can kiss those soft red lips whenever I want.” He brushes his thumb over my bottom lip. “The only guy allowed to climb on top of you or wrap those gorgeous legs around my waist and have my way with you time and time again. That’s all that matters.” Brady turns me so I’m straddling him.

“You are, Brady. You are the only guy in my life, present and future. Thank you for understanding.” I wrap my arms around his neck while his hands are at my hips, smoothly moving up and down.

“I need an answer to one question though, Sadie.” He stares at me with those caramel eyes.