Don't Look Back (6 page)

In each class, I had to wait for the teacher to tell me where to sit. Once everyone got over the initial shock of seeing my face, they made small talk with me. Asking questions like, “How are you?” and saying things like, “I’m so glad you’re back.”

Only half of them sounded sincere.
School didn’t turn out to be a problem. It took me a couple of minutes to figure out where we were in each class, but the material wasn’t outside the realm of my understanding. Veronica was in my English class, and she tugged me into the seat beside her.
Leaning across the tiny aisle, she plucked at the sleeve on my cardigan. “Did you wake up late this morning?”
“No. Why?”
Her eyes drifted over me. “It’s just what you’re wearing isn’t really...”
“Cute,” suggested Candy, tossing her bleached hair over one shoulder. “I mean, it’s great for the weekend, but I know for a fact you have cuter clothes in your closet.”
“We totally covet your closet, actually.” Veronica giggled as she rapped her nails on her desk. “Okay, we also covet Del.”
“Oh, girl, don’t we ever.” Candy fanned her cheeks. “He said he was coming over yesterday. Did he?”
“Yeah, he stopped over.” I dug out my necklace, showing them. “He gave this back to me. I left it at his house.”
Veronica’s lips twitched before she plastered a huge smile on her face. “Was it hard? Seeing him when you ... don’t remember him?”
I nodded. “It was different, but we got ... caught up.”
Candy glanced at Veronica knowingly. “I bet you guys did.”
My brows shot up. “Not in that way. Jeez, he’s kind of like a stranger to me.”
Veronica didn’t miss a beat. “I was talking to Trey this morning, and he said Del was pretty happy after seeing you. That’s good news, right?”
“Yeah, about ... Trey, how is he doing?”
Like a switch being thrown, both girls’ faces went blank. “What do you mean?” asked Veronica.
“He’s dating Cassie, right? Is he doing okay?”
Two seats ahead, a boy with black hair snorted and twisted around. His face was ghastly pale. Thick black eyeliner curved around slanted eyes. “Trey is doing great. He practically had his tongue down her throat in homeroom.” He pointed at Candy with one nail coated in black fingernail polish. “That must be his coping mechanism.”
Candy’s tanned cheeks turned a mottled shade of red, but Veronica leaned forward. Her chest nearly spilled out of her lowcut sweater. It had no effect on Goth Boy.
“Look, Pham or Long Duck, whatever your name is, turn around. This conversation doesn’t involve you. And maybe you’re just jealous.” Her eyes were locked on him like lasers set to destroy. “Maybe you wish Trey had his tongue down
your
throat.”
“Veronica,” I gasped, embarrassed for the kid
and
her.
Without another word, the boy flipped in his seat. The back of his neck turned bloodred. I twisted toward Veronica, but she was smiling at Candy.
“It’s not my fault that he wants to
be
me,” she said, winking.
Candy giggled.
Anger whipped through me, but the teacher ambled in, starting class. I might not have known who I was, but I knew what Veronica had done was wrong. When the bell rang, I grabbed my belongings and hurried out of the class, ignoring Veronica’s and Candy’s attempts to get my attention.
I caught up to the boy, grabbing his arm. “Look, I’m really sorry about that.”
Goth Boy was shorter than me, and he had to tip his head back to meet my gaze. Even then, I could barely see his eyes through the dyed hair. “Excuse me?”
“I said, I’m sorry about the way they acted. That wasn’t right.”
His rounded cheeks turned ruddy as he jerked his arm back. “Seriously?” He laughed. Kids moved past us. Some stopped and stared, openmouthed. “This is priceless. The queen bitch is apologizing for her baby bitches. Whatever.
Don’t
talk to me.” He left me standing in the middle of the hall, mouth hanging open. A high-pitched snicker cut through the haze. A shiver of awareness whispered its way down my spine. I turned to the right, the source of the sound blocked by a chorus of shifting, moving bodies.
Catching a glimpse of a satiny red dress and black tights and deep auburn hair, I felt my heart stutter in my chest. A mocking laugh raised the hairs on my arms.
Then I saw her. She stood beside the water fountain, her pouty lips painted to match her dress—not the same dress as in the picture I carried with me. Something—
something
was wrong with the dress.
I took a step forward, right into the path of a bulky guy. He laughed, catching my shoulders before I toppled over backward. “Watch out, Sammy. Don’t want to send you back to the hospital.”
“Sorry,” I murmured, darting around him.
The space beside the fountain was empty.
Smoothing a hand over my forehead and through my hair, I spun around and hurried toward my bio class. Aiming for a table in the back, I took my seat and started rummaging around in my bag as my breath came out in short gasps.
Had I really just seen Cassie? The vision was nothing like the others. Hands shaking, I set my notebook down and dug around for a pen. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, got control of my breathing, and then opened my eyes.
A loose piece of paper folded in the shape of a triangle was right in front of my open bag. It could’ve been inside it and fallen out or...
I glanced around quickly, but no one was around me.
Part of me didn’t want to read it, didn’t even want to begin to figure out how it had gotten into my messenger bag or if it had dropped out of the sky. There had been chances, opportunities during the first three classes. Someone could’ve slipped it in there. Drawing in a shallow breath, I unfolded the slip of paper.

There was blood on the rocks. Her blood. Your blood. I stared at the words until they blurred on the yellow paper. Cassie’s blood—my blood on the rocks? Waves of nausea rolled through me.

“What are you looking at?” Jumping at the unexpected voice, I slapped my hand over the note and looked up. Two vibrant blue eyes, the color of polished sapphires locked onto mine. Carson was sliding into the seat next to me.

“Why are you sitting here?” I asked, quickly folding up the paper.
He arched a brow. “I sit here.”
I shoved the note in my bag. “You do?”
“Yeah, I’m your lab partner. Have been all year, Sam.” Carson propped his elbow on the table, resting his cheek on a closed fist. “So, what are you doing?”
“I’m... I can’t find my pen.”
He offered me his.
“What about you?”
One side of his lips curved up. “I have many, many more. I have a pen fetish. I just keep collecting them.”
I couldn’t tell if he was joking, but I smiled and took the pen. Our fingers brushed, and a jolt traveled up my hand. I looked up, my eyes meeting his. He still held the pen, but his gaze was wary. “Thanks?” I said, tugging gently.
Carson let go. “How’s your first day back?”
I laughed under my breath. “It’s been great.”
“Care to elaborate?”
“I’m kind of surprised you’re curious.”
He watched me for a moment and then pulled back, folding his arms over his broad chest. “Well, I was just trying to be nice and make small talk. Usually, we just glare at each other and trade insults. We could go back to that if you want?”
“No.” My voice sounded sad. “I don’t want that.”
Carson tried to hide the flicker of surprise with a short laugh, but I saw it. “Oh, well...”
Swirling emotions rose to the surface—hurt, anger, confusion. “I’m sorry for being such a bitch to you since ... well, since whenever. Really, I am. But can we just start over?”
He stared at me, eyes wide and dilated. His expression was unreadable.
Shaking my head, I faced the front of the class. Why had I even bothered? It wasn’t as if a simple apology was going to repair years of me being mean. And coming to my rescue this morning at the coffee shop didn’t constitute Carson waving a white flag of friendship. “Guess not.”
“Sam—”
“Just forget it,” I grumbled. Flipping the notebook open, I attempted to read the biology notes that I couldn’t seem to remember taking when I saw Candy in the front of the classroom.
She stared back at me, her gaze darting between Carson and me. When she caught my eyes, her brows rose. I shrugged and went back to reading the notes that I obviously hadn’t put much effort into. I didn’t look once in Carson’s direction during the entire class, but his presence was overwhelming anyway. Every part of my body was aware of his movements. When he scribbled down notes, or when he rubbed his hand over his chest or flexed his right wrist. My nerves were stretched thin by the time the bell rang. I bolted from the classroom like a scared, caged animal.
Lunch wasn’t much different.
I had to go through the line alone, and nothing looked edible. Settling on pizza, I grabbed a bottle of water and searched the tables. Veronica was in the back, waving her hand like an air traffic controller. Getting used to the stares, I headed in their direction.
“I heard she doesn’t remember a
thing
,” whispered a girl. “Like she had to be told what her name was. How insane is that?”
“Well, she certainly forgot who she was friends with,” replied another girl, much louder. “I saw her talking to Louis in the hallway today. Hell froze over.”
Passing another table, I heard a guy say, “I’m not sure which one I wanted to come back. Both have the tightest...”
I hurried up, not wanting to hear the rest of that. I passed my brother, who was sitting next to a pretty blonde. They didn’t seem to notice me, as their mouths were attached to each other.
Sitting down beside Veronica, I forced my muscles to relax. The girls were talking about what happened on a TV show they watched last night, and I was able to eat half of my pizza in silence. A few minutes later, a guy with short dark hair and a supermuscular build joined us. He sat beside Candy.
“Trey.” He shoved his hand out, grinning. He had a slight accent—British? “Nice to meet you.”
Veronica knocked his hand away. “Don’t be stupid.”
“What?” He winked at me. “Del said she doesn’t remember any of this. Figured I’d introduce myself.”
“Samantha.” I held my hand out, going along with it. He laughed, shook my hand, and settled back, throwing an arm over the back of Candy’s chair. “Damn, you really don’t remember a thing?”
Damn
, I was really getting tired of people asking if I remembered anything. “Not a thing.”
His eyes narrowed. “So you have no clue about what happened to Cassie?”
Silence descended on the table like a thick, itchy blanket. A fist-sized ball of unease formed under my ribs as I met Trey’s stare. “No. Do you?”
“No.” Trey laughed. “I hadn’t seen her that whole weekend. We broke up.”
Veronica cleared her throat. “Guys, can we talk about something else? This creeps me out.”
He ignored her. “Have you asked Del if
he
saw her that weekend?”
The ball grew larger, heavier. Had I asked Del? I didn’t think so, not in so many words. “He didn’t mention seeing her.”
Trey’s look of innocence didn’t fool me. “You might what to ask again. Just saying.”
“What does that mean?” I demanded.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” Veronica said, pushing a piece of lettuce around on her plate. “Trey’s missing a few brain cells. Anyway, Lauren and I were planning on going to Philly this weekend to get new dresses for Del’s party he’s throwing after prom.”
Lauren was the brunette with blond streaks, the quietest one of the bunch. She smiled at me.
“Del’s having a party?” I asked.
She shook her head at me and then laughed. “Oh, yes, I’m stupid. He throws one every year. Everyone goes. And some people who shouldn’t be there go, but there’s no way to control the population.”
“Yeah, like if she shows up, we’re going to have to hide the food,” Candy said, her lip curled. “And lock the fridge.”
The words were so loud I didn’t have to guess at whom she was talking about. The girl was sitting down at a table in front of us. Her curly hair was pulled up, and the back of her neck was beet red.
“Oink. Oink,” said Veronica, brows puckered together.
I stared at them. “That girl isn’t even big,” I said in a hushed voice. She wasn’t as skinny as Veronica and Candy, but hell, people in third world countries were heavier than they were.
Candy glanced over her shoulder and snorted. “What is she? A size ten?”
My mouth dropped open. “Yeah, wow, call Jenny Craig. You guys are joking, right?”
Trey leaned back further, amusement dripping from his pores. The table of girls stared at me as if I’d stripped naked and done a little jig. I gripped my bottle, wanting to throw it at one of their heads.
“Jeez, that’s rude on so many levels.”
Veronica jerked her head back. “Okay, that’s coming from you?”
“So?” I said.
She bit down on her lower lip as she scanned the cafeteria. “Okay. Do you see her?” She pointed out a pretty girl with mochacolored skin and kickass boots. “Just last Wednesday, you called her”—she lowered her voice—“a fat bitch whose thighs were capable of setting the world on fire. So you have no room to talk.”
My jaw hit the floor. “I... I wouldn’t say that.”
Lauren nodded slowly, her eyes focused on her plate. “You did.”
“And a week before that, you actually offered a salad to some chick and suggested that she eat that instead of her pizza.” Trey laughed. “I really thought you were going to get your butt kicked.”
A horrible feeling surged through my veins as I stared at my friends, the same combination of shame and confusion I’d felt when I tried to apologize to the boy in the hall. I couldn’t decide which was worse: that I had said and done things like that, or that my friends all seemed to think it was okay. Disgusted with them and myself, I grabbed my tray and stood. “I’ll see you guys later.”
Veronica’s mouth snapped open. “Sammy!”
I ignored her, blinking back the angry rush of tears. More than anything, I wanted to get away from myself—from any reminder of who I used to be. And I knew exactly where to sit.
I stopped in front of my brother’s table, my eyes fixed on him. “Can I sit here?”
He looked surprised but nodded. “Sure. Have a seat.”
With my cheeks blazing and a sob stuck in my throat, I sat down. Several moments passed before I realized that Carson was at the table, and he was watching me through narrowed eyes. When I glanced up, my eyes met those of the girl sitting beside my brother.
In an instant, I knew who she was—the girl I had a brief memory of; the one with the red floppy hat. Excitement hummed through me as I realized I knew someone. “You’re Julie!”
She glanced at my brother and then back, blinking rapidly. Scott placed his fork down. “Do you remember her, Sam?” he asked.
I nodded eagerly, kind of like a puppy in the dog treats commercial I’d seen the day before. “Yes. I mean, I remember a younger version of her. You were wearing a red hat, but I couldn’t find a picture of you on my wall, but I think we used to be friends.” I glanced at Scott, who was staring at me with wide eyes. Actually, half the table was gawking at me. My cheeks flushed as I trailed off.
Julie cleared her throat. “I used to wear this really big hat when I was younger. It belonged to my mom. We—you and I— thought it was the coolest thing ever, but that was a long time ago.”
Back before I turned into an überbitch or one who had an entire table enthralled for all the wrong reasons. I shoved a piece of pizza in my mouth.
Carson shook his head. “You’re right, Scott. This is really bizarre.”
I pressed my lips together and glanced around the jammed cafeteria.
I will not break down. I will not break down.
The lump was almost in my mouth, stuck around the pizza. Del strolled in through the double doors, talking to a boy in a neon-green polo.
Horrible shirt.
Del’s gaze drifted over me and then shot back. His eyes widened. The look on his face was almost comical. He said something to his friend and then started toward me.
“Great,” muttered Carson, screwing the lid back on his drink. “I can tolerate her sitting here, but not Del the Dick.”
My laugh bubbled up before I could stop it, and I started to turn toward Carson when something red caught my attention.
At once, everything froze around me. A second later, the lunchroom crumbled away, flaking off in chunks of ash and broken stone. The sounds of people talking, laughing, and eating vanished. A film settled over my eyes, fading everything to a lifeless gray with the exception of one color.
Red.
The only color in the whole room was the red ripped dress hanging from her body.
Cassie stood at the end of our table.