Don't Make Me Beautiful (47 page)

Brian lets her go and stands, holding out his hand.
 
“Come with me,” he says, looking down at Nicole.

She takes his hand and stands.
 
“Where are we going?”

“Outside.
 
I want to show you something.”

Nicole follows him out to the backyard where they sit down on the back step.
 
She looks out over the lawn and waits for him to say something.
 
But he remains totally silent, resting his folded arms on bent knees.

“So what is it you wanted to show me?” she asks, looking at him.
 
He’s so close she can smell his laundry soap on his shirt and the scent that is uniquely him.
 
Warm.
 
Strong.
 
Like a man with a giant heart.

“This.”
 
He pulls something out of his front pocket and holds it up in front of the both of them.
 
He does it casually, like it’s going to be a rock he found or a coin.
 
But it’s neither of those things.
 
It’s a box.
 
A velvet box.

“What’s that?” Nicole asks, her heart fluttering.
 
No one has ever put a box like that in front of her.

“This,” he says, as he props it open, “is a ring.”

She swallows with difficulty.
 
“It looks like an engagement ring.”

“That’s because it is,” he says.

She tries to sound natural, but it’s impossible.
 
Her throat is closing up, so her voice comes out sounding strangled.
 
“Is it for Helen?”

Brian twists his head and looks at her, one half of his mouth lifted in the slightest of grins.
 
“Are you serious?”

She says nothing.

“Do you honestly think, after having mind-blowing sex with you just last night, and begging you to stay with me for over a month, that I’d go out and buy a ring like this for Helen?”

Tears well up in her eyes.
 
“No?”

“I sure hope not.”
 
He gets up off the steps and stands in front of her.
 
As he lowers himself down onto one knee, he says, “Nicole, your face is the first one I want to see when I wake up, and the last one I want to see before I fall asleep.
 
And I felt that way about you before you had your surgery.
 
I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t need to feel love for a certain number of months or years before I know it’s real and it’s lasting.
 
I only know how to love one way, and that’s forever.”

“But you divorced Helen.”

“And yet, I still love her.
 
We just can’t be together like that anymore.
 
I learned a few things about myself when I was with her, and one of those things is that I can love a woman as a friend, and I can love a woman as my soulmate.
 
She was always just a friend.”

“And I’m … your soulmate?
 
Me?”

“I believe you are.
 
The question is, do you believe I’m yours?
 
Because if you do, then I suggest you ask me to marry you.”

She frowns through her tears, not sure she heard right.
 
“But … you bought a ring.”

“Right.
 
I figure we’ll do this thing fifty-fifty.
 
I bought the ring, you pop the question.
 
Whenever you’re ready, though.
 
No pressure.”

She laughs.
 
She can’t help it.
 
“You are completely ridiculous.”

He grins back at her.
 
“Yeah, I’ve heard that before.
 
But it makes sense, right?
 
Equal commitment to the deal.
 
It takes two to make a thing go right.”

She raises an eyebrow.
 
“It takes two to make it out of sight?”

“Aw yeah,” he says.
 
“See?
 
We were totally meant to be.
 
Kicking it old school, Wonder Twin powers, activate.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Crazy with the math.
 
I go halfway, you go halfway, and together, we go all the way.”

“I can see you share the same math-brain as your son.”

“The kid is brilliant.”

“Yeah, I know.”

His smile fades into earnestness, and her heart drops as she takes in his expression.

“No matter what happens with Kitten, I want to be there for you.
 
For her.
 
For all of us.
 
Let’s make this a family officially.
 
What do you say?”

“Are you asking me to marry you?”

“No, I’m trying to convince you to ask me.”

So many thoughts are warring for attention in her head.
 
Even John’s voice is there, shouting from a distance that she’s his wife.

But none of it matters.
 
What matters is that for the first time in her life, she feels like she’s part of a real family.
 
And the idea of no longer having Brian or Liam in her life makes her positively ill.

“I’m just worried that my feelings for you are too wrapped up in what you’ve done for me,” she says.

“What do you mean?”

She sighs, frustrated with her inability to express what she’s thinking.
 
“I’m just … worried that I love you because you saved me.”
 
She can’t look at him; the shame is too great.
 
It’s as if she’s insulted his feelings and her own, making them less somehow.

He uses a finger under her chin to lift her gaze.
 
“Come on now, you don’t really believe that do you?”

She shrugs. “No. But maybe.”

“It’s not this face you love?”
 
He points to his chin.

She smiles a little.
 
“I do love that face.”

“What about these guns?” he asks, giving her a bicep curl.

“Oh, I do love the guns, that’s true.”

“Need I remind you of the back view?”
 
He gets up and turns around, looking at her over his shoulder.

“You do have a nice rearview, that’s for sure.”
 
Her cheeks heat up as he turns around and she’s faced with another part of him she’s pretty partial to.

“Look at me,” he says.

She tilts her head up. The sun coming from behind him makes a halo of light appear all around his head.
 
“And what about how you feel when I hold you in these arms?”
 
He holds them out, the ring box in one hand and nothing in the other.

She stands and walks into the embrace.
 
“I feel like I’m loved and I love you back when I’m in these arms.”
 
She closes her eyes and inhales, letting her breath out slowly and letting it bring all her misgivings with it.

“Yeah, that’s my girl,” he says, holding her close as he dips his head down to her shoulder.
 
“I’m going to keep this ring for as long as I need to.
 
Whenever you’re ready, you do what you need to do.”

“No pressure?” she asks, smiling at the audacity of that statement, while also not caring that he’s standing there waiting for her to take the second biggest step she’s ever taken in her life.

“No pressure,” he confirms.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, but he ignores it.

“Answer that,” Nicole says, whispering in his ear.

“I can’t.
 
I’m in a dream right now,” he whispers back.

“But what if it’s about Kitten?”
 
She gets nervous just thinking about it and backs out of his arms.

He sighs heavily as he pulls the phone out of his pocket.
 
“This is going to be bad, isn’t it?
 
All this waiting and not knowing.”

“Pure torture.
 
Now answer that.”
 
She points at the phone, afraid to touch it or even look at the caller ID.

“Brian.”

His face goes immediately serious.

“Yeah, Gary, what’s up?”

Nicole puts her face next to his and her ear to his phone, trying to listen with him.
 
Gary’s voice is tiny, but she can hear what he’s saying.

“They got her!
 
They got the woman, and she had a baby girl with her!”

“That fast?
 
What the…”
 
Brian is speechless.
 
He leans in closer to Nicole so she can hear better, wrapping his arm around her lower back.

“They took the woman into custody and called me right away.
 
The baby’s being put in protective custody.”

“I want her!” Nicole shrieks.

“Shhhh, shhh …” Brian looks at her.
 
“Babe, they won’t just hand her over to someone without checking the DNA first.
 
Just relax.”

She pulls out of his embrace.
 
“Don’t tell me to relax!
 
That’s my daughter!”

“Gary, hold on.”
 
Brian puts his phone under his arm as he takes her upper arms gently in hand. “Babe, I need you to get a grip.
 
Think about it.
 
They’re working off witness statements and a police sketch.
 
That’s not enough to prove it’s your daughter.
 
Would you want someone arresting you out of the blue and taking your child and handing her over to some stranger?”

She refuses to answer, but her eyes betray her.

“Of course not,” Brian continues.
 
“We need to let the system work for you and for her.”
 
He picks the phone back up.
 
“Gary, what’s the next step?”

Nicole moves away, unable to control herself enough to just listen in on the conversation.
 
She trusts Brian to do the talking right now, since all she wants to do is scream at Gary.

Rationally, she knows it’s not his fault, but her heart is breaking in half being this close to her baby and not being able to see her.
 
I know it’s her.
 
I know it is.
 
I can feel it.
 
I don’t need a stupid test to tell me it’s her.

Brian hangs up the phone.
 
“Gary is working all the legal angles.
 
We already know that it wasn’t Kitten in the grave from those DNA tests.
 
But they have to do DNA tests on the baby before they can confirm anything.”

“What if the woman confesses?
 
What then?”

“I don’t know.
 
I’ll ask Gary in a little while, but I think right now we should leave him to make his calls, don’t you?”

She nods, still freaking out, but knowing Gary can only do one thing at a time.
 
“That makes sense.
 
Okay, we’ll wait.”
 
She spins around and looks out over the lawn.
 
Just a few minutes ago it was a regular backyard.
 
There was grass and flowers and trees and insects buzzing around.

Now it’s different.
 
Now it’s the place where she first learned that her daughter is alive.
 
Right now, it’s her favorite place in the world.
 
She turns to Brian and grabs his hands.

“Brian!” she says, barely able to breathe.

“What?”
 
He searches her eyes, waiting to hear what she has to say.

“Will you marry me?”

He laughs once and then stops.
 
“Are you serious?”

She stomps her foot in frustration.
 
“Of course I’m serious.
 
Why would you ask that?”

He jumps down the stairs and reaches up to grab her, swinging her around in a big circle.

She screams with fright and delight.
 
“Brian, stoooooop!”

He puts her on her feet and then drops to his knees, breathless as he scrambles to get the ring out of his pocket.
 
Once it’s out, he opens it and holds it up.

She never breaks eye contact with him, even as she gets down on her knees too.

“What are you doing?” he asks, smiling at her quizzically.

“Fifty-fifty, right?”

He winks at her as he takes the ring out of the box and slips it on her finger.
 
“Yeah, babe.
 
All the way.”

She stares down at the small stone that winks up at her as it catches the sunlight in its facets.
 
“It’s so beautiful.”
 
She looks up.
 
“You’re not worried that Kitten is related to … you know … him?”

Brian frowns.
 
“Of course not.
 
Why would I be?
 
All babies are born perfect and grow up to be like the person they spend the most time with.
 
That’s going to be you and me.
 
She’ll be amazing.
 
Strong, loving, smart, and probably slightly goofy.”

Nicole throws her arms around his neck and falls with him to the grass.
 
“You’re my hero.”

“And you’re my angel,” Brian says, rolling over on top of her and giving her a kiss that promises all kinds of things that will happen once Liam is sound asleep and the lights have all gone out.

Chapter Sixty-Six

NICOLE IS READY TO THROW up.
 
Brian can see it in her expression, in her pasty-white skin, in the way her hand rubs her stomach slowly.

“You’re going to be fine,” he says, pulling her closer and kissing the top of her head.

“She’s already seven months old.
 
What if she hates me?
 
What if she cries every time I hold her?”

Brian reaches over and wipes away the one tear that has escaped her eye.
 
“Don’t be ridiculous.
 
You’re her mommy.
 
She’s going to love you.
 
Just give her time to get used to you, okay?
 
Don’t expect too much right away.
 
We’ll just take it one day at a time.”