Don't Say a Word (Strangers Series) (17 page)

CHAPTER 28

HIS HEART RACING, Sammy darted into the foyer and crouched down. He and Zoe were playing hide-and-seek. Zoe was
it
and was counting in the living room.

Playing with Zoe was fun, even if she said weird stuff sometimes. Earlier, while they were finger painting, she told him again that one day she’d be his sister. But he didn’t believe her, of course. Not after talking to his mommy. He knew Zoe just said things like that to make herself feel better.

“Twenty-five! Ready or not, here I come!” Zoe called from the living room.

Sammy was hiding next to the front door, his body folded as small as he could bend, his fingers covering his eyes.

He heard her footsteps get closer.

His body tensed and he giggled. He spread out his fingers a little and peeked through them.

Zoe was standing right in front of him.

“Just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean I can’t see you, Sammy,” Zoe said. “You know that, right?”

He giggled again.

“I thought you were a big boy?”

He got to his feet. “I
am
a big boy.”

“Well, you sure don’t hide like one.”

“Yes I do!” he argued. Then suddenly he had a thought. He knew
exactly
where he wanted to hide! Definitely a big-boy place.

“You
it
again, okay?”

Zoe shrugged. “Sure.” She headed back to the living room and started counting loudly.

He ran to the junk drawer in the kitchen and found a flashlight. Then he headed to the girls’ closet. He moved a bunch of stuff—clothes, a box, some luggage, more clothes—so that he could hide in the corner.

But then . . . he saw Zoe’s backpack.

He wondered if more gummy worms were in it, and his mouth started watering.

He quickly unzipped it and rummaged around. He didn’t see any gummy worms, but he did see the ears of Carrie’s big stuffed bear peeking out. He hadn’t seen the bear for a long time. He wondered if she forgot she put it in there.

He tried to pull it out, but couldn’t.

It was heavy.

He turned the bag on its side and shook it out. Then he picked up the stuffed bear and ran toward the living room, his legs pumping as fast as they could go. The house was quiet. All he could hear was the soft squishing of his running pants.

He’d give the bear to Carrie and make her very, very, very happy,
then
he’d hide in his cool spot! As soon as his feet hit the living room carpet, Carrie looked up.

He smiled big. “Here your bear, Carrie! I find it for you!”

Carrie’s eyes got wide, like maybe she was about to smile. But then an arm reached out and ripped the bear from his hands.

He stopped in his tracks.

Zoe was clutching the bear and glaring at him. “That’s
not
yours!” she hissed, holding the bear. He watched a muscle jump in her cheek.

He took a step back. “That . . . that . . . not very nice,” he said, his face burning.

The way her green eyes were staring at him made him feel sweaty. His lower lip jutted out and he could feel his eyes filling with tears. “Just wanted to give to Carrie so she be happy.”

When Zoe got mad, she got mad different than anything he’d ever seen before. Much more mad than his mommy ever got. His mommy only got disappointed mad, which wasn’t really mad at all. But Zoe was
mad
mad. He stared at her and could swear there were snakes squirming around in her hair. Just like that Medusa monster from the movie
Clash of the Titans
.

He got a bad feeling in his tummy. He didn’t want to be around her anymore. He didn’t want to see those green monster eyes of hers. “I no like you no more. I telling,” he said, and turned for the hallway. “Mommy!” he called.

Zoe dashed in front of him, blocking his way so that he couldn’t go any farther. She knelt down. “Shh! Don’t do that. Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to grab it like that. It’s just . . . it’s just that it’s Carrie’s, and it’s special to her.”

He crossed his arms and gave her his maddest frown.

“Seriously, I’m so sorry,” she said. “Can you forgive me?”

He shook his head.

“Come on, Sammy. Look, I’ll kick your butt at the
Lego Movie
game, okay?

“No. I no want to play with you.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “How about some more gummy worms?”

He was just about to shake his head when his mouth started watering. “How much?” he asked.

“You mean ‘how many.’ And I can give you five.”

He thought about it. “No. One hundred.”

“Ten.”

“Okay,” he said, quickly.

As he followed her to her room, he pretended he wasn’t mad at her anymore so he could get the gummy worms . . . but he was. As he stepped into the doorway of her room, he suddenly remembered he’d also seen something else very cool in her closet.

He smiled.

When Zoe, the fierce wanna-be bug, wasn’t looking, he was going to go back in there and get it.

And she couldn’t stop him.

All day, as Allie worked, she kept trying to push thoughts of Gary away, but they kept returning.

She wondered if Laura Willis had been telling the truth. That she hadn’t heard from Gary, and didn’t know where he was. And again, she wondered if it were possible he’d been hiding in the woods in the back of the house this entire time.

Just watching.

Waiting.

Her stomach twisted just thinking about it.

Throughout the day, Allie had checked on the kids several times—both during and between clients—and had been relieved to see that not only was Zoe taking good care of Sammy, he seemed to be having a lot of fun.

After Sammy was asleep, she went into the family room with a drink. A few minutes after she’d sat down, Zoe poked her head into the room. “Hey, do you have a second?”

“Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

Zoe sat on the couch next to Allie. She looked nervous.

“What’s wrong?”

Zoe shrugged.

“What’s going on? You can tell me.”

Zoe shook her head. “I’m just . . . I don’t know. I . . .”

The room was silent.

“I guess I’m just really scared,” she said, her eyes filling with tears.

“Of what?”

“Of Gary maybe being back. Of Grandmother . . . of not knowing . . . not knowing
anything
for sure.” Her voice trailed off. “Of not having my dad to talk to.”

“I understand,” Allie said, reaching out and touching her shoulder.

Tears rolled down Zoe’s face. “What’s going to happen to me?” she asked, wiping them away.

“You’ve been talking with the therapist, right? Your caseworker? Bitty? What do they say?”

Zoe sniffed and nodded. “They just say they don’t know yet.” She wiped more tears with the heel of her hand.

Allie felt terrible for the girls. The only life they’d ever known had just been ripped out from underneath them. But Allie didn’t have any answers.

She wished she did.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Zoe studied her. “Yes,” she said, seeming reluctant.

“Okay. What is it?”

“I’m afraid to ask.”

“It’s okay. Just ask.”

Silence fell between them. Allie could see that Zoe was studying her carefully. Zoe took a deep breath, and snaked an arm around her middle before finally speaking again. “Allie, will you . . . will you adopt me? Please?”

Allie’s breath caught in her throat. She was completely blindsided. She thought that Zoe was going to ask her to sit in on more therapy sessions . . . or maybe even sleep in her bed again. She had no clue she was going to ask
this
.

Zoe watched her, a hopeful expression on her face. She looked as if she was holding her breath. Allie didn’t know what to say. Of course, her answer was no, but it wasn’t like she could just
say
no. She liked Zoe, but she couldn’t adopt her. She was struggling to just take care of Sammy, Bitty, and herself.

She’d also noticed Zoe hadn’t asked her to adopt both her and Carrie. Just her. The girls hadn’t appeared as close since the suicide attempt. They slept in different beds, sat on opposite sides of the couch. Zoe seemed to pretend Carrie no longer existed. It was probably another protective mechanism that Allie just didn’t understand.

Allie’s heart broke for the girl. No one had a clue where she or Carrie would end up. Bitty had learned from a source inside CPS that their grandmother had never even put in a request for custody. She’d probably never intended to. The last thing a drug user like her wanted to invite was the close scrutiny of the law.

Zoe swallowed hard, her eyes still glued to Allie’s. An optimistic smile flickered over her face. “You’ll be so happy you did. I promise. Like I said, I can help you a lot. I mean, a
ton
. With Sammy. With the house. I can cook. I’m really good at a lot of things. And I learn new things super fast.”

“Zoe—”

The girl’s face fell. “You’re going to say no,” she whispered.

“I’m only twenty-two. I’m way too young. And I’m not married. You need someone more experienced at being a mother.”

Zoe raised her eyebrows. “No, I don’t. You are such a
good
mom. You are the best mother to Sammy. I’ve never seen a better mom.”

“I don’t even think they’d let anyone in my situation adopt a child.”

Zoe’s eyes glistened with need. “You could at least try. Try, please?”

“Zoe, I’m sorry, I can’t. But you’ll find a home. A good one. Much better than what I could give you.”

Zoe’s mouth turned down at the corners. She shook her head. “No. I don’t want a new home. I want to be with you.”

Allie was at a loss for words.

The two stared at each other for a long moment. Then Zoe’s eyes darkened. She inched backward on the couch, away from Allie. “You don’t love me,” she said. It came out like an accusation. Allie watched a muscle jump in her cheek.

“It’s not that, Zoe. It’s just that adopting a child is a huge responsibility.”

“Not a child like me. I could take care of you as much as you’d take care of me.”

Allie was silent.

Zoe’s eyes darkened even more . . . and Allie thought she could feel a chill in the room. “Never mind. Just forget it.”

“Oh, Zoe.”

Zoe jumped up and stalked out of the room. And Allie didn’t try to stop her, because she had nothing reassuring to say.

CHAPTER 29

TWO MORNINGS LATER, Allie plunged her hands in warm, soapy water and scrubbed dishes left from the evening before. She’d woken up feeling exhausted.

Her body was tired.

Her mind was tired.

She felt as though she’d had no sleep at all, although she’d had a full seven hours. The fear surrounding Gary . . . the conversation she’d had with Zoe earlier in the week and Zoe’s resulting anger . . . the unpaid bills . . . it all felt like too much. Her simple life had grown very complicated in a matter of weeks.

Bitty had also talked with Zoe about the conversation she’d had with Allie, but it hadn’t gone any better. The girl was upset, and Allie didn’t blame her. She was going through a very dark time. Through things no child should ever have to deal with.

To top everything off, Bitty had come down with the bug that had been going around, and had been in bed close to twenty-four hours. And Bitty never got sick.

Tears welled up in Allie’s eyes, and she quickly wiped them away. Forcing the thoughts into the back of her mind, she ran a soapy cloth against the kitchen table, then dried her hands and grabbed the grocery list from the fridge. They were out of a lot of supplies. She’d have to make a trip to the supermarket this morning.

“Want to go to the store in a little while?” she asked Sammy.

“Yes, Mommy,” he answered, his face a mask of concentration as he quietly lined Rescue Bots figures across the bar.

Allie walked to her office to look at her checking account balance, but when she passed through the doorway of the room, she was surprised to find something glittering on the floor next to her desk. It appeared to be shattered glass.

Something had broken.

She bent down to get a better look, and realized it was the glass heart Zoe had given her.

Had it fallen off the desk? It was unlikely.

Did Zoe do this?

Sammy?

And, if so, had it been on purpose? Whoever it had been hadn’t even bothered to clean it up . . . had probably
wanted
her to see it . . . so Allie suspected it had been intentional.

Sammy
had
acted a little weird when he first saw the heart on her desk. Like he wanted to say something about it but decided not to. Now thinking back on it, his reaction seemed odder than it had before.

He wouldn’t break it because he’d been jealous, would he?

She sure hoped not, because that would be a problem.

Taking a deep breath, she cleaned up the mess; then returning to the kitchen, she tossed the bag of glass into the kitchen trash can.

“Sammy?”

“Yes, ma’am?” he said, not looking up from his toys.

“Did you accidentally break that glass heart in my office? The one Zoe gave me?”

He looked up. The expression on his face looked a little weird again. But he shook his head. “No, I not break it.”

“Okay, thank you.”

She poured a cup of coffee, then knocked gently on Bitty’s bedroom door.

“Come in,” Bitty called, her voice weary sounding.

Allie carried in a cup of coffee. “You awake?”

“Barely,” the woman grunted. “I think a train ran over my head.
Twice.
”

Allie held out the tray. “Want coffee?”

“I’d
love
some.”

Bitty sat up in the bed and Allie handed her the tray.

“I’m heading to the supermarket in a few minutes to pick up some things. Need anything special?”

“No, thank you,” Bitty said. “Just some coffee and a little more sleep.”

“Umm, do those even go together?”

Bitty winked. “This morning they do.”

Zoe appeared in the doorway, in her pajamas, her long, dark hair pulled into a high ponytail.

“Good morning, Zoe,” Bitty said, appraising the girl. “I don’t know where you got your excellent nursing skills of yours, but I really appreciate all the pampering. You’re making me feel like a queen.”

Yesterday, Zoe had waited on Bitty hand and foot. It was true; she was an excellent nurse.

“Thanks,” Zoe muttered, still looking melancholy.

The glass heart flashed into Allie’s mind, but she decided to wait until she and Zoe were alone to ask her about it. “Good morning, Zoe,” she said.

“Good morning.” The girl smiled, but it wasn’t one of her usual smiles. Since Allie had told Zoe she couldn’t adopt her, she’d felt something shift between them. She knew Zoe felt rejected, and Allie hated making her feel that way. She knew from experience that rejection felt awful.

After two cups of coffee, Allie bundled Sammy up for the supermarket and shrugged on her winter coat. Zoe leaned against the foyer wall, watching them, sullen faced, as if she was waiting to be invited, too.

“Where are your gloves, honey?” Allie asked Sammy.

“My room.”

“Go get them.”

Sammy darted off to his room.

“I’d invite you to go with us,” Allie said, “but Sammy and I really need a little alone time. It’s been—”

“It’s okay. I need to take care of Bitty anyway.”

“Okay, thanks,” Allie said. But she could tell Zoe was lying. That not being included bothered her.

“Just make sure to keep everything locked up, and no going outside, okay?”

“Okay.”

“And make sure to tell Carrie, too, when she wakes up.”

“All right.”

Before heading to the supermarket, Allie brought Sammy to the local park. The cool air, as always, made her feel a little better, but she still felt exhausted. Thankfully, not many people were there. Just another mother and a little girl. When Allie wasn’t assisting Sammy on the monkey bars or teeter-totter, she sat bundled up on a park bench and watched him happily play with the little girl, racing up the ladder to slide down.

She marveled at how easily he fit in with other kids, relieved that he didn’t have the issues she’d had fitting in—and she hoped he never would. She wondered how popular the twins had been in their school, and if they missed their friends. She was a little surprised that Zoe never mentioned anyone. Surely she had friends?

On their way home from the supermarket, she remembered that she’d forgotten to stop by the health food store for more supplements. Tears sprang into her eyes for the second time that morning. She wiped them away, surprised at how quickly they’d come.

Wow. Why am I so emotional this morning?

A reason flashed through her mind—and she quickly forced it away.

Don’t even go there. It’s just exhaustion.

When they pulled up to the house, Johnny’s truck was there. Allie groaned and banged her head against the steering wheel. Johnny
still
hadn’t gotten the point.

“Daddy! Daddy’s here!” Sammy yelled.

Allie’s head pounded as she unbuckled her son. She’d need to get Johnny alone for a quick moment and make sure he didn’t say anything about the breakup to Sammy.

Not yet.

She hadn’t had the time to shape the conversation yet in her mind. To figure out how to tell Sammy in the least painful but most honest way she could.

When she walked into the house with the first bags of groceries, Sammy was running up the hallway.

“Where Daddy?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Did you check the bathroom?”

“Yes.”

“My bedroom?” Although, certainly, he knew he wasn’t welcome in there anymore.

“Yes. Daddy not in there.”

“Johnny?” Allie called. She walked through the living room, the kitchen. She looked out the sliding glass doors to the deck and backyard.

But she didn’t see him.

In fact, she didn’t see anyone.

The house was completely quiet.

Confused, she knocked gently on Bitty’s bedroom door, but she didn’t get an answer. She pushed the door open and saw Bitty sound asleep in her bed.

Deciding it was best not to wake her, she went to the girls’ bedroom. Both girls were asleep in their bunks. Allie looked at her watch. It was thirty minutes until Sammy’s nap time. And during his nap, the girls—especially Carrie—often went to their room to either lie down or read.

Zoe raised her head from her pillow, her voice heavy with sleep. “Is something wrong? Did you need me?”

Allie went to the bunk and lowered her voice so she wouldn’t wake Carrie. “Sorry to wake you, but have you seen Johnny?”

Zoe blinked, her eyes red rimmed as though she’d been crying. “Your boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Allie said again. “But yes, him. Sammy’s father.”

“No, why?”

“It’s nothing. Sorry, go back to sleep.”

Allie left the girls’ room and called Johnny’s cell phone, but the call went straight to voice mail.

Thirty minutes later, after putting away all the groceries and calling Johnny’s cell phone at least half a dozen times, Allie looked out the back windows one last time. She turned to Sammy, who had long given up searching for his father and was now sitting on the couch playing an Xbox game. “Maybe he just took a walk,” Allie suggested, thinking it was a long shot, but wanting to comfort her son. She knew there was a logical reason for him not to be there when his truck was, but her mind was too worn out to try to figure it out right now.

They’d find out when he showed up.

“Let’s go take a nap,” she said, yawning. “Mommy’s really tired, honey.”

“Okay, Mommy,” Sammy said hesitantly, taking one more look out at the backyard.