Double Cross (13 page)

Callie snaked her arms around my neck, her lips still
on mine. I wanted Callie so much, my body was aching.
One of my hands moved up from her waist to cup her
breast. And she didn't pull away to tell me to stop and she
didn't slap my hand away. If anything she kissed me harder,
her tongue darting back and forth into my mouth. I was
trying with all my might to hang onto some semblance of
reason, but it was fast flying out of my bedroom window.
Callie was in my room, on my bed, kissing me, touching
me, her hands slipping under my shirt. My mouth was
suddenly dry. I wanted her so much, but I was scared.
Scared she'd stop me. Scared she wouldn't. Scared all my
dreams would come true and I'd be inside her for the very
first time. Scared I'd be inside any girl for the first time and
I wouldn't know what to do, how to move properly or
make it good for my partner. For Callie.

Were we really going to do this? We sat next to each
other on the bed. Callie looked at me, but didn't smile. I
needed her. I moved to kiss her again, my hands moving
restlessly over her body. She pulled away from me, placing
a finger over my lips. I was immediately still, all except my
pounding heart and the blood sprinting around my body.

'Tobey, d'you want me?'

Was she frickin' kidding? I took her hand in mine and
placed it over my erection. Answers on a postcard please!

'Wow. Is that all for me?' Callie sounded worried.

'We'll take it slow,' I assured her.

'D'you have any condoms?' she asked.

I nodded. How about five packets, hidden under my
mattress! I believed in thinking ahead. Callie moved her
hand lightly over my groin, sending such shock waves of
electricity through me that my body pulsed like a
strummed guitar string. She leaned forward for another
kiss. I met her more than halfway. Our lips together, our
tongues swirled around and over each other. By the time
Callie reluctantly pulled away from me, I was harder than
I'd ever been before.

'I've never done this before,' Callie whispered.

My eyebrows shot up. Damn, every bit of my body
was up.

'How come?' I asked, surprised.

'You never wanted me before.'

I looked into Callie's brown eyes and realized she really
believed that. Damn, but I should bottle this poker face
and sell it on a market stall. How many nights had I lain
awake wondering about Lucas and Callie when they were
an item? All those sleepless nights imagining them
together, doing what we were doing now.

'I thought you and Lucas . . .' I began, still not quite
able to believe it.

'Never.'

I couldn't help it. A grin broke out all over my face.
Snubs to you then, Lucas!

'What's so funny?' Callie frowned. 'Now that you
know I didn't do it with Lucas, you're not interested any
more? Is that it?'

Why did girls always have to over-think everything?
Godsake!

'Of course I'm still interested,' I said, exasperated. 'Has
your brain stopped working?'

'Then why . . . ?'

I kissed Callie again. I admit the first few seconds were
to stop her from talking bollocks, but after that it was 'cause
it felt damned good. We carried on kissing whilst we tentatively
undressed each other. It was awkward and fumbling
and definitely not practised, but it didn't matter. We
laughed together at our mutual eager clumsiness. And that
made it even better somehow, like discovering a new place
together. When we were both naked we lay on my bed,
just kissing and hugging and tasting and touching each
other. Her boobs were hot under my hands and soft and I
didn't want to stop touching them. But there were other
parts of her body I wanted to touch as well. From the way
my body was throbbing, I knew I couldn't hold out much
longer. I stroked up and down Callie's thighs before
stroking between her legs to make sure she was ready for
me. I had to get out of bed and fiddle under my mattress
to find just one packet of condoms, which amused Callie
no end. After finally putting on a condom, which was
trickier than I thought and took three attempts, I moved
over Callie to lie on her, my legs between hers. We kissed
and just touched each other for long, loving minutes.

'D'you really want to . . . ?' I couldn't help asking. I
needed to be sure that she wanted this just as much as
I did. I was never going to risk losing her again.

Callie nodded. 'But only if you do,' she teased.

My upper body supported by my extended arms, I looked
into her beautiful eyes as I pushed slowly inside her. God, it
felt so good – until Callie winced. I was immediately still.

'D'you want to stop?' I whispered.

Say no. Please say no.

Callie shook her head. 'Just . . . wait a bit. Let me get
used to you.'

I held as still as I could for as long as I could, reciting
multiplication tables and bits of the periodic table in my
head to calm down. Callie started to move slowly beneath
me. I used that as my signal to go further, get deeper inside
her. I moved slowly, pulling out a little and pushing on,
doing my best not to rush. When she grimaced for the
third time, I was ready to come out of her completely. I
couldn't enjoy it if she didn't. As if she sensed what I was
about to do, Callie's hands moved over my bum to pull
me closer to her at the same time as she arched her hips.
We both gasped as I slid all the way inside her. I lay still,
only kissing her then, trying to silently tell her just what
she meant to me, what being with her meant to me. I rose
up to look at her. Callie's eyes were closed.

'Am I hurting you?' I whispered.

'Not so much now,' Callie replied softly. 'In fact . . .'

She wriggled her hips beneath me. Lightning jolts
flashed through my body again. I couldn't help but groan.

'Tobey, are we having sex or making love?' Callie asked.

It was such a girly question that I had to smile.

'What d'you think?' I whispered, before nibbling on
her ear lobe.

'Feels like making love to me.' Her hands stroked over
my back as our hips slowly moved together. 'Does it feel
like that to you?'

'Callie, you talk too much,' I groaned.

'Aren't we supposed to talk then?'

'Your mind should be on more than just conversation,'
I rose up on my arms to tell her.

'It is.'

Callie's eyes closed as I withdrew and moved slowly
inside her again. The little moan of pleasure she gave then
lanced through me. I hadn't expected that, that giving her
pleasure would actually increase my own.

'What else is on your mind?' I murmured.

Callie opened her eyes to look straight at me. 'How
much you mean to me.'

My head spun with all the words I wanted to say,
the way she made me feel inside and out. My mind was
all corners and cracks and crevices, and thoughts
and memories of her occupied every single one. How
she looked when she was pissed off with me. The way
she lowered her head before giving me one of her dirty
looks. The way she raised her chin before she had a good
laugh. A lifetime of memories, with spaces for an eternity
more. I opened my mouth, but Callie placed a finger to
my lips.

'Callie, I . . .'

'No words, especially not ones you feel forced into
saying.' She smiled.

No force involved or required, but I didn't speak.
Our fingers laced together at our sides. Our legs twined
like vines. We were so connected that I couldn't feel
where I ended and she began any more. Every sense
was at work and heightened. I buried my face in the
crook of her neck, mouthing the words that she'd
forbidden me to say. Couldn't she feel how I felt
about her? Couldn't she tell what she was doing to me?
Damn it, I had to say something. Just tell her the truth.
'Callie . . .'

Her eyelids fluttered open. She had a look on her face
I'd never seen before. The light in her eyes made me catch
my breath. And then we couldn't stop looking at each
other as we moved together.

'You and me, babe, against the world,' I whispered.

Callie smiled and hugged me closer – and the rest of the
world just fell away.

Wow! I'd done it. I'd actually done it. With Tobey. Ha! If
anyone had told me six months ago that my first lover
would be Tobey, I would've rolled on the floor, clutching
my stomach. But we did it. And it was awkward and
somewhere between uncomfortable and painful to begin
with and hot and sweaty and messy and so damned
wonderful to conclude.

'Are you OK?' Tobey asked, once he'd come back from
disposing of his condom.

'I'm fine,' I whispered. I lay next to him, my head on
his shoulder, with both his arms around me. 'It's getting
late.' The last thing I needed was Jessica arriving home and
bursting in on us. My face grew hot just thinking about it.
'Tobey, I should go home.'

Tobey held me that much tighter. 'What d'you have
planned for tomorrow?'

I shrugged. 'Not a lot. Why?'

'Dan owes me some money. I'm meeting him at four
o'clock tomorrow afternoon at the Wasteland to get it.
Maybe you and I could do something afterwards to
celebrate.'

'What are we celebrating?'

'Well, I can get rid of my V plates for a start.' Tobey
grinned. 'That's definitely worth celebrating.'

I sat up, staring at him in wide-eyed disbelief. 'But what
about you and Misty?'

Tobey lay back, his arms behind his head. 'How many
times do I have to tell you that I'm not the slightest bit
interested in Misty before you believe me?'

'But she's going round telling everyone how wonderful
you are, especially in bed,' I informed him.

'How the hell would she know?' Tobey frowned.

That lying cow! I laughed and lay down on his shoulder
again. His arms were instantly around me again. That was
lovely in itself, like I belonged right there and nowhere else.

'Misty is pretty, though.' I could say that now I knew
Tobey wasn't secretly lusting after her.

'If you like bubble heads who weigh about as much as
one pound twenty pence,' Tobey said with disdain.

I stared at him. 'Ooh! Meow! Waiter, saucer of milk for
Mr Durbridge please.'

Tobey grinned ruefully. 'Well, it's true. If she ever had
an original thought it would die of loneliness.'

I burst out laughing. 'Tobey, that's harsh. Remind me
never to get on your wrong side.'

'You can get on any side of me you like,' Tobey said
hopefully.

'Where I am now is just fine, thank you.'

We lay in peaceful silence whilst time sloped past us.

'Tobey, d'you know what you are?' I ran a finger across
his lips and down his nose and along the curve of his ear
before cupping his cheek.

'What?'

Tobey looked at me. If I didn't know any better, I'd say
he looked . . . nervous.

I whispered, 'You are . . . my mender of broken things.'

We looked at each other then. I mean, really looked.
For just a few seconds, maybe a few plus, but it was
enough. Enough for my heartbeat to quicken. Enough to
make me catch my breath. Enough to quell any doubts
trying to surface in my head. A slow smile swept across
Tobey's face. He caught hold of my hand as it fell away
from his face and kissed my palm.

'What was that for?' I smiled.

'Dunno. Maybe I mistook your hand for a biscuit,' he
teased. 'Besides, you girls like that kind of thing, don't you?'

I snatched back my hand. 'This girl only likes it if you
mean it.'

'I mean it,' Tobey replied, no hint of a teasing smile. He
had a really strange look on his face. His gaze dropped
from my eyes to my lips and stayed there. I ran my tongue
over my lips and then my teeth.

'What?' I asked when I couldn't stand it any longer.

'What what?' asked Tobey.

'Why're you staring at my mouth? Have I got some
food stuck between my tee—?'

Tobey kissed me. Really kissed me. Soft and gentle and
long and loving and passionate. It was bloody lovely.
Moments turned into minutes before I finally pulled away.

'I'll take that as a no!' I said, when I got my breath back.

Tobey just smiled. I glanced at the clock on his bedside
table.

'I really should go,' I said reluctantly.

'Stay just a bit longer,' Tobey whispered, kissing my
forehead and nose before moving to my lips. 'I've got five
whole boxes of condoms under my mattress to get
through.'

'Tobey, you must be drunk!' I immediately hopped out
of bed and started to get dressed.

I ask you! Not even five condoms, but five boxes. What
was he like? I turned to glare at him, but instead the frustrated
look on Tobey's face made me burst out laughing.

I was laughing.

I was smiling.

You know what, Uncle Jude? Sod you. I'm happy and
whatever happens now, you can't take that away from me.
And I'll tell you something else. There'll be no more hiding
away, no more feeling sorry for myself. Those days are over.

'Thanks, Tobey,' I said, pulling my T-shirt over my head.

'For what?'

'For listening to me. For being with me.'

'You're welcome,' said Tobey, adding hopefully, 'I was
joking about using up all five boxes of condoms tonight.
We've got all weekend to do that.'

'Omigod! I'm shagging a sexbot,' I exclaimed, sitting
down again. 'Tobey, how about we give Mr Ever-Ready
a rest for tonight? Besides, I'm sore.'

Tobey was immediately at my side. 'Are you sure
you're OK?'

'I'm fine, I promise. I'm sore in a good way, not a bad
way,' I tried to explain.

'How does that work?' asked Tobey sceptically.

'I'm not sorry we did it,' I told him. 'In fact, just
the opposite.'

Tobey smiled and we kissed again.

'But don't go boasting to your friends about the two of
us – and that includes Dan,' I added fiercely when I came
up for air. 'Or Mr Ever-Ready will have only his memories
to keep him warm. Understand?'

'Understood.' Tobey's smile grew broader.

'I mean it, Tobey. If you say one word about this to
anyone, I'll kill you.'

'OK! OK! I said I understood, didn't I?' Tobey said, exasperated.
'Damn, but you're scary when you're annoyed!'

'And don't you forget it,' I replied. 'Are you going to
get dressed or not?'

Tobey finally got his bum out of bed. He dressed in
silence, but every time I looked at him, he had a ridiculous
grin on his face. I had to bite my cheeks to stop myself
from laughing with him. If he was a peacock, his tail
feathers would be open like a fan and he'd be strutting!

'We still on for tomorrow?' said Tobey.

'If you're going to meet Dan tomorrow afternoon, does
that mean you're taking the day off work?'

'Yeah.'

'Tobey, the stupid thing you did today, did that have
anything to do with Dan?'

'It might've done.' Tobey was at once cagey.

'Are you going to tell me what you did?'

He shook his head, his expression sombre. 'Not now.
Soon.'

Much as I wanted him to confide in me, if I pushed any
more, he'd clam up completely. But that did it. No way
was I going to let him meet Dan by himself. If I was there,
I could at least try to stop him from doing another idiotic
thing. I just wished I knew what he was talking about.
He'd tell me, of course, but in his own sweet time and not
if I forced the issue.

'I'll go with you to the Wasteland tomorrow afternoon.
Then we can talk about how to spend the rest of our
evening,' I said.

'It's a date,' said Tobey. 'In fact, what're you doing
tomorrow morning?'

'Nothing much. Why?'

'Wanna do nothing much with me?'

'OK,' I agreed with a smile. 'Should I just come round
here then? Or d'you want to come round to mine?'

Tobey considered. 'You come round here. Your nana
Meggie makes me nervous.'

Oh my goodness! Tobey had actually made a decision.
I opened my mouth to rib him, but decided against it.
After all, I didn't want to put him off making another one
at some point!

'Why're you putting on your trainers?' I asked as I
watched him fasten them.

'I'm walking you home.'

I stared at him. 'I live next door, Tobey. I think I can
make it from your front door to mine without too much
trouble.'

'I didn't say you couldn't. But I'm still walking you
home,' Tobey insisted.

I decided not to argue. To be honest, it was kind of
lovely having Tobey looking out for me. He was definitely
a lover, not a fighter. In a clash against Uncle Jude or
anyone else come to that, he'd be about as much use as a
chocolate frying pan, but it was still sweet.