Double Take (17 page)

In her best German, mixed with English, Madison introduced herself as Anna Fisher, Rachel’s niece. She told Berta that she had been brought up in a different community, and where she came from, friends did not speak about friends like that. She said that a person who used cruel words like that suggested that they must be an enemy. She asked Berta if she was Rachel’s enemy, and if so, why was she here in Rachel’s house? Then, remembering a bracelet that a friend used to wear in grade school, Madison asked Berta if that was what Jesus would do.

Two bright red spots appeared on Berta’s cheeks, and she glared at Madison as she opened her mouth. Before she could speak, a short, plump woman came over and stood next to Madison. “Anna is right,” she said loudly.

To Madison’s surprise, another middle-aged woman came over and stood on her other side, nodding her head. “
Ja
. Anna is right,” she said. “That is enough.”

Berta looked like she was about to shoot steam out of her ears, but instead she spun around and stomped out of the house. To Madison’s relief, another woman, the one who’d been agreeing with Berta about Rachel’s slovenly ways, left as well. When both of them stopped in the yard and made quite a display of shaking their feet, Madison asked a young woman what they were doing. The girl, who probably wasn’t much older than Madison, giggled, explaining that they were shaking the dust from their feet. When Madison looked confused, an older woman reminded her that it was in the Bible. Maybe so, but Madison still didn’t get it.

However, she did understand that something in the house changed dramatically after the two grumpy fraus were gone. The remaining women seemed less uptight and the atmosphere in the house grew much more pleasant. Even though they were still bustling about the kitchen, getting lunch ready and scrubbing here and there, it wasn’t in the mean, condescending way Berta and her friend had. These women seemed to genuinely enjoy helping. Madison began to think the neighbors weren’t quite as bad as she’d thought. At least not all of them.

Madison glanced up the stairs, wondering how Rachel was holding up and if she was okay. Why was it so quiet up there now?

Elizabeth was happily occupied by a girl who appeared to be about five, and suddenly Madison felt unnecessary and wished there was something she could do to help. Then she remembered what Rachel had asked her to do. She slipped outside, and as she walked around the garden, she prayed for Rachel and the baby. She had no idea whether or not she was doing it right. Maybe what mattered most was that she was doing it.

For no explainable reason, Anna felt very tired on Wednesday afternoon. It wasn’t as if she’d worn herself out helping Lucinda. The sewing had actually been fun—almost like a small frolic. Anna suspected her tiredness came from a different source. She felt like she was weary deep down in her soul. Weary and unhappy. Perhaps even a bit homesick.

She felt she had come on a fool’s mission. Her grand plan to search and find Jacob was truly madness. Now she knew that if Jacob had wanted to be found, if he had wanted to be part of her life, he would have written to her back at home. He’d had more than three months to communicate . . . and yet he had not. Unless something bad had happened to him—and Anna hated to even think about that—it seemed clear that Jacob was finished with her.

Avoiding the big windows, which still paralyzed her, Anna paced restlessly around the lavishly appointed penthouse. More than ever, she felt as if she were trapped in a luxurious prison cell. How did people live like this? Didn’t they know that idle hands were the devil’s workshop? As badly as Anna wanted to do something useful in here, there really was nothing that needed doing. Furthermore, if she did lift a finger to help, the wrath of Nadya would fall on her.

Finally, Anna gave in to the decadence and took a nap. When she woke, she felt even more glum. Why had she ever agreed to this senseless switch? Oh, she had tried to convince herself she was doing it for all the right reasons. Finding Jacob seemed a romantically noble cause. Allowing Madison a chance to sample a simpler life seemed admirable too. But the truth was Anna had agreed to this life swap out of pure selfishness. There was no denying it now. And the price she was paying for her selfishness was pure misery.

Anna looked at the clock. Still three hours until Madison would call. She picked up Madison’s phone and stared at it. She could call the phone in her father’s barn, confess everything, and apologize. Her parents would have to forgive her, but they would be angry. The pressure to marry Aaron Zook would become extreme. Anna had placed herself in a poor position to protest such a match. Being stuck for life with someone like Aaron Zook was probably exactly what she deserved. Aaron was a good man and many girls would feel lucky to get him, but he had an obnoxious habit of clearing his throat and spitting. Just thinking of his beady eyes and scrawny neck made her skin crawl. How would she ever learn to love him?

Just one week ago, Anna would have firmly put her foot down. She would have proclaimed that she would rather be an old maid than marry a man she did not love. Just one week ago, her parents might have listened. But they would not listen now. Not if they knew where she was and what she had done.

If she weren’t so homesick, and if she weren’t so disenchanted with the English lifestyle, she might have considered never going back at all. But the truth was Anna could not bear the idea of never going home again. She missed everyone in her family—even her little brothers. She missed the smell of the barn. She missed gathering eggs. She missed the open sky and the fields. She even missed pegging the wash on the line.

Oh, why did she risk everything—and for what? She frowned at Madison’s fancy bedroom. A week of being stuck here? What an idiotic exchange. If only she could undo it.

Anna had heard about God for her whole life. There had been many times when she felt she’d been on good terms with him. Not so much in the past couple of years. Her parents had blamed Jacob’s rebellious influence for Anna’s loss of interest in spiritual matters. Her mother had been nagging her for quite some time—telling Anna it was time to come to her senses, be baptized, take her place in the community, marry, have children. But Anna had been dragging her heels. Now she wondered if God would even listen to her prayers.

Just the same, Anna went into Madison’s enormous closet, closed the door, turned off the light, and got down on her knees. With tears streaming down her cheeks, she told God she was very, very sorry. She confessed that she’d been selfish and that she had lied and that she was not worthy to belong to him . . . or to her family or her community. She asked God to forgive her, and she promised she would do better. She asked him to help her out of this mess that she had willingly jumped into.

Finally she could think of nothing more to say, so she just waited in silence. Slowly but surely, her frantic fear seemed to be replaced with a sense of calm and peace. Nothing like she’d felt before. She took in a long, deep breath and thanked God for listening. She truly believed now that he had listened to her and that he was answering her prayers. As she exited the closet, she had no idea how he could salvage anything from the wreckage of her life, but she felt certain he would.

Suddenly she felt a strong urge to call her father. Was it coming from God? If it was, she did not want to risk this sense of peace by not obeying. She picked up Madison’s phone and dialed the number. As it rang, she realized that it was unlikely that her father would answer. But to her surprise, he did.

“Daed?” she said with a slightly trembling voice.

“Anna?”

“
Ja
, it is me.”

“What is wrong, Anna?”

“I just wanted to tell you I am sorry, Daed.”

“Sorry for what?”

“I am sorry I have not been a better daughter.”

“What have you done, Anna?”

“I have not been obedient and I am sorry. I am going to live differently now. And I want to be baptized.”

“You do?”

“Yes. I have just been talking to God about it. I want to be baptized. I am ready to take this important step now. I want to obey God and I want to obey my parents.”

“That is very good to hear.”

“
Ja
. I just wanted you to know, Daed. I’m sorry to call when it’s not a real emergency.”

“No, Anna. It’s all right. It is good to hear your voice. I am happy about your news. Mamm will be happy too.”

“I love you, Daed.”

“I love you too, Anna.”

“Tell Mamm I love her too.”

“I will do that.”

They said goodbye. Anna sighed happily as she set the phone down. She realized that she hadn’t told her father everything, but she felt she had told him enough . . . for now. To have told him more—to reveal where she was right now—would have only worried him. She was too far away for him to come and get her. Perhaps when Madison called tonight, she would tell Anna to meet her in town tomorrow and that they would be back in their own worlds before sunset. Even being at Aunt Rachel’s would be much better than being here.

Anna had dozed off and was startled awake at the ringing of the phone. To her relief, it was Madison and she sounded very excited. “Anna?”

“Yes!”

“Oh, good. I have so much to tell you.”

“We will switch back tomorrow?”

“No, not tomorrow. But I have news, Anna. Your aunt had her baby and—”

“Aunt Rachel had her baby?”

“Yes. It’s been so exciting here.” Madison launched into a detailed story about how Rachel had gone into labor and only Madison was there and it was hard and stressful, but she had managed to handle it. She explained about the midwife and the neighbor women coming, and how the baby was breech and Rachel wasn’t doing very well and it took a long time.

“I was really praying hard for her,” Madison said breathlessly. “Rachel had asked me to do that. Then God did a real miracle, Anna. It was truly amazing. The baby turned around and Rachel gave birth about an hour ago to a girl. I’m just so happy. It was an incredible day!”

“Aunt Rachel is all right? The baby is all right?”

“Yes. The baby is fine. Rachel is exhausted, but fine. She is such a good person, Anna. I really love her.”

“I am glad you were there for her, Madison.”

“Are you okay?”

“I am fine. But I am eager to trade back with you.”

“Did you find Jacob?”

Anna sighed. “I think perhaps Jacob does not want to be found.”

“I’m sorry. Are you okay with that?”

Anna felt a lump in her throat. “Yes. I am fine.”

“And you’ll be okay there until Saturday? I don’t think I can get to town any sooner than Saturday, Anna. Especially now that the baby is here.”

“Yes. I am all right until Saturday.” Anna could not imagine how she would pass the next two days.

“Great. We’ll meet in the same coffee shop, okay?”

“In the morning?” Anna asked.

“I think so.”

“I will be there.”

“Thanks, Anna. I mean thanks for letting me do this. I can’t really explain it, but I feel it has changed my life completely. I’m so happy.”

“I am happy for you.” Anna tried to sound happier than she felt.

Madison explained that she’d told Daniel she was calling Anna’s parents to inform them of the good news. “You better call them, Anna.”

“Yes. I will do that in the morning.”

“Okay. See you on Saturday then.”

“Yes. See you then.”

After Anna turned off the phone, she felt discouraged. She knew it was probably selfishness again. Perhaps envy too. Neither of those were particularly admirable qualities. But it was painful to hear Madison sounding so thrilled about doing what Anna should have been doing.

More than ever, Anna wished she had never agreed to this switch. Perhaps this was her punishment—feeling completely left out while Madison lived Anna’s life. Or maybe it was discipline. Maybe God was trying to teach her a good lesson. Anna could only hope.

On Thursday morning, Madison had her hands full. Attempting to make breakfast for Daniel and the four children, keeping Elizabeth out of harm’s way, and tending to Rachel and the baby felt like participating in a weird triathlon. When someone knocked on the kitchen door just as the oatmeal boiled over, Madison felt tempted to throw something.

“Hello?” A young woman stuck her head in the door.

Madison frowned. “What?”

“I came to help.” The woman opened the door a bit wider.

Madison brightened. “
Ja
,
ja
. Come in. Welcome!”

“I am Rebekah Lapp,” she said as she came in.

“I am Anna.” Madison grabbed a singed pot holder, using it to move the oatmeal to a cooler part of the stove, and put the lid on halfway like she’d seen Rachel do.

“I know who you are.” Rebekah smiled as she picked up Elizabeth. “You are Rachel’s niece. You speak English.”

“
Ja
,
ja
. And some German also.”

“You are the one who spoke to Berta.”

Madison made a face as she set the bowls on the table with a thud. “Berta was unkind to my aunt.”

“Berta is good at faultfinding.”

“
Ja
, that’s for sure.”

Rebekah moved effortlessly through the kitchen, helping and doing things without being told. Madison felt a bit envious but reminded herself that Rebekah had probably been doing this most of her life. Madison had been here less than a week. Besides that, Madison felt certain she could not have gotten breakfast served without her. Finally, the twins headed off to school and Daniel once again offered to take Jeremiah with him for the morning. Then it was only females left in the house.

“My mamm is bringin’ my sister Lydia today,” Rebekah said as they finished cleaning the dishes.

“Why?”

“They want to help Rachel and you.”

“Denki.”
Madison smiled. “Aunt Rachel has not got many friends.”

“I know.”

“I think she is lonely.”

“
Ja
. My mamm says is time to be friends.”

“Good.”

By midmorning, Rebekah and her mother and sister had rolled up their sleeves and done some serious spring cleaning. Madison was surprised to see how much grime was removed from the wood floors and how the windows sparkled. Even the curtains got washed and pressed. This three-woman cleaning team was impressive!

While Madison tried to make herself useful downstairs, it seemed her most important role was seeing to Rachel and the baby. Rachel was still worn out from yesterday, but her smile had returned and she looked happy and peaceful with the baby at her breast.

“What is her name?” Madison asked as she tucked the sleeping infant back into the wooden cradle near the bed.

“I think I call her Anna.” Rachel gave a funny grin. “For you.”

Madison felt a little uneasy now. “
Ja
. Anna is good name.”

“But not your name.” Rachel’s eyes locked on her.

Madison took in a quick breath, then turned away. What was going on?

“I know you are not Anna.”

“Of course I am Anna,” Madison said with her back to Rachel. She pretended to fold a diaper, something she had no idea how to do.

“Who are you?” Rachel asked quietly.

Madison turned back around. Rachel didn’t look angry, just confused.

“What do you mean?” Madison held up her hands in a helpless gesture. “You know I am Anna.”

“Close the door,” Rachel told her.

Madison did so.

“Come here.” Rachel pointed to a chair by the bed. “And sit.”

Madison complied.

“Tell me who you are. Tell me where is Anna.”

“What makes you think I am not Anna?”

Rachel chuckled. “When I first saw you . . . I knew something was not right.” She frowned, tapping the side of her head. “Then I think I must be daft. Sure, you are Anna. You must be Anna.”

“Ja.”
Madison nodded.

“Then yesterday . . . such pain . . . and it came to me so plain and clear—you are not Anna.” Her brows drew together. “I cannot explain how I know it is true. I just know it is. Now, tell me
who you are
.”

“I am sorry.” Madison choked up. “You’re right. I’m not Anna.”

Rachel smiled. “
Ja!
I knew that.”

Madison told her the whole story, and the entire time Rachel just listened with wide eyes until Madison finished. Then she clapped her hands. “Good for you. Good for Anna also.”

“Really?” Madison felt confused. “You’re not angry?”

“No.” She reached for Madison’s hand. “You are a good girl. Anna is blessed to have you for a friend.”

“I’m your friend too, Rachel.”

“Denki.”
She smiled. “You are a good friend. Now, tell me, what is your name?”

“Madison Van Buren.”

“Madison?” Rachel frowned. “It is a girl’s name?”

Madison shrugged. “It is for me.”

Rachel pointed to her sleeping baby. “Her name—it is Madison too.”

Madison felt her jaw drop. “No way.”

Rachel chuckled. “
Ja
. Baby Madison.”

Madison wondered what Daniel would have to say about that but decided not to spoil this moment by bringing it up. “
Denki
, Rachel.”

“
Denki
, Madison.”

“Some of my friends call me Maddie.”

Rachel smiled. “I will call you Maddie too. But only inside my head. For everyone else you are still Anna,
ja
?”

Madison nodded and explained the plan to switch back on Saturday. “I’m not sure how I will get to town.”

“I will send Malachi on an errand. You will go with him.”

Madison was about to point out that Malachi might present a problem, but Rachel looked as if she were about to fall asleep and Madison knew she needed her rest. She tiptoed from the room, closing the door behind her.

The cleaning trio was now preparing lunch, and Madison remembered that since it was Thursday, Malachi would be working on the farm today. She hadn’t seen him yet, but she knew it would be impossible to avoid him.

Sure enough, he came to lunch with Daniel and Jeremiah. Madison tried to avoid his eyes, but she could tell he was watching her. When she accidentally glanced up, she could see the questioning look. She knew she had to speak to him.

As lunch was winding down, she excused herself and went outside. Without looking back, she hurried over to the pond, where she sat on the bench and waited. Minutes later he sat next to her.

“I have to tell you something,” she said without looking at him. “It isn’t going to be easy to say, or to hear.”

“I am waiting.”

She turned and looked at him. “Malachi, you are a great guy.”

He nodded. “I know where this is going.”

“No.” She shook her head. “You do not. Believe me, you have no idea.” She had his attention now. “I need to be able to trust you.” She paused, watching his eyes.

“You can trust me. I swear you can trust me with anything, Anna.”

“I am not Anna.”

His brow creased. “Who are you?”

For the second time that day, she told her story. He listened with a shocked expression, shaking his head from time to time, saying he couldn’t believe it. She simply continued, trying to make him understand. When she was done, he looked angry.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

“You tricked me.”

“No.” She shook her head. “At least I didn’t mean to trick you. I’m sorry.”

He stood with balled fists. “Whether you meant to or not, you tricked me, Anna.” He shook his finger at her. “No, you are not Anna. You said that, right?”

She told him her real name and waited as he stood there glaring at her.

“I really am sorry, Malachi.”

“I do not understand you.” He shoved his hands in his pockets.

“But I can trust you still?” she asked. “You won’t tell anyone? Rachel knows, but—”

“Rachel knows?”

“Yes. And she understands—”

“She understands?” He looked skeptical.

“She knows we meant no harm.”

He shook his head. She could tell he was hurting, and it hurt her to see it. Still, what could she do? What was done was done. There was no undoing it. “Rachel said that you could drive me to town on Saturday.”

“Why?” He stared at her with angry eyes. “Why should I do that?”

“So Anna and I can trade places again.”

“Fine,” he snapped at her. “I will do that. I will be glad to see you gone, Anna—I mean
Madison
. I will say good riddance!” He stormed away.

Madison’s stomach felt like it had tied itself into a dozen tight little knots. This was not how it was supposed to go. She felt so sorry for what she’d done to Malachi. In a way, he was right—she had tricked him. She never should’ve spent time with him. But really, what could she do about that now? The damage was done. He would get over it. Everyone did . . . in time.

She stood and headed back toward the house. As she walked, she told herself that in all fairness, Malachi didn’t even know her. They had spent a total of maybe two hours together. Perhaps not even that much. What they had both experienced was a bad case of infatuation. A plain old crush. Not true love. Not really.

Still, she felt guilty and regretful. It was wrong to toy with anyone’s heart. If she could go back and do it all over again, she would definitely do it differently.

As Madison got near the house, she began to pray silently, asking God to help Malachi through this heartache and bring something good out of something messed up.